L1ght Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 You're not really being the best representative of your 'side' in this debate, are you? Good luck to you too, anyhow. Well if you want honesty about how sexually active guys think then I probably am but hey...each to their own like you say. bye for now. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Why are many of the guys putting so much stock in this? Getting laid early doesnt necessarily mean shyt in the long haul..There are so many more facets to making a LTR work...I wound up in a bad marriage because I thought that all one needed to survive was a piece of ass..I was young and stupid. I learned the hard way.. Good sex doesn't necessarily make a relationship, but bad sex can definitely break it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Good sex doesn't necessarily make a relationship, but bad sex can definitely break it. It depends on the participants..Sure, if they arent on the same page you would be correct. But you do realize there are sexless marriages where the couple is happier than some others that have it every night? Because perhaps thats ALL they have and nothing else.. the point here and the topic of the thread is that these guys are using the excuse to dump someone for not putting out early..if you are talking about a LTR, that is potentially flawed logic...Period. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 the point here and the topic of the thread is that these guys are using the excuse to dump someone for not putting out early..if you are talking about a LTR, that is potentially flawed logic...Period. Potentially flawed, perhaps. But I think the "logic" rests in that people who decidedly wait 10+ dates to have sex either: (1) don't like sex, (2) don't like the other person enough to want to have sex, (3) use sex as a bargaining tool, (4) have trust issues from previous relationship, (5) have religious or faith-based aversion to pre-marital sex, and on and on. I don't think it's unreasonable to infer these things. Link to post Share on other sites
TomHigher5 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Actually I had the opposite happening to me twice with two different girls. This was a year before meeting my gf. One girl dumped me for not making any moves further than kissing on the 12th date or so. I learned that she commented to a friend that I'm going at such a slow pace for a guy and she lost interest. The second date lost interest in me for the same reason. Again, after one whole month of hanging out I wouldn't do anything else beyond making-out. Too shy. I couldn't pull the ''stud'' thing. Now I'm currently dating my gf since mid April but haven't make deeper moves. Wish there was a way of getting rid of this nervousness and get on with it like guys on this post (who like sex a lot) can do it. I didn't know girls were sexual beings too. This got me by surprise. I'm still kind of shy. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Potentially flawed, perhaps. But I think the "logic" rests in that people who decidedly wait 10+ dates to have sex either: (1) don't like sex, (2) don't like the other person enough to want to have sex, (3) use sex as a bargaining tool, (4) have trust issues from previous relationship, (5) have religious or faith-based aversion to pre-marital sex, and on and on. I don't think it's unreasonable to infer these things. Perhaps.. But you also realize that all you are doing is putting a negative connotation on the idea of "delayed" intimacy?.. Lets assume for the sake of this discussion that the woman is clearly interested and isnt withholding because she isnt attracted..Thats another story.. Ive been around long enough to know that some(many) women view sharing a bed as "the final frontier". They cherish it and view the event as something more than just a physical act between two human beings..If it makes them more comfortable to wait whatever time needed to give them reassurance that they feel they made the right decision by giving it to that special person, why do they have to be punished for it? It makes no sense, IMO..If anything it should be respected...In the proper context I dont view it as a trick, game or manipulative tool.. Haven't you ever been with a woman who said to you very early on in a relationship something to this effect?..Maybe you are making out and getting grabby..They then proceed to tell you something like "You/we better stop or I am going to do something I am really going to regret"..they arent fcking with you, they are just not ready to go there and that boundary should be respected...It shows self control on her part..Its got nothing to do with whether or not she likes sex, or the company she is with . TFY Edited July 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 But you also realize that all you are doing is putting a negative connotation on the idea of "delayed" intimacy?.. Yes. Lets assume for the sake of this discussion that the woman is clearly interested and isnt withholding because she isnt attracted..Thats another story.. That's fine, but understand that from the perspective of the guy (in this case), he may interpret her withholding differently from how she means to communicate it. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. Ive been around long enough to know that some(many) women view sharing a bed as "the final frontier". They cherish it and view the event as something more than just a physical act between two human beings..If it makes them more comfortable to wait whatever time needed to give them reassurance that they feel they made the right decision by giving it to that special person, why do they have to be punished for it? It makes no sense, IMO..If anything it should be respected...In the proper context I dont view it as a trick, game or manipulative tool.. I agree that it should be viewed as a "final frontier" that should hold some modicum of value to each person. But I find it interesting you use the word "punished" if the guy elects to find someone else who is more compatible. Haven't you ever been with a woman who said to you very early on in a relationship something to this effect..Maybe you are making out and getting grabby..They then proceed to tell you something like "You/we better stop