Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[sdraw108]

Interesting how you act as if your the kind of guy who doesn't like other people being opinionated when in actual fact your aggressive stance against my opinions and the fact that you felt so strongly that you had to make a post against my opinions for everyone to see indeed by default makes you opinionated too.....funny that. Everyone here is opinionated so get over yourself lol. Who cares if you don't like what I've got to say?

 

Did you actually read my post? If you did, you would have noticed I said "I don't object to your lifestyle". It's not your opinion I have a problem with at all (whatever makes you happy is fine by me), it's the fact that you insist that everyone else must be the same as you, and anyone who claims otherwise is pretending/lying. If you think about it, that's actually pretty offensive.

 

Don't act as if you have any higher morals than I do.

 

I never did this. I don't think you are immoral - as long as you're upfront with the girls you date so they can make an informed choice about your attitude, then I have no problem with it. If you deceive your way into sex then that's another matter, but you haven't (so far) indicated that you do this.

 

while you are happy twiddling your thumbs and telling your partner how amazing she is for 6 months before you even make a move.....that's on you, that's your own problem and if you're happy getting zero action for long periods of time well then go knock yourself out.

 

More evidence that you didn't read my post properly before replying, because I never said anything about 6 months.

[RedRobin]

2) Some people can ascertain sexual chemistry without necessarily putting penis in vagina.

 

Yep..............

[Emilia]

Yep..............

Chemistry yes, compatibility no

[Titania22]

Also, frankly, I would much rather know someone is intellectually compatible as opposed to sexually compatible..

 

It's alot easier for me to find a man that is intellectually compatible to me, than sexual compatible. Common interests is another thing, but stimulating conversation, that's not that hard to find.

 

And I wasn't the one claiming to want to wait.

[RedRobin]

Chemistry yes, compatibility no

 

I don't need to have intercourse with a man to figure out 90% of the sexual compatibility part either.

 

Unless you are very inexperienced, most people know what their ideal 'fit' is (penis and vagina), know how often they want sex, duration, things they like to do in bed with their partner, and their overall style (dominant/submissive, etc).

 

You don't need to sleep with someone to figure out basic physical attributes/preferences that can't be changed.

 

Personality, character, basic fitness, intelligence are more important to insuring your sex life will STAY interesting and fun over time... these are not things you can sort out within a few dates. Character, especially.

[Titania22]

What about women that are vehement that it happens sooner rather than later? I'm not laid back when it comes to sex at all. I don't care for committing without knowing how compatible we are in bed first.

 

Hell yeah Emilia

[silvermercy]

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that a lack of sexual chemistry is a good indicator that a relationship will not work.

 

Sorry if this is too logical.

I never that sexual chemistry is not important. I think it's equally important! So my point remains.

[USMCHokie]

I don't need to have intercourse with a man to figure out 90% of the sexual compatibility part either.

 

Unless you are very inexperienced, most people know what their ideal 'fit' is (penis and vagina), know how often they want sex, duration, things they like to do in bed with their partner, and their overall style (dominant/submissive, etc).

 

You don't need to sleep with someone to figure out basic physical attributes/preferences that can't be changed.

 

So do you all sit around a fire and have a dialogue about sexual preferences and desires? Like a football team who instead of practicing plays on the field just sits in the locker room and talks about it in front of the chalkboard...?

[Titania22]

Unless you are very inexperienced, most people know what their ideal 'fit' is (penis and vagina),

 

 

So at what point do you get the guy to strip off so you can check if he is the ideal fit, without him thinking you are going to have sex.

[Emilia]

I don't need to have intercourse with a man to figure out 90% of the sexual compatibility part either.

You need to have sex with him to know whether you are sexually compatible. That 10% is what makes it or breaks I'd say. Everyone knows how to stick it in, that's the 90%.

Unless you are very inexperienced, most people know what their ideal 'fit' is (penis and vagina), know how often they want sex, duration, things they like to do in bed with their partner, and their overall style (dominant/submissive, etc).

You don't know how someone is in bed until you have sex with them. You can stay up and talk about banging each other for hours over bottles of wine but it will not come near the experience of having them naked with you. It's theory vs practice. Pretty applicable to most things in life I would have thought. I can tell you that I'm a fantastic driver then you jump in my car and we crash on the motorway and die.

You don't need to sleep with someone to figure out basic physical attributes/preferences that can't be changed.

Compatibility in part is about physically how you fit together but only partly. How do you not know this?

