Reverse DDay (in complete shock)

[LilGirlandOW]

If this is even possible me and my MM had a reverse dday, i think.

 

My xH came to my house while my MM was visiting, xH doesnt know said MM is married or anything, but he was furious, because he has an abusive personlity, that i had a man there, even though we been seperated like a year.

 

So its late xH comes over kicks my door in and roughs up MM, throws alot of things around, causing chaos and broken stuff everywhere. Tells MM that he (xH) and I had been together 2 nights ago (WHAT?! that didnt happen yuk), I call him out on that so he doesnt say it again,,, he's standing over MM fist caulked about to beat him to pulp, I get between them and MM escapes, LEAVES ME THERE!

 

xH steals my car, I go to get car xH kicks me in my ribs (xH is a professional athlete so he's skilled at this), I call 911, cops come I stay silent cause i was scared to bring MM's name into this all. Terrified of it. MM and I texted after for hours as I sat here with sore ribs and a piece of a necklace of MM's that xH ripped off his neck.

[LilGirlandOW]

I'm angry that MM was so scared to come back for me, if he had come back i wouldnt be in pain right now from a roundhouse kick to the ribs from xH

 

I'm upset that things with xH are now so sour and for no reason at all, just cause he got drunk and tried to come over, MM knows xH is crazy to say the least MM helped me through the seperation, so he knows it all.

 

He said in front of MM and I that he came over cause he was worried i wasnt answering my phone..... i had it on vibrate and he had been trying to call for whatever reason for a few hours.

[fllygirl]

oh dear, so sorry you got hurt. I think you should get a restraining order against your xH. He is too violent and I don't think he will stay away.

[fllygirl]

Does your xH know who your MM is? like his first and last name? I'm sure xH is very curios now and will try to get some information about MM. Who knows what he will do next. And even if your MM disappears tomorrow and you start dating a single there is a very good chance your xH will kick your door again.

[threelaurels]

Get a restraining order against your xH. If you are in the US, the police will help you file for a temporary restraining order. After a month, you will have to go to court if you want the restraining order to become permanent.

 

Did the police take photos of your injuries? If not, take a few pictures yourself and make sure they are date and time stamped. They may or may not be admissable in court, but it will help to have documentation of your injuries to confirm your story.

 

There was no reason MM couldn't have given a statement to the police. It's not like they would have hunted down his wife and told her that he was with you. The police have limited resources and are far too busy to deal with this sort of thing. It is also unlikely that MM would have had to testify in court.

 

MM is a coward, and I hope this incident changes your view of him. He is not willing to sacrifice his own interests (of not having his wife find out) to ensure your personal safety. If anything like this incident ever happens in the future, he will probably run and cover his own butt again.

 

At this point, I think you should be worrying more about protecting yourself from xH. If he finds out MM is married, I don't think he will tell the wife. I think it is more likely that he will try to blackmail you or MM with the information. Abusers love power and control, and that knowledge will give him both over you and MM. It will be up to you whether you want to play his game to avoid a d-day.

 

Please stay safe in the time being.

[WakingUp]

You need to look after YOU.

 

Stuff MM getting busted. Stuff exH getting arrested.

 

Your safety and wellbeing are what matters. No one else is going to look after you... it has hit the fan and its time to face it. Make sure you are safe.

 

That is the trouble, being so concerned that everyone else is OK that you give up your own rights.

 

 

You need to look after you. Let them all get the consequences of their actions. Stop covering everyone elses a!$$ and look after your own.

 

Sending you care and strength girl x

[Got it]

This isn't reverse dday this is a physical assault. You need to report this to the police and get a restraining order from you ex husband. He had absolutely zero right for anything that he did.

 

You are his focal point, you are STILL on his radar and he believes that he still has rights to you. This is a very dangerous situation for you to be in. Please forget everything else and just report it!!!

[Got it]

Sounds like a Springer episode. I was going to ask who was watching the single wide during this brouhaha, but you guys were already at home.

 

So, is this coward the SAME married guy you just posted about yesterday in a thread entitled, "Question for OW/OM" where you say he's just a roommate with his wife but he's "in love" with you?

 

Damn. He's got a REAL strange way of showing it.

 

I can guarantee you, without ANY hesitation, that had it been his wife getting roughed up by an ex, he wouldn't have run off. He would have stayed right there and protected her. She's his wife and the mother of his children and there's NO WAY he would have run off like a greasy little coward the way he did with you.

 

Something to think about, don't you think?

 

Because this is PURE speculation and based on nothing but a poster's imagination. No, nothing to think about.

