Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[joystickd]

I think the problem isnt sex but honesty. We all know what we want and if we arent sure about a person the best thing is to be honest with yourself and the other person and end it. Wuit wasting each others time

[RedRobin]

I'm just being honest with you and FYI do you think I have never been the guy who shows self control and builds a friendly, deep, spiritual and emotional relationship with someone before I take things to the next level with them? I'm just telling you how it is and don't mistake those guys(the ones who you say you can trust more than guys like me) who sit and listen to you talking about your life for hours and hours and days and weeks and months and years for guys who's primary goal is not to get you into bed. The only difference between me and those guys is that they generally get friendzoned while I at least find out pretty early if I'm gonna get the opportunity to become sexually intimate with my potential partner or not. If not then I'll find somebody else who is more compatible with my lifestyle and mentality.

 

K...thanks for the words of 'wisdom'.

 

It's the classic, 'every guy is a player' argument. Got it.

 

... and none of the guys I described above got friendzoned. All three are now married to very attractive, intelligent women.

 

One decided not to pursue a relationship with me (even though I wanted one).

 

Another I dated for over a year before I decided I didn't want to marry him, the third... we went on a few dates but we both mutually decided we weren't compatible.

Edited July 3, 2013 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

Again, these are men whose work and reputation would suffer if they developed a habit of being promiscuous or sleeping with women who were not thoroughly vetted in advance. Takes more than a few dates to do that.

 

I also get it that many people don't care about those things.

[thefooloftheyear]

Again, these are men whose work and reputation would suffer if they developed a habit of being promiscuous or sleeping with women who were not thoroughly vetted in advance. Takes more than a few dates to do that.

 

I also get it that many people don't care about those things.

 

 

Im sure the 42nd President of the United States Bill Clinton properly vetted Monica Lewinsky while she was knobbing him in the esteemed Oval Office...

 

Surely you jest...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

 

Im sure the 42nd President of the United States Bill Clinton properly vetted Monica Lewinsky while she was knobbing him in the esteemed Oval Office...

 

Surely you jest...

 

TFY

 

Yes, he had something very significant to lose by getting involved with the wrong person or sleeping with anyone other than his wife... and while he has recovered somewhat, I imagine there are business and personal relationships that are irrevocably damaged now.

 

Noone is giving him pats on the back because he scored with an employee...

 

Times have changed for men who do that. At least in the US.

 

Eliot Spitzer lost a promising career in politics over his shenanigans. David Petraus... John Edwards... The list goes on.

 

There really are very few places for people with these tendencies/behaviors to hide these days.

 

I always thought that the best bet for these guys would be to try and establish an open relationship rather than cheat... and if their wife wouldn't go along with it, then just get a divorce.

 

The public would be much more tolerant of either of those other options than cheating.

[Phoe]

I wouldnt really count first or second sex partners.

 

Notice how much lower the wait time got after the first 2 guys? Guys and girls tend to have no problems waiting when they are virgins or just had been with 1 person. Usually thats because of being very young and also not knowing what you are missing yet.

 

Its why a lot of high schoolers end up in relationships that can pass the year mark before they first have sex.

If a girl was super special, the chemistry would be there and we both wouldnt be able to wait past a month. But hey, I dunno...Ive never had to really wait for sex except with my one ex and thats because she was a virgin (she was 19, I was 22 at the time). And despite that we had done everything else 3 weeks in.

 

True that my first 2 partners don't have much bearing on the way I'd behave now.

 

 

I DO think that 1 month is going to be my standard though, for the future.

[L1ght]

I wouldnt really count first or second sex partners.

 

Notice how much lower the wait time got after the first 2 guys? Guys and girls tend to have no problems waiting when they are virgins or just had been with 1 person. Usually thats because of being very young and also not knowing what you are missing yet.

 

Its why a lot of high schoolers end up in relationships that can pass the year mark before they first have sex.

If a girl was super special, the chemistry would be there and we both wouldnt be able to wait past a month. But hey, I dunno...Ive never had to really wait for sex except with my one ex and thats because she was a virgin (she was 19, I was 22 at the time). And despite that we had done everything else 3 weeks in.

You've made a very good point there actually. SEXUAL CHEMISTRY!.....how has nobody else brought this up sooner? If two experienced people are attracted to each other then the sexual chemistry is gonna be through the roof within a month. What kind of people don't act on that natural instinct and drag the relationship out another 6 months to a year?

I can't even imagine doing that anymore....That's for young people who don't have a clue what they are doing.

Edited July 3, 2013 by L1ght

[therhythm]

You've made a very good point there actually. SEXUAL CHEMISTRY!.....how has nobody else brought this up sooner? If two experienced people are attracted to each other then the sexual chemistry is gonna be through the roof within a month. What kind of people don't act on that natural instinct and drag the relationship out another 6 months to a year?

I can't even imagine doing that anymore....That's for young people who don't have a clue what they are doing.

 

Ohh I did brought it up many times but this thread has been totally taken over for a couple of posters who think they have the ultimate truth about relationships and after so many pages it has not sense anymore

[silvermercy]

Sexual chemistry is usually not a good indicator for an LTR. This is pure logic. And examples are everywhere: "I just don't understand why we broke up! We had such a good sexual chemistry! Our sex life was fantastic! But I guess our personalities clashed in the end and we were not compatible... We broke up."

 

As I said... simple logic. But if people are okay with breaking up constantly... Good for them.

[ThaWholigan]

Sexual chemistry is usually not a good indicator for an LTR. This is pure logic. And examples are everywhere: "I just don't understand why we broke up! We had such a good sexual chemistry! Our sex life was fantastic! But I guess our personalities clashed in the end and we were not compatible... We broke up."

 

As I said... simple logic. But if people are okay with breaking up constantly... Good for them.

It isn't an indicator but it's still somewhat important. Nobody wants to end up in a relationship with consistently mediocre sex . As long as there's a good foundation there it can work.

[sdraw108]

It isn't an indicator but it's still somewhat important. Nobody wants to end up in a relationship with consistently mediocre sex . As long as there's a good foundation there it can work.

 

This I can agree with (bolded emphasis mine), because it implies that sex is just one part of the equation. If you can spend weeks/months before you know if you're emotionally compatible with someone, why does the sexual compatibility have to be known instantly? You're going to have to invest a bit of your time into someone to know if it's going to work long term regardless, so you aren't "wasting time" (as some people have suggested) if you wait a bit longer for sex too. And no, that doesn't have to mean 6-12 months, 10 dates probably means more like 4-6 weeks.

[joystickd]

The thing is after a certain amount of time you know whether you want this person or not.

[joystickd]

Sexual chemistry is usually not a good indicator for an LTR. This is pure logic. And examples are everywhere: "I just don't understand why we broke up! We had such a good sexual chemistry! Our sex life was fantastic! But I guess our personalities clashed in the end and we were not compatible... We broke up."

 

As I said... simple logic. But if people are okay with breaking up constantly... Good for them.

Didn't you know that logic and dating don't work especially in regards to women

[sdraw108]

I'm just telling you how it is and don't mistake those guys(the ones who you say you can trust more than guys like me) who sit and listen to you talking about your life for hours and hours and days and weeks and months and years for guys who's primary goal is not to get you into bed. The only difference between me and those guys is that they generally get friendzoned while I at least find out pretty early if I'm gonna get the opportunity to become sexually intimate with my potential partner or not.

 

I'm fairly new here (lurking for a few weeks, just registered a couple of days ago) but I'm already noticing a pattern with your posts. You always seem to assume that because YOU are a certain way, that all other guys are too. Why is that? It's incredibly arrogant (and also naive).

 

Getting a girl I like into bed is not and never has been my "primary" goal. Obviously sex is great and an important part of a healthy relationship, but since I first started seriously dating (18, and I'm 30 now) my main priority has been to meet girls with whom I have a genuine connection, and that's the main thing I find myself missing when I'm single. And I've never once been friendzoned where that connection was present. Again, I think you're projecting your own experiences onto all other guys. You're obviously the "player" type, so you'll naturally be attracted to the type of girls who will friendzone you if you don't "game" it right. Luckily for me, I don't bother with girls like that in the first place, so I don't suffer any of the issues you seem to think guys like me do.

