Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[therhythm]

They sure do!

 

Not! You should actually take the time to read the posts... people don't tell you to do anything but what feels right to you.

We say what is our approach to sex but we don't say it is the only one or the right one for you

 

Please don't personalize other people comments on you, we don't eve know you!

[silvermercy]

 

Did you actually *read* the post?

I said YOU should do what YOU feel is right.

And neither YOU nor the OTHER person should put pressure on sex. If you want to wait, then you better find someone who also wants to wait.

 

What Mme Chaucer was saying was, it's not fair for me to pressure a guy into sex, but it's also not fair of a guy who want to wait to make me wait. We're not compatible, so it's time to move on.

 

That is what is being said here. Do what you want, but accept that some people will view things differently and, as such, will not be compatible with you!

I don't think this thread was about compatibility to be honest. It was about early sex "rules".

[kaylan]

I agree that we're not compatible. It's a great indication actually. They will be doing me a favor if they bail out early on to be honest.

 

As I said before, it gets annoying for people looking seriously for LTRs that other people (supposedly looking for LTR, too) place more importance on sexual chemistry FIRST rather than personality. Someone who is trully looking for an LTR will be looking at personality first by default. (Not saying that chemistry is not important, but if I was basing everything on that FIRST, I would have serious problems maintaining an LTR).

Um, the personality part is usually worked out way before sex. Id say its one of the bigger reasons why many people have sex so quickly. Clicking well on the personality level can do a lot to physical attraction.

 

I can tell if I want to date a girl rather quickly based on her personality. You need to look at everything by default when looking for an LTR. Personality differences or sexual differences can both greatly impact a relationship.

[silvermercy]

Um, the personality part is usually worked out way before sex.

 

I can tell if I want to date a girl rather quickly based on her personality. You need to look at everything by default when looking for an LTR. Personality differences or sexual differences can both greatly impact a relationship.

I can't do that. I need more than 10 dates to truly know a stranger. And that's why I have problem with some posts in this thread.

[kaylan]

I can't do that. I need more than 10 dates to truly know a stranger. And that's why I have problem with some posts in this thread.

Maybe Im getting ahead of myself here...but Im sure if a guy truly clicked with you on a personality level, that it wouldnt take 10 dates for sex. This is assuming that I or the other guy figured out what buttons to push with you.

 

Im just saying Im no newbie to the story of the conservative girl having sex sooner than usual all because of the insane chemistry with a new guy. If youre a girl with a bigger sexual appetite, I cant see you lasting 10 dates with a guy who treats you well and gets you really hot.

[KathyM]

There are men who also want a relationship, and are not into quick sex with someone they don't really know very well. To each his own. If some men insist on early sex, there will be some women willing to give them that. For women who want to wait for a stronger emotional connection first and are not interested in sex with strangers or men who may not be compatible emotionally/intellectually/personalitywise, there are men who also are willing to wait for a relationship to develop first. Some men even prefer it that way.

[therhythm]

There are men who also want a relationship, and are not into quick sex with someone they don't really know very well. To each his own. If some men insist on early sex, there will be some women willing to give them that. For women who want to wait for a stronger emotional connection first and are not interested in sex with strangers or men who may not be compatible emotionally/intellectually/personalitywise, there are men who also are willing to wait for a relationship to develop first. Some men even prefer it that way.

 

I think you fail to see my whole point... I would never (EVER) insist for sex... what I want is a woman who is so turned on by me that she can't resist herself

[KathyM]

I think you fail to see my whole point... I would never (EVER) insist for sex... what I want is a woman who is so turned on by me that she can't resist herself

You're implying that people who choose to wait are not sexually attracted to the person they are dating. That couldn't be further from the truth. Some people just have more self control, and are more interested in building a relationship first before being physically intimate with someone.

[therhythm]

You're implying that people who choose to wait are not sexually attracted to the person they are dating. That couldn't be further from the truth. Some people just have more self control, and are more interested in building a relationship first before being physically intimate with someone.

 

What I am saying is that she has enough control to control herself then she wasn't that turned on... sometimes when you are with someone you just can't stop touching and being intimate whatever your self control is

[Phantom888]

There are certainly many conservative women who have sex early when they meet a man with incredible chemistry. My current relationship became sexual early on, and it was very unusual for both of us. Back when I was in college, I had sex with virgins on the 2nd date because they felt comfortable enough with me. The times when I waited 2.5 months were when I wanted to be sure I wasn't wasting my time. I told those women that we could have sex when they are sure that they love me and could see me in their future. They were on board with that, so waiting was worth it.

[KathyM]

What I am saying is that she has enough control to control herself then she wasn't that turned on... sometimes when you are with someone you just can't stop touching and being intimate whatever your self control is

Dear boy, some people have self control, and may be very attracted to a man/woman, but still be wanting to wait for a relationship to develop before being intimate. My husband, for example, was and is a very attractive man. Handsome face, amazing muscular physique, beautiful tan, charming, and with amazing charisma. He was and still is very attractive to women. But despite his charms, I wanted a commitment before intimacy. Some women, probably most, do want an emotional connection first, and that takes time to develop. I know this is a foreign concept for you, but it's the truth.

[thefooloftheyear]

Dear boy, some people have self control, and may be very attracted to a man/woman, but still be wanting to wait for a relationship to develop before being intimate. My husband, for example, was and is a very attractive man. Handsome face, amazing muscular physique, beautiful tan, charming, and with amazing charisma. He was and still is very attractive to women. But despite his charms, I wanted a commitment before intimacy. Some women, probably most, do want an emotional connection first, and that takes time to develop. I know this is a foreign concept for you, but it's the truth.

 

Well said..hes a lucky guy!

 

TFY

[therhythm]

Dear boy, some people have self control, and may be very attracted to a man/woman, but still be wanting to wait for a relationship to develop before being intimate. My husband, for example, was and is a very attractive man. Handsome face, amazing muscular physique, beautiful tan, charming, and with amazing charisma. He was and still is very attractive to women. But despite his charms, I wanted a commitment before intimacy. Some women, probably most, do want an emotional connection first, and that takes time to develop. I know this is a foreign concept for you, but it's the truth.

 

Lets agree we disagree, the woman I am looking for has a big sex drive and while she may have a big self control she will lose it with me .

It is not that it hasn't happen to me yet and it will keep happening till the right one cross my way

[KathyM]

Lets agree we disagree, the woman I am looking for has a big sex drive and while she may have a big self control she will lose it with me .

It is not that it hasn't happen to me yet and it will keep happening till the right one cross my way

I have a plenty big sex drive, but I also have self control. Which is why I'm still married after several years, and have a happy husband at home.

[Feelin Frisky]

10 plus "dates"? It would change from date to just hanging out if nothing happened by the third--if our company were enjoyable enough. I'm not one to be used or give myself false hope--or give her false hope for that matter either.

[therhythm]

I have a plenty big sex drive, but I also have self control. Which is why I'm still married after several years, and have a happy husband at home.

 

I could tell you lots about women married with high sex drives... but lets not derail this thread

[ThaWholigan]

Stop feeding it.

 

OT: I wouldn't be mad at all. I don't consider it to be indicative of how big her sex drive is, and I'm sure that there are ways of her showing her attraction for me without f*cking me. It's funny because both times I had sex within the first couple of meetings with both girls I slept with - but the fact is I am more than happy with waiting as long as one knows how to deal with the sexual element in a measured fashion. Put it this way - I'm not that fussed either way, if the chemistry is right, it's right .

[thefooloftheyear]

Stop feeding it.

 

OT: I wouldn't be mad at all. I don't consider it to be indicative of how big her sex drive is, and I'm sure that there are ways of her showing her attraction for me without f*cking me. It's funny because both times I had sex within the first couple of meetings with both girls I slept with - but the fact is I am more than happy with waiting as long as one knows how to deal with the sexual element in a measured fashion. Put it this way - I'm not that fussed either way, if the chemistry is right, it's right .

 

Kinda my philosophy as well...

 

Open the door a crack and im blasting it off the hinges...If its locked for now, I can deal with it...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Can anyone do that? You can't ....

 

your superiority feeling would not allow you to enjoy yourself even when you would like to...

 

 

Sure I can. Men who share your viewpoint or who need to test for sexual compatibility before agreeing to a relationship are not hard to find at all. This thread is evidence of that.

 

Sure, I could afford to reduce my near 100% LTR/sex success rate and let a few dudes slip through...

 

... and I'm sure I'd enjoy it too... But I'm not one of these silly girls thinking that spending time with a man with a poor LTR/sex ratio has much of a chance of going anywhere. Nor do I take it as some grand challenge to get a guy like that to commit.

 

I'd just sleep with them and dump them afterwards... No matter how great the sex was. Not that guys like that care. But it IS why I tell relationship oriented women to dump guys they have 'oops' sex with early on. Bad odds.

 

Problem is... the kind of guy I want doesn't behave that way (even though he could if he wanted to)... and so I won't be behaving that way either... even though I can.

 

I'd suggest people who want relationships be consistent and act like it. That's all. Those who don't are free to have as much casual sex as they like... Hopefully with other people who enjoy casual sex...

