XianErick Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Alright so let me try to summarize this as best I can.. Clarabell You can say we never dated.. she caught me off a rebound from my ex, and I actually would not have had sex with her if I wasn't drunk that one night (maybe on another drunk night?). What im getting at is I wasn't comfortable with throwing a title on it, mainly because I wasn't over my ex prior to our one-on-one liaisons. Me and my "friend with benefits" have been having regular relations for almost 4 years (I know, just date right?). Wrong, 2.5 years in she sucks some dudes dick and much to my distress I let her stick around because she's a pretty cool person and we have the best sex I've had in my life (shallow? idk, pass judgment if you want). Caraboo In comes in the girl from my old job, the one I've never gone on a date with. She contacts me about a week ago and out comes the phone number and interests in seeing each other. Now me and Clarabell have been pretty serious for a long time but im pissed off at her for sliding on another guy (probably ****ed him too, whatever) but she's been good for about a year and a half (being technologically adept who really needs trust?) since that incident. Now, I don't want to sneak around with both; with me and Clarabell fighting at least once a week im very interested in seeing what Caraboo has to offer. The chemistry between Caraboo and I is almost un-ignorable. I feel sticking with Clarabell is comfortable by habit but when my temper is up im relentless. Yet I could drop her and find, at the very least, a short term relationship with Caraboo. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author XianErick Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 sorry in advance if this is the wrong subforum. I don't usually ask other people for advice but im in something of an emotional rut lately. Link to post Share on other sites
reardear Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 You're just friends with benefits as you've said. I think you're both just sticking around for the sex. You said you could drop Clarabell for Caraboo. What are you looking for? A real relationship? If so, I'd go with Caraboo. Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have some questions 1. What type of relationship do YOU want at this point in your life? 2. If Clarabell is just a FWB why do you care if she gets with other guys? 3. By "technologically advanced blablabla" does that mean you are spying on her cell phone and email or whatever? Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I would just tell Clarabell that you are going to start seeing Claraboo and expecter her to be ok with it. You are not engaged or even "officially" committed so what's the big deal. If it doesn't click with Claraboo and Clarabell is pissed then go out and find another girl. You need to think in these terms in order to give you the confidence to do what it is you want to do. Your young - enjoy the single life and all the girls you can handle. Until you find the right one there is no reason to saddle yourself with the kind of drama you are describing. Your fun, carefree life will end soon enough - don't rush it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author XianErick Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) 1. I'd like something genuine. Something with honesty and lots of communication. 2. I care if she sees other men because of how she portrays the way she feels towards me. It's not cool to unload all these emotions on me and turn around to chock on another ****. at least be up front about wanting other people, right? 3. I pulled up all her deleted messages and pictures in front of her when she accidentally deleted a photo, she came up clean. yes I did take the opportunity to snoop but she was also there with me.. also thank you reardear, maybe theres more truth to this idea of sticking around for sex than I thought there was. Edited July 3, 2013 by XianErick miscommunication Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Ok, thanks for clarifying- It wasn't totally cool of her to go mess around with another guy, but your relationship was unclear so technically she didn't do anything wrong- maybe she wanted more from you and was waiting for you to say something and got tired of waiting? I don't know. 4 years is kind of a long time for a FWB thing I don't really understand FWB anyway, if you are good friends and you are having great sex isn't that a relationship? I think the title of your relationship withClarabell would be more like SWOCF Sex With Out Communicating Feelings Anyway I could be wrong If you like the new girl and what you want is a genuine relationship maybe it's best to cut ALL ties with the SWOCF and give it a shot with new girl and do things right from the start. Develop intimacy, trust, don't hijack her phone. OR lay all your cards out on the table with the first one and see if you can take the last 4 years of quasi-friendship and great sex and the lessons you have learned together about the importance of communication and figure out together if you have enough of what it takes to build the foundation for a real relationship. And lose the other girls number. Link to post Share on other sites
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