 

He could actually be so much a coward he would have ran then as well. You really have no basis, or evidence, to make any claims either way. Unless, do you know this guy? Are you this guy?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

This guy wont stand up for you? He is a pussy.

 

Also file charges and get a restraining order right now against xH - that's ridiculous.

[waterwoman]

So sorry to read this lilmiss. Thanks god he is your EX husband. Wishing you healing and calm x

[Pierre]

Most MMs are poosies. Yours is no exception.

[DelusionalOne]

MM left? That would be the ultimate deal breaker for me. What man leaves a woman in danger, never mind one he claims to love?

 

BINGO!!! I would expect better behavior from a stranger! Walk away he just told you exactly how he feels about you!

[canuckprincess]

I'm floored by this, mm sounds like a real stand up guy lmfao! What a major pos, I think mm is a real winner. I hope to god his wife finds out and kicks the crap out of him, that would be awesome and poetic justice.

[LilGirlandOW]

I never in a million years expected this, me and xH were not even in the talks of reconsiliation. My front door got kicked in so bad that it doesnt lock anymore, WOW.

 

MM was so very wrong for leaving me there, he acknowledges this and my xH was caulking his fist at him telling him to leave or he was gonna mess him up, and ripped MM shirt and necklace as he escorted him out my broken front door..... I think it was shock he never thought, and i never thought my xH would get physical with me, the past abuse was 90% emotional, deep emotional abuse, with pushing and one hitting incident that happened awhile back.

 

Shock can cause some crazy things,

 

I'm wondering if drugs were involved in xH rage incident like hell im thinking he must have been on something so serious for this to make sence to him

 

MM still wants to continue A, even after that he says he loves me and wants us to still be together..

[Treasa]

Ok, here are the steps you should take:

 

1. File charges against your ex and get a restraining order. Make sure all injuries are documented.

2. Get your divorce finalized if I read things right and you're only separated.

3. Get a new door installed, or move entirely and get a new door installed. They make doors that CANNOT be broken down. Trust me. I have them.

4. Adopt a darling and LARGE dog that is protective of you. Love the hell out of it.

5. Learn how to use a gun and obtain a license to be able to own one.

 

Note I didn't mention anything about the MM. That's because I don't think you should do jack **** about him. I don't even know you, and I would have gone in there to help defend you, and I'm a female.

[pest947]

This man won't protect you from your ex-husband.

 

You won't protect yourself from ex with the police because MM is married.

 

HOW can this situation work for you?

 

C'mon, we all deserve better than that.

 

Go back to the police...order of protection against your ex, screw MM. His name needs to come up. Perhaps next time he won't be such a damned coward and will protect a woman from harm.

 

He is, you know. A coward. He knew you could potentially be in danger. He should have called the police himself.

 

Is this what you want from your life? A coward who won't protect you when needed?

 

My thoughts exactly, in my book and from reading this site there are two types of MM/MW that stay in their marriages. Cake eaters and cowards, yours falls into the later category. I know because my OW is a coward too and shows many of the traits on the stories I have read here. He's a coward for at least not helping you and he's a coward for not leaving his marriage as it sounds from your posts like in his heart he truly wants to be with you.

[LilGirlandOW]

My head is spinning, im scared like never before.

 

My ribs are killing me from the kick...

 

I couldnt even make this stuff up its like an at home Jerry episode, like a crazy nightmare.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Ok, here are the steps you should take:

 

1. File charges against your ex and get a restraining order. Make sure all injuries are documented.

2. Get your divorce finalized if I read things right and you're only separated.

3. Get a new door installed, or move entirely and get a new door installed. They make doors that CANNOT be broken down. Trust me. I have them.

4. Adopt a darling and LARGE dog that is protective of you. Love the hell out of it.

5. Learn how to use a gun and obtain a license to be able to own one.

 

Note I didn't mention anything about the MM. That's because I don't think you should do jack **** about him. I don't even know you, and I would have gone in there to help defend you, and I'm a female.

 

Do not protect the MM, protect yourself.

[Got it]

I think it's fair to say most men are wired to protect women...period. A man would be more likely to protect his "own" if he had to choose, but I think it's fair to say most men would attempt to intervene to protect a woman being physically threatened by another man.

 

The man in question is a coward. That is the most unattractive quality I could think of in a man.

 

If a man doesn't make me feel safe and protected, he's gone. No hesitation.

 

No I don't agree with this and I don't know what evidence you have that points to it. I don't think that men are more wired to protect their romantic partners than women and believe it would be a case by case scenario.

