Trying to get me jealous to feed her ego?

[lover4721]

So this girl I've known for a month, her and I were getting into a relationship of distance.

 

Anyhow, we were getting serious basically, going to meet and such, but now she mentioned her coworker. I would let her with him or anyone because she has shown me the side of her, that NO none has seen and sent me some personal stuff. Wrote about me on Tumblr, but then removed.

 

I do trust her, she has had a rough past and had someone from 1000 miles away for two years, until he died.

 

Down to the story - I cannot have them hanging out when he likes her and he does not know about her and I. He believes I'm a secret because he would tell her parents and they may flip that she has someone that is 3 hours away. (Her friend lives by me so we can tell them that I know her friends)

 

So I said we need to work on things before anything because I don't enjoy being a secret, and her coworker and her haven't set boundaries so he would try things on her.

 

Lately, she has posted things on Tumblr about something happening soon... and being happy, which I know she is in her depressed mood now, etc.

Also, she messaged me saying "Billy... I hung out with Brandon." This was 9 AM in the morning... right when she woke up. We haven't talked for three days since. Like, randomly? And we talked about this before... and she wasn't upset about it. Almost like if she needs uncertainty in her life. The two year guy accused her constantly and she kept returning to him so her relationships need drama...

I said "Okay?" She said "I just thought you would like to know... but I guess it doesn't matter and/or you don't care."

 

I said, "No not really. But I'm glad for you though!"

She said "Youre...glad?"

I said "I am!"

She said "... why?"

 

What's going on? I think she is trying to maybe string me along and try to get me jealous of her just to feed her ego of thinking that I am obsessed with her and am going to stay.

 

A week ago, I disabled my account and she came crying... I made up to her and such, and all was okay.

 

I bet you anything, they didn't even hang. If she likes him, you would see posts about him and nothing. She says they are coworkers but I'm trying to see if she is trying to make me jealous and what to do. I didn't reply, but I am waiting for her to send another message. I don't want to randomly move on and ignore her because it's rude, but I definitely think she's playing mind games and I don't do that.

Edited July 3, 2013 by lover4721

[Chi townD]

She's playing stupid ass games with you. How old are you two by the way? She's trying to gage your reaction with her "hanging out with Brandon" to see if you actually give a damn. And she got surprised when she found out that you don't.

 

So, don't be surprised if she steps up her game, " Hey Billy...I screwed Brandon last night. I hope you don't mind!"

 

Personally, I think you need to drop her. I mean, she has to keep you a secret? Sorry, I believe I shouldn't be a person that you would be ashamed to say that you're with. I would want a girl that would be proud to take my arm and announce to the world that I'm her boyfriend.

[Southern Cal Dude]

She needs to go. She's sh*t testing you by trying to get a reaction from you. Unless you plan to keep her as an FWB, cut ties.

[lover4721]

She's playing stupid ass games with you. How old are you two by the way? She's trying to gage your reaction with her "hanging out with Brandon" to see if you actually give a damn. And she got surprised when she found out that you don't.

 

So, don't be surprised if she steps up her game, " Hey Billy...I screwed Brandon last night. I hope you don't mind!"

 

Personally, I think you need to drop her. I mean, she has to keep you a secret? Sorry, I believe I shouldn't be a person that you would be ashamed to say that you're with. I would want a girl that would be proud to take my arm and announce to the world that I'm her boyfriend.

 

You know... I thought about that, but she is still a virgin and is afraid to be intimate with people because she was molested. We are both 20, and I'm almost 21. I did see something about sex on her Tumblr, but she said her friend and her were messing around. They are religious people and I don't think that is happening anytime soon, although she felt very comfortable with talking about it with me.

 

That's true, but I honestly don't know how to end it... I didn't reply but I seem so guilty and I can't move on because I find it rude I'm ignoring her and moving on.

She never kept the two year guy a secret.

 

Her parents are controlling and I guess doesn't want her Dad flipping because she has someone that "may be a 60 year old stalker."

 

She needs to go. She's sh*t testing you by trying to get a reaction from you. Unless you plan to keep her as an FWB, cut ties.

 

 

Thanks! haha how do I do it without feeling like sh*t? I wouldn't want someone to randomly leave me without any words. How do I cut ties nicely? I didn't reply so maybe that is how I would do it. I just feel so guilty and rude and I wouldn't want to be treated like that either.

Edited July 3, 2013 by lover4721

[Chi townD]

You know... I thought about that, but she is still a virgin and is afraid to be intimate with people because she was molested. We are both 20, and I'm almost 21. I did see something about sex on her Tumblr, but she said her friend and her were messing around. They are religious people and I don't think that is happening anytime soon, although she felt very comfortable with talking about it with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dude, I'm catholic and pre-marital sex is a no no with my religon. I threw that rule out the window! Sorry, I'll sit in the confessional for that one.

 

And do you know who are the biggest sexual freaks usually are? Preacher's daughters.

 

Sooner or later, people have sex. It's only natural. And even if she's JOKING about it on tumblr, means that she knows it and understands it and is COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT IT.

[lover4721]

Dude, I'm catholic and pre-marital sex is a no no with my religon. I threw that rule out the window! Sorry, I'll sit in the confessional for that one.

 

And do you know who are the biggest sexual freaks usually are? Preacher's daughters.

 

Sooner or later, people have sex. It's only natural. And even if she's JOKING about it on tumblr, means that she knows it and understands it and is COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT IT.

 

Oh I know catholic people and their sexual lives... I haven't found someone who was catholic and didn't have sex. I'm just saying, I don't think it would happen so soon with someone that doesn't mean much. He may be someone she likes, but it doesn't seem like it is someone that was like me.

 

A lot of the things I didn't include just to keep the story short, but I think she would really wait to find someone she is sticking with to take that away from her. Haha I'm not sure, but sex or not, so be it. With Tumblr, it was her and her friend being fans over this guys voice. Someone asked if she lost her virginity and she even asked where he got that from, but she said no she didn't. She even said "Something I would never do I did! Three times!"

 

But that's beside the topic lol.

 

You think because of that guy hurting her constantly, now she wants to 'fight' for someone? She kept telling me that he accused her and such, and she kept fighting for him and they were very close. I'm not like that and I kinda think that's why I'm single, because I'm not a challenge and most women need some type of challenge.

Edited July 3, 2013 by lover4721

[BeholdtheMan]

So this girl I've known for a month, her and I were getting into a relationship of distance.

 

Anyhow, we were getting serious basically, going to meet and such, but now she mentioned her coworker. I would let her with him or anyone because she has shown me the side of her, that NO none has seen and sent me some personal stuff. Wrote about me on Tumblr, but then removed.

 

I do trust her, she has had a rough past and had someone from 1000 miles away for two years, until he died.

 

Down to the story - I cannot have them hanging out when he likes her and he does not know about her and I. He believes I'm a secret because he would tell her parents and they may flip that she has someone that is 3 hours away. (Her friend lives by me so we can tell them that I know her friends)

 

So I said we need to work on things before anything because I don't enjoy being a secret, and her coworker and her haven't set boundaries so he would try things on her.

 

Lately, she has posted things on Tumblr about something happening soon... and being happy, which I know she is in her depressed mood now, etc.

Also, she messaged me saying "Billy... I hung out with Brandon." This was 9 AM in the morning... right when she woke up. We haven't talked for three days since. Like, randomly? And we talked about this before... and she wasn't upset about it. Almost like if she needs uncertainty in her life. The two year guy accused her constantly and she kept returning to him so her relationships need drama...

I said "Okay?" She said "I just thought you would like to know... but I guess it doesn't matter and/or you don't care."

 

I said, "No not really. But I'm glad for you though!"

She said "Youre...glad?"

I said "I am!"

She said "... why?"

 

What's going on? I think she is trying to maybe string me along and try to get me jealous of her just to feed her ego of thinking that I am obsessed with her and am going to stay.

 

A week ago, I disabled my account and she came crying... I made up to her and such, and all was okay.

 

I bet you anything, they didn't even hang. If she likes him, you would see posts about him and nothing. She says they are coworkers but I'm trying to see if she is trying to make me jealous and what to do. I didn't reply, but I am waiting for her to send another message. I don't want to randomly move on and ignore her because it's rude, but I definitely think she's playing mind games and I don't do that.

Sometimes in life, you have to stick to your principles and exit with dignity. If this is too much mindgaming for you, leave, eject, GTFO

[lover4721]

Sometimes in life, you have to stick to your principles and exit with dignity. If this is too much mindgaming for you, leave, eject, GTFO

 

Okay thank you.

 

It is too much mindgaming, but what if she does like me? What if she's just trying to 'feel' pain because she hasn't felt it for weeks, so she is trying to get me mad just to cry over me? Like, I just feel like I'm missing something and I can't get closure.

 

She messaged me today, but I didn't read it yet. I can't get closure because maybe this is my fault? Maybe it's not.

[salparadise]

It is too much mindgaming, but what if she does like me? What if she's just trying to 'feel' pain because she hasn't felt it for weeks, so she is trying to get me mad just to cry over me? Like, I just feel like I'm missing something and I can't get closure.

 

She messaged me today, but I didn't read it yet. I can't get closure because maybe this is my fault? Maybe it's not.

 

It's not that complicated. She's extremely immature, and on top of that she may have psychological issues (molestation often does that). As you said, to her relationships are all about the drama. She seeks external validation (has no inherent sense of value) by doing shyte to trigger your jealousy and make you crazy. The crazier it makes you the more valuable she feels.

 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like this. It never works out unless your sense of self-worth is so low that you'll just tolerate anything, and once that fact is established they lose interest and dump you.

 

So, just let her go do her drama on someone else and save yourself the misery. If you haven't even met her in person, then you need to realize that this is merely a fantasy that she's orchestrating in your head, so all you have to do is disengage the fantasy rather than trying to get over a broken heart.

[lover4721]

It's not that complicated. She's extremely immature, and on top of that she may have psychological issues (molestation often does that). As you said, to her relationships are all about the drama. She seeks external validation (has no inherent sense of value) by doing shyte to trigger your jealousy and make you crazy. The crazier it makes you the more valuable she feels.

 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like this. It never works out unless your sense of self-worth is so low that you'll just tolerate anything, and once that fact is established they lose interest and dump you.

 

So, just let her go do her drama on someone else and save yourself the misery. If you haven't even met her in person, then you need to realize that this is merely a fantasy that she's orchestrating in your head, so all you have to do is disengage the fantasy rather than trying to get over a broken heart.

 

Hm, haha thanks I kinda needed that. I have a heard time getting over people... just because she shared everything with me. So I just think I'm overlooking the situation.

 

Yes, we have not met yet so it would be easier I guess. Plus, downside, she may have issues - her family isn't too tight - and she lives 3-4 hours away. So thinking about those make me let go easier. Like, her family doesn't let her do anything... so she probably wouldn't be able to come visit. Although, she is talking about "something else" happening when her Dad leaves, and she had told me she was going to visit me when her Dad leaves for a work trip for a new airport.

 

I'm just confused... There is a lot of things that show me that she 'really' does like me, and really does want me. Like, she shared very personal things with me. I just don't know if walking away is something I could do. I don't want to disrespect her and all. You know? I feel extremely guilty just by walking away after we had a very good time with each other. We talked more than I talked to anyone... Hm I'm just confused

Edited July 7, 2013 by lover4721

[lover4721]

I think this continues...

I just really wish I had someone to change my views on this issue. Two younger sisters but they don't care. No friends either

 

I really wish I can somehow know that she is playing games... because then it would make me feel slightly better, but maybe not.

 

Anyhow, I haven't seen any interaction between her and her coworker... no posts anywhere.

 

But she finally messaged me saying "I miss you..." since July 5th!

 

We got talking and she was surprised when I said I missed her, because of what happened. I wrote her basically a lengthy message saying the things that people gave me for advice and she said it was harsh, but never intended it to be harsh.

 

She also said "Me and him are dating now, so that's that."

 

She said she didn't feel my love? lol and a girl on my other thread said that she herself would personally walk away if she didn't feel a romantic vibe... so I apologized to this girl and she said there is no reason to apologize... I said okay, and she said nevermind, sorry got to go to bed and wake up at but sorry for getting you mad or jealous or anything. "

 

I said "you didn't get me mad or jealous, Have a goodnight! "

 

There is NO activity between them on FB. Nothing anywhere else that I can see. Now with me, she was talking about me forever on sites lol. So I'm guessing she isn't serious and is just testing me. The first thing she did, was view my profile and change her profile to 'seeing someone'. So she wanted me to see that...

 

He put up TWO new Facebook covers of her favorite band, and not a single like was given...

 

However, she did delete this Facebook post about me.

 

So I really think she is trying to get me mad or make me chase her, doesn't it seem like it? But now I'm putting this on my fault because she said she didn't feel loved. I told her I made it very clear that I had interest... so now the problem I have is not showing interest, or a romantic vibe lol. I keep messing up...

 

Like, what is with this message?

 

Can anyone decipher it? haha

 

"I have to go to sleep. I have to wake up at 6...sorry for accidentally making you mad or jealous or whatever I did. And I'm sorry for everything else too =/"

 

Oh, and she also copied me saying "I'll take what I learned from you and put it to use to better myself and the future." haha so maybe that hurt her last time like I was moving on, and now she used it against me...

 

 

I'm thinking this is from me saying I was looking for other people, and also telling her this girl was interested in me. Did that throw her off believing I didn't like her? Like she didn't think I was interested? She said the same thing I did lol. I said "You tell me you care but didn't show it." And she went and said "You tell me you loved me, but I didn't feel it."

 

Like I'm thinking this is definitely my fault. I need to show more of a romantic vibe like I'm interested because I think all these girls believe I'm not interested.

Edited July 19, 2013 by lover4721

[salparadise]

So all of this is online interaction, and you've never actually met her, right? How can you take any of it seriously? It's not about you at all, she's just having fun messing with your head because you're such an easy target. Get real with yourself and the hallucinations will go away.

[Keenly]

This is pointless. I can already tell that you aren't actually listening and are already starting to make excuses to us for her.

[lover4721]

It's not about her. I have met new people and gotten closer to old friends and ever since I moved on from her, I've been getting successful with meeting new people. I had two women smile at me for no reason at the mall because of how happy I was and my smile. It's not about her but I cannot move on thinking this is my fault. Again. You know, I don't want to walk away hurting someone. You guys would say the same to her... I was playing "head games". I dont feel comfortable moving on with something that isn't resolved. I would keep questioning my character in the future.

 

Seriously, I was so happy yesterday I was coming up with nee science discoveries with physics. Recorded an hour of audio.

 

Until she said I didn't make her feel "loved" ,now I feel like Shi* I wish I was like everyone else with being able to move on so quickly. It is pointless though and I understand it is head games.

 

We didn't meet, just webcam and such and I go to college with her friends so I know them. We were going to meet at the Skillet concert, but I guess not anymore duh haha. And new guys favorite band is the same so I got the short end of the stick and I question if it's my fault and I keep beating myself up since yesterday. I was fine for about two weeks!

Edited July 19, 2013 by lover4721

[lover4721]

So someone said she was going to tell me about sex next haha.

 

Well she didn't but I wanted to see what she was up to and I promised myself, if anything with him was on her Facebook, I'd message this girl back that didn't really say much of anything...

 

His profile pic was drums, which was her fathers drum set, and she liked the picture.

 

Dumb me, I looked at her Tumblr and see all this sex stuff.

 

I guess she did lose her virginity two weeks ago and now is some sex addict. After losing it, she always wanted him like badly. I guess he left her and stopped messaging her, but they healed up.

 

So it definitely was her making me jealous. I'm a bit irritated. I've moved on so badly the past two weeks. I was the happiest, and I didn't feel lonely or didn't need anyone. I've allowed time to get between this girl I've been talking to, she is interested and says we 'clicked' and seems to enjoy me talking to her!

 

But after seeing that about all the sex stories, I feel lonely and a bit desperate for a mate now. Not for sex, but loneliness has crept up on me and now I don't even feel like doing anything.

Also because I haven't messaged this new girl in a day and a half, and it seems like she has become quite distant and lacks replies.

 

But you were all right lol. She played games, but I still don't know if I did something or not, and I'm not here to get advice... just updating this and closing this chapter officially.

[Chi townD]

The reason why you are feeling so lonely right now is because that you thought, one time, that she loved you so much that she was going to make you her first. Only to find out that she gave it up to some dude that wanted to hit it and quit it. Regardless, it is a bit of a blow to the ego.

 

Dude, she's not done yet. So, don't close the chapter too quickly.

[lover4721]

Not anything about making me her first, but shocked that a lot of the people were correct about this situation.

 

She is done lol we haven't talked since middle July and I'm not interested anymore. Today was the first day since before July, that I even looked. It was the 31st of June that I last looked.

 

I think it is because now she is happy and has someone and now all of a sudden I found the need to need someone and I've been good for weeks haha I have been so motivated and not emotionally attached to people and it has worked!

 

I don't know but it is a closed chapter... :/

Edited August 4, 2013 by lover4721