Reverse DDay (in complete shock)

[LilGirlandOW]

Thanks you all for your love, support and amazing wisdom.

 

I know I need IC, really badly.... especially reading alot of the supportive comments.

 

MM was the net that caught me after I fell out of the abusive M, so I think in my mind prior to recently I fell in love with a "Hero" (lmao I know... the irony) who saved me. I felt empty at the begining of the EA, and he filled me up with everything I ever wanted to hear.

 

To clear a couple things up... MM is mid-40's, I'm early 30's. And lol, I have a text/call counter on my phone, thats how I know how many times we texted/called.

 

I have his broken necklace, he's hoping I drop it off to be fixed... I think it's symbolic of the A, him and the events... so i'm hanging onto it

[CALOVELY]

Thanks you all for your love, support and amazing wisdom.

 

I know I need IC, really badly.... especially reading alot of the supportive comments.

 

MM was the net that caught me after I fell out of the abusive M, so I think in my mind prior to recently I fell in love with a "Hero" (lmao I know... the irony) who saved me. I felt empty at the begining of the EA, and he filled me up with everything I ever wanted to hear.

 

To clear a couple things up... MM is mid-40's, I'm early 30's. And lol, I have a text/call counter on my phone, thats how I know how many times we texted/called.

 

I have his broken necklace, he's hoping I drop it off to be fixed... I think it's symbolic of the A, him and the events... so i'm hanging onto it

 

Now he expects you to have his necklace fixed? Honestly, do you see what is going on? I mean take a step back and re-read everything you have written. Does ANY of this sound like the actions of a man in love?

[whichwayisup]

Thanks you all for your love, support and amazing wisdom.

 

I know I need IC, really badly.... especially reading alot of the supportive comments.

 

MM was the net that caught me after I fell out of the abusive M, so I think in my mind prior to recently I fell in love with a "Hero" (lmao I know... the irony) who saved me. I felt empty at the begining of the EA, and he filled me up with everything I ever wanted to hear.

 

To clear a couple things up... MM is mid-40's, I'm early 30's. And lol, I have a text/call counter on my phone, thats how I know how many times we texted/called.

 

I have his broken necklace, he's hoping I drop it off to be fixed... I think it's symbolic of the A, him and the events... so i'm hanging onto it

 

I want to give you a hug. Look, he 'rescued' you from a bad marriage, an abusive marriage... He was/is your knight in shining armour. The problem is, he is also a wolf in disguise. He selfishly manipulated you, took advantage of you, knowing full well how vulnerable you were.. He is not thinking of your best interest, not then and not now.

 

No, he just wants you to pay for it so he doesn't have to explain to his wife why is he paying for a broken necklace. Or explain to her how the thing broke.. Sorry to be blunt.

[Pierre]

Now he expects you to have his necklace fixed? Honestly, do you see what is going on? I mean take a step back and re-read everything you have written. Does ANY of this sound like the actions of a man in love?

 

MM is probably saying to himself. She should pay for it because her H broke it. Thinking about effin bling after everything he did not do. What a class act? This guy has got to be the greatest coward in the planet.

[LilGirlandOW]

Not pay for it, just drop it off, as I work right near a jeweller. But I get the point, he should drop it off himself.

[MissBee]

Not pay for it, just drop it off, as I work right near a jeweller. But I get the point, he should drop it off himself.

 

I would absolutely not take it to the jeweler's....

 

Nuts!

[save150]

The second best thing would be for the MM's wife 2 learn of the affair, thus putting a stop 2 that nonsense.

 

Yes. Like the ole saying "Desperate times demand desperate measures"

 

If I knew you two and your A, I would out that guy in a heartbeat.

 

He needs to get his ass kicked to the Moon and the only way to do it is to have someone out this affair. Both of you need the good old fashioned DDay complete with the DW holding the rolling pin over MM's head. And as cowardly as he is, you will be thrown under the bus. And that's the best thing that will happen to you.

 

And as for STBXH? Get that divorce finalized before he finalizes you.

