The single life is getting to me

[rose27]

I've been single for 2.5 years and I'm starting to get to the point of frustration. My last relationship was 4 years long and I needed the time to heal and rediscover myself before making a commitment to anyone. So I'm way past that point, but I'm struggling in the dating department and it's a little discouraging. Don't get me wrong, I do have guys who have expressed their interest but most of them don't hang around for long when they see I'm not very interested. When I meet a guy I feel has potential, I don't "play" hard to get, I just don't chase them like a mad woman. Once I see that They don't make an effort, I tend to back off and I don't hear from them. Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing, but I hate being the one who has to be the first to text, or the first to message or the one to suggest everything. So once they stop making contact, I move on and usually never hear from them again.

 

Basically, I'm frustrated. Is there something that I'm doing wrong? I don't act clingy, I don't mention anything to scare them away but I can never seem to hold their interest for long or vice versa. I need to know because I've recently met someone who I like and again, I'm having this problem where I feel like I'm initiating the conversation. He seems very interested though so I'm CONFUSED as hell. Don't guys like being pursued? All suggestions/advice is welcome!

[Drseussgrrl]

I've been single for 2.5 years and I'm starting to get to the point of frustration. My last relationship was 4 years long and I needed the time to heal and rediscover myself before making a commitment to anyone. So I'm way past that point, but I'm struggling in the dating department and it's a little discouraging. Don't get me wrong, I do have guys who have expressed their interest but most of them don't hang around for long when they see I'm not very interested. When I meet a guy I feel has potential, I don't "play" hard to get, I just don't chase them like a mad woman. Once I see that They don't make an effort, I tend to back off and I don't hear from them. Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing, but I hate being the one who has to be the first to text, or the first to message or the one to suggest everything. So once they stop making contact, I move on and usually never hear from them again.

 

Basically, I'm frustrated. Is there something that I'm doing wrong? I don't act clingy, I don't mention anything to scare them away but I can never seem to hold their interest for long or vice versa. I need to know because I've recently met someone who I like and again, I'm having this problem where I feel like I'm initiating the conversation. He seems very interested though so I'm CONFUSED as hell. Don't guys like being pursued? All suggestions/advice is welcome!

 

I could have written your post. If you figure it out, let me know, because I'm in the exact same boat. Two years single!

[The Introvert]

QUOTE

I need to know because I've recently met someone who I like and again, I'm having this problem where I feel like I'm initiating the conversation. He seems very interested though so I'm CONFUSED as hell. Don't guys like being pursued?

 

Unlike me, most guys would accept girls who approach them even if they don't like them so never initiate anything let the the guy take charge.Guys are supposed to execute the task of pursuing, period.Personally I would consider a girl who pursues me loose, I like girls who are chaste.

[rose27]

The Introvert, I never usually do but this guy had some charm over me that I couldn't resist and I caved. I just found out that he's doing the same thing to two other girls right now so I'm completely turned off, I won't even bother with him. I sure know how to pick the a holes!

[pcplod]

I do have guys who have expressed their interest but most of them don't hang around for long when they see I'm not very interested.

 

When I meet a guy I feel has potential, I don't "play" hard to get, I just don't chase them like a mad woman. Once I see that They don't make an effort, I tend to back off and I don't hear from them.

I hate being the one who has to be the first to text, or the first to message or the one to suggest everything. So once they stop making contact, I move on and usually never hear from them again.

I don't act clingy, I don't mention anything to scare them away but I can never seem to hold their interest for long or vice versa.

I've recently met someone ... I feel like I'm initiating the conversation. He seems very interested though

Your rationale, logic and method are fascinating, a bit like watching a slow-motion train-wreck. It's full of what are tantamount to contradictions which I interpret as a simple exercise in wanton self-sabotage.

 

You do realise that you have effectively said, in essence:

 

"I don't pursue men; don't they like to be pursued"?

 

It's not meant to be a mind game, it doesn't have to be complicated (like this). There are no secret handshakes, knowing looks, secret gestures. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. Why not adopt a completely new strategy, one that endorses stopping second-guessing yourself, never mind them. This one clearly does not work. Actually the notion of any sort of strategy is bizarre in itself.

 

Both men and women get up to the most ridiculous shenanigans because they have been persuaded that they are trying to communicate with aliens. Even if they are, I believe the recommended method in that case is to use mathematics. I sure ain't going to recommend that in this situation.

 

You're suffering from what is known as the "ships passing in the night" syndrome where the lookout likes to don blinkers and ear defenders.

Edited July 3, 2013 by pcplod

[nerd]

The women who are interested in dating me are responsive to me when I initiate. I text, they text back in minutes to hours. I ask them out, they say yes or suggest another time.

 

So if there's someone who doesn't respond for days, or who just says they're busy but doesn't make a counter-suggestion for a time, I assume she's not interested.

 

If you play these games where you don't respond or turn them down, you're going to be put in the 'not interested' zone, and I'll stop asking pretty quickly.

 

And if you're one of the girls who thinks I should 'fight' for you early on, you're probably screwed up. I get annoyed now when girls encourage stalkery-behavior by implying such.