Guys, would you be mad if you had 10+ dates and didn't have sex yet?

[silvermercy]

Where did I say women don't fear anything? Bold that part of my post

You didn't. But you implied that the main reason men bail out on women who want to wait is the fear of the woman bonking another bloke. And then I said this fear is not unique to the male gender. In other words, this statement about men and fear cannot stand as a valid reason for excusing men bailing out.

[silvermercy]

I've seen women regularly lie about their number of partners, same with guys. The majority of women have FB's/FWB's and most have had ONS's. Most will deny it but any guy who has gotten around will agree. I can't count how many times a woman has gone home with a guy they just met and it's often by those who say they don't do such a thing.

Not in my social circles.

[somedude81]

For me it's not a "goal". It's a self-preservation measure.

Sounds like a goal to me.

 

What does self-preservation mean to you? Why is it possible after waiting some amount of time to have sex?

 

I'm trying to figure out why a girl that I like, who likes me back would want to wait for sex. What is going to change after sex?

[Southern Cal Dude]

Not in my social circles.

 

 

Didn't even refute what I said. That exactly proves my point. "No one in MY social circle does that". Well there's many social circles in society.

[silvermercy]

Sounds like a goal to me.

 

What does self-preservation mean to you? Why is it possible after waiting some amount of time to have sex?

 

I'm trying to figure out why a girl that I like, who likes me back would want to wait for sex. What is going to change after sex?

No, it's not a "goal" the way you put it.

 

You personally may not get attached easily after sex, but I know myself and I know I will. And if this dating process fails and he dumps me, it's me who will be emotionally devastated. Not him. So waiting helps me making sure I have AT LEAST covered all bases and do not blame myself afterwards.

[ThaWholigan]

You didn't. But you implied that the main reason men bail out on women who want to wait is the fear of the woman bonking another bloke. And then I said this fear is not unique to the male gender. In other words, this statement about men and fear cannot stand as a valid reason for excusing men bailing out.

She has a point. This would probably be in the back of a woman's mind too.

 

However, there are a subset of women that would probably try to "step up their game" as it were to get a headstart on the competition - if you believe in pre-selection then this is probably more true. However, I don't think this is too common.

[silvermercy]

Didn't even refute what I said. That exactly proves my point. "No one in MY social circle does that". Well there's many social circles in society.

Because there's no more points to make. I have concluded you obviously don't get it.

 

And that's exactly what I think, too: There are many social circles. Just as I don't know them all, you don't know them all either.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Because there's no more points to make. I have concluded you obviously don't get it.

 

And that's exactly what I think, too: There are many social circles. Just as I don't know them all, you don't know them all either.

 

 

You don't have a point. You would have stated it if you did. All you did was give a cliche answer because you couldn't refute my claim and deep down, you know it. If you give a cliche one line answer and make no effort to refute something, you're proving the person's point. Terrible strategy if you're on a debate team.

[somedude81]

Obviously some women have an agenda of "making him wait," which I find to be about as arbitrary as a "3 date rule."

 

But if a woman is not feeling that having sex is the right thing for her to do at any given time, and in this context especially with a new man in her life, she is unlikely to be "making him wait." SHE is waiting, for the right time or to know if there IS going to be a right time. Or maybe even for a marriage, or a proposal, or a facebook status, or a giant diamond ring - whatever.

 

If he wants to wait with her, then he should. If not, he should move on.

Eh, I guess waiting till things feel right makes more sense then waiting till date three or month two.

 

I doubt that things would change that much between months 2 and 3.

[silvermercy]

You don't have a point. You would have stated it if you did. All you did was give a cliche answer because you couldn't refute my claim and deep down, you know it. If you give a cliche one line answer and make no effort to refute something, you're proving the person's point. Terrible strategy if you're on a debate team.

oh my goddd... LOL!!

[Revolver]

Exactly. And many women do this and they know the guy they were dating would kick them to the curb if they found out. I sure would.

 

But lets not act like guys aren't foul as well. There's many dudes who are sleeping with women right now on the side to buy time while the girl they're dating thinks he's being celibate waiting for her smh

[somedude81]

No, it's not a "goal" the way you put it.

 

You personally may not get attached easily after sex, but I know myself and I know I will. And if this dating process fails and he dumps me, it's me who will be emotionally devastated. Not him. So waiting helps me making sure I have AT LEAST covered all bases and do not blame myself afterwards.

Now that is a reason I can understand.

 

You don't want to get attached to a guy if he will soon after sex, because you will be emotionally devastated.

 

So then you are waiting till you feel that he won't dump you in the near future?

[BradJacobs]

What is going to change after sex?

Oxytocin takes over. A woman's decision-making ability can be greatly impaired while under its effects.

[Mme. Chaucer]

For me it's not an game but being safe with my own body, mind & emotions. I can't trust someone I've gone out with twice or four times or any set number, especially after my recent experiences. Why would I risk him being a liar, catching something from him or finding out he's an abusive pyscho if he's just looking to ****? What's the agenda on banging everything that moves within hours of meeting? It isn't use or or lose it.

 

I hope the bolded wasn't aimed at me because I shared that I'd gone out with my husband 4 times, and then had sex - especially the "banging everything that moves." It was a very meaningful and important experience.

