Not sure how he feels or how to continue

[mirja]

So I am in a somewhat complex position. I really really like my former professor. I used to think that I didn't want anything to actually happen between us if the opportunity ever arose, but after graduating this past May, I've found that my feelings for him have grown significantly, as has my attraction. I find myself in a unique position that I am friends with him... not very close friends, but we do text now and then and lately have been playing Words with Friends constantly.

 

A little back story. I've known this man for 3 years. I took many classes with him and worked on some projects with him as well. Last summer, we ended up exchanging phone numbers for the purpose of working on a summer project, but we occasionally sent each other funny pictures and things like that as well. In the past year, he's made a few comments that made me think that perhaps he found me attractive. One time while wearing chest waders, he told me there was nothing more intriguing than a woman in waders, which I am still trying to decode Another time I wore a fancy dress to a dress up event and he gave me the up and down look and just said, "wow." Then there was the weekend our class went to a conference. There was a "social mixer" for students and wildlife professionals, and he told us not to dress like slobs. So I chose to wear a long skirt (although I opted to wear sneakers under it). When I walked in, he came right up to me and commented on how it was an interesting choice to wear a skirt, because no one else did and it was difficult to get field biologists out of their boots. I then showed him my sneakers, and he told me no one would notice because they'd all be too busy looking at the rest of me. So then I told him I didn't often have the opportunity to wear skirts, and he told me that I should make more opportunities.

 

So this past semester, I was accepted to graduate school, and I will be doing work with birds. I don't have a lot of experience working with them, and this professor actively works with them and teaches courses on them. So I asked him if he would help me get more experience so that I wouldn't look like an idiot in grad school. He was more than happy to help. Almost every day for the last two weeks of school, he was helping me in our mutual free time. Since school got out, he has been inviting me to work with him on his bird classes that he has for little kids and for a week long course he had for adults.

 

He happens to live next to a nature preserve where he conducts these classes, so when I come to help him, I am basically going to his house. He usually offers me breakfast and coffee/tea when I come, and I'm very familiar with his house now. A few times he took me out birding after the classes were over, and a few times we sat and talked about different things, mostly bird and nature-related. He also gave me a few things... he gave me two books that he had doubles of, and he loaned me a field guide that I will need next summer and told me if I never brought it back, he would hunt me down. I also met his kids during these bird classes (he's divorced). He was particularly excited to have me meet his daughter.

 

So I mentioned that we play Words with Friends... he tends to tease me a lot when we play and he has the higher score. I beat him once and he told me not to do it again. He also told me out of the blue that his birthday is this weekend. I'm not sure what to make of that. I make a lot of cakes for friends and family and have sold a few (I even made one for his daughter's birthday last year), so I asked him if that was a hint that he wanted a birthday cake, but then he said he'd be out of town. The whole conversation (which took place via the chat function in Words with Friends) was strange to me.

 

So I've been trying to decide if he likes me or if he's just a flirty kind of guy who happens to give me bird-related stuff because I'm going to be studying them. I don't really have anything to compare it to, because I haven't observed him interacting with other women outside of class before. He certainly treats me differently outside of the classroom... but I wonder if the whole student-professor relationship remains and would complicate things. I've been tempted to ask him out, but I really don't want to weird him out if he's not interesting and spoil the friendship we've developed. Plus there's an age gap between us, and even if he is interested, he may not want to pursue anything simply because of that fact.

[kamani]

It seems you are very young and reading too much into this.

 

I found nothing to suggest that he is romantically interested in you. He enjoys your attention, probably he is enjoying it as a teacher. He is experienced with many young students like you, and I think your attention is something familiar to him.

 

If he is the flirty kind of guy, he may be just playing. It depends on his personality. It is unlikely that he would take things to the next level.

 

I don't think you should ask him out. By the way, go for the guys of your own age, not a man with kids.

[OtakuGirl]

Hmm I think he is probably a bit of a flirt. If he'd wanted to make a move he should have done by now. He may be liking the extra attention you are giving him too! (Ego boost for him!)

 

kamani makes an interesting point - does this guy have children? Is he single? What is the rough age diff between yourself and him?

 

Good luck with everything but I think it might be time to take more notice of your classmates!