UCFKevin Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I'm guessing the crystal meth had a hand in this. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Definitely. If it bothers her that it bothers you, things aren't as rosy as you should hope. Because it's COMPLETELY understandable to be offput by this. If she stops, that's it, cool, all's well that ends well. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Both of you bought up valid points....Hence......I agree with both of you...... Personally....MPOV..... she either has a huge crush on guy she is seeing him on the side or........ they have developed a great friendship..... To ease your doubts why dont you suggest going out to dinner with the guy and his girlfriend..... Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 and Kevin Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Hasn't anyone seen When Harry Met Sally?!? Oh! With David Schwimmer! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 You're pushing your luck, little man. Link to post Share on other sites
GiveAndTake Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Well, my opinion as a female is, it has nothing to do with the guy(s) she talks about. I'm ashamed to admit, I've done this to a bf in the past. I think I know why I did. He wasn't the jealous type. It almost seemed as though, it couldn't bother him at all if other men found me attractive or even flirted with me. I believe it really means she likes you and wants a little reassurance that you care about her and the possibility of losing her. But...that is her dysfunction, not yours. As it was mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Draco Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 hey there GiveAndTake, Would you say would be an good response from your bf at the time? Seems to always put the guy between a rock and a hard place...if he confronted you, then you would have thought he's insecure, if he didn't you would think he didn't care and start feeling insecure right? what do you think we should do? Link to post Share on other sites
GiveAndTake Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 You can say, " As much as I love you, I'm not much into sharing. I don't think anything is going on but when you bring up his name so often, I feel like you're sharing our time with him and I'd rather not have that type of relationship". This way, you're not accusing her of cheating and you're reassuring your feelings for her (which is the whole reason she's probably doing this). After you tell her that, you can remind her if/when she brings him up. Link to post Share on other sites
doppelganger Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 sup dude, The next time you're up in her area, and she mentions the other dude, tell her 'hey, you and dude must be pretty close since you're always mentioning his name. why don't we all get together and hang out tomorrow...' Try not to say it in a jealous way (ie: don't emphasize the 'mentioning him often' part-- say it like it doesn't bother you at all, like its just something you noticed. Tip: pretend you're just saying it to a friend and it should come out in a non-jealous/non-threatening way). It'll keep the challenge since you wont be showing ANY jealousy in your voice. And it is something legit to say because if it's nothing more than a close friendship, wouldn't you want to meet and get to know one of the people she spends a lot of time with up there in med school? Then, watch her reaction when she answers. Watch for the hesitation. That split second hesitation before her answer that tells you everything. What you want to hear is a 'yeah, sure' kind of answer with no hesitation. What you don't want to hear is "....... uhhh... yeah, sure.." Watch the facial expressions too. BUT, if she shows too much excitement at the prospect of being somewhere with dude's presence gracing hers, then you might have a problem too (ie: ex-gf showing an little too much excitement knowing when mr. camaro would be present at outings). You get my drift. If it actually comes to pass that you all get together and hang out, then you can watch how he is and watch how she is towards him. Watch the actions man. Watch the actions... As much as I love you, I'm not much into sharing. I don't think anything is going on but when you bring up his name so often, I feel like you're sharing our time with him and I'd rather not have that type of relationship whoa. where the challenge? maybe if your in something like therapy or if you guys normally talk all open like this (and each other is truthful), but i'd stay away from this kind of talk for now. because coming out of the blue to all of a sudden be talking dr phil-like, might make her raise her red flags. And talking about it, well, her defenses can come up and she can lie and you just come off as insecure and jealous and she downs her interest level. Pay attention to the actions. Actions don't lie. Ever see her talk on the phone with him? Raise any eyebrows there? As for dealing with the bottled up feelings. Just remember, sometimes $h!t happens. And if it does happen, wouldn't it be better to happen before the engagement, before the marriage, before the 2 kids and a home... Remember, crap happening sucks, but in the end, it's a good thing since it'll weed her from the prospective pool of women to spend your life with. Wouldn't you want to find out now that she's cheating on you, rather than be married and have two kids only then to find out she's sleeping with her priest? The sooner she weeds herself out of the contest, the sooner you can start looking for the upgrade, the one that would never even fathom doing anything like that to you. $h!t happens-- but sometimes thats a good thing. Remember that, and the jealousy fades away... Comprende? hope this helps... my $0.02 Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 In my last relationship we were long distance for the last year and a half, with visits and phone calls every day. We are since done (whole other story all together), but I too am the type who usually has one or two guys friends that I hang out with. My ex was also like that but he was more inclined to sleep with them after a while (another longer story). I, on the other hand, have never slept with a guy who I was just friend with. I would usually know with in a week or two of being friend with the guy if he was my type or not. If I didn't get those initial attraction feelings I could be "just friends" with him. I would always trust and remember that I wasn't attracted to him in the beginning, so I wouldn't be later....sounds fishy, but true. This has has worked for me in a number of occasions. With guys I like it has been different. I might become friends with them for a few days and then I would be like I LIKE this guy. We'd dance around that for a bit and if he was interested he and I would go out and more would happen. I like the sort of man that I really don't meet everyday. But with "guy friends" I would notice they didn't try to hit on me and I wouldn't hit on them. But this doesn't mean that a little maternal thing wouldn't happen with these guys. Many guys are babies and even when you are friends with them they really open up to you. I have some guy friends who have girlfriends. I would NEVER cross that line with a guy friend with a girlfriend! I just know this. I just would never do it. I guess in the end you should ask yourself if you do in fact trust your girlfriend. I know that is a cliche to say......but what has she done with her guy friends in the past? Did one turn into a relationship? Like I said my ex used to have a lot of "girl friends" and he would always have a story about a past "girl friend" who he later slept with. Do not ask me why I trusted the guy at all!!! So when he made a new "girl friend" I was always suspicious. I realize now I had reason to be. Like I said we have since broken up and now that I look back on that relationship I realize it was built on suspicion and anti trust. I think my ex could trust me (although he said he couldn't), but I couldn't trust him because of his past behavior ....which lead up to our recent break. He took off with one of his just friends girls. He promised hands down that she was just a friend and he wasn't attracted to her. but he's only met her like a month before. When we broke up he went to her and they started dating a week later. But like I said I always had a hard time trusting this guy and for GOOD reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Semli Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Just to offer the slip side of the coin. About two years ago, my g/f and I got into a big row because I kept mentioning one of my female friends a lot and it was really getting to her. I had no intentions of being unfaithful to my g/f and no sexual interest in my friend; I just got along really well with her. So, just wanted to say that it doesn't always mean anything bad. People just don't clue in sometimes that they're doing something "wrong". However, once she let me know that it was bothering her that I talked about my friend so much, I repected that and toned it down. Link to post Share on other sites
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