Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[RedRobin]

You do realize that there's more than one way to define a relationship, right?

 

Of course. I'm assuming 'relationship' means mutually exclusive and monogamous.

 

People who tend to wait for sex aren't exactly waiting to see if the other person is interested in a FWB/f-buddy or open/polyamorous 'relationship'... except to avoid those who are looking for that arrangement perhaps.

[RedRobin]

I just find funny how you say that the guy needs to show more self control when she just have had sex with him :lmao: ... the law only apply to him right?

 

Really, it is not that I care...I know I have no problems in that area but I find your thinking way say the least entertaining!

 

 

Great! Glad to see I've entertained you. See. Didn't require jumping in the sack. Maybe there IS hope for you.

 

I did say her time was better spent finding ways not to end up in those situations again if she wants a relationship.

 

... and yea, I do think more men could stand to not be passive slaves to their parts and leave it up to the woman to do the heavy lifting that way.

 

The way some guys talk, you'd think they were absolutely powerless over their parts. Not attractive. At all.

[boaaaar]

So basically she needs to be in the entertainment business (comedian, actress..) to keep you entertained enough...?

 

Is this why people get girlfriends these days... The entertainment factor...!?

That's the only way not to be pressured into sex early on? okay... I just... give up...

Ye, just give up. Or try boring your prospect for 10 dates in a row and see how that goes.

[therhythm]

Great! Glad to see I've entertained you. See. Didn't require jumping in the sack. Maybe there IS hope for you.

 

I did say her time was better spent finding ways not to end up in those situations again if she wants a relationship.

 

... and yea, I do think more men could stand to not be passive slaves to their parts and leave it up to the woman to do the heavy lifting that way.

 

The way some guys talk, you'd think they were absolutely powerless over their parts. Not attractive. At all.

 

Ohh I am not powerless... I don't even understand what you are talking about when you speak about lack of self control....

 

A premise to lack self control is to be willing to control something and not to be able to control it... I have never pretended to control my sexuality, I never been willing to do so either!

 

 

There are guys in this world who could make you a happy woman.... I don't understand so much hate to men in someone as young as you are... it is sad!

Edited July 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

I agree that we're not compatible. It's a great indication actually. They will be doing me a favor if they bail out early on to be honest.

 

As I said before, it gets annoying for people looking seriously for LTRs that other people (supposedly looking for LTR, too) place more importance on sexual chemistry FIRST rather than personality. Someone who is trully looking for an LTR will be looking at personality first by default. (Not saying that chemistry is not important, but if I was basing everything on that FIRST, I would have serious problems maintaining an LTR).

 

I agree... and the little math exercise I did on this thread would seem to bear that out.

 

I also agree with your use of the word 'supposedly'... To me, that is just something they say to try and convince people like me and you to give them a shot. Nothing more.

 

Am totally ok with them applying the three date rule or whatever. I don't consider them serious contenders for any LTR that might stand the test of time... no matter how much chemistry might exist.

 

That said, I think you might consider my strategy... if you haven't already. Find another, more independent and objective way to get to know these guys prior to going on even one date with them. Will save you alot of time and headaches dealing with men who have these preferences.

[paperboy48]

OP, it's ok not many guys will wait anymore nowadays. I might as well be single if most of them are expecting us to already jump into bed in way less than a month.

 

Sometimes I'm very close to giving up on relationships, let alone dating. It's like the species I'm looking for is almost dying. Maybe I'm too late I guess.

 

I'm a guy and I will not have sex with a woman until the 6-8 week mark! Just won't! Call me ol' fashioned if you'd like but, I need to really have something special with a woman before I have sex with her.

[BradJacobs]

Of course. I'm assuming 'relationship' means mutually exclusive and monogamous.

 

People who tend to wait for sex aren't exactly waiting to see if the other person is interested in a FWB/f-buddy or open/polyamorous 'relationship'... except to avoid those who are looking for that arrangement perhaps.

It's been my experience that the ones who wanted to wait were also the ones that had little experience with dating, didn't know what they wanted, weren't sure about me and were great at being nothing more than time wasters. And with this experience I also learned that just because she's not putting out for you on the Nth date, doesn't mean she wouldn't be putting out for someone else by that same date.

[silvermercy]

Ye, just give up. Or try boring your prospect for 10 dates in a row and see how that goes.

You missed my point I think...

 

What I meant was this: so the only "other" acceptable way for a woman to be entertaining is for her to have sex early on with a guy?

Is this truly your way of thinking!? "Hey, she's not entertaining, but hey, at least I got her to get sex with me early on!". To me this is the equivalent of giving someone false hope and using them. If she's not entertaining in other ways then what's the point in "dating" her?

[boaaaar]

You missed my point I think...

 

What I meant was this: so the only "other" acceptable way for a woman to be entertaining is for her to have sex early on with a guy?

Is this truly your way of thinking!? "Hey, she's not entertaining, but hey, at least I got her to get sex with me early on!". To me this is the equivalent of giving someone false hope and using them. If she's not entertaining in other ways then what's the point in "dating" her?

I can find a woman entertaining without sex, but for 10 dates and still no sex without this factor becoming annoying ? That's pushing it for most women (I've seen one single exception but that's it), realistically speaking.

[silvermercy]

I can find a woman entertaining without sex, but for 10 dates and still no sex without this factor becoming annoying ? That's pushing it for most women (I've seen one single exception but that's it), realistically speaking.

Then you should dump her so she can find someone else who can wait obviously. This is not fair on her.

[somedude81]

What is the goal of making him wait for sex?

[silvermercy]

What is the goal of making him wait for sex?

For me it's not a "goal". It's a self-preservation measure.

[JustJana]

I understand losing interest but being mad is kind of a dick move. If I was going to and you got pissy cause I hadn't ****ed you by a certain number of dates then obviously you weren't worth it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't understand this?? They will be pressuring me to "cement" the "relationship" with sex but then I will be the one devastated if this "relationship" doesn't work out in the end!

 

WHERE did I say or imply that anybody pressuring another person for sex is doing anything positive or appropriate? In fact, I already said that such a person would be IMO a "coercive creep."

 

Nonetheless, many people DO get very bonded through sex and only make a real commitment after they know they love having sex with another person, along with all kinds of other important compatibilities.

 

I don't think that they're consciously "checking sexual compatibility first." I know I never thought that once. It's part of the progression of a relationship for many of us.

 

I'm not saying that is more right than the way you choose to go about it. You just won't end up in a relationship with a man who needs a sexual connection in order to move forward in a relationship.

 

For them it will be nothing important but for me it would be an emotionally devastating experience! If I tried to conform to this notion of early sex that people seem to insist these days (for checking sexual compatibility FIRST) I would be totally destroyed emotionally! Not only that, but I would have also abandoned my own values, feelings to do the "right" thing.

 

And I believe 100% that you are doing right by yourself to stick by what's important to you! I'm behind that all the way!

 

Simply because they couldn't be bothered to wait 4 or 5 more dates without sex...

 

You just don't get it. You don't have to have sex when you're not ready just because a guy wants to. He does not have to wait around until you are ready. And if he's pressuring you, he's a jerk. He should just walk away nicely if that compatibility is clearly not there.

 

And I am not talking about "sexual compatibility." I'm talking about a shared idea of where sexuality fits within a growing relationship.

 

FYI - if he really liked you and waited to have sex, there is still zero guarantee that your relationship will go anywhere, much less "work out in the end," as you put it - which sounds like marriage. Not because you had sex, either. Just because lots of relationships don't work out.

 

It's dating. You're learning about how you fit. You do NOT fit with a more sexually relaxed type. Why judge them harshly. Just find someone who's likeminded.

 

A young woman helped me out around my farm for a while and I still know her. She was proudly remaining chaste until marriage and even wore a ring to signify her promise. A lot of people in her church, guys included, made that pledge. She ended up married to one of them. They probably have sex now.

 

So you're not alone.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There are men who also want a relationship, and are not into quick sex with someone they don't really know very well. To each his own.

 

My own husband is one of them. He was raised in a very strict fundamentalist family and though he's left his church, many of the values he learned stuck with him.

 

He believes down deep that he is joined eternally with women he has sex with. So he is not the type to experiment that way and never has been.

 

Still - we had sex on our 4th date. Because both of us felt at that place and time that it was the right thing to do. We already knew we were "for" each other and we had not had "the talk" about it. We just knew. And having sex sealed it for BOTH of us.

 

If I'd had doubts, I would have chosen a different path. I CHOSE, though. I was not acting out of pressure or hope or fear.

[Mme. Chaucer]

What I am saying is that she has enough control to control herself then she wasn't that turned on…

 

Well … that is patently false. People can choose not to have sex and no amount of being turned on will change their course.

 

Really, we are in charge of our own sexuality.

 

What is the goal of making him wait for sex?

 

Obviously some women have an agenda of "making him wait," which I find to be about as arbitrary as a "3 date rule."

 

But if a woman is not feeling that having sex is the right thing for her to do at any given time, and in this context especially with a new man in her life, she is unlikely to be "making him wait." SHE is waiting, for the right time or to know if there IS going to be a right time. Or maybe even for a marriage, or a proposal, or a facebook status, or a giant diamond ring - whatever.

 

If he wants to wait with her, then he should. If not, he should move on.

Edited July 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[ThaWholigan]

My own husband is one of them. He was raised in a very strict fundamentalist family and though he's left his church, many of the values he learned stuck with him.

 

He believes down deep that he is joined eternally with women he has sex with. So he is not the type to experiment that way and never has been.

 

Still - we had sex on our 4th date. Because both of us felt at that place and time that it was the right thing to do. We already knew we were "for" each other and we had not had "the talk" about it. We just knew. And having sex sealed it for BOTH of us.

 

If I'd had doubts, I would have chosen a different path. I CHOSE, though. I was not acting out of pressure or hope or fear.

 

When you know, you know. Putting a timer on it forces it.

[Revolver]

Hmm... Ive always said its not that "guys don't want to or Hate waiting". It's just that generally speaking if you're not sleeping with a woman after a certain period of time she's probably sleeping with someone else. One of men's greatest fears in life is to be dating and getting to know a girl you really have interest in and she's banging some other dude. This is why many guys just get up and leave if something doesnt happen after a while, to protect themselves.

 

I have a female aquaintence who said quite a few times she went out on a date with a guy then later she went over some other dudes house for sex :oI laughed because I'm sure she's not the only girl who's ever done this and guys know it.

 

Men and women are different. Generally speaking, Women want men to wait as a sign that the guy is really into them, and men want sex as a sign that the girl is into them.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Hmm... Ive always said its not that "guys don't want to or Hate waiting". It's just that generally speaking if you're not sleeping with a woman after a certain period of time she's probably sleeping with someone else. One of men's greatest fears in life is to be dating and getting to know a girl you really have interest in and she's banging some other dude. This is why many guys just get up and leave if something doesnt happen after a while, to protect themselves.

 

I have a female aquaintence who said quite a few times she went out on a date with a guy then later she went over some other dudes house for sex :oI laughed because I'm sure she's not the only girl who's ever done this and guys know it.

 

Men and women are different. Generally speaking, Women want men to wait as a sign that the guy is really into them, and men want sex as a sign that the girl is into them.

 

 

Exactly. And many women do this and they know the guy they were dating would kick them to the curb if they found out. I sure would.

[JustJana]

Obviously some women have an agenda of "making him wait," which I find to be about as arbitrary as a "3 date rule."

 

But if a woman is not feeling that having sex is the right thing for her to do at any given time, and in this context especially with a new man in her life, she is unlikely to be "making him wait." SHE is waiting, for the right time or to know if there IS going to be a right time. Or maybe even for a marriage, or a proposal, or a facebook status, or a giant diamond ring - whatever.

 

If he wants to wait with her, then he should. If not, he should move on.

 

For me it's not an game but being safe with my own body, mind & emotions. I can't trust someone I've gone out with twice or four times or any set number, especially after my recent experiences. Why would I risk him being a liar, catching something from him or finding out he's an abusive pyscho if he's just looking to ****? What's the agenda on banging everything that moves within hours of meeting? It isn't use or or lose it.

Edited July 2, 2013 by JustJana

[silvermercy]

One of men's greatest fears in life is to be dating and getting to know a girl you really have interest in and she's banging some other dude.

Neither I nor my female friends have ever done that. None of my relatives or my inner circle. So "paying for the sins" of a portion of women is something I cannot accept in dating.

And it's not that there are no male players out there. There are plenty. So this fear is not unique to the male gender.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Neither I nor my female friends have ever done that. None of my relatives or my inner circle. So "paying for the sins" of a portion of women is something I cannot accept in dating.

And it's not that there are no male players out there. There are plenty. So this fear is not unique to the male gender.

 

 

All women say that and it happens enough to where many men place a deadline.

[silvermercy]

All women say that and it happens enough to where many men place a deadline.

Right... So basically we're all lying. okie dokie..

 

In the meantime, male players are not even in existence. So why do women fear and need to wait I don't know... oh it's because they're all lying. okie dokie again...

[Revolver]

Neither I nor my female friends have ever done that. None of my relatives or my inner circle. So "paying for the sins" of a portion of women is something I cannot accept in dating.

And it's not that there are no male players out there. There are plenty. So this fear is not unique to the male gender.

 

Where did I say women don't fear anything? Bold that part of my post

[Southern Cal Dude]

Right... So basically we're all lying. okie dokie..

 

In the meantime, male players are not even in existence. So why do women fear and need to wait I don't know... oh it's because they're all lying. okie dokie again...

 

 

I've seen women regularly lie about their number of partners, same with guys. The majority of women have FB's/FWB's and most have had ONS's. Most will deny it but any guy who has gotten around will agree. I can't count how many times a woman has gone home with a guy they just met and it's often by those who say they don't do such a thing.