being a mistress

[Adenna]

I am involved with a man who can't divorce his wife quite yet because he has one year left of school. They have a two year old son together so naturally he wants to spend the holidays with his son. But she is there. (he doesn't live with her, he live on campus at the college we both attend.) Because of the dorm situtation he is staying with her over break, I trust him not to be sleeping with her. However, it is hard for knowing that over break that I can't talk to him and that she gets to be with him over the holidays. (I am staying with my grandparents who live a ways away.) They are flying back to the east coast to visit his family because that is the only way she will let the little one go. I am jealous of her. If anyone has any advice on how to weather the situtation I would appriciate it. (he is divorcing her, he has the paperwork already to go, he just needs to graduate.) Please email me. I would like to talk to someone who understands.

 

adenna

 

<e-mail address removed>

[Tony T]

1. "I am involved with a man who can't divorce his wife quite yet because he has one year left of school."

 

There are no states that have statutory constraints prohibiting a man from seeking a divorce prior to his graduation from any learning institution.

 

2. "Because of the dorm situtation he is staying with her over break, I trust him not to be sleeping with her."

 

It is good that you place great faith in a man not to sleep with his wife.

 

3. "he is divorcing her, he has the paperwork already to go, he just needs to graduate."

 

There are millions of men in adulterous affairs who have their divorce paperwork ready to be filed. Most often it never gets filed. But the papers are worth the preparation costs because it helps them prolong their extramarital affairs.

 

4. "Please email me. I would like to talk to someone who understands."

 

I would Email you, but I am disqualified from doing so because I don't understand. I am baffled that someone who begins seeing a married man who has a child and who is not able to get a divorce would be jealous of the man's lawful wedded wife. I am also baffled that any woman who would begin seeing someone under those circumstances would not understand that if he is capable of cheating on his wife and child, who are sticking by him while he is going through school, he will cheat on her and most anyone else.

 

I'll bet he even cheats on his exams.

[sandy]

I am sorry but I have a problem with anyone getting involved with a married man , for what ever reason he is still married , he made a vow to her and should honor her until the divorce is final .

 

Also what kinda relationship do you expect to have he obviously proves him self to be a man that can't be trusted , he is a married man who is cheating , why do you think it will be different when and if he is with you?

[Taressa]

Adenna,

 

I'm sorry for the loneliness this relationship leaves you. I really cannot offer good advice because I just don't believe you are making wise choices.

 

Perhaps this separation, although heartbreaking right now, will be an eye opening experience. This man has cheapened every relationship in his life. This man has shown no courage or initiative to spare anyone's feelings at all... Perhaps time away will help you see that love does not drag you down this way.

 

I'm glad you will be with your grandparents. Christmas is meant for family who welcome you always in their homes and completely into their lives. I hope you have a good time and many wonderful conversations with your grandparents.

[Deejette]

These excuses he is giving you are poor comfort for the fact that he will not be with you for the holidays. This is the problem with being the mistress. Husbands spend weekends, holidays, and vacations with their families. The mistress is kept waiting until he can see her again.

 

It is not a good position to be in, waiting for a married man to find time to see you while lying to his wife about where he is. That is one of the reasons why I advise agains going with a married man.

Adenna, I'm sorry for the loneliness this relationship leaves you. I really cannot offer good advice because I just don't believe you are making wise choices. Perhaps this separation, although heartbreaking right now, will be an eye opening experience. This man has cheapened every relationship in his life. This man has shown no courage or initiative to spare anyone's feelings at all... Perhaps time away will help you see that love does not drag you down this way. I'm glad you will be with your grandparents. Christmas is meant for family who welcome you always in their homes and completely into their lives. I hope you have a good time and many wonderful conversations with your grandparents.