or I am going to do something I am really going to regret"..they arent fcking with you, they are just not ready to go there and that boundary should be respected...It shows self control on her part..Its got nothing to do with whether or not she likes sex . I've been stopped, but they've never uttered regret... But I understand what you're saying. I guess it's just people having different values when it comes to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Again, these are men whose work and reputation would suffer if they developed a habit of being promiscuous or sleeping with women who were not thoroughly vetted in advance. Takes more than a few dates to do that. I also get it that many people don't care about those things. I spent many years in a lofty professional environment. I know lots of happy couples and active daters who are looking for a partner, and NEVER experienced anyone who required people to be "thoroughly vetted in advance" of dating them. Sorry, but that is very unusual. It sounds profoundly controlling and for me it would be awful. Intellectually I can understand the perspective, but it would not work for me because I like to have fun. Anyway, to each his / her own. I do take exception to you constantly implying and outright saying that people who date and even have sex without FBI background checks and careful deliberation are "losers," "F anything that moves," are in a lower echelon of humanity than you are, are promiscuous, etc. Your recurring theme here is than no man is good enough for you. I don't believe that. No one is so superior. And men are just human beings, just like you are. Do you ever think that you might have to prove to men you meet that you are worth their time, or does it only work in the other direction? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 But you do realize there are sexless marriages where the couple is happier than some others TFY Do you realise there is a difference between having no sex and having bad sex. As for me, I know I can be very happy having no sex, very happy having good sex, but very unhappy having bad sex (where bad sex is defined as sex between people who are sexually incompatible). As for earlier in the thread with the discussion about the importance of testing sexual compatibility early in dating, it seems that this would be more important to people who both want a partner they are sexual compatible with and where sexual compatibility is rare and hard to find for them. And that sort of compatibility isn't always to be found through having a conversation with their dates about it (sometimes you just got to see the guy naked). So whilst I understand the idea of taking the time to get to know the person before getting intimate, I don't particularly want to develop an attachment for them, or them to me until I have assessed sexual compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
one goal Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I have a tendency to wait, and it's never been a problem. My first boyfriend waited 6 months... next boyfriend waited 2 months. My most recent waited 1 month. I make it known that I want to wait until I know him better and feel comfortable, that way it can be an AWESOME experience and not an awkward "we hardly know each other and now you're gawking at my vag" experience. If a guy were to take off after hearing that then oh well! It was obvious what his intentions were. Fortunately I've never had a guy gripe about waiting, and once sex starts for me, it doesn't stop! If I have a boyfriend he's having sex all the time haha. It's worth it to make sure the first time is a good time and not an awkward mood ruiner. I can't see how a guy would want to wait so long with a girl like you assuming that is your pic in your avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 My first boyfriend waited 6 months... next boyfriend waited 2 months. My most recent waited 1 month. once sex starts for me, it doesn't stop! If I have a boyfriend he's having sex all the time haha. I can't see how a guy would want to wait so long with a girl like you assuming that is your pic in your avatar. I could wait a month for Phoe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I prefer to have sex with men I know, like and trust. Many men here seem to expect that from you on a third date and if that is not the case, it means you are not interested in them and therefore only wasting their time. If we were to ask them if they would lend a guy they had only met a couple of times a larger sum of money like, let's say, 10 000 Dollars, how many would do that? Or how about confiding a really personal secret to that guy? Guys can wait, they just don't want to. But if you were the right girl, they would. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 If we were to ask them if they would lend a guy they had only met a couple of times a larger sum of money like, let's say, 10 000 Dollars, how many would do that? I would not. I'm not sure that I'd do this after a month, six months or a year, either. Are you trying to suggest that lending $10k requires the same comfort level as is needed to have sex? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Guys can wait, they just don't want to. But if you were the right girl, they would. If we can add "but mutually choosing to not wait doesn't mean you're the wrong girl" then I might be able to agree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Are you trying to suggest that lending $10k requires the same comfort level as is needed to have sex? Or that she would cost $10K per night...? Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Or that she would cost $10K per night...? Lending $10k, not giving $10k! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Do you realise there is a difference between having no sex and having bad sex. As for me, I know I can be very happy having no sex, very happy having good sex, but very unhappy having bad sex (where bad sex is defined as sex between people who are sexually incompatible). As for earlier in the thread with the discussion about the importance of testing sexual compatibility early in dating, it seems that this would be more important to people who both want a partner they are sexual compatible with and where sexual compatibility is rare and hard to find for them. And that sort of compatibility isn't always to be found through having a conversation with their dates about it (sometimes you just got to see the guy naked). So whilst I understand the idea of taking the time to get to know the person before getting intimate, I don't particularly want to develop an attachment for them, or them to me until I have assessed sexual compatibility. Of course I do... Understand..I am a red blooded male with a very high sex drive. I can and will do anything you can conjure up. Ive been with women that "make you wait"..I found them to be just as wild and sexually charged as the ones that will blow you under the dinner table on the first date. So how is "waiting for it" disqualifying anything? Also, frankly, I would much rather know someone is intellectually compatible as opposed to sexually compatible..Ask anyone who is married for a while or has been in a LTR..The sex is there, but its almost NEVER as exciting as in the very beginning. So, while it should be an integral part of determining compatibility it needs to be put into proper perspective. And ditching a potentially good partner because they wanted to wait for "x": amount of dates is just silly, IMO TFY Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Lending $10k, not giving $10k! So does he get back a percentage of it based on performance...? Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 USMC I don't know if I missed it but what's the longest you'll wait? Date and time wise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 USMC I don't know if I missed it but what's the longest you'll wait? Date and time wise. I've never had an expected or set "time limit." I've always gone by the natural progression method. As long as things progress physically in a reasonable fashion, then I continue to wait, if that's what she wants. If she regresses, then I move on. But I think date ~5 was the longest... I remember my first GF years ago telling me after the fact that if I hadn't made a move while we were watching TV at her house after our second date, I would have gotten one more chance on date 3 before she would have LAUNCHed... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Archgirl Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I've never had an expected or set "time limit." I've always gone by the natural progression method. As long as things progress physically in a reasonable fashion, then I continue to wait, if that's what she wants. If she regresses, then I move on. But I think date ~5 was the longest... I remember my first GF years ago telling me after the fact that if I hadn't made a move while we were watching TV at her house after our second date, I would have gotten one more chance on date 3 before she would have LAUNCHed... so what's the longest you've waited for, say even between, for the right chick Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Its ok. I understand your need to score points with the ladies by pretending that the first thing you think about is being able to connect to them on a deep and emotional level so that you can both stare at the stars together at night and dream your ever so wonderful dreams....blah blah blah. I understand what you are doing because its the same old little song and dance that every guy does when he is trying to get into ladies into bed. Yes we like the ladies, Yes we like talking to them and getting to know them and all that good stuff but essentially we want to get them into bed. Deny it all you want but men are biologically hardwired to be primed and ready for sex as soon as we can get it. Women know this too and its guys like you who are too afraid to make a move at the right time that end up going home alone while she checks her phone to see if one of her other potential options has called her that night to arrange a hook up. Snooze and you lose buddy. Simple as that. Actually, I think the guys who are so vehement about women putting out early are the ones who never got enough while guys like him are so laid-back, because they never had to worry about it. It's like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If your need for sex is satisfied or something you don't have to worry about, the next thing you want is a woman with whom you can have connect on a deeper level. A co-worker of mine said something similar about beautiful women. He said, he had dated enough beautiful women in his life, he wanted something more, someone with similar interests and certain personality traits (although I'm pretty sure his current girlfriend is not ugly either). On the other hand, I'm pretty sure other guys would be perfectly fine with a girl whose main attractive feature were her looks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Actually, I think the guys who are so vehement about women putting out early are the ones who never got enough while guys like him are so laid-back, because they never had to worry about it. It's like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If your need for sex is satisfied or something you don't have to worry about, the next thing you want is a woman with whom you can have connect on a deeper level. A co-worker of mine said something similar about beautiful women. He said, he had dated enough beautiful women in his life, he wanted something more, someone with similar interests and certain personality traits (although I'm pretty sure his current girlfriend is not ugly either). On the other hand, I'm pretty sure other guys would be perfectly fine with a girl whose main attractive feature were her looks. What about women that are vehement that it happens sooner rather than later? I'm not laid back when it comes to sex at all. I don't care for committing without knowing how compatible we are in bed first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I would not. I'm not sure that I'd do this after a month, six months or a year, either. Are you trying to suggest that lending $10k requires the same comfort level as is needed to have sex? 100 Dollars? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 so what's the longest you've waited for, say even between, for the right chick What do you mean...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts