ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I meet a girl who's just had her heart broken. She is a back-sliding Christian. She meets me, we have sex within the first month. She tells me right off the bat "We're not dating. Let's just hang out and be friends. If sex happens, that's cool. Mentally I am not ready for a realtionship. Physically I am charged and ready to go but mentally I am not." So we have sex on the 1st. I don't see her again until the 31st. We have sex again and we have a decent relationship until 3 months later. Three months later she tells me "I need to be with a Christian man." (I am not) and "I need to stop what I am doing and get my life in order." I say to her "Well tell me what I need to do to make this work." So she starts helping me understand Christianity, etc. I've been going to Church with her. We've been enjoying our time even if we don't have sex. One night she comes over after we argued and she says "I'm finally starting to see some of the things in you I was looking for in a good man." OK, that's a positive sign! The VERY NEXT day I get an email from a guy I know she was hanging out with. He says to me "Hey man, I know you're upset over this girl, but back when you two were first going out her and I were having sex too.". Visibly upset, I call her and she admits it. She says "Hey, I told you were weren't dating. I just got over a bad breakup and I wanted sex. Not even quality, just quantity." Well it turns out she was only with the guy twice and even she admits that the thought of sex with him makes her want to barf. She admits to missing sex with me but is committed to her Christianity. I am considering becoming a Christian. But I am afraid if I do so, she'll think I'm only doing it for her. I definitely need God in my life so I don't need her as an excuse to do so. She likes when I don't "sell" myself or my "merits" to her. She can see them on her own. I am bit bothered that she doesn't call me to hang out or anything. Maybe because I don't give her the chance to miss me. Either way, I just need some guidance on what I should do here. I know I keep coming back to "Give her some space and see where she goes." I guess I am just afraid of giving her so much space that she never comes back. I guess that's the end result I want to avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 "Yeah, f*ck me baby, hallelujah" Hypocrites. Get yourself a good woman with no issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon "Yeah, f*ck me baby, hallelujah" Hypocrites. Get yourself a good woman with no issues. Well thanks for the advice, but I think I have the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just need to figure her out. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 LOL….Baptism via sex! I wonder how Jesus Christ would have felt about this new concept in Christian conversion? I gotta tell you, ConfusedInOc…although I am a very spiritual person myself, this is just one of the many reasons why I shy away from organized religions or those who profess to be "Good Church-Going people." You'll find more I've-found-God hypocrites filling the church pews on Sunday asking for absolution then you will in a Las Vegas whore house. Just ask the Catholic alter boys! If you want to find God, then the best place to look FIRST is within yourself. We all have that light within ourselves. If you allow yourself to become distracted by someone else's glow, you'll be led like a moth to that proverbial flame. Mortals do not dictate "God"…rather, God dictates "him." Remember that, and you'll never be led astray by another human with less-than-divine intentions again. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 ConfusedInOC, I've been in this situation myself, and trust me it's only going to cause friction and bad feelings. She either has to tone down her spirituality, or you have to step up yours. Guess which is going to happen ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon ConfusedInOC, I've been in this situation myself, and trust me it's only going to cause friction and bad feelings. She either has to tone down her spirituality, or you have to step up yours. Guess which is going to happen ? I've already started my journey towards Sprituality. She knows that well and is impressed. I just want to figure her out. I should stress, a LOT of people tell me to throw in the towel. That's WAY TOO EASY. If there is someone in your life worth fighting for, don't lay down or roll over. FIGHT FOR LOVE. If it's not meant to be, that will come to light. But simply rolling over and throwing in the towel is something that people looking for the easy way do. I want to figure this girl out. Love drew me to her. Love keeps me with her, love will work things out. If not, I'll walk away with my head held high. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 See, there's something fundamentally f*cked up about the situation that so perfectly echoes what I went through. Religion is supposed to teach unconditional love and tolerance, but ironically that came from the athiest's/agnostic's side, and not from the religious person's side. All I can say is good luck. People will blithely walk away from true love to suit their own designs for life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon See, there's something fundamentally f*cked up about the situation that so perfectly echoes what I went through. Religion is supposed to teach unconditional love and tolerance, but ironically that came from the athiest's/agnostic's side, and not from the religious person's side. All I can say is good luck. People will blithely walk away from true love to suit their own designs for life. If all of God's followers were perfect, we'd have no need for religion. Man is not perfect and we all make mistakes. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 To be a hypocrite is apparently devine, too (sorry, just venting my own memories) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon To be a hypocrite is apparently devine, too (sorry, just venting my own memories) Understandable. I can see where you are coming from. Not everyone is bad. I used to think all Christians were bad. But when I thought about it, it was only a few of them who really made them all look bad. We all falter. We all sin. We're not perfect. It's not an excuse it's just a reality. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 if you all know all this, then why are you asking for advice? by the way you defend yourself and this girl indicates where you are in this thought process. in other words, if you know know this is right, you don't need us to tell you what you want to hear, which is what you seem to be looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 When you're with the woman you should be with for the rest of your life there won't be need to "figure her out." Be yourself. Don't do things with the intention of showing someone else what you can turn yourself into for them. Regardless of your reasons for becoming more spiritual, she will see your change as "for her." Many Good Christian Girls and Boys, are really just Good Christian Fakes. When someone tells me about a guy who is a "Good Christian" I automatically think, great, he acts holier than thou, and acts opposite to what he preaches. I can't tell you how many good bible-quoting christians I know who have been former party animal ho's! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by She's Come Undone When you're with the woman you should be with for the rest of your life there won't be need to "figure her out." Be yourself. Don't do things with the intention of showing someone else what you can turn yourself into for them. Regardless of your reasons for becoming more spiritual, she will see your change as "for her." Many Good Christian Girls and Boys, are really just Good Christian Fakes. When someone tells me about a guy who is a "Good Christian" I automatically think, great, he acts holier than thou, and acts opposite to what he preaches. I can't tell you how many good bible-quoting christians I know who have been former party animal ho's! That's what I am trying to do now. Just be myself. The changes in me have been done on my own accord. She really DOES like me for who I am but she will not give me the green light until I am a Christian. The thought process being "If your life is for Jesus, then if you're walking with someone on that path, you want to be able to relate to them on the same level." I understand the philosophy and I've never been far away from God. Just Christianity. I've grown up around it and I am used to it. I appreciate the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts