He says it will happen in the future...maybe??

[Supergirl1979]

Thanks for the reply. My situation is similar in that I was involved heavily and passionately with a man for about 4 months. He as well, was recently out of a relationship. He had been separated for a year, from a woman he had an 8 year relationship, 2 1/2 years married. They have a 2 1/2 year old son. When our relationship came to a time when things became more serious, he began to back off and eventually told me that he had omitted truths about his living arrangements (he still lives in his matrimonial home). He addressed that it was unfair for him not to tell me and that he was sorry that he was not yet in an emotionally available situation to give himself to me. Regretfully, we argued for a few weeks about this but still maintained a friendship which included long conversations and being intimate. We both had a hard time letting each other go. He and I have very similar histories, share values regarding work and family and very much had that 'connection'. He has asked me for space and although I argued it and became the needy and frantic woman at first, I've had to step back and honour it. I have heard from him, similar words, 'I am not ready to give myself to you', 'I am confused' and so on. I do completely agree with him that he is not ready for anything right now and we talked of it being the wrong time and place but if it was meant to be, it would be. He has said he wants to set some clear goals, work towards them and he doesn't want my influence to sway his decisions. I do believe that some part of him wants to reconcile with his wife but I also know he has feelings for me because neither of us appear to want to entirely shut the door to an opportunity in the future. Part of me wants to be angry but the other part of me knows in my heart that he is being honest in saying that he just doesn't know what he wants right now. We were both guilty of throwing our baggage at each other in emotionally fired arguments. We hurt each other and the trust was broken. Whichever way this works out (we end up together again or not), I will definitely learn from this. We are both great individuals and as most, have our own insecurities that clouded our views of the truth. To make a long story short, he has asked for a few weeks to think, alone and uninterrupted. I will not badger him, I will respect him. If he doesn't keep his promise of contacting me in September then it is what it is. Realistically, neither of us are ready at this point. His words... 'If at at time, I clear my head, work on myself and feel in a place that I am ready to be in a relationship with you, it will be built on new found integrity and honesty'. It's pretty hard to sum this up but whatever will be will be.

[Supergirl1979]

I read your post again and kept seeing... 'I trust him but...'. Can I ask how old you are?

[amkxoxo]

Im 21 and so is he...we met in college. I still have a year left and he graduated and went home. Our school is about an 45 mins from his house...but since I'm home for the summer his house is three hours from mine until I'm back at school in the fall.

[Supergirl1979]

Awe you're just young. Just give it time and faith.

[amkxoxo]

Thank you I appreciate it. I pray all the time that things will work out and come to play. We get along so well. We share the same values, life goals, and I think want the same things in the future. This was a problem with his last girlfriend. I'm afraid maybe I haven't conveyed enough of this to him. He wants to get married and have children and I want all that too. And we both want to live in the same area.

 

I figure guys tend to get scared away from talking about that stuff especially because we weren't in an official relationship so I didn't mention it. I literally can see marrying this man. Like I mentioned before he told my friend he didn't like her anymore and she just wasn't his type he didn't give her any indication they would get back together in the future.. He's told me I am his type and he told me he thinks it would work in the future, he told me he has told that to all his exs who have broken up with him but they have all moved on and met others they love. I think he has been scorned by many so he gets afraid too

 

I just hope I haven't pushed him away too much for wanting a relationship. I feel like I'm having such a hard time being friends because all I can do is love him and show him affection. I feel like im holding back so much.

Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[amkxoxo]

I feel bad, I feel like this guy looks like a horrible villain to you all. I really truly care about him and he has done some wonderful things to make me happy too. I an involved in dance and we practice all year for our recital. He had helped me cut some music for it. As we got closer he was more involved in things I was doing, but I was unsure if he would come since he didnt mention it. He texted me that morning when I was getting ready saying "I don't know if I'll be able to make it", when I asked why, he said some stuff, then said "I'll be there". I think he knew I would be dissapointed. He got there and my roommate found him and he sat with my family.

 

My mom said he watched me intently and in awe and was asking her questions about my dancing history and etc...He would send me cute text messages in between numbers telling me how great I was at this and that. After the show I went to find them all and he was there with the women of my family. We all headed back to my place for a small celebration and some food. Again it was all women. We ate and he stayed for hours with my family and I. He was personable and friendly and got along with them well.

