Lonestar Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 I don't feel like repeating my situation, so I suppose only those that know me will respond. Anyway, X is pulling NC on me, and it's driving me insane. I haven't heard from him since yesterday afternoon and he calls me five times a day. I do NOT want to call him after all this BS about not telling his friends we're back together and not taking me out. He knows I'm upset about something and instead of asking me what it is, he's not calling. So his NC game is beginning to work on me, because my mind is looking for excuses to call him, but I keep telling myself don't call, don't call. If I call, I'm excusing the way he's been treating me and our "new" relationship. I need some support. Give me reasons NOT to call. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 I would agree that he's not including you in stuff with his friends & family because he bad mouthed you to them & they've probably gone along with it. Now he's probably too embarrassed to admit that he's gone back when he probably swore he never would. He's not embarrassed of you, more likely of the things he said when you first split up & the things that others may have agreed with. He HAS to acknowledge you to his friends & family, otherwise what you have is friend with benefits - and who needs that from an ex? I'm sure you can get that anywhere! You said in your other post that you agreed that you should back off for a bit - so back off!! Don't call him. What will happen if you call now? My guess is that you'll probably end up arguing. Do you really want to have an argument with him now? It's different when you're living with someone because, as I'm sure you know, you don't have the luxury of "not calling" when you're pissed off about something. But even then I generally refuse to argue - it's rarely productive. Instead I clam up (not such a great thing I know) but when I've calmed down enough to discuss it then I initiate the discussion. Perhaps that is not so applicable to your situation, but you shouldn't call him if you're pissed off, then it really will look like you're just looking to pick a fight. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Lonestar Give me reasons NOT to call. It will only result in destruction. Don't. He wants you to call him. He wants to feel like you can't handle not talking to him. He wants you to get angry so he can say the relationship won't work. If you act friendly and nice when he DOES call you, and not resentful in the least, he'll be surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Don't call because he has been treating you poorly since you two got back together. By calling him you are only encouraging the way he views you as the house hump toy when in your mind you know you have issues with it and want him to change. Don't give him the power he is looking to get. Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Don't call. Realize that he can't possibly forget about you or get over you in any short period of time. That's why I had problems with NC with my ex/current boyfriend. When we broke up last time, he asked me not to contact him for a WEEK. No emails, no phone calls, etc. It was so incredibly hard, but I did it. I was sure that he had gotten over me and forgotten about me by that point. I used the time to start working on myself, on my insecurities, etc., and long story short, we're back together again. When he saw how strong I could be, how I was working on my defensiveness and insecurity issues, and when I had backed off, he felt more comfortable and started coming around again. After we decided to try again he told me he had never gotten over me and couldn't possibly forget about me, but that he needed that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 I'm almost in tears over here the way you all posted to support me. If I could give a big group hug right now, I would. Thank you. I'm an IDIOT. I ended up calling him and as you all predicted, there was a huge fight. A fight that is now continuing into today. He already called me this morning to scream at me for an hour, telling me that he's not keeping me a secret and now suddenly he wants to go out with me Friday night instead of to that party, claiming that he would have done that all along (which is utter BS - he doesn't want me to go with another guy). I tried to nicely say that I love him but he's not giving me what I need, and I got called selfish and a baby. I finally hung up on him when he told me that a girl we both know that I hate called him last week and he never told me about it. I don't like that sh*t. I don't like someone who's supposed to love me hiding things. We're trying to build up trust again after all that happened. Keeping something from somebody is the same thing as lying in my book. At this point, I'm so hurt I can't see straight. I need to get through this day and get my ass to a bar tonight to watch Game 7 with people who actually want to be nice to me. Why do I love someone who makes me feel so bad? Same issues, different year... :'( Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Sorry to hear about that babe. I don't think you are selfish or a baby because you just want the stubborn dude to treat you well. He probably doesnt want to make you feel bad but because he is stubborn and prideful he does...and it sounds like he has some communication issues. Humans just have a hard time admitting they are acting wrong and it just boggles my mind why it is so hard for someone to see that. I hope it all works out for you because you don't deserve that stress and emotional trauma. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 Update... There's been a big turnaround since the "fight." We ended up talking it out that night I last posted, and since then things have been real good. He did end up coming out with me on Friday and we had a great time. I never once got the feeling that he wanted to be anywhere else but with me. He's also being a lot more verbally romantic, as I b*tched about him not doing in another past post. I'm hearing I miss yous, I love yous, and plenty of sweet comments. I even got a few e-cards. He's also planning to take me to New York for a night. When we were first falling in love a few years back, I took him there as a surprise, and we had a very romantic evening which ended at the top of Empire State building. When we got home, we were insanely in love with each other, so I'm thrilled he wants to relive that night again. Things are good. This is the way it was back when we first fell in love, without any of the resentments. It was really beginning to annoy me that the past seemed to be taking permanent residence in the present. There's no way the two of us can rebuild a relationship if we don't cut the past loose forever. I hope it stays where it belongs. I've been reading a few relationship help books over the past week. I've never been one to read one book at a time. There's always two or three. Anyway, I'm finding that readings these while working on a second chance with him is helping me keep all the past bullsh*t in perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Hey Lonestar !! I'm hearing I miss yous, I love yous, and plenty of sweet comments. I even got a few e-cards. Result ! Have a great time in New York. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 I'm so happy the fight was resolved and you had a nice evening. Enjoy NYC ... being together in such a crowded place can be so romantic, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time. Just stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted October 25, 2004 Author Share Posted October 25, 2004 Hey I saw you changed your avatar to some blue dog a couple days ago. I'm glad you changed it back. It just wasn't the same. =D Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 cool. glad to hear things are looking up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by Lonestar Hey I saw you changed your avatar to some blue dog a couple days ago. I'm glad you changed it back. It just wasn't the same. =D The pooch pic was to show Pap that my woofer doesn't stink but I like the old Roman artifact better myself! Link to post Share on other sites
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