Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 In the past of my very few boyfriends I have ended all relationships for good cause including my M. I dont know what it is about MM that has me so addicted. Goodnote I finally got my car back, police wouldnt interveine on that one cause we are still technically M and its considered mutual property or so they say... So they let him keep it for the night Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 In the past of my very few boyfriends I have ended all relationships for good cause including my M. I dont know what it is about MM that has me so addicted. Goodnote I finally got my car back, police wouldnt interveine on that one cause we are still technically M and its considered mutual property or so they say... So they let him keep it for the night So your exhusband is actually still your husband? How come? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 cause he havnt finalized the divorce, seperated and living sepoerate lives was fine until yesterday Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 I like that Red, And I see what you mean. He's proven (as my cousin so blantantly stated) not the best looking, decent job but not a rich man who can attract a hot gold digger, a gentleman yes but not a 'knight in shining armor', he has been damn lucky, like win the lotto lucky to have someone as nice, financially ok and cute and fit as me in his life as the OW. And somehow I'm the 2nd class in this tri-lationship... I have his nacklace my x tore off him, its very very special to him, thinking i'm the 'whore' of the scene, makes me wanna find a ghetto with a pawn shop! I really never looked at our situation with that analogy Thank you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I like that Red, And I see what you mean. He's proven (as my cousin so blantantly stated) not the best looking, decent job but not a rich man who can attract a hot gold digger, a gentleman yes but not a 'knight in shining armor', he has been damn lucky, like win the lotto lucky to have someone as nice, financially ok and cute and fit as me in his life as the OW. And somehow I'm the 2nd class in this tri-lationship... I have his nacklace my x tore off him, its very very special to him, thinking i'm the 'whore' of the scene, makes me wanna find a ghetto with a pawn shop! I really never looked at our situation with that analogy Thank you This guy wears a necklace????? Is he a rapper type? I think the prior poster makes some good points. One thing is to be an unwilling OW waiting for the marriage to end and one thing is to embrace the role of OW with no expectations. The latter is defined as concubine. I encourage to look up the definition of concubine. This is how you are seen by MM. The wife of MM makes three times as much money as your MM. YOur Mm likely sees his wife as upper class and he needs her to maintain his so called social status. A man with a necklace??????? Interesting.:sick: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 The way I would look at this whole incident is this. If this situation was happening, and it wasn't MM but somebody else who was there, what would they have done. Would your best friend abandon you? Your brother? Your neighbour? How would anyone else have reacted? He did this (nothing) because he is MM. Think about that, and the ramifications of it. He was concerned with making sure he was OK, not you. And this thread, once again, has got me thinking about the whole dynamics of the saintly wife / bad girl OW again. The W on a pedestal, the OW in the gutter. Yuck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 My assessment is somewhat extreme- It's just that---I think when you're full of hot passionate loving love for somebody---it's hard to get good and mad. I have a really really hard time knowing---like, really knowing---when I'm being treated like less than I deserve. Not extreme its bang on with descriptive anaolgies, i like and appreciate that. I too am like you, and I think my MM is fantastic at knowing what to say, etc to make me feel better and feel loved. And with all of his lackings he's still leaps and bounds over xH. Link to post Share on other sites
fllygirl Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Goodnote I finally got my car back, police wouldnt interveine on that one cause we are still technically M and its considered mutual property or so they say... So they let him keep it for the night How about your ribs ? Are they also mutual property? What you gonna do about that? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Not extreme its bang on with descriptive anaolgies, i like and appreciate that. I too am like you, and I think my MM is fantastic at knowing what to say, etc to make me feel better and feel loved. And with all of his lackings he's still leaps and bounds over xH. Meh. You need to get rid of both of those losers. Why do women put up with this garbage from men? You need to value yourself more than this, and not allow yourself to be used or mistreated or devalued. No man is worth being treated this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 She will not press charges for her injuries to protect the MM. If this goes to court the exH will talk about the MM and there will be a d-day. She does not want a d-day for fear of losing MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 She will not press charges for her injuries to protect the MM. If this goes to court the exH will talk about the MM and there will be a d-day. She does not want a d-day for fear of losing MM. To hell with MM. Lil, I really hope you reconsider, and press charges against exH. For one, his deeds against you shouldn't go unpunished. For two, MM isn't worth your time, nor your protection. It doesn't matter if he's exposed for being with you. Your ex could have flipping killed you, hon. Respect yourself enough to get rid of both of these losers in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 " The W on a pedestal, the OW in the gutter" - waking up I see what you mean here, although I also see the more complicated side of things as well and feel the connection we have shared for a long time now, even pre-A. Its easy to say the equation of a good relationship is 1+1=2, but its hard to understand if your relationship mentality is that of a newborn... Like myself, Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 To hell with MM. Lil, I really hope you reconsider, and press charges against exH. For one, his deeds against you shouldn't go unpunished. For two, MM isn't worth your time, nor your protection. It doesn't matter if he's exposed for being with you. Your ex could have flipping killed you, hon. Respect yourself enough to get rid of both of these losers in your life. I don't say this very often, but you have your head on your shoulders.:cool: I cannot believe how these men take advantage of the situation. Wow!! But, in a sense many of these men are not that different. They are also highly insecure and they compensate with having OWs on the side. These relationships are match made in heaven because the reactions of OP validate the MM tremendously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 Yes I didnt press charges, That night when the police were there i remained silent reagrding the violence that occured, to protect MM's identity as well as xH career. Post p[olice presence and MM was actually trying to get me to file charges, still is.... I think Pierre, once again BANG on, I'm scared of charges resulting in forced dday. Pathetic, But as they say, I am the OW 'nut' who didnt fall from from the OW tree. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 " The W on a pedestal, the OW in the gutter" - waking up I see what you mean here, although I also see the more complicated side of things as well and feel the connection we have shared for a long time now, even pre-A. Its easy to say the equation of a good relationship is 1+1=2, but its hard to understand if your relationship mentality is that of a newborn... Like myself, Lil, I don't say things because they are easy to say. I say them to try and help, but also because I am in the thick of things myself and it helps me to process my own situation. I certainly don't claim to have any answers, I am still trying to find my own. All situations are different. And you will do what you must, until you get where you need to be. No condemnation from me. Life is certainly interesting and there is no "one size fits all" in anything. Anything that really makes you think has got to be good, in my book. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 But as they say, I am the OW 'nut' who didnt fall from from the OW tree. Sorry not all OW would put up with this. I can honestly say, if it were me... STBXH would be sitting his ass in jail right now and MM would have his ass kicked to the curb! No one hits me. And that POS you're trying to "protect".... basically left you to be murdered. You really should seek IC to understand why this is OK with you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 My MM was forced to leave from xH, IMO he should have taken me WITH him, yes.... or come back for me. I meant that xH rage was 100% directed at MM up until MM left, and it was like nothing i've ever seen before... with that being said MM didnt leave me while i was getting assaulted physically or verbally. He left yes, but in fear of loosing his teeth to xH fists. If there are discrepancies, Its like a vivid movie in my head, sometimes I get lost in translation. Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Listen, if you're willing to endure being abused just so MM won't get found out, reconsider that point. Your ex sounds very bold and determined, he WILL come back. And especially now since he knows MM will not even fight him OR do anything to protect you. He (your ex) is gonna be the one to force a Dday. Once he discovers MM is married...thats it, he will tell his wife. So either way, the truth is gonna come out. Make you coming out of this alive and emotionally healthy the PRIORITY! Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 My MM was forced to leave from xH, IMO he should have taken me WITH him, yes.... or come back for me. I meant that xH rage was 100% directed at MM up until MM left, and it was like nothing i've ever seen before... with that being said MM didnt leave me while i was getting assaulted physically or verbally. He left yes, but in fear of loosing his teeth to xH fists. If there are discrepancies, Its like a vivid movie in my head, sometimes I get lost in translation. The point is the MM left you, in the presence of a man who was raging and violent. Regardless of the fact that his violence had not yet been directed towards you, he left you in an unsafe situation, and did nothing to make sure you were safe. He didn't even call you after he left the house to see if you were O.K. He sent you some texts quite a bit later that night after he was home. Big whoop. Very little show of concern for you or your safety. Only trying to save his own behind. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I think it was one of your prior posts where you were.describing having been in abusive situations in the past, and I said to be careful with MM, because he knows.you have developed a tolerance for abuse and would possibly take advantage of it. Now, and the near future are going to be very dangerous times for you. Not only because of ex, but because MM has now seen with his own eyes just how much ABUSE you will put up with from a man and let him get away with it. If he even had a little respect for you before, he doesn't now. Unfortunately the door to bad behavior has been blown wide open and MM will walk right through. Don't be surprised if he starts treating you worse in thre near future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I just want to ask one question Is your life, or your death worth your mm's social status? Stop making excuses for him too. Turning it around that he was forced to leave, that there was no anger towards you at that point..is ridiculous. I know you love him and we want to shield the ones we love and make excuses for them..but he left you with a maniac..where was all that anger going to be directed once he left? He didn't care. Plain and simple. He didn't want to disrupt his life even if it meant your death. You do not matter. You are disposable. Why did your MM not call 911? Was he afraid of his wife finding out, the whole circumstances of the situation and being caught? Give that some thought. The above post is harsh but sadly, it could very well be the reality of your situation/affair with him. Go back and re-read your older posts. Take a step back and try to read them all with an open mind and from an outsider looking in, maybe it'll help you see what you think is happening may not what you feel in your heart. (meaning, emotions getting in the way of seeing what's what.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 I agree with mostly everything, MM and I spent the early evening today taking a nice hike and chatting about everything, he has MAJOR regrets about how he reacted and how he didnt do more for me last night, talks about retailation against xH, talk is cheap i know and i wouldnt want them getting physical, and after MM left we spoke on the phone for awhile, its not much but he was and is concerned about my well being, just not the fighting type... Yes my mind is fogged by the love we share, and yes he didnt react how he should have, and also yes if xH knew MM was a MM he would blow his cover in a major way, I think its my time to get things in order and work on myself, no interest in dating or anything, but I love my MM, and alot, his career move is coming very close now, so i wont see him much at all, that could be a game changer, for the good or bad...... MM really is my best friend, and lover.... *gasping for air* if only he were single lol.... Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I agree with mostly everything, MM and I spent the early evening today taking a nice hike and chatting about everything, he has MAJOR regrets about how he reacted and how he didnt do more for me last night, talks about retailation against xH, talk is cheap i know and i wouldnt want them getting physical, and after MM left we spoke on the phone for awhile, its not much but he was and is concerned about my well being, just not the fighting type... Yes my mind is fogged by the love we share, and yes he didnt react how he should have, and also yes if xH knew MM was a MM he would blow his cover in a major way, I think its my time to get things in order and work on myself, no interest in dating or anything, but I love my MM, and alot, his career move is coming very close now, so i wont see him much at all, that could be a game changer, for the good or bad...... MM really is my best friend, and lover.... *gasping for air* if only he were single lol.... Even if he were single, he would be no prize. He's a coward, and he would still be a coward even if he were single. He is a "man" who puts himself first above his wife and you. He's a liar, a cheater, and a coward, and it's unfortunate that those three things are not dealbreakers for you. Talk is cheap, and he's trying to talk a big talk now, after the threat has passed. His actions are what you need to pay attention to. Not his smooth talk. He has shown through his actions that he puts himself and his wishes ahead of everyone else. Ahead of his wife and his promise to her, and ahead of you and your safety. You say he is not the fighter type, but he could have asked you to come with him and not left you there. He could have called the police after he left the house. He could have at the very least called you right after leaving to make sure you were O.K. He did none of that. He didn't contact you until a long time later, after he was safely at home and you had had your ribs broken. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I feel very, very sad for you, that you would say MM is your best friend despite him basically leaving you for dead. With friends like him, who needs enemies? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I agree with mostly everything, MM and I spent the early evening today taking a nice hike and chatting about everything, he has MAJOR regrets about how he reacted and how he didnt do more for me last night, talks about retailation against xH, talk is cheap i know and i wouldnt want them getting physical, and after MM left we spoke on the phone for awhile, its not much but he was and is concerned about my well being, just not the fighting type... Yes my mind is fogged by the love we share, and yes he didnt react how he should have, and also yes if xH knew MM was a MM he would blow his cover in a major way, I think its my time to get things in order and work on myself, no interest in dating or anything, but I love my MM, and alot, his career move is coming very close now, so i wont see him much at all, that could be a game changer, for the good or bad...... MM really is my best friend, and lover.... *gasping for air* if only he were single lol.... Regarding the bold. Your point is? Sounds like this is all a joke to you. That's very sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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