 

If not then I'll find somebody else who is more compatible with my lifestyle and mentality.

 

This is about the most reasonable thing you've said, because it leaves room to acknowledge that there are other, different people to yourself who don't have your lifestyle and mentality. And guess what? There's nothing wrong with that. I don't object to your lifestyle. But I'm entitled to have my own, without you insisting that it is a lie.

[ThaWholigan]

This I can agree with (bolded emphasis mine), because it implies that sex is just one part of the equation. If you can spend weeks/months before you know if you're emotionally compatible with someone, why does the sexual compatibility have to be known instantly? You're going to have to invest a bit of your time into someone to know if it's going to work long term regardless, so you aren't "wasting time" (as some people have suggested) if you wait a bit longer for sex too. And no, that doesn't have to mean 6-12 months, 10 dates probably means more like 4-6 weeks.

 

Yes, that's pretty much what I meant - being part of the equation. However, some people's fires are more stoked than others, and as such any sexual compatibility is either tied to other things, holds more weight than other areas of compatibility, or is a combination of both (i.e. sexual compatibility is as important as other areas to some people).

 

The motives aren't always bad depending on whether deception is involved.

[joystickd]

 

Notice how much lower the wait time got after the first 2 guys? Guys and girls tend to have no problems waiting when they are virgins or just had been with 1 person. Usually thats because of being very young and also not knowing what you are missing yet.

 

Its why a lot of high schoolers end up in relationships that can pass the year mark before they first have sex.

I will have to agree with this. They do this before they start getting some bad experiences with the opposite sex then the dishonesty starts. You know the guy/girl saying things like "Oh! I'm only seeing you." or my favorite "This is my friend". I've been an OM and their usual excuse was this is my friend. In your youth you are naive and prone to be more honest about your intentions but once you get that experience under your belt the little lies come in and ways to "protect" yourself. I don't want to call him today I might come off as needy or I need to do this or she will think I'm this. So much energy is expended in little lies and the game of who can be in control that you are not expending energy in truly getting to know someone. You ready to find out what's wrong with him or is she f**king someone. The reality is I don't wait all that long of time because I'm usually open and honest with women I'm interested in. We talk all the time and it's basically getting to know each other. I know most I meet we end up talking just about everyday. The thing is if you talking regularly and asking the right questions there is no need for a long drag out period of getting to know someone unless you have a bad people picker and can't trust your own judgement. I also say if you feel unsure about taking that step with someone don't waste each other's time and just end it.

[L1ght]

I'm fairly new here (lurking for a few weeks, just registered a couple of days ago) but I'm already noticing a pattern with your posts. You always seem to assume that because YOU are a certain way, that all other guys are too. Why is that? It's incredibly arrogant (and also naive).

 

Getting a girl I like into bed is not and never has been my "primary" goal. Obviously sex is great and an important part of a healthy relationship, but since I first started seriously dating (18, and I'm 30 now) my main priority has been to meet girls with whom I have a genuine connection, and that's the main thing I find myself missing when I'm single. And I've never once been friendzoned where that connection was present. Again, I think you're projecting your own experiences onto all other guys. You're obviously the "player" type, so you'll naturally be attracted to the type of girls who will friendzone you if you don't "game" it right. Luckily for me, I don't bother with girls like that in the first place, so I don't suffer any of the issues you seem to think guys like me do.

 

 

 

This is about the most reasonable thing you've said, because it leaves room to acknowledge that there are other, different people to yourself who don't have your lifestyle and mentality. And guess what? There's nothing wrong with that. I don't object to your lifestyle. But I'm entitled to have my own, without you insisting that it is a lie.

Interesting how you act as if your the kind of guy who doesn't like other people being opinionated when in actual fact your aggressive stance against my opinions and the fact that you felt so strongly that you had to make a post against my opinions for everyone to see indeed by default makes you opinionated too.....funny that. Everyone here is opinionated so get over yourself lol. Who cares if you don't like what I've got to say?

Don't act as if you have any higher morals than I do.

Do you like sex? Yes that's right of course you do so don't try to belittle my approach to relationships just because I expect a certain amount of sexual intimacy while you are happy twiddling your thumbs and telling your partner how amazing she is for 6 months before you even make a move.....that's on you, that's your own problem and if you're happy getting zero action for long periods of time well then go knock yourself out.

[L1ght]

Ohh I did brought it up many times but this thread has been totally taken over for a couple of posters who think they have the ultimate truth about relationships and after so many pages it has not sense anymore

Good job buddy. Sexual Chemistry exists and if it doesn't exist with somebody you are trying to hook up with then it's a pretty obvious sign that things are not gonna work out with that person.

[somedude81]

Sexual chemistry is usually not a good indicator for an LTR. This is pure logic. And examples are everywhere: "I just don't understand why we broke up! We had such a good sexual chemistry! Our sex life was fantastic! But I guess our personalities clashed in the end and we were not compatible... We broke up."

 

As I said... simple logic. But if people are okay with breaking up constantly... Good for them.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that a lack of sexual chemistry is a good indicator that a relationship will not work.

 

Sorry if this is too logical.

[Els]

I don't object to your lifestyle. But I'm entitled to have my own, without you insisting that it is a lie.

 

Pretty much my mantra too, yep. Well said.

[L1ght]

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that a lack of sexual chemistry is a good indicator that a relationship will not work.

 

Sorry if this is too logical.

Exactly. How can sexual chemistry not be a good indicator of a LTR when without it a LTR relationship is not possible. Lol

[Els]

Exactly. How can sexual chemistry not be a good indicator of a LTR when without it a LTR relationship is not possible. Lol

 

1) There are lots of other things that make LTRs less likely to work. However, you don't see most people rushing to meet the parents or disclosing income within 10 dates.

 

2) Some people can ascertain sexual chemistry without necessarily putting penis in vagina. A few people on LS married as double virgins and have been enjoying a healthy sex life with their spouse for over a decade. Not that common, but it exists.

 

3) Just do whatever you want, sheesh. Is there really any point in knocking people who believe differently?

[L1ght]

1) There are lots of other things that make LTRs less likely to work. However, you don't see most people rushing to meet the parents or disclosing income within 10 dates.

 

2) Some people can ascertain sexual chemistry without necessarily putting penis in vagina. A few people on LS married as double virgins and have been enjoying a healthy sex life with their spouse for over a decade. Not that common, but it exists.

 

3) Just do whatever you want, sheesh. Is there really any point in knocking people who believe differently?

Lol I've pretty much said all I have to say in this thread anyways...good luck to the people who have no desire to get laid! Later

[Els]

Lol I've pretty much said all I have to say in this thread anyways...good luck to the people who have no desire to get laid! Later

 

You're not really being the best representative of your 'side' in this debate, are you? Good luck to you too, anyhow.

[thefooloftheyear]

Lol I've pretty much said all I have to say in this thread anyways...good luck to the people who have no desire to get laid! Later

 

This thread should have died pages ago, so I dont know why I am bothering to resuscitate it, but im bored so...

 

Yes, sex is important, but if you are talking about a LTR, then forget about what happens early on in a relationship, because in just about every case, it(sex) wont be as intense or frequent after the honeymoon period is over..Looking even further ahead, add kids, mortgage and bills to the mix and all of a sudden sex starts to fall further down the priority pole..So if a LTR is the ultimate goal, then looking at the "big picture" is way more important.

 

Why are many of the guys putting so much stock in this? Getting laid early doesnt necessarily mean shyt in the long haul..There are so many more facets to making a LTR work...I wound up in a bad marriage because I thought that all one needed to survive was a piece of ass..I was young and stupid. I learned the hard way..

 

"If I dont get some by the third date I am out of there" ..If you are talking about a booty call, then sure, I can buy into that. But if a meaningful relationship is the ultimate goal, its a sophomoric to take this attitude, and you can potentially be letting a special someone slip through your hands..

 

TFY