Why Do You Want Your Ex Back?

[beautiful]

I am throwing out some food for thought. I am wondering................why do people want an ex back? Is it because everything was perfect in the relationship? Is it because they were so loving, understanding, so open to communicate their feelings and needs in such a wonderful healthy way? Is it because they were the perfect lovers?

 

Do people want their ex back just because they have nothing better to do? or is it because the ex is with someone new?

 

If everything was so perfect.......why are they gone? Why were people dumped? What is really going on? Is it because people want what they can't have anymore? were people's ex's to be had in the 1st place?

 

Why do people waste their precious time, life and energy to get someone back that does not want to be there anymore?

 

Healthy people do not attach themselves so much to someone else. Should we not ask ourselves the question......what is wrong with me to behave in such degrading ways? What can I do about it?

 

Are people blaming ex's for their misery when instead they are the blame themselves? Is it not each choice to live their lives to how they see fit? Why as people do we want to force something that is not there anymore?

 

 

What is so fascinating about someone that dumped someone? fascinating enough for people to make complete fools out of themselves and suffer in such a way that is completely irrational.

 

Why not be with someone who wants to be there. Who treats people the way we want to be treated? Why not set higher standards for oneself?

 

Why not get up every morning with a smile on one's face and rejoice in the fact that their is precious life out there and we are in it to live it happily.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging anyone! I am only throwing some thoughts out there to be thought about and maybe just maybe it can sink in to some people that self hurt and suffering over someone that dumped someone is a complete waste of energy and life.

 

We were put here to be happy not miserable.

 

Are people indeed their own worst enemies?

 

When someone we love dies, we hurt, we miss them. Do we go after them to get them back? No we don't! because we KNOW they gone! All we have are wonderful memories of a loved ones, we keep that wonderful memory alive.

 

WHY can't people do the same with someone that dumped them? and simply in a healthy way move on with life?

 

Why do women stay in abusive relationships for years and years and justify it by saying BUT OH I LOVE HIM!

 

I believe that people must love themselves and respect themselves to stop all this madness. It is time to live now , not later.

 

So to everyone out there that is devastated over being dumped I say this to; Stop wasting your time endlessly pondering over this. Hurting over this. Suffering over this. Get out there and live your life.

 

Living does not depend on being with a man/or woman. It depends on YOU! Being happy depends on YOU! not someone else.

 

This is meant for all you disfunctional women and men out there;

 

Women ; Stop making men responsible for YOUR HAPPINESS! Stop playing games with men and lead them on. Put down your damn RULE BOOK and be for real with men Stop staying in abusive relationships and give the message to men that this is OK, it is not OK! It is degrading to you and healthy women out there.

 

Men ; Stop playing games with women. Tell them honestly what you feel and think. Stop leading women on to something that is not there! If you only want sex, SAY SO! Give a woman a chance to make a choice! Stop abusing women and children just because you got a set of balls between your legs! It does not give you the right! Stop telling women Oh I am so confused! Your'e not confused! You being dis honest! If you that confused, see a shrink!

 

 

My point is this, we are all human beings wanting the same thing. It does not matter about race age or color. We live and breathe and we need love. So why not stop the insanity and all the horrible games we play as humans...................why not start today?

[lost_in_chgo]

Is it because everything was perfect in the relationship? Is it because they were so loving, understanding, so open to communicate their feelings and needs in such a wonderful healthy way? Is it because they were the perfect lovers?

No that's fantasy. Not everyone lives in a fantasy world.

 

Do people want their ex back just because they have nothing better to do?

In some cases, yes. They haven't moved on. In other cases, they have genuine feelings that they have let themselves feel rather than keeping their distance from their partner just in case things don't work out (a self fulfilling prophecy).

 

or is it because the ex is with someone new?

for some, jealousy is an issue.

 

If everything was so perfect.......why are they gone

You're assuming everything was perfect, or at least implying that the dumped person thinks they were. This is sometimes the case, but more often is not.

 

Why were people dumped? What is really going on?

That varies case by case. Divorce, insecurity, boredom, discovery, etc..

 

Why do people waste their precious time, life and energy to get someone back that does not want to be there anymore?

People do change their minds. Somewhere I saw a quote that indicates that something like 60% of marriage have had a separation of some sort prior or during the marriage. That turns into one of two things, a chance to get away and say it would never work, or a chance to suck it up, come to terms and build a stronger relationship. The former is easier. The latter is worth the effort, time, life, energy.

 

Healthy people do not attach themselves so much to someone else.

Says who? You know this modern attitude that you aren't supposed to love the one you love too much is probably a major factor in increased divorce rates.

 

 

Should we not ask ourselves the question......what is wrong with me to behave in such degrading ways? What can I do about it?

Acting in a degrading fashion and wanting your ex back are not the same thing. People can degrade themselves to get what they want, but that doesn't imply that a desire to reunite with an ex is inherently degrading.

 

Are people blaming ex's for their misery when instead they are the blame themselves?

Again, not necessarily the same behaviors. Blame is a reaction, over time it usually turns to anger. But it doesn't have to manifest itself that way. Anyone in an initial emotional reaction to a loss is going to react this way and telling them to just move on is not even close to assisting or resolving things for them.

 

Is it not each choice to live their lives to how they see fit?

That's what they are doing. However they react.

 

Why as people do we want to force something that is not there anymore?

A breakup is not a definitive indication that there are no feelings anymore. People breakup over misunderstandings, external influences, etc. They don't usually just stop feeling except in the case of very long term relationships where they drift apart.

 

Why not be with someone who wants to be there. Who treats people the way we want to be treated? Why not set higher standards for oneself?

Good point.

 

Why not get up every morning with a smile on one's face and rejoice in the fact that their is precious life out there and we are in it to live it happily.

Sure, if you feel that way. But painting a smile on you face when you don't feel like smiling, just makes you a clown.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging anyone!

On the contrary, your statements and questions are laced with and focused on judgements.

 

I am only throwing some thoughts out there to be thought about and maybe just maybe it can sink in to some people that self hurt and suffering over someone that dumped someone is a complete waste of energy and life.

There are alot of stories here about people reuniting, maybe if only for awhile. Those relationships are no more a waste of time than whatever realtionship you are in now.

 

If your partner were to leave you in a year, would this year be a waste of your time? Why are you giving another person such control of your life? Why are you involved at all? Why not break up now and stop wasting your time. You are waiting for the next breakup instead of looking for the love of your life. Now that's a fallacy.

 

We were put here to be happy not miserable.

I must have missed that brochure.

 

When someone we love dies, we hurt, we miss them. Do we go after them to get them back? No we don't! because we KNOW they gone! All we have are wonderful memories of a loved ones, we keep that wonderful memory alive.

Well, they're dead. Going back to them would be not only illegal, but disgusting.

 

Why do women stay in abusive relationships for years and years and justify it by saying BUT OH I LOVE HIM!

Insecurity, fear etc.

 

I believe that people must love themselves and respect themselves to stop all this madness. It is time to live now , not later.

Lack of self respect can manifest itself in the kind of behavior that you've been talking about. But it is naive to think that the only reason someone wants their ex back is that they hate themselves. Certainly that would apply if the person had absolutely no ability to love and just jumped from person to person trying to fill a void in their life. All the time telling themselves they are stronger because they love themselves and don't need anyone. That narcissistic.

 

So to everyone out there that is devastated over being dumped I say this to; Stop wasting your time endlessly pondering over this. Hurting over this. Suffering over this. Get out there and live your life.

That's good advice, but not for the reasons you've given.

 

Living does not depend on being with a man/or woman. It depends on YOU! Being happy depends on YOU! not someone else.

For you. ok.

For others, we need and want someone in our lives. If gives us a focus, a strength, a purpose. It's alot more fulfilling than a big screen tv or a new pair of shoes in the long run.

 

 

 

My point is this, we are all human beings wanting the same thing. It does not matter about race age or color.

Well that's just ridiculous. People priorities change with age for sure and different cultures certainly have different perspectives on relationships. Pretend all you want, but people ARE different. That's something that should be celebrated and maintained. Rather than trying to put everyone in a pot and blend out all of the differences.

 

We live and breathe and we need love.

Love of self you mean? Because remember you said another person cannot make us happy. Oh...this is the love without happiness thing? I'm confused....

 

 

 

In going thru this, I'm reminded of a term from the cellular phone industry called churn rate. It's how often customers leave and change providers. It's expensive to setup and disconnect customers, so companies try to limit the churn rate.

 

It seems to me that in today's society, something has increased the churn rate on relationships. And that is counter productive to long term loving relationships. The recommendations you are making are in line with this.

 

Certainly, you've made alot of valid points, but in toto they are a recipe for long term failure for anyone that follows them. I believe that we make our own relationships stronger by working at them. Being ready to throw it out the door at any given second puts the onus for making the relationship work on your partner.

 

As I said earlier, you can try to reconcile and heal, or just run away to the next victim.

[Jilly10340]

I think that by you saying that you are not judging anyone, you are doing exactly that. Your whole post implied that people who are hurt over a failed relationship and want their bf/gf back are weak, pathetic, wimpering things that depend on there SO to make them happy. Sometimes, this could be farthest from the truth.

 

Sometimes in a relationship, life gets in the way. People don't just break up because they don't want to be with the person anymore. School, work, money, distance, etc.... the stress just builds up and sometimes it drives people apart. Yeah, in a perfect world people's love should keep them togeher through everything, but this just isn't the case. Sometimes, it takes time apart to realize exactly what you miss.

 

My bf and I, we broke up over the summer. But I didn't chase him and beg for him back. I went and saw what else was out there. I started a career, got my own place, dated other people, lived on my own and made my own rules. After dating a couple of people, I decided that he's the one that makes me happy. I've never felt with other people the things I feel when I'm with him. And no, he's not abusive, hurtful, etc. And no, we didn't get back together because I can't let him go. I let him go and we ended up back together.

 

I think this is a quote that sums up my whole outlook on this: "Love does not conquer all.....but ends, and begins again."

[asianpartyboy]

If we were both young and inexperienced, are we allowed to have a second chance?

 

For me. I want to be back with my ex because I am looking for a long term relationship with someone. I think if me and my ex could learn from our mistakes, we could actually build a stronger relationship. But I know there is a good chance we will not be together anymore. Things are just not the same anymore:-). So on a more practical note, I just want to make sure she is one of my resources in the future, as a friend. It's really hard to find someone who knows you so much nowadays. I know her really well too. So if she needs help, I will offer a helping hand as well.

 

-a

[Weird]

Oh goodness...why do I even reply to you. Gah, guess I have nothing better to do while at work.

 

I LOVE how you imply that women NEVER play games. I LOVE how you imply that only guys make mistakes and **** like that. WOW. Coudl your opinion be more one sided? Me thinks you have been *****ed over by a guy so you are stereotyping all guys to be that way. LOVE IT. I am a male. I have a penis. I don't play games. I am honest and go for what I want or say what I want. I do not abuse women. Explain that one to me honey.

 

You want to know why some people want to get back with their ex? Because they *****in love their ex. Is it that hard for you to comprehend? I know you aren't 5 so why do you have a hard time grasping simple concepts like a 5 year old would? I do not mean this as an insult...just pointing out an obvious thing I am sure everyone here can see from your posts.

 

Here is a great concept for you to try and understand....people aren't perfect. People make mistakes. EVERYONE DOES. If you think you will find a relationship that has no problems then you should just kill yourself now because you aren't living in the real world and will never be able to function in this world. So knowing that humans are flawed, where is the logic to just say "***** it" to someone/something simply because some issues may have come up and one or both parties acted immature in handling it? That is why many relationships end...it isn't because people aren't happy or because someone really screwed up. It is because people are stubborn and sometimes lack proper communciation and handling of things so instead of dealing with things head on and try and SOLVE the problem they run away. Like you seem to do. You are a runaway-er. You seem like a person who when faced with anything that doesn't go your way will just stick up your nose and act like you are perfect and will just go the opposite away rather than try and fix things.

 

In a way I feel sorry for you because based on stuff you post here you sound like a very emotionally immature girl (and I mean girl, not woman) and you will never have a meaningful relationship unless you somehow change your outlook. One day that will sink in and I am positive you will regret how you have chosen to deal with your life when it comes ot facinh adversity. I give mad props to any male specimen that will take a chance with you in the future because he is in a world of suffering when he realizes you expect perfection and will drop him at the first sign of a rough spot happening. Please don't get married because you can't handle marriage. Marriages are full of conflict and it takes humans that are emotionally mature and (forgive the storng language) aren't pussies to be able ot be married. If you got married you'd get divorced within a year. I am confident of that. Oh and NEVER have kids. Kids can be pricks and let parents down all the time and add stress. Again, you would probably disown your kid the first sign it starts to do something that bugs you.

 

It just boggles my mind why you can't understand that a person's ex could be the ideal person for them and naturally they will want to be with them. If a person went out with EVERY person of the opposite sex and realized their ex was the best match would you STILL not understand why they would want to be with their ex? You probably would. Sad.

 

Oh and you shouldnt try and imply people who would want to get abck with their ex are weak and pathetic...if anything, the people who run away without trying to resolve things are the weak and pathetic ones.

 

I guess I shoudl go tell Bret Favre (NFL QB if you don't know) he is weak and pathetic and should ahve jsut forgot about reconciling wiht his ex. I mean, he broke up with his girlfriend for a while but he wanted her back it would seem. Why do I say that? Because they got married, have been amrried for what, 17 years now and have like 2 kids.

 

I guess I should tell my best friend's bro he is weak and pathetic. He broke up with his g/f for a year but I guess he (and she) wanted each other back since.....they got married and have been for 5 years.

 

Enjoy your life full of being a serial relationship person seeking out something (perfection) that does not exist. Sounds like it will be fun. Maybe one day you will finally grasp the simple concept that relationships aren't just black and white and as has been stated, other things get in the way that can cause a breakup to happen and ocne those things are out of the way the to people invovled will want to be back together. Or, maybe you will understand that often people get together and are too immature to handle the relationship so they break up but when they mature they want to try things out again because deep down they know they are right for each other and that the relationship would work with some communication and understanding. Then gain, you aren't at that maturity level yet so it may take you a while to grasp that one....

 

I realize this reply is quite direct but it offends me that I am somehow seen as a weak person or something who mopes around on the brink of suicide and can't function in every day life simply because I love my ex and would consider being back together with her. I am not depressed or any **** like that and I do stuff that I like to do...yet at the same time I realize that if I could be back with my ex (assuming she shwoed me she could handle a long term relationship) I would do it. How is that bad?

 

I can't stand people who take their personal situation or opinions (Beautiful) and act like everyone should be like them. If I acted like that (running away from ****e) I'd kill msyelf because life would suck ass and would be totally pointless.

[gersanos]

As was mentioned, relationships are not always black and white. There are outside influences such as school, work, etc. But at the same time, I think that is just a very lame excuse to get out of a relationship.

 

Either they just don't want to be with the person, or they really don't have coping skills, or both. When you really like and want to be with someone, then you make things work. You put forth the effort. School is tough, and can be stressful, but you know what, that's life. You will be stressed while in school, you will be stressed when you are starting up and building your career, you will be stressed when the time comes to marry, you will be stressed when you have children, and you will be stressed when you are deciding which coffin to pick out for yourself (haha, sorry for the dark humor on this last one). Life is going to toss you a ton of things your way.

 

If you really want to be with someone, then you will make things work. I have friends that went away to school and maintained there relationships long-distance. I'm not saying it's easy by any means, but if you have someone special and want to be with them, then you will make it work. If the other party doesn't want to, then there are a couple possibilities as to why: lack of interest, immature, lack of proper coping skills, etc.

 

Today I commute everyday for 2.5 hours to and from school, i attend law school full-time, I spend ~45 hours a week on homework, but I still make time for friends, make time for family, and make time for someone I want to be with. I guess it's about finding a balance, and sure, I still struggle with it at times, and it is and can be stressful, but there are ways to making it work. I don't think that my life is just tough right now, and I should just make time for friends, family, or a relationship later on when life will be easier. My life will not be easier once I'm out of school and in the real-world. If you can't do school or work and a relationship nowadays, I don't understand how people will be able to do those things when they are working, are married, are raising a family, etc. Maybe it is just a matter of growing up a little, I'm not totally sure.

[SadAndLonely]

In the case with my ex, we broke up because we both had issues we needed to work on, which we are currently doing. We're back together now, and the communication and love is stronger than ever. I never stopped loving him, and he never stopped loving me, but I think the breakup was necessary. There are four other guys I could choose from at this very second, but my ex/current boyfriend is the only one I want, and the only one I've wanted since shortly after I met him, even though we were just friends at the time. I'm not afraid to be alone. He's right for me in so many ways, and I for him. I let him go, he came back to me, and I believe that something very strong is growing between us.

[Think too much]

My point is this, we are all human beings wanting the same thing. It does not matter about race age or color. We live and breathe and we need love. So why not stop the insanity and all the horrible games we play as humans...................why not start today?

 

Life seems as though it would be simpler if people stopped hurting other people but the only way to do that would be to stop loving. It is not possible. We are all human and we all want to love and feel loved. We do not play games we live. Life is not a game. Feelings are not a game. Life revolves around feelings. Sure people hurt other people some intentionally and others not intentionally but thats who they are and they will never change. We are all who we are because of our experiences. What would this world be like if we didn't know what it felt like to miss a loved one or feel sad because of someone else? It has made us stronger. It has made us appreciate the good times. Nothing is wrong with wanting a relationship back. Some are seeking closure and some just miss that person. That does not make them weak. They enjoyed what they had and they can't help missing it. I am one of those people just looking for closure.

 

You sound as if you recently had your heart broken. Most of us here have had broken hearts and are struggling. You need to realize what's important in life and enjoy what you have. You can't control other people's actions but you can control yours. It would be nice if we could live in a fairy tale but it's not possible.

[UnicornGirl]

Originally posted by SadAndLonely

In the case with my ex, we broke up because we both had issues we needed to work on, which we are currently doing. We're back together now, and the communication and love is stronger than ever. I never stopped loving him, and he never stopped loving me, but I think the breakup was necessary. There are four other guys I could choose from at this very second, but my ex/current boyfriend is the only one I want, and the only one I've wanted since shortly after I met him, even though we were just friends at the time. I'm not afraid to be alone. He's right for me in so many ways, and I for him. I let him go, he came back to me, and I believe that something very strong is growing between us.

 

that sounds so wonderful. I'm hoping to be in the same situation someday soon ... it's nice to know that it does work out for the best if you work at it