He says it will happen in the future...maybe??

[Echo000]

because you are safe and comfortable and easy..i hate to be blunt but thats the answer as to why he called you. He is using you--and i dont mean to add negativity to that. Its just a fact..he didnt really call to alleviate your worry..he called to alleviate his frustration over another girl/talk to someone he KNEW wanted to talk to him.

 

Thats shi**y. I think if you saw this happening to another person, this would be clear to you. Because you do say it yourself, he says your perfect yet has no interest in actually being with you.

 

It may seem harsh, but dont wait for a next time. Move on. Tell him your done talking to him if you need to, or just go into it immediately. Do you really want to constantly wonder when you are going to speak to him again? And even when yall talk, it will never be satisfactory.

 

Let him go.

[amkxoxo]

Because he always hints that he feels like he gets little support, and has little friends and I wanna be like 'yoohoo over here." Maybe I am the back up plan. The safe bet. The ear to vent to. He did ask me questions and wanted to know about how I have been and if I've been happy and my vacation. He felt bad he was rambling on, he was stressed. He said "Oh my god so much time has passed I'm sorry I want to know about you I've been rambling....etc etc."

[Archanaart]

Because he always hints that he feels like he gets little support, and has little friends and I wanna be like 'yoohoo over here." Maybe I am the back up plan. The safe bet. The ear to vent to. He did ask me questions and wanted to know about how I have been and if I've been happy and my vacation. He felt bad he was rambling on, he was stressed. He said "Oh my god so much time has passed I'm sorry I want to know about you I've been rambling....etc etc."

 

He only asked about after he realized he was rambling out of politeness probably.

 

You're coming second and he called his ex gf before he called you.

 

What are your thoughts on that?

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh dear lord.

[amkxoxo]

No I know. Well actually he wasn't going to call her. He got a text from her on his way home from the hospital and all he did was respond to it and then she became angry. They fought texted back and forth and then he called he'd to try to explain on the phone what has been happening to her and she was still mad. I am not defending him this is what happened. He did make it a point to call me on the phone. I do think he is having trouble letting go of her.

[Archanaart]

I do think he is having trouble letting go of her.

 

And you want to be with a guy that's still hung up on his ex because......

[amkxoxo]

Well she dumped him. She's moved on. He needs to move on. He liked me an lot he told me. I think he needs to wake up and realize that he has me a great girl in front of him and not his ex. He says himself that he regrets a lot of things with her like some of the ways she treated him. I hope he realizes and moves on. She doesn't want him but she holds him by a string with the whole "friends thing" . It annoys me because I have broken up with guys and have never made them feel that way. Were over so they aren't obligated to me at all and I never hold them by a string like puppet. He's sensitive too. He hates thinking that people don't like him so I think he tries to kiss butt so they don't think of him in a bad light.

[Archanaart]

Well.....good luck with everything.

[Drseussgrrl]

Well she dumped him. She's moved on. He needs to move on. He liked me an lot he told me. I think he needs to wake up and realize that he has me a great girl in front of him and not his ex. He says himself that he regrets a lot of things with her like some of the ways she treated him. I hope he realizes and moves on. She doesn't want him but she holds him by a string with the whole "friends thing" . It annoys me because I have broken up with guys and have never made them feel that way. Were over so they aren't obligated to me at all and I never hold them by a string like puppet. He's sensitive too. He hates thinking that people don't like him so I think he tries to kiss butt so they don't think of him in a bad light.

 

I haven't read all 8 pages of this thread, but you need to stop trying to figure this dude out and find someone available to you. No amount of hanging around him and waiting for him to "wake up" is going to change anything - you just make yourself look desperate.

 

Have some self-respect.

[amkxoxo]

Yeah I know. Like I'm trying not to be desperate. He fell for the cool nice person I was. just like why does he say all that great stuff about me like complimenting. Like wtf so what I'm perfect and wonderful but no relationship. My mom thinks he still really likes me and that he truly can't give the time and isn't good for it. I mean he has been in the hospital for a month with no communication so that's not relationship between two people. Like he complains he has no friends but then he tells me he has all these people he needs to call and let know he's okay. Sounds like friends but idk. Like he won't consider us friends still. Cause I'm like yeah I don't make out with my friends and I think he knows this. Like I asked him once what would happen if he didn't graduate and was coming back in the fall. He said that we would be together and keep going in the good direction we were heading into. I'm just so confused still. Literally if we talk again and he mentions his ex's I might say " can we not talk about your ex's. Can you see that it's wrong. I wanted to be with you more than anything. I want to be with you more than anything you don't even know and hearing and talking about all these people you were with. You did nice things for them and I want that. that's not fair to me." As you can tell I have thought a lot about this. I need help?? I am doing so much better than I was when we first broke up. I'm more stable and realize that I don't need him to be happy. I want him though. Wahhhhh

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah I know. Like I'm trying not to be desperate. He fell for the cool nice person I was. just like why does he say all that great stuff about me like complimenting. Like wtf so what I'm perfect and wonderful but no relationship. My mom thinks he still really likes me and that he truly can't give the time and isn't good for it. I mean he has been in the hospital for a month with no communication so that's not relationship between two people. Like he complains he has no friends but then he tells me he has all these people he needs to call and let know he's okay. Sounds like friends but idk. Like he won't consider us friends still. Cause I'm like yeah I don't make out with my friends and I think he knows this. Like I asked him once what would happen if he didn't graduate and was coming back in the fall. He said that we would be together and keep going in the good direction we were heading into. I'm just so confused still. Literally if we talk again and he mentions his ex's I might say " can we not talk about your ex's. Can you see that it's wrong. I wanted to be with you more than anything. I want to be with you more than anything you don't even know and hearing and talking about all these people you were with. You did nice things for them and I want that. that's not fair to me." As you can tell I have thought a lot about this. I need help?? I am doing so much better than I was when we first broke up. I'm more stable and realize that I don't need him to be happy. I want him though. Wahhhhh

 

The un-edited bit is more than sufficient.

[amkxoxo]

Well I feel like I appear desperate to you all because I'm telling you my most inner thoughts. To him I think its not as much. I sometimes used to be afraid to speak my mind with him because he's so sensitive and the way that he talks about other people I don't want him to talk about me that way. The other night though I was myself. I feel like the conversation went so well because I was myself. I was less afraid of what I said and more honest. It just irritates me because when he called he said he figured I had tried to contact him while he was sick and he figured he would tell me he's okay and he figured I would be mad

 

But I really wasn't at all. I figured he was sick and I have been going about my life. It sounds to me like his ex was super paranoid and worried about him and I played it cool and I told him I was worried but I just acted like it was minuscule. I think he likes this he kinda told me he did. Because last night he told me when he dated my friend that she would cry all the time and when he was sick it was more about her and her emotions than him actually hurting. He didn't like that. It just irritates me ...tell me I'm perfect and that you wish people had attributes I had because I'm such a great person. That to me gives mixed signals.

 

Like nothing is ever good enough. His ex doesn't care enough she's a bit*** but then she cares to much and again she's a bit***. Now I don't know her only things he's told me which most of them are ridiculous. I care too much and its not enough for a relationship but then I pull back and its not enough. He said again last night that I have done nothing wrong and I'm such a good person. I gotta stop thinking its me, damn its him. I don't mind it though. I like him because he's smart, handsome, talented, caring, sometimes blunt but intelligent, he has his kinks but they make up him. All guys I've seen in the past are average white guys who have no mystery to them. They are nice but nothing special about them.

 

I'm not falling for it. But its annoying. Why give me false hope. like I was on top of the world when he called and even the day after he called but now I'm kinda bummed. I told my mom what I told you guys and she thinks it was a nice thing and she thinks he really likes me still but literally can't jump into a relationship right now because of his problems. I truly don't know. I want to believe his words because he isn't a liar. But his words sometimes send me mixed signals and then I get thrown for a loop. I appreciate all the advice and tough love. Even if I don't follow it I appreciate that people are trying to help me.

Edited August 2, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Simon Phoenix]

Well she dumped him. She's moved on. He needs to move on. He liked me an lot he told me. I think he needs to wake up and realize that he has me a great girl in front of him and not his ex. He says himself that he regrets a lot of things with her like some of the ways she treated him. I hope he realizes and moves on. She doesn't want him but she holds him by a string with the whole "friends thing" . It annoys me because I have broken up with guys and have never made them feel that way. Were over so they aren't obligated to me at all and I never hold them by a string like puppet. He's sensitive too. He hates thinking that people don't like him so I think he tries to kiss butt so they don't think of him in a bad light.

 

So even when you were somewhat going out he was hung up on another girl? You need to quit deluding yourself. Not only is he not into you now, he wasn't even really into you then. At best you have a platonic friend or FWB thing in the future, neither of which you want. You need to stop harboring hope here.

[TaraMaiden]

. I appreciate all the advice and tough love. Even if I don't follow it I appreciate that people are trying to help me.

 

So you admit that basically, you're largely wasting our time?

[amkxoxo]

Thank you. I will take that into consideration. I am so confused by him. He told me that in the past he has done so many amazing things for girls and been an amazing boyfriend. He gave me examples that sounded wonderful. I want that. He liked me so much I wanted that. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because He had told me that he was hurt right out of a relationship. He told me he was afraid to get hurt. He told me that his ex sucked all the romance and wonderful things out of him. He would occasionally do really cute things for me and he told me he wished he had money to do more for me and with me. He tried so hard to get his paycheck in the mail so he could take me to dinner but he didn't get it in time.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you. I will take that into consideration. I am so confused by him. He told me that in the past he has done so many amazing things for girls and been an amazing boyfriend. He gave me examples that sounded wonderful. I want that. He liked me so much I wanted that. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because He had told me that he was hurt right out of a relationship. He told me he was afraid to get hurt. He told me that his ex sucked all the romance and wonderful things out of him. He would occasionally do really cute things for me and he told me he wished he had money to do more for me and with me. He tried so hard to get his paycheck in the mail so he could take me to dinner but he didn't get it in time.

 

You are rehashing again. All the rehashing you do is obsessive and unhealthy.

[amkxoxo]

I know I'm trying not to. Every time I talk to him this happens. I wish I never did this. I wish I didn't have to go through all this pain. I feel like I would rather be stabbed. Why does god have to put me through this.

[Minneloa]

I know I'm trying not to. Every time I talk to him this happens. I wish I never did this. I wish I didn't have to go through all this pain. I feel like I would rather be stabbed. Why does god have to put me through this.

 

With all due respect for the hurt you are currently experiencing, you and you alone are putting yourself through this by continuing to be in contact with this man.

[TaraMaiden]

you know what?

you have a choice.

 

to put it bluntly, either put up, or shut up.

 

Either do something for yourself, because you've decided, for you, that it's best for you to quit this constant, endless, deliberation, analysis and rehashing, quit continually asking questions about his behaviour, seeking clarification for his rationale, trying to decipher his every thought, word and deed....and just quit playing into it, by dumping the commitment-phobe -

 

OR -

 

Stop going on about it, endlessly, and just accept that your life with him will always be like this: him running rings round you, and you trying to guess why, all the while fawning, hoping and pining for something he will never, ever give you:

 

Himself.

 

Either get out of this situation, no further questions asked - or stick with it, and suck it up.

 

Those are your choices: Out for good, or in, and quit complaining.

[TaraMaiden]

I know I'm trying not to. Every time I talk to him this happens. I wish I never did this. I wish I didn't have to go through all this pain. I feel like I would rather be stabbed. Why does god have to put me through this.

 

Nobody else is to blame for the situation you are in, but you.

[amkxoxo]

So its my fault for asking for his number, putting myself out there, falling hard, and getting hurt??? I tried so hard to be with him. I did all I could. He likes me too I'm not making it up, its been mutually said. My good friend who I work with is a lot older than me. I talked to her about it. Se said she was in a similar situation in college. He broke up with her because he was graduating and moving away and wanted to get his life together. They got married. That's hope to me. I can't help how I feel inside. No one can. I never put myself out there, so when I do its because I truly feel so strongly about the person and I am in it for the long haul. All my fault doesn't sound too logical to me...

[Simon Phoenix]

So its my fault for asking for his number, putting myself out there, falling hard, and getting hurt??? I tried so hard to be with him. I did all I could. He likes me too I'm not making it up, its been mutually said. My good friend who I work with is a lot older than me. I talked to her about it. Se said she was in a similar situation in college. He broke up with her because he was graduating and moving away and wanted to get his life together. They got married. That's hope to me. I can't help how I feel inside. No one can. I never put myself out there, so when I do its because I truly feel so strongly about the person and I am in it for the long haul. All my fault doesn't sound too logical to me...

 

It's not your fault you initially fell for him. It is your fault that you keep getting sucked in because you refuse to go NC and try to heal. And I'm sorry, from what you've written (and you've written way too much) it doesn't sound like you were ever a primary option. And you aren't now. But yes, if you keep feeding into this, it is all your fault.

