Ignoring People....

[swedeace]

Plain and simple:

 

How can you tell if someone is ignoring you intentionally or unintentionally, even if it's been a while since you've seen them?

 

I ask because I was lingering in a college building hallway and wanted to see/talk with a friend I hadn't seen in two-and-a-half weeks. When he walked out, he was talking with two classmates (a guy and a girl), and I was straight in front of them and just said a low "Hey!" but held back because he was still talking and continued to talk while the three walked out of the outter building doors. He kept looking straight ahead of him even when I stopped and looked at him as they talked. Whether he saw me or not isn't the question because wouldn't he have turned to the side if he didn't want to see me or was avoiding/ignoring me? Such as his eyes.... They just looked straight and concentrated without moving his eyes elsewhere (like a nonverbal "I should look away" type). It wasn't like that.

 

In other words, I don't want to disregard the ignoring part, but I also want to regard he was busy and/or really didn't see/hear me?

 

What's the best way to approach such a situation to someone I've just begun initiating a friendship with him, so I don't feel too comfortable asking - not even in a joking manner as someone suggested - him upfront about it by confrontation. I don't want to appear like a crybaby. How can I do this neutrally?? I don't see him that often as we used to because of schedules, so it's difficult. Any ideas??

[Pocky]

I'd let it go. Wait until you see him again and see how he responds. If it appears as though he's ignoring you again then be direct and ask him what's up.

[morrigan]

The next time you see him and wish to say hello, smile, go straight up to him and say a breezy, "Hi (his name.) How are you?" Act casual and confident and only talk to him for a few minutes, then be on your way.

 

Sometimes people are busy with their own thoughts, in conversation with others, and don't hear another person calling them. On the other hand, if you directly go up to him, and he talks to you, but acts uncomfortable or keeps glancing around instead of looking at you, his body language is giving you clues to his feelings.

[GirlDown]

just don't go out of your way to talk to him.

 

if it was just a one time incident that would be one thing, but there may be a reason you haven't seen each other in more than 2 weeks, and then when he did see you, he could have stopped and said "hey, haven't seen you in a while, call me or something." but he didn't.

 

is it possible you like him more than a friend, and he can sense it? maybe he is interested in someone else and is uncomfortable bringing it up to you? maybe he doesn't want that person to think you two have some sort of connection, which might ruin his chances with someone else?

 

in any case, you haven't known each other long enough to pick apart how the other feels. it doesn't sound like much of a friendship if he can't acknowledge your presence better than that. on the other hand, he might juist be busy and not realize what you are expecting from him in terms of friendship.

 

i wouldn't be nasty to him, but don't make him more important to you than you are to him.

[swedeace]

Thanks, Morrigan and Pocky!

 

I will do just that! The only problem I have is I don't see him as often. Yesterday was just by "coincidence" because I had a birthday card with me to give to him. I took my lunch at a later time that day and headed back to work (I work in that building), so he was leaving his class. If I do the same thing tomorrow (Wednesday), he may also talk with his classmates with the same thing happening. This is getting depressing. I have the card ready to hand him but won't be able to, should he be talking again. What to do now??

[swedeace]

Originally posted by GirlDown

just don't go out of your way to talk to him.

 

if it was just a one time incident that would be one thing, but there may be a reason you haven't seen each other in more than 2 weeks, and then when he did see you, he could have stopped and said "hey, haven't seen you in a while, call me or something." but he didn't.

It's a long story, but we've known each other since July, as friends. When he's alone and has time in the past when he hasn't seen me in weeks, he's said, "Oh, hey there!" and given me hugs of greetings.

 

is it possible you like him more than a friend, and he can sense it? maybe he is interested in someone else and is uncomfortable bringing it up to you? maybe he doesn't want that person to think you two have some sort of connection, which might ruin his chances with someone else?

Nope. He's gay, so he and I know we are only friends. I'd never attempt anything else nor would he. We're not interested in each other.

 

in any case, you haven't known each other long enough to pick apart how the other feels. it doesn't sound like much of a friendship if he can't acknowledge your presence better than that. on the other hand, he might juist be busy and not realize what you are expecting from him in terms of friendship.

Yeah, that's what I am thinking. He's just very busy. Had his eyes looked away when he talked with them (like opposite where I was), I would've thought he was just ignoring me, so that's why I am more inclined to disregard the ignorning part.

[GirlDown]

maybe the people he was with are not aware he is gay and would prefer to not let them find out just yet, and that maybe someone who knows (you) might say something indicating that he is? not that being gay is a big deal, but some people prefer to wait for what they feel is the right time to let people know something so personal about themselves.

 

i don't know. but i hope it works out. good luck.

[swedeace]

Originally posted by GirlDown

maybe the people he was with are not aware he is gay and would prefer to not let them find out just yet, and that maybe someone who knows (you) might say something indicating that he is? not that being gay is a big deal, but some people prefer to wait for what they feel is the right time to let people know something so personal about themselves.

You make a really good point about my friend's classmates, but he is openly gay. Even during his computer classes when he's made websites and projects, he's mentioned his boyfriend openly in class presentations. However, since he is very studious, I think he just concentrates on his school-related subjects and matters and doesn't really focus on his sexual orientation unless the subject comes up.

 

i don't know. but i hope it works out. good luck.

Thanks!! Guess what? I did get to catch him yesterday (he has this class every Monday and Wednesday), and this time, he wasn't with his classmates. It was a perfect chance to wish him a happy birthday and hand him my card! I did!! He is very busy as he has a million things to do around him, so he mentioned he'd like to accept the lunch when he is less free. That's hopeful because he wanted to do the lunch thing.

 

Just wanted to share with everyone!!