Personality, character, basic fitness, intelligence are more important to insuring your sex life will STAY interesting and fun over time... these are not things you can sort out within a few dates. Character, especially.

I don't understand why rating the bolded high and having sex are mutually exclusive?

[Titania22]

 

You don't know how someone is in bed until you have sex with them. You can stay up and talk about banging each other for hours over bottles of wine but it will not come near the experience of having them naked with you.

 

Or you spend 3hrs explaining how you like being tied up and gagged, and then when you have sex with them, there is no tying up and no gags anywhere, just plain vanilla sex.

 

It's so disappointing and frustrating, it's not like i expected him to read my mind.

Edited July 4, 2013 by Titania22
ammendment

[sillyanswer]

You need to have sex with him to know whether you are sexually compatible. That 10% is what makes it or breaks I'd say. Everyone knows how to stick it in, that's the 90%.

 

You don't know how someone is in bed until you have sex with them.

 

That's what I was thinking. The 90% (if that's what it is) could be perfect, but if in actually doing it the woman discovers that the man is a 10 second wonder, or the man discovers that the woman is a dead fish who clearly isn't enjoying it (and I'm not trying to say that these things are equivalent, just that they are things that might not be liked by the partner and can't be discovered without trying) then it's probably a Fail on sexual compatibility (assuming you try a few times to rule out first-time nerves, perhaps). So it might not matter about the 90% score being the full 90%.

 

But, I see that it's still possible for some couples to want to wait longer, and others want to wait less time, and others having a mismatch in ideal waiting times, to discover that... and that's fine.

[sillyanswer]

Sexual compatibility: it's not the size of the junk, it's the motion in the ocean.

 

[silvermercy]

It's alot easier for me to find a man that is intellectually compatible to me, than sexual compatible. Common interests is another thing, but stimulating conversation, that's not that hard to find.

 

And I wasn't the one claiming to want to wait.

For me it's the exact opposite. lol Sexual compatibility, I find very easy. Perhaps because I'm very flexible. But when it comes to common interests and stimulating conversation...? They all bore me so far. I find this happens a lot within higher academia (my field). For example, I haven't found someone to talk about the philosophical, spiritual, historical, scientific issues I want... or even the latest gadgets, sci fi and videogames or even traveling, photography, drawing and meeting new cultures! They're only interested in beer and football... :/ (and getting laid of course).

Edited July 4, 2013 by silvermercy

[therhythm]

I wonder if RR would count the number of posts she has posted in this thread she would realize how obviously obsessed she is with this topic... There is no thread about casual sex (ONS, FWB, sex early in the dating phase) without 100 of her posts...

No one is telling you you need to have sex earlier than you want... why do you feel so compelled to convince the rest of the world about your way?

[Titania22]

For me it's the exact opposite. lol Sexual compatibility, I find very easy. But when it comes to common interests and stimulating conversation...? They all bore me so far. I find this happens a lot within higher academia (my field). For example, I haven't found someone to talk about the philosophical, spiritual, historical, scientific issues I want... or even the latest gadgets, sci fi and videogames or even traveling, photography, drawing and meeting new cultures! They're only interested in beer and football. :/

 

 

See it works differently for different people. I go to a philosophy meetup group once a month and get stimulating conversation there. I also wouldn't be interested in someone into beer and football.

 

And if you are averagely sized down there, and get your sexual satisfation from the standard sex acts, then yes, you will probably have an easier time finding sexual compatibility. So obviously its not such a concern.

 

For those of us at the extremes of the bell curve, it can seem frustrating and virtually impossible. Which is why I have pretty much given up. In 5yrs I have met 1 man who I am sexual compatible with and he turned out to be married to someone else. But I am still happier then if I had met 0, which would be the case if i wanted to hold out for sex.

[Emilia]

For me it's the exact opposite. lol Sexual compatibility, I find very easy. Perhaps because I'm very flexible. .

Probably inexperienced to know what great sex is. Once you know it you don't want to settle for much less.

[joystickd]

You need to have sex with him to know whether you are sexually compatible. That 10% is what makes it or breaks I'd say. Everyone knows how to stick it in, that's the 90%.

 

You don't know how someone is in bed until you have sex with them. You can stay up and talk about banging each other for hours over bottles of wine but it will not come near the experience of having them naked with you. It's theory vs practice. Pretty applicable to most things in life I would have thought. I can tell you that I'm a fantastic driver then you jump in my car and we crash on the motorway and die.

 

Compatibility in part is about physically how you fit together but only partly. How do you not know this?

 

I don't understand why rating the bolded high and having sex are mutually exclusive?

 

Its easy to talk the talk but can you back up what you talk. You often find a lot cant

[silvermercy]

And if you are averagely sized down there...

I'm female! lol

 

Probably inexperienced to know what great sex is. Once you know it you don't want to settle for much less.

Perhaps, yes... I also get it is very important. But I'm sure there are many experienced people with the same views as me; that is, people who want to find if they're personality-compatible first and then sleep together. This process however usually takes at least 10 dates. (Even though I'm fortunate so fat to get an idea of their personality early on so I don't continue to lead them on or anything).

[Titania22]

I'm female! lol

 

Perhaps, yes... I also get it is very important. But I'm sure there are many experienced people with the same views as me; that is, people who want to find if they're personality-compatible first and then sleep together. This process however usually takes at least 10 dates. (Even though I'm fortunate so fat to get an idea of their personality early on so I don't continue to lead them on or anything).

 

I know your female, women are different sizes too, or else we would all want the same sized men.

 

I can accept your premise, but I would surmised that if after 5 different partners they hadn't been sexually compatible they might change their method, because 10+ dates with 5 different people is going to take a while especially without multidating.

[silvermercy]

I know your female, women are different sizes too, or else we would all want the same sized men.

 

I can accept your premise, but I would surmised that if after 5 different partners they hadn't been sexually compatible they might change their method, because 10+ dates with 5 different people is going to take a while especially without multidating.

For me 10 dates is about 4-6 weeks. I don't personally think it's that much waste of time...

 

Obviously the men that I have nothing in common from the start I don't continue dating past second or 3rd date.

[sdraw108]

I don't understand why rating the bolded high and having sex are mutually exclusive?

 

Agreed, and this goes back to a point I made earlier. If you are willing to wait weeks/months to know if you are emotionally compatible, why does the sex part have to be known instantly? There's no reason to rush one aspect over the other, if you consider both to be "make or break" issues (which they both generally are for a LTR).

[sillyanswer]

Agreed, and this goes back to a point I made earlier. If you are willing to wait weeks/months to know if you are emotionally compatible, why does the sex part have to be known instantly? There's no reason to rush one aspect over the other, if you consider both to be "make or break" issues (which they both generally are for a LTR).

 

The thing is, I don't ever feel like I'm "rushing" things if I have sex on, say, the 5th date. And if the woman thought that would be rushing things I would hope she would say so so that we can wait for a later date (or, at some point, perhaps not bother waiting and go our separate ways). I'd like my partner to feel that it's the right time as well as me feeling that it's the right time, and if there's a mutual place where we both feel that it's the right time then it'll be the right time but if there's no mutual place where it's the right time then we don't need to keep dating.

 

 

But, one reason for wanting to find out about sexual compatibility sooner rather than later, for me, is that I like to find out about deal breakers sooner rather than later. I find that I can consider sexual compatibility through practical action in parallel with exploring things like emotional intimacy, personality compatibility, appropriate moral values etc rather than stacking some of the things as "do first" and some of the things as "do later". But mine isn't the only way... others are free to do differently and they aren't wrong.

[joystickd]

For me 10 dates is about 4-6 weeks. I don't personally think it's that much waste of time...

 

Obviously the men that I have nothing in common from the start I don't continue dating past second or 3rd date.

 

4 to 6 weeks is ok

[thefooloftheyear]

Some of this stuff is kinda funny in a way...

 

The woman who I am currently seeing did tell me on the third conversation(we hadnt met in person yet) that she had a certain guideline about a sex partner and she had to ask me right up front. She is a software engineer and very analytical. She said she doesnt consider men that are smaller than 7" and larger than 9"...I have never in my life had anyone be that up front about it or have such a stringent requirement..Yes, she was dead serious... (look down..whew...)

 

So I had some fun with it.. I proceeded to tell her that she would be disappointed. That when God was making me he asked me how many inches I wanted..I thought he said pinches so I said "give me two"...

 

All kidding aside, I guess its not wrong to want what you want and I suppose its good to know of any dealbreakers early on, but in reality,unless the other person is a total dud the attraction of the whole package usually outweighs any minor "deficiencies"...heck, id love to be able to bounce a quarter off the belly of my sex partner, but I wont make that a dealbreaker. And at the end of the day, as I have said before, the wild sex will fade with time...It always does. So why make it such a high priority, if a meaningful LTR is the goal..

 

TFY