 

Sounds like you have a good method for screening for women who also enjoy casual sex, so that is working for you.

Edited July 2, 2013 by RedRobin

[therhythm]

Sure I can. Men who share your viewpoint or who need to test for sexual compatibility before agreeing to a relationship are not hard to find at all. This thread is evidence of that.

 

 

Yet I only have sex with women I find physically and sexually attractive... maybe you would not fit in that description...

 

... and I'm sure I'd enjoy it too... But I'm not one of these silly girls thinking that spending time with a man with a poor LTR/sex ratio has much of a chance of going anywhere. Nor do I take it as some grand challenge to get a guy like that to commit.

 

I'd just sleep with them and dump them afterwards... No matter how great the sex was. Not that guys like that care. But it IS why I tell relationship oriented women to dump guys they have 'oops' sex with early on. Bad odds.

 

But are not those women who also had a opps sex not bad odds too?

 

Or just because they are women they are better?

 

Your last post brings hypocrisy to a new level! She can have casual sex but the guy becomes bad odds and has to be dumped :lmao:

 

You need therapy!

Edited July 2, 2013 by therhythm

[KungFuJoe]

I personally think it's dumb (and pointless) to have a "set limit" on # of dates before any specific action. First kiss, sex, bf/gf, marriage, etc.

 

Just do what feels right with you.

 

Me, personally, I've never gone more than 3-4 dates without some kind of sexual activity (and this was with my very first gf). Not because I pushed the issue or set limits, but because I'm a very "sexual" person who feels that initial chemistry is THE most important factor when dating someone new. If I don't feel that "spark" I don't waste my OR HER time and things just don't progress. But, if there IS that spark, then that means we are REALLY clicking and that typically means that we are getting physical. Not because of timelines or pressure, but because that's what we BOTH want.

[BradJacobs]

I'd suggest people who want relationships be consistent and act like it.

You do realize that there's more than one way to define a relationship, right?

[RedRobin]

Yet I only have sex with women I find physically and sexually attractive... maybe you would not fit in that description...

 

 

 

But are not those women who also had a opps sex not bad odds too?

 

Or just because they are women they are better?

 

Your last post brings hypocrisy to a new level! She can have casual sex but the guy becomes bad odds and has to be dumped :lmao:

 

Do I think she is bad odds? Depends. If she has a habit of ONS/FWB or needs to test for sexual compatibility in advance, she likely doesn't care about the odds and might be happy to just 'go with the flow' as you say.

 

However, I just don't think that relationship oriented women who has 'oops' sex with a guy with those values ought to stick around and see what he 'decides'.

 

Lots of guys like to think they hold this relationship carrot that they are only willing to extend to women who have sex with them early while he continues to play the field and date other people... or whatever it is men with those preferences do after the fact.

 

Baloney. There is no 'carrot'. Just dump him and be done with it. She is better off saving her energy for men who are willing to demonstrate more self control themselves and finding ways not to put herself in situations that go that direction... That is, if she wants a relationship.

 

If not, then who cares?? In those situations, noone is worried about 'odds' anyway. Right?

[therhythm]

Do I think she is bad odds? Depends. If she has a habit of ONS/FWB or needs to test for sexual compatibility in advance, she likely doesn't care about the odds and might be happy to just 'go with the flow' as you say.

 

However, I just don't think that relationship oriented women who has 'oops' sex with a guy with those values ought to stick around and see what he 'decides'.

 

Lots of guys like to think they hold this relationship carrot that they are only willing to extend to women who have sex with them early while he continues to play the field and date other people.

 

Baloney. There is no 'carrot'. Just dump him and be done with it. She is better off saving her energy for men who are willing to demonstrate more self control themselves and finding ways not to put herself in situations that go that direction... That is, if she wants a relationship.

 

If not, then who cares?? In those situations, noone is worried about 'odds' anyway. Right?

 

I just find funny how you say that the guy needs to show more self control when she just have had sex with him :lmao: ... the law only apply to him right?

 

Really, it is not that I care...I know I have no problems in that area but I find your thinking way say the least entertaining!

 

May I ask how old are you? I don't think you are older than 25...

[hppr]

Say you really enjoyed her company and thought she was both attractive and interesting. Would you be annoyed with not having sex by dates 10-14? Would you even think to be in a relationship with her BEFORE having sex?

 

Just taking a quick poll If you have any other comments feel free to share!

 

If 1) she was very hot 2) she was very interesting and 3) she wasn't dating/banging other guys I wouldn't be mad. However that has never happened to me. It's either 3-4 dates or you find out later she's with another guy there is no in between anymore.