RedRobin Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Yeah the friendship reason is really weird. Regardless if we had sex or not, I wouldn't want to stay friends with a woman I dated and things went bad. Yea, I get it that lots of men think women are only worth keeping around if they are banging them or have a chance at banging them. Thank goodness I hang out with a slightly more evolved crowd of people than that. Anyway, you asked why a woman who liked you might want to wait... Link to post Share on other sites
Author paigej91 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Some of the responses from my male counterparts are frankly laughable..Are you guys that shallow that you couldnt wait for someone who is really special?? "three dates -no sex- im outta there?" Really? TFY I'm so relieved to hear this. I never notice THIS much of the male population was this way. No wonder I've subconsciously avoided highly testosterone-filled men like the plague. It's just so intuitive and subconscious at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I'm trying to figure out why a girl that I like, who likes me back would want to wait for sex. What is going to change after sex? Don't mean to burst your bubble, seriously, but when someone is "waiting" you are off base when you assume that when the correct amount of time passes, sex will happen. She (general she, not yours specifically) would be waiting more to know IF than WHEN. Unless she has religious or cultural values that predispose her to just say no to sex, when she is sure it's a good idea FOR HER, that's when it happens. If the guy wants to. It does not necessarily happen. I dated tons of guys and never had sex with them. I wasn't "making them wait." I wasn't feeling it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 You don't have a point. You would have stated it if you did. All you did was give a cliche answer because you couldn't refute my claim and deep down, you know it. If you give a cliche one line answer and make no effort to refute something, you're proving the person's point. Terrible strategy if you're on a debate team. Well, we are not on a debate team, and if we were you'd get a humbling trouncing. Here, we are talking about subjective stuff. She does not have to "prove" her own personal experiences and neither do you. Your many experiences in bars do not automatically translate to the lives of the rest of us, some of whom never set foot in bars. In Southern California. A bar in SoCal is not a microcosm of the whole world. Sorry to break it to you like this. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Yea, I get it that lots of men think women are only worth keeping around if they are banging them or have a chance at banging them. Thank goodness I hang out with a slightly more evolved crowd of people than that. Anyway, you asked why a woman who liked you might want to wait... Not evolved just more sucker type guys Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Don't mean to burst your bubble, seriously, but when someone is "waiting" you are off base when you assume that when the correct amount of time passes, sex will happen. She (general she, not yours specifically) would be waiting more to know IF than WHEN. Unless she has religious or cultural values that predispose her to just say no to sex, when she is sure it's a good idea FOR HER, that's when it happens. If the guy wants to. It does not necessarily happen. I dated tons of guys and never had sex with them. I wasn't "making them wait." I wasn't feeling it. Me too (the bolded). I have lost count of how many guys I dated, yet comparably the number of men I have had sex with is very low. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Me too (the bolded). I have lost count of how many guys I dated, yet comparably the number of men I have had sex with is very low. And who knows. Maybe all those guys we didn't have sex with are all pissed right now because they went out on a few dates with us, thinking that we were "making them wait." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheZebra Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I don't think I'd sleep with a guy if we weren't in a committed relationship. The number of dates is completely irrelevant. Maybe we hit it off right away and decide we want to be bf/gf after a few weeks, and sex will probably follow soon. On the other end of the spectrum, maybe we're taking longer to get to know each other, so the time it takes to decide we're in a relationship is longer, thus sex happens later. There's no formula. Frankly, any guy/girl who is on a set schedule is someone you should avoid anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 You know con artists marry women and have them believe they are who they say they are. There is always that chance that someone will play the role. The old bait and switch that happens lol I actually know personally someone this happened to. She ended up having the police barge in her front door and arresting the guy. She was his 6th or so victim. Some people are gifted liars. Some hide their crazy really well. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I actually know personally someone this happened to. She ended up having the police barge in her front door and arresting the guy. She was his 6th or so victim. Some people are gifted liars. Some hide their crazy really well. All the more reason not to jump into a relationship OR sex with someone you don't know very well. My sister dated a guy for three months who pressured her for sex. She considered it, but she's glad she didn't give in to his demands, because he turned out to be a controlling nasty jerk who purposely damaged her property. The guy's true colors will come out eventually. Except for the true sociopaths who are able to con people without detection, most men show their true colors eventually, and their true motives become known. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Its ok. I understand your need to score points with the ladies by pretending that the first thing you think about is being able to connect to them on a deep and emotional level so that you can both stare at the stars together at night and dream your ever so wonderful dreams....blah blah blah. I understand what you are doing because its the same old little song and dance that every guy does when he is trying to get into ladies into bed. Why on earth would I need to pretend on an anonymous online forum? The fact that you think I feel the need to "score points" on a dating forum says a lot more about you than it does about me. You disbelieving me doesn't bother me - I'm sure there are enough people on here who either think the same way I do, or have dated men that do, who will realise I'm not lying. Women know this too and its guys like you who are too afraid to make a move at the right time that end up going home alone while she checks her phone to see if one of her other potential options has called her that night to arrange a hook up. Snooze and you lose buddy. Simple as that. Wrong again. The kind of girls I'm attracted to tend not to be multi-daters (not a hard and fast rule, but that's been the case usually). In fact my best relationships have been ones where we spent a while getting to know each other as friends before progressing to romance and then sex. As I said before, I understand your opinion, but I don't understand why you think that means everyone else is the same as you. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Yea, I get it that lots of men think women are only worth keeping around if they are banging them or have a chance at banging them. Thank goodness I hang out with a slightly more evolved crowd of people than that. Anyway, you asked why a woman who liked you might want to wait... Eh..I gotta agree with the other poster.. As a guy I only have one female friend..My office manager. She treats me like gold and always has my back..And she isnt really that way because she needs the job..Its a part time gig and she will never get rich over it..She truly cares and would do anything for me. Any other women I have known over the years that I have either dated or was in relationships then became friends after, frankly we had nothing to talk about when it was over. I dont give a shyt about your menstrual cramps, the price of gas or that your feet hurt. And unfortunately the only reason they wanted to be friends is so that if they ever needed money or their water heater or car took a shyt, they could call me and I would be a dope and help out..They never had anything to offer me so it winds up being a one way street...no thanks. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author paigej91 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 To me it looked like a universally unfair rule: "Have sex early in the relationship or else... I'm dumping you and moving on. To hell if we are compatible in everything else". This is reflected in the OP's post: that these "rules" exist. And these posts serve as "advice" to the OP or they wouldn't be posted here. Haha, you're right. Even the language I used in my post hints at these "rules" society approves of (and the ones it discourages), but that are not explicitly stated. The responses further support my assumption I had to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Eh..I gotta agree with the other poster.. As a guy I only have one female friend..My office manager. She treats me like gold and always has my back..And she isnt really that way because she needs the job..Its a part time gig and she will never get rich over it..She truly cares and would do anything for me. Any other women I have known over the years that I have either dated or was in relationships then became friends after, frankly we had nothing to talk about when it was over. I dont give a shyt about your menstrual cramps, the price of gas or that your feet hurt. And unfortunately the only reason they wanted to be friends is so that if they ever needed money or their water heater or car took a shyt, they could call me and I would be a dope and help out..They never had anything to offer me so it winds up being a one way street...no thanks. TFY I'm sorry to say, but you've had some **** "friends". I have plenty of male friends. A few I've slept with, most I haven't. And we go out often and talk about anything and everything. We're there for each other. And it is most definitely NOT a one way street! And I don't talk about my menstrual cramps with my guy friends! i have girl friends for that! Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) I have a great deal of trust in my own intuition and it's served me well. So has mine. I challenge you, with all the vetting, harsh judging and hoop jumping required, to trump me in the finding true love department. This isn't a competition... but I will tell you I have no intention of changing my approach as long as I live in Upstate NY. Most of the people around you who are in relationships, as you put it, "f***ed strangers." According to your definition of "stranger." None of the people in my social circle are in relationships with people they f*cked as strangers... unless you count people in arranged marriages. As I said, any person with some lame idea like "3 date rule" is … lame. But approaching men and sex as if it's all bad, loser infested creepiness? Well, it's no way to find love. You have to be in a place of openness to find love. I agree that I need to be in a place of 'openness' to find love. That place is NOT Upstate NY, that is for sure. It is not unreasonable for me to seek someone with similar values and life history as me. Edited July 3, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
HarmlessThunder Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Honestly, no, I wouldn't. I would much rather enjoy spending time with her more than anything else. I wouldn't really think about, (well actually I would THINK about), having sex until after I'm married. I feel that making love isn't something that should just be a given right away, it should only be given to people who truly care about you, and usually when a person wants to marry you, that proves that they care enough about you. Just my 2 cents on it. Either way don't EVER force yourself into having sex before you are ready, that will just make things more awkward and less enjoyable. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 And yet women have casual sex with random strangers all the time. If you're going on 1 date a week, the 3rd date is 3 weeks in. That's enough time to gauge interest. No one is forcing you to have sex with anyone. But any guy with options is not going to stick around for countless weeks with no sex. Let's say you're dating 3 women casually and it's early on and you haven't slept with any of them yet. Are you saying the first one to put out is the one who will rope you into an R? Do you not look for any other qualities in a woman?? Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Let's say you're dating 3 women casually and it's early on and you haven't slept with any of them yet. Are you saying the first one to put out is the one who will rope you into an R? Do you not look for any other qualities in a woman?? Good chance, yes. I look for multiple qualities, but sex is very important. If we're not sexually compatible, I'd rather find out sooner than later. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Good chance, yes. I look for multiple qualities, but sex is very important. If we're not sexually compatible, I'd rather find out sooner than later. Sex is important for me too but I have negotiables and non negotiables when it comes to compatibility. There's no such thing as a perfect match but there are things I will not waiver on like morals, communication and a similar view on how a successful relationship should work. I'd take a woman with the the listed qualities over one who's a "freak in the sheets" and lacks said qualities. I'm not saying if she had those qualities I'd be ok with a dead fish in the sack. I'm just saying I'll bend more on how adventerous she is in the sack than on my "must haves". Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I dated tons of guys and never had sex with them. I wasn't "making them wait." I wasn't feeling it. How many of those guys did you date 10 or more times without sex? And did you order the lobster? Because if you did and he picked up the check ... well that's just rude not to put out. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I'm a man and I obviously love sex. At my age my number is embarrasing low and at this point in my life as jaded as I am, sex is more important than a relationship. TBS I do not and will not lead a woman on just for sex and if I do meet a relationship worthy woman I'll be happy to wait a reasonable amount of time. Reasonable for me would be 1-3 months but by the 2 month mark I'd have one foot out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Say you really enjoyed her company and thought she was both attractive and interesting. Would you be annoyed with not having sex by dates 10-14? Would you even think to be in a relationship with her BEFORE having sex? Just taking a quick poll If you have any other comments feel free to share! There wouldn't be any 10th date to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I'm sorry to say, but you've had some **** "friends". I have plenty of male friends. A few I've slept with, most I haven't. And we go out often and talk about anything and everything. We're there for each other. And it is most definitely NOT a one way street! And I don't talk about my menstrual cramps with my guy friends! i have girl friends for that! I guess I am an unenlightened knuckle dragging type of man... Heck. While I dont see myself as a doormat, I am a giver so why the hell wouldnt they want to be friends? Would you believe it if I told you that one recent woman that left had the balls to get angry with me for telling her to take her car to a dealer to get it fixed after we split? "you mean you wouldnt help me out now?":laugh::laugh: Yeah...right... Lets face it...The only things my guy friends talk about are stuff like cars, construction projects, investing, sports, business, etc...and most of the women I know are bored to hell over that shyt. They(women) cant fix any of my shyt if its broken, I dont need cooking tips and I have all the money I need. Out of curiousity what do you talk about and what do you do for them(your guy "friends")? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 The more I think about this, I don't think I'd be compatible with a guy who could easily wait 10+ dates for sex... I'd hope his libido would be unforgivingly higher than that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Coup La-La Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 If a woman takes that long to sleep with you, HELL YEAH she's plying mind games. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts