Confusion Nonsense and Divorce

[FutureLT]

About a month ago my wife asked me for a divorce, less than 2 weeks after that I was served the divorce papers, I'm currently getting ready to file my response, but I'm having trouble figuring out why this is even happening. Hoping a neutral 3rd party can help me shed some light on things.

 

I met my wife at the beginning of my Senior year in college, she was a Freshmen at the time, I was 22 she was 19. She spent the first few months of her first semester partying and getting with any guy she could, but she quickly grew tired of that lifestyle and when we met she was thrilled to know there were guys who wanted more than to grab her ass and sleep with her.

 

We connected deeply on many levels and hung out for about a month before finally making our relationship official. We had a few more dates before she just moved in with me and my roommates, we knew things were moving fast, but we didn't feel weird about it and neither of us were uncomfortable, everything just felt right, we were able to be 100% authentic with each other without fearing rejection. I proposed to her on Christmas Eve of that year, on a playground in my hometown after walking her around the town and sharing memories of my life growing up. She said yes, and we didn't set a date or anything for marriage we were just happy to have committed ourselves to each other.

 

I graduated May of the following year, and moved back to my hometown to figure out plans for the future, she moved over with me within a month and we both ended up getting jobs to save money. July 7th she called me on my lunch break at work and told me she wanted to get married that day. I rushed home, put on my best suit and we headed to the courthouse. An hour or so later we were husband and wife, I put my work clothes back on and went back to work.

 

As fall began to get closer we started discussing our plans for the future, I was actively pursuing a career as a Marine Corps Officer and she still had 3 years of undergraduate school before she could apply to vet school. Our plan was to move closer to the school and I would get a job and focus my efforts and getting prepared for the Marine Corps. We found a place in a town 8 miles from the college, but the job market was tough, luckily we were able to save money during the summer, but it took quite a while until I was able to find a job.

 

My criteria might have been too high, being a college graduate I didn't want to settle for a minimum wage job, but after the newlywed phase started wearing off and money was getting tight my wife was getting upset, and eventually told me I need to get a job and then she left and went and stayed with a friend for a week. During that week I found a job for minimum wage making pizzas, it wasn't great but it was enough to get us by. She came back and we continued on, our foundation shaken, but we rebuilt and moved forward. However, during that week she called her ex-boyfriend, and she told me they basically talked about how much of a "piece of ****" I was. We worked through this, she admitted it would be best if she didn't contact her Ex in the future, as I have never contacted mine, and never would.

 

About 8 months later I was finding myself mildly depressed, never seeing my wife and dreading my awful job I started applying for better jobs. During this time we moved into the college town into a nicer place, and my wife got a part time job to help her get references for her vet school application. We saw each other less, but the time we did have together we made every second count. We had planned to go camping with my family and when the weekend finally came she realized her father's birthday would fall on that weekend and wanted us to leave the camping trip midway through and go have cake and ice-cream with her family then go back up and finish the camping trip. I objected because that would be a round-trip of 8 hours of driving, and excess of $100 worth of gas and we were strapped for cash as it was. This lead to a fight, and she ended up saying she wouldn't go on the camping trip and I could just go alone, so I did.

 

When I got home from the trip I found our apartment emptied or her belongings, she had basically moved out, so I called her to find out what was going on and she came over and told me she wanted a divorce. We spent a week or so apart and I tried my best to get her to reconsider and said I would try harder to spend time with her family in the future. We had to start again at the dating phase for a while but she eventually was willing to reconcile and we worked it out and continued on. I held up my end of the bargain and began spending more time with her family.

 

Our relationship really blossomed during this time, we weren't having big fights, we were able to spend more time together, I got a better job that paid well and had benefits for both of us. She was doing well in school and I was helping her as much as I could there. But then on June 6th after we returned home from a run she lingered outside for a while, which was unusual so I went out to see what was up and she was surprised by me "sneaking up on" her and she put her phone away quickly. I pushed the subject and she eventually told me that she had been texting her Ex for a long time, basically nonstop since the time she had called him during our fight. She had been deleting the conversation as she sent/received them so I couldn't read back but the most recent text was from him and was an obvious reply and just said "I'm a cool cat".

 

She wouldn't tell me what they talked about or why she felt the need to hide it, but I pushed the subject and she told me that she had run into him a few weeks prior and saw him with a new girlfriend and that made her jealous. All this information at once was too much for me to handle so I wanted to take some time to think about it, I asked her if she could stay with a friend for the night, she said she could and packed a few things and left, crying all the while.

 

The next day I return from work to find a note from her, she wanted to talk to me sometime over the next few days, I called her and said she could come over tonight and talk, she came and told me she wants a divorce. I asked her why and she wouldn't give me an answer. She left that night just saying she needed time to think. About 3 days later she sends me a text saying her and her family will be coming to move her things out and she thinks it would be best if I wasn't there. I call her to find out where this is coming from and she tells me she has made her decision and she wants a divorce for sure, and now tells me that I need counseling and medication and only then will I ever be able to have a functional relationship, and proceeds to say that she is going to need counseling after all I've done to her.

 

I have no idea where this is coming from or what I have ever done to her. 2 days later they come and move her things out, I took the time to pack everything for her, and get it collected into 1 room so that she wouldn't have to spend a lot of time there. I only asked that her family stay outside to avoid any drama there, they didn't and insulted me the entire time. While I spent the time trying to talk to my wife and figure out why all this is happening so suddenly, she rushed her way out of there, and I haven't seen her in person since.

 

I tried to call her and text her to see if we could talk, and to get her to come see the animals, we have 2 dogs and 2 cats. But she wouldn't she said she was afraid of "what I would do". About a week from her moving her things out I was served with divorce papers.

 

So there is a quick rundown of the relationship. I'll present a summary and then some additional details I feel are relevant.

 

We were together 3 years total, 2 of which were married, she was 20 when we married, I was 23, she is now 22 I am about to turn 25.

 

Her family always disliked me because they are wealthy and I am not, I initially made a good impression on them when we first met, being an Engineer and aspiring Marine Corps Officer were things they seemed to respect, but the more they got to know me and I told them about where I come from and my family, the less interested they became to the point of making me feel very unwelcome. This lead me to spend as little time with them as possible, and the big fight with my wife over her dad's birthday party. After that I spent more time with them, but they shunned me at events, and I spent all my time with nieces and nephews, putting their bday/christmas presents together, pulling them around the yard in their sleds, taking them to playgrounds, and just trying to be a good uncle. (Side note: at our wedding reception one of my wife's sisters took it upon herself to give an unwarranted speech about hoping she will be able to get to know me, then never made any effort to do so.)

 

During the relationship she mentioned to me she thought it was weird that my family and I would say "I love you" when ending a phone conversation with each other, or after visiting. Her family never said it to each other as far as I ever saw. Hugging was also new to her, her family didn't hug, and my family is full of huggers, she was shy about it at first, but over the 3 years she came to embrace it (pardon the pun).

 

Her parents have always been a bit over-protective of her, and she would lie to them because of this, despite my best efforts to preach honesty to her, and show her how well it works in my family, she still would hide things from them (and obviously from me) because she felt it would make us view her unfavorably. Among the things she hid from her parents was that she used to smoke pot very frequently, throughout highschool and going into college, I'm very anti-drug and did my very best to get her to stop, she seemed to respect my opinion enough to stop, and as far as I'm aware she hasn't done it since we started dating. Her parents never knew she smoked, and therefore never knew I was able to get her to quit.

 

She also hid the fact that she moved in with me right away, she lead her parents to believe that she was living in the dorms, and that her and I didn't see each other all that often, more of a new boyfriend that she would spend some time with when she wasn't studying or going to class. So as far as they were aware the first real quality time we spent together was when she moved in with me in my hometown nearly 8 months later.

 

However given we were engaged long before that, she chose to hide that from her parents for a while, but eventually it became known, and her parents had told her that if she married me they would no longer help her pay for college and they would take her car away. She didn't care about that and said was going to marry me anyway. Her parents were apparently lying as she was still able to use her college fund, and she kept her car.

 

In terms of other lies, as I mentioned she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend from about 1 1/2 years into our relationship onward as far as I can tell now. She hid it despite having convinced me that she agreed it was a bad idea and could lead to tearing us apart. In addition to this she once told me she was going to study with some friends, but I learned later that she really went to the college gym with a former highschool friend (male) and played basketball together. I was hurt that she had to lie to me, but didn't view this as a threat, just figured she thought I would get jealous or something, so I forgave her.

 

When her family came and moved stuff out one of the insults that stuck to me most was when I tried to talk to them and mentioned that they shouldn't help her make this choice since they don't know me very well and her sister yelled "you had 3 years to get to know us". It hurt because I tried, but as I mentioned I felt so alienated I spent any family time with the children.

 

Children was something my wife and I always talked about and we both wanted, but we disagreed on timing, she wanted to wait until she finished school, but with my new job and benefits I thought we had all the resources to have children at any time, and given my schedule I would be able to be home with them while she was at school/work, and vice versa. She agreed and got off her birth control May of this year, and we tried during that month to conceive, even though we knew that it could take time for her body to readjust, near the end of the month she had gotten cold feet about the idea and wanted to get back on the birth control, I was let down, but told her it was her choice and I couldn't force her into something she didn't want. So she resumed to pill June 1st, 5 days prior to leaving me.

 

The night she came to talk to me about divorce, we walked together, held hands, hugged, sat next to each other, and were still loving to each other, just with the strange topic being that she was confused and might want a divorce. Even when she called me saying her decision was final, she agreed to meet me that night to see the dogs, and during that time I tried talking to her more about possibly working on the marriage instead of ending it, and during this conversation we hugged, and held hands, and I stroked her hair, and we sat in the front seat of her car together with our arms around each other, but the entire time she was telling me her decision was final, and she "needed to protect herself". But during this conversation I told her I loved her, and she would tell me right back that she loved me too.

 

Our last phone conversation, after she had moved out, and I had been served the divorce papers was weird as well, she asked if the process server was nice to me when he served me, and she asked what I had been up to for the past few weeks, I asked her as well, and I steered the conversation toward possibly meeting to talk about the response I was planning to file, and maybe even the relationship, she said she would like that, and then I asked her when she stopped loving me, and she said "I never said I did". A few days later however she texted me saying she felt like meeting up would be a bad idea and I should just leave my settlement offers with her lawyer. I didn't reply, and we have had no contact since.

 

Now my theories:

These are a few of the reasons she has given me for wanted the divorce. She said she never got a chance to be independent and that she felt like a lost soul and needed to find herself.

She said she needed to protect herself.

She said she thinks we rushed into our marriage.

She said we just aren't compatible.

She said she was just confused.

 

My opinion, given that her family never liked me, and the person she went to stay with the night I asked her to spend the night elsehwere was a "family-friend" (60+ year old woman, equally as manipulative and controlling as her parents with as much influence over my wife, to the point of telling her she couldn't have a 2nd glass of wine with her christmas dinner when she was 20 years old.) I feel that because I upset her by asking her to leave, and she was vulnerable this family friend and her parents took the opportunity to strike, and basically convinced her that divorce was her only option.

 

Another theory, is that there is just something she feels she needs to do, and can't do with me in the picture for some reason, whether that be pursue another relationship, or some other reason that has yet to be revealed, but in the end she would plan to return to me assuming I would be waiting.

 

And the third theory is that for some unknown reason, she just feels that she wasn't happy with me and felt like she could do better, so decided to end this relationship to find out if the grass is greener on the other side.

 

Now I'm not saying the relationship was perfect, we had our fights, and we had our quirks, but I can say for sure that I was always 100% supportive of her dreams and pushed her to be the best version of herself without trying to change her into someone that she wasn't, and by the same token she challenged me to improve myself, and kept me motivated to stay in shape for the Marine Corps. I never let her feel as though she wasn't the most beautiful woman in the world, I told her every day how much she meant to me, and barring the 3 large fights I mentioned at the beginning, we never went to sleep with something bothering us.

 

I'm sure I'm missing details that may or may not be important, but ultimately since she has left, all of our friends, and my family have been shocked and devastated by her decision, none of us can make any sense of it, and we are all hoping she will come to her senses soon. I'm hoping that by laying out my story to a neutral 3rd party, perhaps they can provide some clarity and help me to cope with this loss.

 

I am in counseling, and I am reading a lot of self help books to continue to work on bettering myself in case she does want to try again, or even for my next relationship just so I can be better prepared to make the relationship less likely to be given up on so easily. I'm eating, exercising, working, and doing new things and meeting new people. I'm continuing with my life for now, and leaving my heart out there for her to take it if she wants it, but I'm open to the idea that someone else might pick it up first.

[FutureLT]

Wow, didn't think I typed all that much, I apologize for the huge wall of text.

[Techie Artist]

Hi, Future. Welcome to LS. I'm sorry that you're going through this difficult period. You seem thoughtful about what is happening. I think you're right to replay the reasons she gave you for why she's final on the D. You have to take her at her word and then analyze it as you have.

 

I think you're dead on. The family is influencing her. She's well off and young, so she can still "undo" the haste of her youth by marrying you. She has been scolded and pressured by the parents, siblings, that circle. You've been deemed "too low class" for her. I say this not as an indictment against you and who you are...just that I know the kind of people. Your memory is to be quickly erased.

 

Even if she were to get a spine (if she really wants you) and abandon the path her family has set for her, it would be at great cost to her. It could also be the best decision she ever made...to run to the man she truly loves.

 

My mother dismissed a boyfriend I was in love with right before I went to college because she didn't want me to be distracted. He told me years later that he got an offer he couldn't refuse, so he broke it off. My heart was SO broken back then, and I always wonder what could've been. In my maturity, I see that it was a rational decision from her perspective to do what she did, but maybe I'd be happily married to him today had she not interfered...

 

I think you're fighting a losing battle unless she changes her own mind and leaves a cushy life to try again with you.

 

Best of luck to you.

 

TA

[Gunny376]

I wouldn't buy off on any her lame azz-excuses for a single solitary nanosecond. In the years to come? You'll find that any and all reasons that she listed for breaking it off with you is the very reason(s) that so many other women find attractive in and about you.

 

To be honest? I think you got off light and lucky. I know that's not an easy thing for you to see right now? But in the years to come you will look back and just laugh about it all. The reason(s) that I think you got off light among others is that you didn't and haven't made the mental, emotional, commitment ~ let alone the investment ~ the pyschological ~ financial investment of the years than you have. All the more is that you didn't piss away what are argumentatively some of the absolute best years of your very life.

 

Never again will you be as young, as in good a health as you are right now.

 

You didn't have kids with her! And as hard as all of this is? Having children with the likes of someone like her, makes it only harder. You'll have to trust me on this one.

 

Forget what her parents have to say! So they got money. More than likely its accumulative family wealth of some form or the other. That's the way most people come into money. Very few this days are self made. Only about 2% of all Americans earn more than $100K a year anyway, and most of them don't even see that until they're past the age of fifty.

 

I don't think someone that's completed their BS in engineering, and who was willing to put their career aspirations on hold to become a MC officer is anything to sniff one's nose at! (I may be biased on this point mind you!)

 

I would get back on track with going into the Corps. They'll take you mind off of her for sure and certain. Kind of like running off and joining the French Foreign Legion!

 

The martial success rate of young Marines isn't very good anyway ~ be they enlisted or commissioned. Enough pull it off to make others think they can do it ~ but most don't.

 

Several years ago the Corps wanted to re-enact an old WWII regulation to where a Marine couldn't get married unless he held the rank of Corporal or above. And he or she had to have his or her commanding officer's permission. This was quite common as the Seventies and Eighties when it came to marrying a foreign bride. And still is more or less in effect if a Marine has a top secret security clearance.

 

Of course the Feminazi's had a fit about it, and so the Corps backed off on it.

 

In hindsight? No man has any business getting married before the age of thirty anyway. You need that amount of time to finish your formal and informal education, get you feet on the ground, get your career off the ground and to a good start, get some money behind you.

 

There use to be a club called "Skinny Fats" outside of the Marine Officer Basic School at Quantico, VA. Every weekend it was packed with young darlings out of Washington, DC, Alexandra, Va, etc out to do one thing ~ snactch them up a young, recently minted Marine 2nd Lt. The place was always packed with HBX10's.

 

Forget this little gal! Live your dream, become a Marine Officer and a Heartbreaker. You'll get your self respect, self confidence back as you've never had it and that will last you a Lifetime!

[FutureLT]

Thanks for the response Techie, all my friends and family seem to agree that her family is forcing her into this decision, when her and I talked alone I could tell she wasn't convinced this was what she wanted, and she would agree to talk with me later, or come over to see the animals, but then once we were done talking and she presumably shared our conversation with her parents, they convinced her that I'm just trying to manipulate her somehow, and then she would text me saying she thinks it's best if we don't talk anymore and all that stuff, she won't even talk to me about the divorce anymore, but I still hope that the same girl that was willing to stand up to her parents when we initially decided to get married is in there somewhere, and after enough time apart she'll realize what she had and do whatever it takes to win me back.

 

Gunny, you're dead on about her family's money, her parents took over a Ranch that her mother's parents had taken over from her grandparent's and so on backwards a few generations, all her mother side of the family does is fight over who should have gotten to take over the ranch, and all the money involved and it has torn them all apart, my wife told me they all used to be very close, then when the grandfather died and the fighting began nobody could stand each other anymore. I'm still on track with the MC, my OSO has requested I take a few months to work this all out and mentally prep for OCS, the next selection board is in October, so I should be heading to Quantico by January. I put my life on hold waiting for my wife, I quit a job to move with her, I stayed in a town that had no opportunities for an Engineer in order to stay with her, and I continually postponed my selection application in order to make sure our relationship was stable enough to survive me leaving for training. It's very clear to everyone that I put 110% effort into this marriage, and sacrificed a lot, she on the other hand refused to sacrifice anything, including communication with ex-boyfriends, and then turns around and blames the failure on me. I'm not buying it. I've got a bright future ahead of me, and I wanted her to be a part of it, we spent 3 years planning our future together, only to have it taken away on a whim. Oh well I guess, I'll carry on without her and hope she decides to catch up quickly, or else I might find a woman who truly appreciates a man like me.

 

I'm still having trouble letting go of her, and although I may sound like I have my **** together, I am torn up inside. But I'm powerless here and I cannot change her mind if she refuses to speak to me. She's made her bed, and now she can lie in it. I appreciate an outside perspective on this, but it sucks that the common theme is that I need to give up and move on.

[beach]

Her family didn't force her to contact and stay in touch with her other man - she did that all on her own.

 

She's not who you THOUGHT she was.

 

She's sneaky and a cheater.

 

Be grateful you know now!

 

Get the D finalized as soon as possible.

[FutureLT]

Beach, true they didn't force her to stay in touch with him, but they certainly helped, they accepted gifts from him for her birthday, and gave him a job on their ranch so she would have to see him when we would visit, and they passed on messages from him to her. . . they definitely played a hand in their continued communication, they liked him, he was rich.

[Gunny376]

So basically the so-called parents are wanting her to get with the hired ranch hand, so she and he can produce even more 'Little Ranch Hands" and so-called the big, bad, Marine LT won't be dragging her and the grand kids all over the four corners of the world! That's the deal right there my man!

 

I'm not pissing on your leg and trying to convince you that its raining. But there are a few axioms of the Corps that have held true throughout the history of tha' Corps.

 

"The toughest job in the Marine Corps? Is being the wife of a Marine!"

 

"If the Corps wanted you to have a wife? They would have issued you one at battalion supply when you checked in!"

 

The attrition rate at Marine OCS is somewhere between 33 to as high as 39%. Varies from class to class. And the composition of the class, etc. (PLC, MCECP, ROTC, etc.)

 

The Marine Corps is demanding. The whole point of OCS, the Basic School, enlisted boot camp isn't to just turn your happy self into a basically qualified Marine? Its to see if you've EVEN begin to have what it takes to be a Marine DAY-TO-DAY in the Fleet Marine Force.

 

Once you graduate? All safeties are off, and you WILL be tested, scrutinized, evaluated every single day of your career! And the first time you demonstrate that you can't hack it mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically? You WILL be gone!

 

Matters not if you've been in a day or thirty-years!

 

You do not need a lying, cheating, two-timing, weak-minded, immature mommy's girl as a wife.

 

Don't think for a minute that just because your an Lieutenant that you want have some slick-talking, pick-up-artist of a Lance Corporal trying to get into your wife's pants.

 

You can trust most Marines with your money and your life? But you can NEVER trust one with your wife. In fact its the officers that its been my experience that are the very worse of the bunch!

 

As far as her wanting to become a Vet? Its easier getting into medical school than it is to get in and through Vet school. Talk is cheap, and she doesn't sound as though she's walking the walk, nor talking the talk! Hell she can't even committ to one man or the other. And when we're talking about Vet school, we're talking ~ living, breathing, sleeping, dreaming, and eating nothing but!

 

Same the Corps is going to expect out of YOU!

[FutureLT]

Ooh-rah Gunny, thanks for the motivation. My wife is certainly showing that she is a non-hacker, if she wants to toughen up, ditch the zero and get with the hero, she better move fast. Without any distractions or ties to my current city, I'll be able to eat/sleep/breathe Marine Corps until October, and then prove my commitment to the Corps through OCS. Thanks for the reality check.

[Gunny376]

There are many paths to one final destination and all of us have the final distention. The end of our lives ever how one envisions it.

 

I have never heard of a former Marine say they regret, (OK in all fairness I've not ran across too many '****-birds" out here in civilian life that had been in the Marines and gotten kicked out)

 

I have ran across A LOT of former Marines that wish like Hell they had stayed in and at least retired. Especially now that I'm on the backside of the Corps.

 

And to be honest? Yea I miss it! But its a young man's game. And, the simple fact of the matter is? I'm not getting any younger nor prettier as the days go by.

 

The average enlisted Marine is a Lance Corporal maybe a Corporal after a four year enlistment. A Staff Sergent maybe a Gunny after twenty years in the Corps. Maybe higher if they really lived and breathed it. Some were red hot? Others? Well every organization has its azz kissers.

 

Me? I probally could have made First Sergent or even Sergeant Major. I was shooting for Warrant Officer, even 2nd Lt through the MCECP or LDO program.

 

What tripped me up? Two things!

 

One and the primary one? The XHEX and all her BS! I was working on my BS through off-duty education. Sweet program. The Corps pays for 75% of my tuition, I pay for my books and lab fees, etc. She told me we couldn't afford it. This was all before the Internet and so-called "on-line" education.

 

I learned micro and macro-economics from a Marine major who was prepping himself to go teach at the Naval Academy. The fact that he had an MBA from Yale didn't hurt not one damn bit. I learned business law I and II from a Marine Corps Captain. The fact that he graduated from Princeton Law School didn't hurt my feeling one damn bit. On and on.

 

I was selected third out of thirty-two applicants by my battalion commander for Warrant Officer school, (You think getting commissioned is hard ~ try going that route in tha' Corps. Its a crap shoot at best!)

 

But the XHEX is what tripped me up with my career in the Corps.

 

If you do it right? You listen to what the Corps tells you, they will send you to graduate school on their dime. You can retire with a lifelong pension for life and medical and dental insurance for life, (Had a $90,000 leg surgery about two years ago? My co-pay? $75. Was in the hospital for two days this last Spring. Hospital bill? $6K ~ my co-pay? Zilch! Cost $6.75 for each of my children to be born at a Naval Hospital. And my medical premiums? $19.95 a month. Its because I'm in a larger insurance pool that numbers in the millions that's its so low ~ NOT because Uncle Sam is footing the dime)

 

Just do me one favor?

 

After you graduate, after you've gone through OCS, after you've gotten through The Basic School? You're past your divorce? Make sure you send the X a picture of you in your Dress Blues!

 

Marine Corps Officer Dress Blues - Google Search

 

I promise you! Chris Ledoux, George Straight and the NBRA won't have a damn thing on you my friend!

 

For once you've EARNED that EGA! It can and will never be taken away from you, You will have joined a Brotherhood that no college faternity can ever hope to match. And you forever more will have become a "Brother of a Different Mother" to me and our fellow Marines!

[Gunny376]

Oh! The second thing that held my up? I stood up for my Marines. I had a mouth and I spoke my mind.

 

2nd Lt's feared me!

 

1st Lt's were afraid of me!

 

Capt's were wary of me!

 

Maj's respected me!

 

Why? Because I went to S-1 (Admin) during my off-duty time and studied, memorized, knew and could quote verbatim ~ word for word, sub-sub-paragraph, paragraph, chapter, page, most relevant battalion, regiment, division, FMF, MCO, Dept of Navy, ALMARS as if they were the Gospel and tomorrow was the Second Coming of Christ!

 

I documented any and everything that I did, said, spoke to, discussed. Down to the minute. I knew everything there was to know about my Marines, and if I didn't have it on me? I could have you the answer within a hour a so or before the end of the day?

 

This is what you have to do in your divorce case (ALL OF YOU!) Document any and everything!

 

Just like Ms. Smucketelle told you high school!

 

Do your homework!

[FutureLT]

Aye Aye, Gunny!

[Gunny376]

My one and only concern about you as a furutre Marine Officer?

 

Is if you can handle all of those California and/or Carolina "Beach Bunnies" in and around Camp Lejeune NC (aka Myrtle Beach NC) or Camp Pendleton (aka Malibu Beach, San Deigo Beach)

 

T&A Patrol is HARD duty!

[Gunny376]

My one and only concern about you as a furutre Marine Officer?

 

Is if you can handle all of those California and/or Carolina "Beach Bunnies" in and around Camp Lejeune NC (aka Myrtle Beach NC) or Camp Pendleton (aka Malibu Beach, San Deigo Beach)

 

T&A Patrol is HARD duty!

 

I mean a man could go blind without the right pair of RayObands or seriously hurt his neck twisting up and down the beach so much! don't even won't to think about the perils of not using the right kinds of sunblock.

 

Then you could get lost for days along River Street of Savanah, or Charleston. Not to mention Greensboro NC, or Raligh, NC. The food of the Carolina Coast, the seafood, a Low-country boil, a Eastern North Carolina BBQ, ribs, "pig-picking" don't get me started on talking about living in California. Nor the Phillippines.

[Gunny376]

San Miguel Beer

 

Yakisoba in Okinawa

 

Syrian Beef Stew

 

Mongolian BBQ

 

Turkish Women

 

Italian Women

 

Irish Women

 

British Women

 

French Women

 

Fried Rice from Okinawa!

 

Japanese Women

 

Filipino Women

 

Subic Bay

 

Manila

 

Hong Kong

 

Kobe Beef Steaks from Japan so tender you can cut them with a plastic knife!

[FutureLT]

I'm heading out on a camping trip for the weekend, our anniversary would have been the 7th, and my birthday is the 8th. Gonna be a challenging weekend, but nothing I can't handle hopefully. Trying to do things by myself that her and I used to do together. Each one has been difficult, but I'm still here. I appreciate all your comments, and support. I'll check back in on Monday.