[Archanaart]

So its my fault for asking for his number, putting myself out there, falling hard, and getting hurt??? I tried so hard to be with him. I did all I could. He likes me too I'm not making it up, its been mutually said. My good friend who I work with is a lot older than me. I talked to her about it. Se said she was in a similar situation in college. He broke up with her because he was graduating and moving away and wanted to get his life together. They got married. That's hope to me. I can't help how I feel inside. No one can. I never put myself out there, so when I do its because I truly feel so strongly about the person and I am in it for the long haul. All my fault doesn't sound too logical to me...

 

I think what was meant by you only have yourself to blame is the current status of the situation like you answering his calls and then rehashing EVERYTHING (which you said happens when you talk to him) and then posting it on here hoping to hear one of us say omg he loves you so much!!

 

Many of us including myself have put ourselves out there and have been hurt. That's life. it happens. get over it and move on. You're so stuck!

 

As for your friend well I can't say if its a similar situation or not but it seems like its not because you've previously said we didn't break up. So how could it be similar to your friends situation???? I mean like he never wanted to label it or commit and now it seems like he's been hung up on his ex this whole time while he was hanging out with you. At best I would say is that you guys were just hanging out with no commitment and the ability to see others. Unless you discussed being boyfriend/girlfriend exclusively??? Which doesn't seem like it happened.

 

Doesn't seem like he's in any position to put effort into a relationship or friendship.

 

What are you expecting from him at this point? Do you have plans to hangout as friends? Why won't you guys call yourself friends? How are you supposed to establish a friendship or relationship if you don't see each other?

 

Why do you defend him so fiercely if he causes you so much that you'd rather be stabbed?

[amkxoxo]

I understand what your saying. I'm defending him because on one side he hasn't done anything wrong and I do care for him, but the other end of me is so hurt by him I am mad, but I don't want to be. Its easier to hang on to something that was amazing than giving up. I don't give up that's how I am. The friends thing is bizarre to me. He would never say we were just friends because he still wants to like nuzzle my neck and be flirty. We did talk about a relationship because I wanted one and he said he wanted to wait and see how summer would go. If summer was good and he had the time and effort to do it he said we could. He said he wanted to be a great boyfriend for me. He has been so sick all summer and in and out of the hospital. Taking classes and trying to find a job. He has minimal money. Sometimes he is missing for weeks at a time communication wise due to sickness. He said that he feels bad because he can't give me what I deserve because of his life and he doesn't want to jump into it because he can't do it and he doesn't want us to fail. He said that him being sick all the time and me waiting around isn't a relationship.

 

He openly says that we were dating or "going steady". I have heard him. He said that he doesn't want me waiting around, because I was doing just that and told him I would wait. He said that if someone comes along and I like them a lot then I shouldn't deny myself. We weren't committed but neither of us went seeing other people when we were dating. When we first started dating I questioned him about being a rebound. He said he doesn't do rebounds and never has. He says that everyone is different and everything he does with me is totally different because he is doing it with me.

 

We haven't gone over boundaries or friendship. We talk on the phone occasionally. He has said how he wants to get his own place and have a party and he has said he pictures it in his head and I would be there. If he comes down to my college I don't know if we will see each other. He's not obligated to see me, I would hope he would make the effort to though. I feel like we never broke up though, its more casual dating unless I find someone better.

 

I'm mad at him now so I'm glad he isn't calling because I would probably be mean. I am so mad because he told me all that stuff about your "perfect" and a "great person" and "you always do the right thing" etc etc.....that hurts me because its so mixed signals and now I'm upset. Be my friend....fine. But my guy friends don't act like that and flirt with me on the phone. My best friend from home thinks its so rude the way he uses me. This is the closest I've ever gotten to a real serious relationship with someone I really liked. Fail.

Edited August 2, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Archanaart]

Sorry I asked.

 

Your answers were just more rehashing and its tiring reading the same thing over and over.

 

Yeah I know my own fault for trying help and reading your posts.

 

Maybe you should take go back and read all your posts. Maybe then you'll see all the rehashing and running around in circles that you do.

 

I don't think posting on LS is the best option. Doesn't seem to be helping much.

 

good luck and do what's best for you

Edited August 2, 2013 by Archanaart