 

When they left he continued to stay and he was like in awe of me. He was kissing me and telling me how great I was. We had fun and talked. He told me he had his Aunt back home (a florist) make me a special bouquet, but she didnt want to mail it because it would get squashed and he couldnt get it in time, thats why he was at first not going to come emtpty handed. but he didnt want to dissapoint me. It was a great night. He showed up at another show I had on campus to surprise me. it was sweet. he really is a nice guy.

Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Simon Phoenix]

He's not a villain. You are just hopelessly deluded right now.

[Bozena]

well, since he has a real state of depression, then he might mean what he is saying. People with depression usually have low self esteem and feel very pressured. So at that point he might not feel as being a good boyfriend for you and that he doesn't deserve you but also he cannot do anything to change it at this time because everything is a burden to him.

But although this might sound optimistic, you never know when his depression will get over and waiting is the worst thing you can do. The only thing you can do in order to move on is find activities or focus on other things. really difficult though in the beginning. But do things even if you don't like them.

 

@Supergirl1979 my experience says that if someone wants he really wants to be with someone. Only exceptions I give is when there really is a problem like depression ie. I don't get the all: I cannot be with you right now because I need to focus on other things etc. I think he just wants you to be around if he doesn't find something better. You should move on. I am not saying do contact or no contact or something because in the end we are the ones that we decide, but this is how I see it

[amkxoxo]

Thank you for the comments...if you read my other thread I ask for tips about moving on! All comments are appreciated.

[amkxoxo]

Like he seems to have a pattern when it comes to relationships and it kind of freaks me out. In high school he knew this girl for years and they spent a lot of time together. their senior year he realized he like loved her and they were in a relationship. They went to college together and kept it up. he decided to transfer after one semester to my school which was 6 hours away. He said that she dumped him on the phone 2 weeks of him being away and she was immediately seeing other people.

 

He seems to be really bad at communication and he will admit he is...I question if that was a problem with her. Its kind of freaky cause this girl looks exactly like me. We have like the same face. Then he went to my school and met Jessie. They were just friends and he described her as a promiscuous girl. Sleeping with many guys etc...well they lost touch and a year later he started dating my friend. Well him and Jessie started talking again and he realized he loved her and dumped my friend for her.

 

He said she had changed her life around etc...but he tells me horrid stories of her being drunk or mean. He and Jessie got together in march like him and I. They were officially in a relationship when school ended and they lived 3 hours away from each other. He stayed at her house for a week in the summer and she went to his house for long weekend too. He told me he didn't even have a great time at her home. He also had a job so he had money to spend on her doing stuff. They were together up until he met me. Apparently during winter break they broke up. Communication problems maybe??

 

Then when they got back to school they got back together. She had joined this elusive club on campus and had no time for him. She broke up with him again because she said she couldnt see marrying him and being with him forever. This broke him. He told me when we started dating. So what I wait years until you realize oh wow I love you. Just like every other time. Then he tells me all these stories of things he did with these girls and im fine with hearing it because it was a big part of his life but after a while it hurts because I want that so badly. Like I think the first girl from high school he took her virginity and he told me how he planned this whole special night for them and wanted to make it really romantic for her.

 

Like thata so sweet and nice and I want that but it is kinds weird he tells me about it. Like too much info. Like he and I fooled around but I wasn't ready to sleep with him and he knew this so we didnt . He was fine with it and as sexual as he is...veryyy....he said hewas happy our relationship wasn't based on just physical that we can talk and connect on deeper levels and he felt this would help us last. This guy???

 

So awesome sometimes and so confusing the next. I dont want you all to think I'm obsessed....well I kinda am....but I am the kinda person I seek to find the answers behind why things happen.

Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Simon Phoenix]

Trying to find answers to why another person does what they do is a waste of time.

[amkxoxo]

I knowww...I'm trying to just let it go. Like even when we met up at school a week ago i showed him my new apartment which has minimal furniture. And we were talking about where i would put things etc...we started talking about getting futons. He started offering me one or two of them he had at his house. And was all like oh i have ones at home you could have i would give them to you. He did that at school once too...he had a nice air conditioner and since he was graduating when i mentioned my apartment didnt have air he was like " oh i was going to see if you wanted mine because you probably need it for next year. I was going to give it to you" like why all that for someone who isn't your girlfriend. though he never really did but I wasn't gonna beg for the stuff from him. I really am a lot better than I was. Not as emotional and unstable. I have a clear path that I want my life to follow with him or without him.

[amkxoxo]

I'm so self conscious... like maybe I didn't do enough to show him I liked him. I used to tell him "I really like you" all the time and sometimes he would be like "you don't know me well enough yet" and I would be like what???? Then he would be " what's my favorite color" or something to put me on the spot. It was frustrating. And he would always ask me what I was thinking and stuff and I would sometimes tell him or I would say "nothing" and keep it to myself.

 

I told him I'm very private with my thoughts. Maybe he thought I didn't trust him. Though I would always tell him I trusted him very much. Once we were talking intensely and I told him I trusted him and he played the "you don't know me well enough yet" but I really did trust him. And like he would always ask me in depth questions like "what are your greatest fears" etc... and I would answer him but use general things. Its like my brain stopped working and I think he was expecting a more in depth answer.

 

I feel like maybe i did t ask him enough in depth questions like that but i always wanted to know about his life and people in it. Like one time we were intensely talking and he was like "you dont know if im on meds or you havent asked if im talking to someone about my depression" i felt bad. But my way was to let him tell me if he wanted i told him it wasnt my place. I trust hes doing what he needs to do for himself. Sometimes I would catch him staring at me and I would say "what" and he would just smile and stare at me....sometimes he would rebuttle with "what" of he would ask me what I was thinking. Like I baked him brownies, I made him dinner once because he had also made me dinner, I used to buy his favorite snacks at the grocery store,

 

I would always want him at parties with me and my friends, I mean I slept next to him almost every night, I always wanted to do stuff with him like take walks or go to the beach...a stuff that was free because I knew money was tight. He told me he was working on some surprises for me. I never got any of them .I don't know if it was money related and things fell through because he kept trying to get his paycheck from home at school and he couldn't get it by the end of the year. He told me he wanted to take me to the end of the year dance but we never went. He would have had to buy my ticket though so maybe it fell through.

 

Like my family and I are going on vacation for a week in the summer and its pretty far away...13 hour drive. He has been to this area. On the phone a few weeks ago he asked me when we were going so I told him at the end of the month then he asked "yeah but what are the exact dates" I thought that was weird like was he planning on trying to meet me there???? Cause why would he need go know the dates. Im over thinking again ughhhh.

Edited July 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Archanaart]

I highly doubt he's planning on meeting you there.

 

You're torturing yourself going over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over (get the picture yet..probably not so I'll continue) and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...through this so called relationship.

 

Think about how you can learn from this and improve either on your next relationship or with your relations with this guy.

[amkxoxo]

When we started our long distance thing he would call me once in a while. I like texting so I would text him a lot and a lot of times hear nothing back because he was sick. Then I started calling because he would always call me back. We would talk once a week on the phone , twice if I was lucky. When i was very ill, he texted me multiple times a day asking how i was and saying he wished he could do something. It was so sweet. This went on for days. When i felt better i called him on the phone. After that the texts kinda stopped again. He would call me when he could. Many times this happened at like 1 in the morning. One night I called him out on it and said "do you know what time it is" it wasn't the fact that he called late because I was always up anyway. It was that this was the only time he found it relevant to call me. He said it was legitimately the only time he could call me. Then I felt bad because on his end he was still putting in effort and maybe I was ungrateful. Then he told me that he called me late one night because he was feeling really bad about himself and he knew talking to me would cheer him up. So he called wanting to hear my voice so he could feel better. I felt so bad complaining when he was trying his best. Its just I didn't know where we stood and it bothered me. I wanted a relationship and the way we were communicating and going about things wasn't a relationship. I wanted him to come to my house. I offered to drive to his house 3 hours and visit him because I had just gotten a car. All he said was its a really long drive" it sounded almost like he was trying to sway me against it. Should I have insisted?? Its just not the person I am. Maybe he didn't want me coming because he is sick, poor, and having family issues. I don't know. He has never asked me to come and makes no attempt to come see me. I even offered to drive down and pick him up from our college which is a train ride away for him a d bring him to my house for a weekend. He would never ask me to do it though. Well the point of this post is...after we talked on the phone about our relationship. I stepped up my communication. I texted him everyday and didn't care if he responded knowing he would read them eventually and know I care. Then when we met up in person and had our little intense "talk" we said we would continue to talk and stuff. I called him 6 days ago and he called me back. We talked for a bit. I texted him a funny story that night and never heard anything back. I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if I should call him. Text him. Idk?? I feel bad not contacting him at all anymore because I feel he will think I gave up on him and don't care. ?????

Edited July 9, 2013 by amkxoxo

[harrywilliams88]

If he wanted you he would be with you.

 

My EX fed me similar lines though said it would never work out between us. This was years ago though and having moved on and not spoken to him I hope to contact him soon as we are different people now.

 

You cannot wait and wait until he changes his mind. Because in all reality he probably never will. He is being quite cruel to tell you "maybe in the future". This gives you false hope.

 

Move on for yourself. For yourself. I repeat for yourself. Not for him. But maybe if he see's this he may desire you in the way you want him too. But again for yourself and not because you may think he might want the new you. Hold out no hope as there is at present no hope to be had.

 

If he really wanted you he would never let you escape his arms. He would never let you go and you know this you just will not accept it. Will you? Why lie to yourself for a man?

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, you are going to drive yourself insane going over all this crap. Don't contact him and stop rehashing this stuff. It's not healthy. He gave up on you when he broke up with you. Stop doing mental gymnastics to validate contacting him and making a fool of yourself. Christ.

[amkxoxo]

I know. I am driving myself insane. Today is one of my weaker days. I thought I was getting better. Guess Not. I am so down on myself today and sad. I miss him so so much and since I haven't heard from him in almost a week I want to cry. I care so much and he doesn't. Like why was I not good enough. Why wasn't I the best. I did everything I could and he just didn't love me enough. It seemed to always be 50%. He liked me a lot but he had to take care of himself first. I supported that. He gave 100% to other girls. Why not me. I am so much better than those other girls. I did everything right. I am not wrong wanting a relationship. He said he never expected to like me this much and I think it made it harder on him too. Why could he give the moon and back to those other girls and not me. It shouldn't be this hard to make it work with someone. I refuse to be a puppy and I'm not contacting him. He needs to win me if he wants me. I am a great catch and I have so much to offer. I gave my all to him and he took some of it but refused some of it too. That's insulting. I am so bent out of shape because its rare I find someone I'm willing to give my whole heart too. I have only found one other person and he realized he was gay. I didn't blame him, and we are best friends. Am I not capable of loving someone? Am I not capable of someone loving me? Guys have loved me in the past, and I just couldn't give them all of me. I don't know if it was fear or being vunerable. I really don't know. I just feel like this was my chance at truly being happy with someone I could see myself with. If I could describe the perfect man for me, this guy was close. He told me I was perfect and had all the attributes he looked for in a girl too. I feel like its been squashed on. I know what will happen in the future. I will meet a decent, nice guy and we will hit it off. He will fall for me and I will be 50%. We will date and he'll want more and I'll get scared and dump him. I don't think its wrong to have some standards. Maybe I wanted this guy to like me so much I came across a little desperate. I have normal expectations. I think I lowered them for this guy trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I'm a nice person. He even says I'm the nicest person in the world. This whole ordeal makes me wonder if i'm the crazy one. Did I drive him away? Everyone says no. I think I did all the right things and so do all my friends and family. He even said that I did nothing wrong. But come on then I obviously didn't do all the right things or we'd be together. My best friend keeps telling me to remember "its not you, don't make it about you, its about him". Its him. Its is always him. I have to keep myself strong and keep my life as the most important thing. I wish he wakes up and realizes what a great girl I am and what he is missing out on. I hope more than anything he decides he loves me. Then the ball is in my court and I can choose to reject or accept him. I just don't know how you can barely see or talk to someone and realize you love and need them. That's what fricking dating is for right?? You date then grow into a relationship. He won't even say we're friends because he knows we like each other more than that...ughhhhhhhhhh. I try and be such a good person and I feel like I end up being punished. Like why is God doing this to me?? I pray for help and guidance because I feel I need help navigating this all. If it does happen It will be on my terms and I won't be fawning over him as I wait around. Do I love him....yes. But I have to love me more.

Edited July 9, 2013 by amkxoxo

[happydate]

You like him, but you're not in love with him. You want someone to love you because you're lonely. This is not healthy. Thankfully, this guy isn't a player. Players look for girls like you because they can manipulate you to become one of their fleshlights -- someone they can dump semen into once in awhile cause they know you are venerable and desperate for a man to love you. I implore you to work on yourself, love yourself or you'll be ending up in a string of dysfunctional relationships, cause one day you're going to meet a man that will coerce you into having unprotected sex just to make you feel like he's really intimate with you -- NOT. Do you have issues with your father? Is he lacking in love that you are now seeking in a man to make you whole?

 

No man can complete you! You have to love yourself before you are able to love others.

Edited July 9, 2013 by happydate

[Simon Phoenix]

I know. I am driving myself insane. Today is one of my weaker days. I thought I was getting better. Guess Not. I am so down on myself today and sad. I miss him so so much and since I haven't heard from him in almost a week I want to cry. I care so much and he doesn't. Like why was I not good enough. Why wasn't I the best. I did everything I could and he just didn't love me enough. It seemed to always be 50%. He liked me a lot but he had to take care of himself first. I supported that. He gave 100% to other girls. Why not me. I am so much better than those other girls. I did everything right. I am not wrong wanting a relationship. He said he never expected to like me this much and I think it made it harder on him too. Why could he give the moon and back to those other girls and not me. It shouldn't be this hard to make it work with someone. I refuse to be a puppy and I'm not contacting him. He needs to win me if he wants me. I am a great catch and I have so much to offer. I gave my all to him and he took some of it but refused some of it too. That's insulting. I am so bent out of shape because its rare I find someone I'm willing to give my whole heart too. I have only found one other person and he realized he was gay. I didn't blame him, and we are best friends. Am I not capable of loving someone? Am I not capable of someone loving me? Guys have loved me in the past, and I just couldn't give them all of me. I don't know if it was fear or being vunerable. I really don't know. I just feel like this was my chance at truly being happy with someone I could see myself with. If I could describe the perfect man for me, this guy was close. He told me I was perfect and had all the attributes he looked for in a girl too. I feel like its been squashed on. I know what will happen in the future. I will meet a decent, nice guy and we will hit it off. He will fall for me and I will be 50%. We will date and he'll want more and I'll get scared and dump him. I don't think its wrong to have some standards. Maybe I wanted this guy to like me so much I came across a little desperate. I have normal expectations. I think I lowered them for this guy trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I'm a nice person. He even says I'm the nicest person in the world. This whole ordeal makes me wonder if i'm the crazy one. Did I drive him away? Everyone says no. I think I did all the right things and so do all my friends and family. He even said that I did nothing wrong. But come on then I obviously didn't do all the right things or we'd be together. My best friend keeps telling me to remember "its not you, don't make it about you, its about him". Its him. Its is always him. I have to keep myself strong and keep my life as the most important thing. I wish he wakes up and realizes what a great girl I am and what he is missing out on. I hope more than anything he decides he loves me. Then the ball is in my court and I can choose to reject or accept him. I just don't know how you can barely see or talk to someone and realize you love and need them. That's what fricking dating is for right?? You date then grow into a relationship. He won't even say we're friends because he knows we like each other more than that...ughhhhhhhhhh. I try and be such a good person and I feel like I end up being punished. Like why is God doing this to me?? I pray for help and guidance because I feel I need help navigating this all. If it does happen It will be on my terms and I won't be fawning over him as I wait around. Do I love him....yes. But I have to love me more.

 

It's a lot easier to read and help you if you break your posts into paragraphs. I couldn't make it through that.

[amkxoxo]

Sorry I re posted it in paragraphs so its easier to read....I know I am driving myself insane. I am so down on myself today and sad. I miss him so so much and since I haven't heard from him in almost a week I want to cry. I care so much and he doesn't. Like why was I not good enough. Why wasn't I the best. I did everything I could and he just didn't love me enough. It seemed to always be 50%. He liked me a lot but he had to take care of himself first. I supported that. He gave 100% to other girls. Why not me. I am so much better than those other girls. I did everything right. I am not wrong wanting a relationship. He said he never expected to like me this much and I think it made it harder on him too. Why could he give the moon and back to those other girls and not me.

 

It shouldn't be this hard to make it work with someone. I refuse to be a puppy and I'm not contacting him. He needs to win me if he wants me. I am a great catch and I have so much to offer. I gave my all to him and he took some of it but refused some of it too. That's insulting. I am so bent out of shape because its rare I find someone I'm willing to give my whole heart too. I have only found one other person and he realized he was gay. I didn't blame him, and we are best friends. Am I not capable of loving someone? Am I not capable of someone loving me? Guys have loved me in the past, and I just couldn't give them all of me. I don't know if it was fear or being vunerable. I really don't know. I just feel like this was my chance at truly being happy with someone I could see myself with.

 

If I could describe the perfect man for me, this guy was close. He told me I was perfect and had all the attributes he looked for in a girl too. I feel like its been squashed on. I know what will happen in the future. I will meet a decent, nice guy and we will hit it off. He will fall for me and I will be 50%. We will date and he'll want more and I'll get scared and dump him. I don't think its wrong to have some standards. Maybe I wanted this guy to like me so much I came across a little desperate. I have normal expectations. I think I lowered them for this guy trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I'm a nice person. He even says I'm the nicest person in the world. This whole ordeal makes me wonder if i'm the crazy one. Did I drive him away? Everyone says no. I think I did all the right things and so do all my friends and family. He even said that I did nothing wrong. But come on then I obviously didn't do all the right things or we'd be together.

 

My best friend keeps telling me to remember "its not you, don't make it about you, its about him". Its him. Its is always him. I have to keep myself strong and keep my life as the most important thing. I wish he wakes up and realizes what a great girl I am and what he is missing out on. I hope more than anything he decides he loves me. Then the ball is in my court and I can choose to reject or accept him. I just don't know how you can barely see or talk to someone and realize you love and need them. That's what fricking dating is for right?? You date then grow into a relationship. He won't even say we're friends because he knows we like each other more than that...ughhhhhhhhhh.

 

I try and be such a good person and I feel like I end up being punished. Like why is God doing this to me?? I pray for help and guidance because I feel I need help navigating this all. If it does happen It will be on my terms and I won't be fawning over him as I wait around. Do I love him....yes. But I have to love me more.

[happydate]

I know. I am driving myself insane. Today is one of my weaker days. I thought I was getting better. Guess Not. I am so down on myself today and sad. I miss him so so much and since I haven't heard from him in almost a week I want to cry. I care so much and he doesn't. Like why was I not good enough. Why wasn't I the best. I did everything I could and he just didn't love me enough. It seemed to always be 50%. He liked me a lot but he had to take care of himself first. I supported that. He gave 100% to other girls. Why not me. I am so much better than those other girls. I did everything right. I am not wrong wanting a relationship. He said he never expected to like me this much and I think it made it harder on him too. Why could he give the moon and back to those other girls and not me. It shouldn't be this hard to make it work with someone. I refuse to be a puppy and I'm not contacting him. He needs to win me if he wants me. I am a great catch and I have so much to offer. I gave my all to him and he took some of it but refused some of it too. That's insulting. I am so bent out of shape because its rare I find someone I'm willing to give my whole heart too. I have only found one other person and he realized he was gay. I didn't blame him, and we are best friends. Am I not capable of loving someone? Am I not capable of someone loving me? Guys have loved me in the past, and I just couldn't give them all of me. I don't know if it was fear or being vunerable. I really don't know. I just feel like this was my chance at truly being happy with someone I could see myself with. If I could describe the perfect man for me, this guy was close. He told me I was perfect and had all the attributes he looked for in a girl too. I feel like its been squashed on. I know what will happen in the future. I will meet a decent, nice guy and we will hit it off. He will fall for me and I will be 50%. We will date and he'll want more and I'll get scared and dump him. I don't think its wrong to have some standards. Maybe I wanted this guy to like me so much I came across a little desperate. I have normal expectations. I think I lowered them for this guy trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I'm a nice person. He even says I'm the nicest person in the world. This whole ordeal makes me wonder if i'm the crazy one. Did I drive him away? Everyone says no. I think I did all the right things and so do all my friends and family. He even said that I did nothing wrong. But come on then I obviously didn't do all the right things or we'd be together. My best friend keeps telling me to remember "its not you, don't make it about you, its about him". Its him. Its is always him. I have to keep myself strong and keep my life as the most important thing. I wish he wakes up and realizes what a great girl I am and what he is missing out on. I hope more than anything he decides he loves me. Then the ball is in my court and I can choose to reject or accept him. I just don't know how you can barely see or talk to someone and realize you love and need them. That's what fricking dating is for right?? You date then grow into a relationship. He won't even say we're friends because he knows we like each other more than that...ughhhhhhhhhh. I try and be such a good person and I feel like I end up being punished. Like why is God doing this to me?? I pray for help and guidance because I feel I need help navigating this all. If it does happen It will be on my terms and I won't be fawning over him as I wait around. Do I love him....yes. But I have to love me more.

 

First of all; it sounded like you're totally emotional now.

 

Those other girls he treated well. How are you so sure that they didn't compromise MORE than you did to get him? How do you know that you didn't lower your standards for him and that they did? You don't know that. You are assuming that all his girls work on the same standards as you do.

 

Secondly, if the girls don't lower themselves all that much, how are you so sure that they are more loving than you do? Loving a man is not all about hugs and kisses and sex. Rather, it's about how much confidence and self-esteem a woman can project to a man and perhaps he's not seeing that in you. Sometimes, some men get turned off by needy and high maintenance girls. You might not see it in yourself, but others will. If your friends are authentic enough, they will let you know about your pet peeves. Are you willing to accept criticism and improve yourself?

[amkxoxo]

You like him, but you're not in love with him. You want someone to love you because you're lonely. This is not healthy. Thankfully, this guy isn't a player. Players look for girls like you because they can manipulate you to become one of their fleshlights -- someone they can dump semen into once in awhile cause they know you are venerable and desperate for a man to love you. I implore you to work on yourself, love yourself or you'll be ending up in a string of dysfunctional relationships, cause one day you're going to meet a man that will coerce you into having unprotected sex just to make you feel like he's really intimate with you -- NOT. Do you have issues with your father? Is he lacking in love that you are now seeking in a man to make you whole?

 

No man can complete you! You have to love yourself before you are able to love others.

I get what your saying and I appreciate the concern. I am a very lonely person, which is wierd because I have a very close knit wonderful family who loves me. No daddy issues. And I have a great group of friends. I lack love from someone else.

 

I want to have a boyfriend and I eventually want to get married, but not just to anyone . I want the gushy love struck butterflies feeling when I'm with someone. I don't just date because I'm lonely. I am 21 and have never been in a long relationship. I have dated a few people, some for a couple months, but I dump them because I just don't feel as strongly for them. There's nothing wrong with them.

 

I have never had sex, and even with this most recent guy, we fooled around but didn't have sex. He knew I was a virgin and he didn't push me. He was very sweet and understanding of my inexperience. I was sexually assaulted by a guy at school when I was 16 and it made me afraid to be intimate with people. Over the years I have gotten comfortable enough with it and this guy was so patient and understanding of it. He wouldn't push me and asked me if there was a certain thing that made me scared so that he would know not do it. I went further with this guy than anyone else and I enjoyed it. I wanted to kiss him and touch him and hold him all the time. I never thought I would ever get to that point. I am not a prude but will not have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. My morals on that are strong. Trust me I definitely wanted to with my guy, but I knew it just wasn't the right thing to do, and I wanted a commitment from him.

 

 

Even before my assault I had issues letting people help me. I am such a nice, sweet person that people often take advantage of me for my niceness. Some of my close friends have done it. I had a best friend a few years back that I was like in love with. I would do anything for him and he held me like a puppet. I was his little puppy because I wanted him to like me back and no matter what I did he wouldn't. He would rail me in at all the right times to keep me around but we never amounted to anything. Eventually it came out that he was gay so that explained a lot and made me feel better. But he used me knowing I liked him and would do anything.

 

I gave my all to this guy and though he didn't use me I am hurt. I think I do need to work on myself and my life. I felt like before I met this guy I was so confident and strong in myself. I had my values and morals and a steady life going for myself. As time went on with him he made me question my morals and values and I was becoming weak.

[amkxoxo]

You like him, but you're not in love with him. You want someone to love you because you're lonely. This is not healthy. Thankfully, this guy isn't a player. Players look for girls like you because they can manipulate you to become one of their fleshlights -- someone they can dump semen into once in awhile cause they know you are venerable and desperate for a man to love you. I implore you to work on yourself, love yourself or you'll be ending up in a string of dysfunctional relationships, cause one day you're going to meet a man that will coerce you into having unprotected sex just to make you feel like he's really intimate with you -- NOT. Do you have issues with your father? Is he lacking in love that you are now seeking in a man to make you whole?

 

No man can complete you! You have to love yourself before you are able to love others.

 

I get what your saying and I appreciate the concern. I am a very lonely person, which is wierd because I have a very close knit wonderful family who loves me. No daddy issues. And I have a great group of friends. I lack love from someone else.

 

I want to have a boyfriend and I eventually want to get married, but not just to anyone . I want the gushy love struck butterflies feeling when I'm with someone. I don't just date because I'm lonely. I am 21 and have never been in a long relationship. I have dated a few people, some for a couple months, but I dump them because I just don't feel as strongly for them. There's nothing wrong with them.

 

I have never had sex, and even with this most recent guy, we fooled around but didn't have sex. He knew I was a virgin and he didn't push me. He was very sweet and understanding of my inexperience. I was sexually assaulted by a guy at school when I was 16 and it made me afraid to be intimate with people. Over the years I have gotten comfortable enough with it and this guy was so patient and understanding of it. He wouldn't push me and asked me if there was a certain thing that made me scared so that he would know not to do it. I went further with this guy than anyone else and I enjoyed it. I wanted to kiss him and touch him and hold him all the time. I never thought I would ever get to that point. I am not a prude but will not have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. My morals on that are strong. Trust me I definitely wanted to with my guy, but I knew it just wasn't the right thing to do, and I wanted a commitment from him.

 

He was very sexually experienced and he let me know it. He enjoyed sex a lot but told me it wasn't something he needed like some other men do. He told me that he was happy that our relationship wasn't based on purely physical relations and we could talk and connect on a deeper level. He thought it would also help us last. We meshed so well emotionally and physically. He even said it.

 

Even before my assault I had issues letting people help me. I am such a nice, sweet person that people often take advantage of me for my niceness. Some of my close friends have done it. I had a best friend a few years back that I was like in love with. I would do anything for him and he held me like a puppet. I was his little puppy because I wanted him to like me back and no matter what I did he wouldn't. He would rail me in at all the right times to keep me around but we never amounted to anything. Eventually it came out that he was gay so that explained a lot and made me feel better. But he used me knowing I liked him and would do anything. I get very attached to people. I was heartbroken.

 

I gave my all to this most recent guy and though he didn't use me, I am hurt. I think I do need to work on myself and my life. I felt like before I met this guy I was so confident and strong in myself. I had my values and morals and a steady life going for myself. As time went on with him he made me question my morals and values and I was becoming weak. I became so insecure because no matter what I did this guy couldn't give me more.

 

A good way to put it is. I let my guard down at my house for him to come in. No matter what I did he would stand by the front door and only talk to me and be with me there. I would bring him things and give him everything but he only stood in the doorway. Occasionally he would venture into the kitchen or my bedroom if i was lucky. But sometimes he would also go down the street to his friends houses and I was not there. In the end he always ended up back at the front door. He is the perfect guy, but I would love him fully if he came in and showed me he was going to stay a while.

[amkxoxo]

First of all; it sounded like you're totally emotional now.

 

Those other girls he treated well. How are you so sure that they didn't compromise MORE than you did to get him? How do you know that you didn't lower your standards for him and that they did? You don't know that. You are assuming that all his girls work on the same standards as you do.

 

Secondly, if the girls don't lower themselves all that much, how are you so sure that they are more loving than you do? Loving a man is not all about hugs and kisses and sex. Rather, it's about how much confidence and self-esteem a woman can project to a man and perhaps he's not seeing that in you. Sometimes, some men get turned off by needy and high maintenance girls. You might not see it in yourself, but others will. If your friends are authentic enough, they will let you know about your pet peeves. Are you willing to accept criticism and improve yourself?

 

Like I let him slide with so many things. He would go to parties all the time and never take me with him. We talked about it a lot because it bothered me. I don't know many girls that would just let that go. He deals with a lot of sickness in his life. He told me his last girlfriend dealt with it really well. He goes like MIA sometimes for days to a week. I'm like, who deals with that well. What she just forgets about you until you resurface again. I deal with people being sick because I grew up around it, and I dealt with his sickness best I could. But of course I would worry.

 

One time at school he was super sick for like two days and I kept texting him checking up on him. It started Wednesday and by Friday i was getting no responses from him. I was so worried. I sent him lots of messsages and he didnt respond. I heard from him Saturday to find out that he felt better on friday night and some of his friends stopped over unexpectedely and they had a little party???? I let that slide. Maybe the other girls didn't lower their standards. I don't know. I am not a high maintenance person but I do expect someone who likes me to want to take me out to parties. Or to want take me out for dinner once and a while. Show me they want no one else to have me. He says he can do all of those things but right now in his life he can't because of his physical, mental, and financial struggles. He has no money and wants to get his life together and get a job and an apartment because he just graduated.

 

I might have come across a tad needy, because I wanted him to want me. But I let him know that I value time. I value people giving me their time and that people want to spend their time with me. Like I would have been less needy if he had been more attentive. Like I don't care if he had a guys night out at a bar, but it would have been nice for him to say like "Oh im going out tonight with the guy, but tomorrow night we'll go out" This never happened.

 

One time during the summer i decided to go N/C. After two days he noticed and texted me right away "I know how important time is to you and I wish I could give more of it to you, hope your day went well." The i didnt respond so he sent back " Im assuming that is why you are are ignoring me and I hope nothing bad happened to you."

 

Like when I was incredibly sick for like a week. He texted me multiple time a day every day claiming he wished i felt better or asking how I was, and stating he wished he could do something to make me feel better. It was so nice. When I was better I gave him a call on the phone and we talked for a while. The texts from his end stopped.