[Steadfast]

I think you're dead on.

 

No, he's dead wrong. Or was. Until Gunz had a little 'talk' with him. =)

 

The key to who she is was revealed in collage. For whatever reason she ran loose, but you didn't change her OP. She grew tired of the disrespect of being called a slut and you were there to offer respectability. See, she liked doing it, but hated the label. This is her confusion. With you, she could do both and did. She's well practiced at hiding, isn't she? Read Michelle Langley's 'Women's Infidelity' for an inside look at your bride.

 

Her family? They probably like you more than you realize. Or perhaps they didn't put in the effort because they knew you wouldn't be around long.

 

Thank god no kids. Gunny is right young man; you are very, very lucky indeed. Broom this pathological headcase and learn from the experience. Lesson One, stop being such a pushover. Never reward bad behavior.

[Gunny376]

I think most men in their youth, if for only a short time, basic requirement of women is that they have a pulse and can fog up a mirror.

 

But at some point in time we all have to come to the realization of what women have known all the long.

 

That no matter how attractive a woman is? Doesn't necessarily make her flawless, moral, ethical, etc?

 

If anyone has taken the time to read Rachel Welch bio they will find that she much, much more than just some movie star bimbo. She's very religious, moral, ethical, and a shrewed business woman who got in show business, made her grub stake and got out of what can otherwise be a very nasty and disgusting business?

 

A leopard doesn't change its spots.

 

And while the OP's in-laws may not like him, I believe they will come to respect him if they don't already, simply because if he goes the course that he does? He'll be self made man within his own right. The Corps doesn't give you anything. But if you listen to the lessons that it has to teach ~ you will have the tools to be successful in whatever you choose to pursue in life.

 

Despite being the smallest of the four branches of the military (The Coast Guard comes under the Department of the Treasury ~ not Defense. The confusion arises because in times of national emergency the Coast Guard can be 'militarized" ~ not to detract one iota from their mission and what they do BTW) the Marines produces more leaders that stand out in their chosen field than any other branch. More state governors, legislatures, congressmen, senators, ambassadors, etc were former Marines than any other branch.

 

List of United States Marines - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[FutureLT]

Good Evening Everyone,

 

Back from the camping trip, can't say I had a great time, felt like a piece was missing, especially today which would be our 2 year anniversary, and tomorrow will be rough as it is my birthday, and she typically had something special planned for me. I'm trying to keep my chin up and keep moving forward, and even with all the bad and the lies from her helping me to do so, I can't let go of all the good the relationship held. One day at a time for now. Staying in shape for the MC though, I'll be an Officer in no time.

[Techie Artist]

Get your own cake, streamers, music, and whoop it up in your own way. Make a new tradition! Happy birthday!

[FutureLT]

Well for my birthday I decided to give myself some freedom, so I filed my response to the petition, basically said I'll take all the debts other than her student loans, we already divided our personal property, and she won't be getting any of the animals, I sent her a copy, so now I don't have that weighing on my mind, and I'm free to do whatever I want until she responds/agrees/contests my response.

 

I got in touch with my ex-girlfriend just to see if being friends is something that can ever really happen in real life. Her and I ended very very badly, restraining orders, cops, court battles, and the whole reason we broke up was because I found out she was cheating on me, but now 6 years later, I can look at her and her new boyfriend and feel absolutely nothing toward her, no hatred, no love, just nothing. We caught up a bit, she was wary at first, it seemed like she thought I might be trying to rekindle something, but once I told her my situation she was more open to talking.

 

I guess it's comforting to me talking with her for a couple of reasons, first, knowing that someone I used to care about and was with for many years can be someone now that I can talk to and really not have feelings for is nice, and second seeing how far I've come since my break-up with her gives me hope for how far I can go now.

 

The ex did tell me she hopes things work out between my wife and I, and I still hold that hope within myself, but as I've mentioned I'm moving on now, with or without her. If she wants to catch up she's gonna need to run fast.

 

I was in a bit of a depression for the last year while with my wife, brought on by the awful job I had, and the last time she brought up divorce, I never really was able to shake it, but now with the counseling and the drive to go out and do things without having to worry about what my wife thinks, my depression has lifted and I'm living again. I've done more in terms of activity in the last 3 weeks, than I had in the last year.

 

Granted, my depression may have been what drove my wife away now that I look at it, but ultimately she is why I was depressed, maybe we just weren't right for each other, maybe when she brought up divorce last time I should have just stuck with it and not fought to win her back. Why should I stick my neck out and become someone I'm not for someone who doesn't really even want to be with me. All I did was prolong the inevitable and reward her bad behavior.

 

Even if by some miracle she is able to win me back now, she'll be in for a surprise when I'm not the pushover I was when she left. My next relationship (whether it be with her or someone else) is going to be one that I am comfortable with, and I have set up my warnings and boundaries for that relationship already, and this time I'm not going to cave on them. For some reason I caved on all of my boundaries with my wife, "for the sake of the marriage" but if I had been firm then either we would have a stronger relationship now or it would have ended a lot sooner. I will not compromise my own integrity in the future. I deserve someone who loves me as I am, and there is someone out there that I will love for who they are.

 

No matter which way I look at it, I'm not who I was a month ago, this experience changed me, and is continuing to change me each day, all the self help books, the talking with family and friends, the counseling, and posts from great people here, are turning me into a better person, helping me to know what to look for in the future and to stick to who I am.

[FutureLT]

I doubt it matters, but just for my own piece of mind I have been continuing to search for the answer as to why this is all happening, assuming she's telling me the truth about not leaving me for someone else, and everything else she's said, and I think I may have finally found an answer that fits.

 

Quarter-life Crisis

10 Signs You're Having Your Quarter-Life Crisis

Quarter-life crisis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

All the pieces are there, it all makes sense, she's coming to the end of her college days, and reality is starting to hit her, so she is regressing back to adolescence, clinging to her family of origin and casting away any and all responsibility.

 

Further research has indicated that these crises tend to occur at a time in your life when everything is going well, so well that there is no drama and you may become jaded to happiness, so you wonder if you are missing something. This appears to be the case here. But again, none of it changes anything, just gives me some piece of mind.

[FutureLT]

Haha, Well as it turns out she is leaving me and rushing for this divorce because she is pursuing a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. More power to them, and good riddance. You guys are right, I'm lucky it is ending now and not when I have more vested. Knowing the reason makes it that much easier to cope with now. I just hope she can forgive herself when she realizes what she's done.

[Gunny376]

The simple truth of the matter is that she's making short term decisions that will have long term consequences.

 

The simple truth of the matter is that at 25 you can choose to play now and pay for the rest of your life, or you can pay now and play for the rest of your life.

 

The simple truth of the matter is that you can make an investment of time, effort, energy and money ~ in your youth ~ and reap the dividends for the rest of your life ~ having laid a foundation that will last and substain you for the rest of your life.

 

In the Marine Corps you will learn that "pain is weakness leaving the body, the mind, the spirt, your very soul"

 

Pain is the ultimate Teacher. We all as children have been drawn to the flame of the fire, only to be burned. The pain of that experience taught us not to touch the flame.

 

It is a absolute reality that most people are about as happy as they make themselves up to be.

 

As you think is as you believe, as you believe, is as you become. If you think you can ~ you can ~ if you think you can't ~ you can't ~ eitherway you absolutely correct.

 

We each and everyone create our own reality. A man that can conquer and master themselves is much more valued and to be feared than one that hasn't!

 

An army of deer lead by a lion, is to be feared (And respected) much more than an army of lions lead by a deer!

 

Don't live your life by the expectations of our culture nor our society ~ that you should do X, Y, and Z by a certain age. Hell don't even think that you've ever have to get married, and have children to be complete and validated.

 

Live your life to its fullest, and to its top and not by and to the dictates on others, not their expectations. You don't need to be in a relatinship, have a GF, nor even a wife to be complete ~ self validate yourself.

 

If your seeking validation of yourself through and from others? If your seeking happiness through others you are bound for absolute and miserable failure. These things you must find within yourself and not from others.

 

Women will come and go in your life ~ people will come and go in your life. No one monkey makes the show!

 

IF you are up to the committment, the challenge, you can become a Marine. And once you've had that EGA laid in your hands, once you've EARNED the RIGHT to wear it? It can never for evermore be taken away from you. You will have joined a BORTHERHOOD! An exlusive Club ~ that few have the mental, emotional, pyscholgocial, physical capacity to become a member of!

[FutureLT]

Thanks Gunny, you seem to know exactly what to say to keep me grounded. I won't lie and say that this new information isn't absolutely tearing me up inside, but you are right, I need to feel this pain so that weakness will be gone. It's hard for me to believe my sweet, loving, innocent wife, is now willing to end our marriage on the off chance a relationship with her ex will work out. There's absolutely no comparison between us, I'm a winner and he is a loser, I know where their relationship will end up, and I know she'll regret her decision someday. But I also know that I'll be long gone, and happy on my own or with someone new by then.