 

Regarding the rest - what is the problem here? WHY is other peoples' way of experiencing THEIR OWN sex lives a threat or an issue to you and a few others here? Just say NO!

 

YOU are in charge of YOURSELF. NEVER have sex when you do not feel it's the right choice for you.

 

And extend the exact same respect to other people, even if they like having sex on a shorter timeline than you do. You are not more moral or in any way superior to them. And I doubt that they really bang anything that moves, either.

[Southern Cal Dude]

But lets not act like guys aren't foul as well. There's many dudes who are sleeping with women right now on the side to buy time while the girl they're dating thinks he's being celibate waiting for her smh

 

 

No one ever said guys were innocent. I even admitted guys lie as well. But I don't see guys lying about their FWB'S or waiting for a commitment while sleeping with someone.

[silvermercy]

Now that is a reason I can understand.

 

You don't want to get attached to a guy if he will soon after sex, because you will be emotionally devastated.

 

So then you are waiting till you feel that he won't dump you in the near future?

Thanks for understanding.

 

Well, obviously nothing guarantees it will work out if I wait longer... but then I will be okay with myself knowing that I at least minimized the risks as much as I could.

[hppr]

I understand losing interest but being mad is kind of a dick move. If I was going to and you got pissy cause I hadn't ****ed you by a certain number of dates then obviously you weren't worth it.

 

I agree it's just that the hypothetical situation laid out is a Unicorn. It never really happens that way, there's always some left-out detail like the girl having a FWB with her Ex-husband or something.

[hppr]

But lets not act like guys aren't foul as well. There's many dudes who are sleeping with women right now on the side to buy time while the girl they're dating thinks he's being celibate waiting for her smh

 

Yeah I honestly haven't known many guys who pull that **** though. It's usually girls that can't give up on an ex-flame.

[RedRobin]

I'm trying to figure out why a girl that I like, who likes me back would want to wait for sex. What is going to change after sex?

 

Some of us need to make sure you are who you say you are and want what you say you want.

 

It is not anymore complicated than that.

 

What is going to change after sex?

 

Well, for starters... STDs. Not everything is covered by condoms... are you planning on getting tested before you have sex?

 

Next... your friendship, if you ever had one. That is likely to be gone if things don't work out romantically.

 

Finally, the person might really be dangerous or unstable. One of my male friends got stalked by a woman he dated for TWO WEEKS. She trumped up false charges on him and attempted to get a restraining order against him... claiming he was stalking her. Luckily, he'd saved all of his IM messages and emails...

[joystickd]

Some of us need to make sure you are who you say you are and want what you say you want.

 

You know con artists marry women and have them believe they are who they say they are. There is always that chance that someone will play the role. The old bait and switch that happens lol

[joystickd]

 

Finally, the person might really be dangerous or unstable. One of my male friends got stalked by a woman he dated for TWO WEEKS. She trumped up false charges on him and attempted to get a restraining order against him... claiming he was stalking her. Luckily, he'd saved all of his IM messages and emails...

Dating is a risk in general and waiting isn't going to change that.

[somedude81]

Some of us need to make sure you are who you say you are and want what you say you want.

 

It is not anymore complicated than that.

 

What is going to change after sex?

 

Well, for starters... STDs. Not everything is covered by condoms... are you planning on getting tested before you have sex?

I actually got tested last month

 

Though I probably won't get tested before every new girl.

Next... your friendship, if you ever had one. That is likely to be gone if things don't work out romantically.

Meh, that's hardly a reason to wait for sex.

 

Friendships come and go. And of course it only applies if you were friends before dating.

Finally, the person might really be dangerous or unstable. One of my male friends got stalked by a woman he dated for TWO WEEKS. She trumped up false charges on him and attempted to get a restraining order against him... claiming he was stalking her. Luckily, he'd saved all of his IM messages and emails...

Hah, psychos exist.

 

I wonder how long it takes to find out if the other person is crazy, if it's possible to tell at all.

[joystickd]

 

Next... your friendship, if you ever had one. That is likely to be gone if things don't work out romantically.

 

And that is a bad thing because........?

I think as a man if it don't work out romantically you shouldn't be friends afterwards because of the potential for problems when you find someone else. Then there is also the manipulation factor. There are some women that will reel in and then throw you back in the water in a sense. When it's over it's over.

[somedude81]

Yeah the friendship reason is really weird.

 

Regardless if we had sex or not, I wouldn't want to stay friends with a woman I dated and things went bad.

[sillyanswer]

Finally, the person might really be dangerous or unstable.

 

Finally we agree on something.

 

 

But you only consider dating people about whom you have received personal recommendations and have already observed how they interact with women. You're doing the filtering for "dangerous and unstable" before the first date ( Not dating crazies: smart girl!) , so this shouldn't really be a concern during dating for you!

 

But for other women (and men) I'd agree with you... it's possible to hide being batsht-crazy for a date or two, but not for 10 or so. The more crazy, the sooner they reveal themselves. So that aspect of 'waiting' could be about finding the right balance of getting confidence that they are sane and safe without waiting forever.