chulero Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and had a fairly bad break up. She said that she needed space, and has dated 3 guys since me. We didn't talk all summer except for her occasional call for no reason. Then I called to wish her a happy birthday in August which opened the door for us to start talking again. Since then we have hung out on numerous occasions, and she is starting to call allot more than she has in a very long time. I love her very much and I want to get back together with her. She told me about 2 weeks ago that she isn't dating anyone anymore. When we spend time together, she is very flirty and she still calls for no reason "will you do me a favor and look up a number for me?". I believe that she still does love me but doesn't know how to tell me, but I think that there are other factors as well. Such as she told her parents and most of her friends allot of false information about me which she thought was true at the time, and now she does not know how to tell them the truth. I also think that she is having allot of fun with her girlfriends and doesn't want to give that up just yet. Lastly, I think that she believes that I wouldn't ever go back out with her because when we talked a few weeks ago, I made the mistake of telling her that I don't want to go back out with her right now. I only did this because I thought if I told her that I did, then she may get scared off because of a relationship. So how can I tell what she really wants? Should I ask her want she wants, or should I just continue to wait and see what she says. I love and miss her so much it is crazy. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I'd guess by your post that she has feelings and has thoughts of getting back together. I'd say that she most likely is enjoying her single life now but at the same time sees the potential to reconcile with you (now may not be the best time so she may look into the future to do it) so she is debating what to do. Basically, I think she likes having you back in her life and wants to talk/hang out with you as much as possible to show you she has interest hence all the calls for no reason and the hanging out. Also, it seems odd she would just mention she was not with a guy right now unless of course you asked her if she was. I mean, I would never tell someone I was not seeing anyone unless I was trying to show them I was available and had an interest in them but then again, I dont play mind games with people. You are most likely correct that she may think you aren't interested in her because of what happened during the break and how she said things about you that weren't true...but I think if you just project to her you have forgiven that and it isn't an issue and project the image you would like to get back together then she will have to see you have an interest. Then again, she probably knows this now anyway but is just scared you will reject her. I have come to the conclusion that women often just debate with themselves over stuff rather than actually listen to what the guy says. So if she thinks you will be upset at her for past stuff she will go by what she thinsk rather than what you say. I am seeing this first hand with my ex and it is mind boggling. She says so and so, I say that isn't true and won't happen (not about relationship stuff) yet she still only listens to the voice in her head that is assuming things even whe there is no basis for it. Weird. My advice is to just go with the flow like how you have, don't press anything and just let time sort this all out. If she wants to get back together with you she will. If she doesn't. She won't. You'll know for certain in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 So how can I tell what she really wants? By asking her & by telling her what YOU really want. What is the point of going on & on trying to guess someone elses intentions? You broke up 7 months ago & have been in contact with each other for the past 3 months. I think you've waited long enough. I suspect your hesitation stems from the thought that she may NOT be interested in having a relationship with you so you would rather continue to wait in ignorance because that way there is always the chance that she is indeed thinking of going out with you again. Obviously there are 2 scenarios; 1. she wants to go out with you again, or 2. she doesn't. (or perhaps 3 - the third being that she just wants to be friends, but I get the impression that that is not what you are after & therefore it's rather like scenario 2) either way, I think what you're currently doing is wasting time. This could be time spent rebuilding your relationship or time spent getting over her so that you can move on with your life. So - stop wasting your time - that's what I have to say! Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 You know, if humans were always direct and open and didn't play games I would totally agree with that as I like the philosophy of doing/saying what you want rather than keep it in. However, humans do have issues with this and there is a chance if you bring this up she will go crazy and trash you even if she feels the same way you do. So she could be trying to play games with you and is waiting for you bring this up only to tell you "I'm not ready right now." even if she wants to get back together. But I guess the thing to remember is if she does all that is she really worth being with? That is for you to decide... I really hate the games people play. Wastes time and messes with peoples' emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
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