jlola Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 [quote= I'm not going to contact the MM. He knows about the baby so if he doesn't want to reach out, that's on him but I've intruded on their lives enough as it is. I told so that this could be over and I believe that it is. If you do decide to keep the child, there is no thinking "you cannot intrude on their lives". It is already done. No matter what, the child needs to know the father. It is very important . He better step up to the plate. Consequences are to be faced. Not hidden from. As for your husband, please leave!! Toxic people do not get better. And NEVER allow anyone to tell you your worth! That is the problem,finding value not within yourself, but within what others think of you. The older I get, the less I care what others think of me. I know I am a good person. I know I try hard not to hurt others. I know I add value to others in my life. That's all that matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 If you do decide to keep the child, there is no thinking "you cannot intrude on their lives". It is already done. No matter what, the child needs to know the father. It is very important . He better step up to the plate. Consequences are to be faced. Not hidden from. As for your husband, please leave!! Toxic people do not get better. And NEVER allow anyone to tell you your worth! That is the problem,finding value not within yourself, but within what others think of you. The older I get, the less I care what others think of me. I know I am a good person. I know I try hard not to hurt others. I know I add value to others in my life. That's all that matters. If the baby is born while she is still married the state will recognize the H as the father. MM will get off scut free. For OP to get child support she will have to get the court to mandate a DNA test. But, as I said the court will assume the BH is the dad. That is how the law works. I suggest abortion unless you are extremely religious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Strongbutshaken Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 I used to have such high self-esteem. So much confidence. I want to find that girl again. A series of really traumatic events left me with a huge void and the reality of my marriage became clear when I needed my H the most. He's not a bad guy, just the wrong guy. I'm gonna work on repairing myself, I know I need intensive therapy. Both my H and the MM are quiet, non-smooth guys. No lines, I guess after all that happened, I was just that easy You all have given me lots to think about in terms of the pregnancy - especially the legal aspects. I'm very glad I found this place. I feel a lot less alone with all of this. No one in my real life understands. All the friends I have are in shock since the MM had all of them fooled too. They just can't believe he's done this to me so they just make it worse. Thank you x a million. You never know how much you can affect the person on the end of the keyboard. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Pierre, please stay out of her uterus. It's not simply about being religious or not, and she needs to make her own decision. You won't be there to hold her hand in case she'd regret her abortion, will you? That can traumatize a woman for life. It's her business what she does with the baby. I suggest everyone backs off with their impression on what she should do about the baby, and just try to pull her off from the edge. OP, your depression makes you spiral in negative thoughts and some of the comments here feed that. Can you talk to a therapist? Do you have anyone who can help? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Pierre, please stay out of her uterus. It's not simply about being religious or not, and she needs to make her own decision. You won't be there to hold her hand in case she'd regret her abortion, will you? That can traumatize a woman for life. It's her business what she does with the baby. I suggest everyone backs off with their impression on what she should do about the baby, and just try to pull her off from the edge. OP, your depression makes you spiral in negative thoughts and some of the comments here feed that. Can you talk to a therapist? Do you have anyone who can help? Sorry CD, you are correct. It is not my business. But, the complications are obvious and will last for another 20 years. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Pierre, I know you mean well and you are right that a child is a serious 20 year commitment. The issue is that she can't possibly make a viable decision while suicidal. She needs to get out of that cloud first. Then she can decide whether she wants to keep her baby or not. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Pierre, I know you mean well and you are right that a child is a serious 20 year commitment. The issue is that she can't possibly make a viable decision while suicidal. She needs to get out of that cloud first. Then she can decide whether she wants to keep her baby or not. If she wants to get rid of the baby, I would not suggest attempted suicide. After some very quick research, I discovered a case that appears to still be going to trial for murder of a woman who attempted suicide and killed her unborn fetus as a result. That doesn't sound fun. Link to post Share on other sites
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