 

I think a man that doesn't protect one women probably puts himself and his physical well being at a higher stake and I think the argument that he would be same for another is more valid.

 

Nor do I agree with, in the split seconds of physical violence does the ownership of a spouse play a factor and more of the emotional and ethical make up of said individual.

[LilGirlandOW]

MM did nothing to help aside from be on the phone with me.

 

He said for us to meet somewhere last night to talk cause I was hysterical, but I didnt have my car.... then shortly after the police showed up.

 

MM may be a coward, but he also didnt deserve any of this... getting roughed up and everything, I know i have to get things sorted just what, when, how, etc etc... This is all so sudden

[It-is-what-it-is.]

MM did nothing to help aside from be on the phone with me.

 

He said for us to meet somewhere last night to talk cause I was hysterical, but I didnt have my car.... then shortly after the police showed up.

 

MM may be a coward, but he also didnt deserve any of this... getting roughed up and everything, I know i have to get things sorted just what, when, how, etc etc... This is all so sudden

 

Ok fair enough. Two completely different issues.

 

1. You need to protect yourself.

This means that you need to get the police involved and get an RO. This means that you cannot protect the MM.

 

2. At this point loyalty to MM, which is keeping you from #1 could result in further physical harm to you. You can only depend on yourself to take care of this, you are alone in it and must deal with it aggressively.

 

We are blending those things together.

 

MM being weak or not is irrelevant.

[pest947]

MM did nothing to help aside from be on the phone with me.

 

He said for us to meet somewhere last night to talk cause I was hysterical, but I didnt have my car.... then shortly after the police showed up.

 

MM may be a coward, but he also didnt deserve any of this... getting roughed up and everything, I know i have to get things sorted just what, when, how, etc etc... This is all so sudden

 

Agreed. I should add, sorry you had to go through all that, this kind of thing is heart wrenching enough without the added drama. Stay strong and please look out for yourself.

[CarrieT]

MM still wants to continue A, even after that he says he loves me and wants us to still be together..

 

Please don't start rationalizing your MM's actions. He ABANDONED you and allowed you to be physically hurt.

 

The guy -- as most affair partners -- was only concerned about himself. He did not take care of you.

 

Is this someone you want in your life? Someone who won't be there for you when you are in need?

[spice4life]

My head is spinning, im scared like never before.

 

My ribs are killing me from the kick...

 

I couldnt even make this stuff up its like an at home Jerry episode, like a crazy nightmare.

 

Did you go the hospital? If not, go immediately and tell them what happened and this will document your injury so you can press charges against your stbxh. You need to do this immediately! Your stbxh has no right to barge in and assualt you or anyone else! Thats criminal!

 

Your MM is not a counselor; he is a man who is taking advantage of a woman who is playing the role of a victim. YOU are the only one who can stop this craziness and you have to do so by pressing charges against your husband. My xH tried to assault me and I filed for a RO the very next morning and the judge granted it with barely any questions asked.

 

Please get yourself into therapy right away. I cannot believe you didn't file charges. Who cares what your MM thinks; you were assaulted and need to step up to take care of yourself by filing a RO.

[KathyM]

I never in a million years expected this, me and xH were not even in the talks of reconsiliation. My front door got kicked in so bad that it doesnt lock anymore, WOW.

 

MM was so very wrong for leaving me there, he acknowledges this and my xH was caulking his fist at him telling him to leave or he was gonna mess him up, and ripped MM shirt and necklace as he escorted him out my broken front door..... I think it was shock he never thought, and i never thought my xH would get physical with me, the past abuse was 90% emotional, deep emotional abuse, with pushing and one hitting incident that happened awhile back.

 

Shock can cause some crazy things,

 

I'm wondering if drugs were involved in xH rage incident like hell im thinking he must have been on something so serious for this to make sence to him

 

MM still wants to continue A, even after that he says he loves me and wants us to still be together..

Don't let this weasel back into your life. When push came to shove, literally, he bailed on you and did not protect you, and did not contact the police to protect you, because he was only concerned with his own behind. Talk is cheap. Actions show what a person is made of. Cheating married men are selfish people. They put themselves and their well being ahead of everyone else. This incident certainly demonstrates that very well. You need to value yourself more, and stay away from men who are abusive, or cheaters, or liars, or narcissists who only care about themselves. This man has shown you what he values (himself). There was no reason he couldn't have called the police, but he didn't want to risk having his affair discovered. He put his need to keep up the lie and deception ahead of your life and safety. Get a restraining order filed against your ex. Call the police if he harasses you in any way. And tell the MM to take a hike. You need to protect yourself against men like this.