 

AND get the BIG DOG. Nice big loyal protective German Shepherd. They're loyal to a fault and would die for their owners. With Rover in the house, the next time STBXH tries anything like that again, you'll be mopping up his remains. Good Riddance. Both of 'em.

[beach]

Did you file charges against your exH?

 

 

 

Your MM is only looking out for himself - always will.

 

He's just worried he's gonna get found out by his wife - that tells you he's never leaving her.

 

Time to end it with that pussy.

 

I'm sure it's an ego feed to have two men fighting over you.

[CALOVELY]

 

He needs to get his ass kicked to the Moon and the only way to do it is to have someone out this affair. Both of you need the good old fashioned DDay complete with the DW holding the rolling pin over MM's head. And as cowardly as he is, you will be thrown under the bus. And that's the best thing that will happen to you.

 

Yes, actions are what matters, not empty words. This "man" in no way loves you by his actions. He hasn't left his wife that he supposedly hates, doesn't have current plans to, ran away leaving you to get beaten up and having you too wrapped around his finger so you won't file a report and thus involve him.

 

When a man is in love he will move mountains, launch ships and go to war to be with the woman he loves. This carbon based life form is doing none of that. I really, really hope you see that and can get your life and heart sorted out. You deserve a hell of a lot better than this.

[LilGirlandOW]

lol a velociraptor! brilliant!

 

side note: I have BS cellphone number She called me regarding MM RSVP to the corporate event I was hosting. I saved it to my contacts for a rainy day

 

I definetly dont have an "ego boost" with MM and stbxH fighting over me, that I feel guilty about.... Of all the things to feel guilty about, thats honestly the one thing.

[beach]

Call her. Tell her what's been happening. She deserves to know.

 

It's not like your MM had your best interest in mind. You could be dead and he wouldn't have known because he ran away.

[LilGirlandOW]

Calling her is a thought thats ran laps around my mind from time to time.

 

[ComingInHot]

Oh boy LilGirl,

I am not sure how you are able to twist things in that mind of yours but to clarify from what You have written, MM did not fight over you. He got swatted at, tucked tail and ran, leaving you to get your ribs kicked in by your stbxh.

Sure though, he's sooooo sorry...

 

Get. Counseling.

Edited July 7, 2013 by ComingInHot

[It-is-what-it-is.]

1.a Go to police and report the assault by you STBXH, do not leave out details. Provide the broken necklace as evidence. Indicate you feared for your MM so you did not tell the truth before. Let the wheels of justice turn. Let the chips fall where they may.

1b. Go to dr and make sure you are ok.

2. Get a RO on you STBXH

3. File for divorce so you have further protection from him stealing, breaking battering and you can start your authentic life.

4. Find a IC and commit to healing thyself

5. If you have anything of MM pack it up and FedEx it to his house. Block his email, text, and go NC. (Write a goodbye letter if you must, but don't talk to him, you are not stong enough to not be manipulated.)

6. Your IC will be your new support system. Build a support system of healthy emotionally and legally available people to support you.

 

Focus on yourself and getting and staying healthy.

[Got it]

Men with bling are in the same camp as men with tattoos. If that flys your boat so be it.

 

Sorry for t/j, but the account of MM having his necklace ripped was too funny.

 

Many men of many different ethnicities, careers, and backgrounds wear jewelry, not just the racial slur of "rappers".

 

My husband wears one to represent his achievements in rescue and his humble beginnings.

 

 

And its "flies" not "flys" though one does not fly a boat, the saying is typically "if it floats your boat".

 

I also really lack to see any humor in this thread and the events that took place. In fact I find it very disheartening and saddening. But empathy seems to be very subjective.

[Got it]

Calling her is a thought thats ran laps around my mind from time to time.

 

 

Right now I really don't see how calling the BS is of paramount importance. I DO think following through with the police and protecting yourself is what is of importance here. Let the chips fall where they may but take proactive steps to protect yourself and to stand up for yourself. You are teaching people how to treat you. Is this what you want?

[BrokenPrincess]

This thread makes me so mad! What a POS coward! And you're acting like nothing happened because he texted you 500 times once he was home safe & sound, while you're sitting in your apartment with a broken front door and ribs that got kicked by your xH! