hopefully I not offend anyone, but do all men go to strip clubs & want to cheat?

[Confused28]

I hope not to offend anyone with this question/generalization.......I have been thinking about this and asking people about this for years.... tell me what you think......

 

 

Are all guys "players"? Do all guys go to strip clubs, look at porn and cheat (or cheat if they could get away with it)? I have an ex-boyfriend who was perfect, except his references to strip club visits (visits from before we were together) were so bothersome that I left the relationship. He also once said "I'm a guy, I like to look at naked women" on our 4th date. Not exactly a turn on. Everything else was great about him. I didn't know if he was just an honest guy, or if this was something that I couldn't handle about him.

 

My current boyfriend says this is the case (except for him, of course). He uses this as a way to keep me in the relationship, assuring me that anyone else will do this to me. It has worked, but is it true? Some say yes, others say no, there are faithful men who are in love with their wives/girlfriends, and don't have a wandering eye. Is this true?

 

 

Thanks!! Confused28

[bluechocolate]

Are all guys "players"? Do all guys go to strip clubs, look at porn and cheat (or cheat if they could get away with it)?

 

No.

[Confused28]

Thanks bluechocolate! You are so speedy and really helping me out today!!! :-) Confused28

[Artifact]

Not all guys are players. It's too great a generalization.

[bluetuesday]

Originally posted by Confused28

He uses this as a way to keep me in the relationship, assuring me that anyone else will do this to me. It has worked, but is it true?

 

 

your boyfriend is using fear to control you which means he's either deeply insecure or just plain nasty. or possibly both.

 

no, of course all men are not players. all men don't cheat. some men wouldn't cheat even if they knew they would get away with it. all men have penises and that's where the similarity between them ends. they're individuals. there is no 'one rule'.

 

you say this guys tactics have worked though which sounds like it could be an esteem issue for you. you don't think you could ever get anyone better, huh?

 

just be sure you're with him for the right reasons. not because he convinces you he's the best you're ever going to get.

[morrigan]

Originally posted by Confused28

 

My current boyfriend says this is the case (except for him, of course). He uses this as a way to keep me in the relationship, assuring me that anyone else will do this to me.

 

Not all guys peruse pornography, go to strip clubs, or actually cheat on their partners. Not all guys tell their girlfriends that "I'm the only man that will ever treat you well" either.

[quankanne]

He also once said "I'm a guy, I like to look at naked women" on our 4th date. Not exactly a turn on

 

it's downright depressing. But, I DID finally get my husband to give me a straight, honest answer (after 12 years of marriage):

 

men do this because it's a way of fantasizing. There are pretty girls to gawk at, girls who dance for them and make them feel pretty dang studly ... and guys don't have to worry about living up to any of those girls' expectations!

 

strippers don't demand multiple orgasms of them, they aren't scoping out the equipment and comparing it to former lovers (I think every guy has that hang-up at some point), they don't care how the guy is gonna perform ... it's sort of like women getting addicted to hard-core romance novels where they imagine the hot hunky hero is bedding THEM, according to my husband. We might not get to actually screw the guy on page 96, but damn, we can get just as hot and bothered by his tongue doing those wonderful things to his literary love interest! strippers do the same thing for men, except guys have problems visualizing what they read, they need to see to experience it, he says ...

 

oddly enough, this answer makes the most sense to me, though I will go on record to say that I don't condone that kind of behavior from my men!

[Moose]

Trust me, I've had all kinds of opportunities and still do. I can get away with it too if I was so inclined. But for me, the guilt would be too much to bear. Plus, my wife is a little hottie and I ain't messin' that up, no way no how!!

 

You need to tell your boyfriend that he isn't all that and to quit trying to buffalo you. Of course men like to look at naked women....women like to look at naked women too. The female body is a wonderous thing and it's hard not to admire it.

 

I would tell your boyfriend that he's noone special by not cheating on you.......there are thousands of men that would love to be with you and would stay faithful to you. He's no trophy. If he's using that as a means to keep you in a relationship with him, he needs a wake up call. I would out right call him a liar if he tells you that nonsense again.

[quankanne]

my two cents:

 

Not all guys tell their girlfriends that "I'm the only man that will ever treat you well" either.

 

I've always said that if a person has to point out what he/she will do for you, then there's something wrong with the picture, it's a sign of insecurity.

[Confused28]

Wow,

 

Thanks for the responses! It is great to know that I am expecting realistic things from my relationships, and I do deserve the best!

 

Quankanne, thanks for your explanation, that makes complete sense, even though it also is disturbing. I don't put up with that, and my current boyfriend knows it, but as I said, he also uses it as a tool to keep me with him when our relationship has been on the rocks alot.

 

As I explained in another post, the current boyfriend (nick) and i broke up for 2 months and i met Shane. He was incredible and I would have stayed with him but his casual attitude towards bachelor parties, strip clubs and porn was not okay with me. I felt on top of the world when I was with him, but his comments like "..... one night when we were on our way back from the strip club" were too much for me. i know that he didn't go when we were together (that i knew of) but i know the next bachelor party that came along would cause a fight. It was too early in the relationship to talk about it (at least i thought) so i never brought it up and went back to my current boyfriend (Nick).

 

I think about Shane all the time, still, and wonder if I lost the best thing for me. But, I am haunted by several of his comments about these things. Nick found this out, and while i do love him, he basically used this information to get me back with him by planting the notion in my head that he was a player and womanizer.

 

Time will tell what happens. Thanks!!!!

[Naive]

Nope, not all guys are like this. There are some real good ones out there, but we seem to just let 'em pass us by.

[EnigmaXOXO]

No. I have to say that NOT all men are into those things.

 

Neither my ex husband of fifteen years or my current partner of five years views porn (at least to my knowledge) or visits strip clubs. At least not while they were in a relationship with me. My feelings have always been respected in that manner without my ever having to come out and ask. Of course, what they did when they were 'single' is a different story all together.

 

Although I would not knowingly involve myself in a relationship with someone who had a porn addiction, or spent their weekends and paychecks in nudie bars, I have never, ever in my entire life had to deal with the "porn" issue with any of the men I have ever dated or was involved in a serious relationship with. Just lucky I guess?

 

Now my father…on the other hand…is a porn connoisseur extraordinaire! Your proverbial 'dirty old man!'

[honey2005]

My current boyfriend says this is the case (except for him, of course). He uses this as a way to keep me in the relationship, assuring me that anyone else will do this to me.

 

If "all" guys were players, your boyfriend would be a player. He's not the only special one out of the entire male population. I don't think all guys are players, at least I sure hope not. There has to be SOME good ones out there.

[ThumbingMyWay]

No not all men are players.....some of us are decent men.

 

As for strip clubs, no not all men go to strip clubs. Personally its a waste of money....albiet I go about once every couple years when "upnorth" fishing with the guys. BUT I make sure only to take $20 and my ID...hahahaha.

 

 

and as Moose said....the female body is a wonderful thing....its so sexual, both men and women are attrached to the female body....and since men are more sexually motivated (vs female being emotional driven), its only natural for us to look at a beautiful female. Heck, my wife will point them out sometimes , she even said she'd go to the classy strip club just to see what its like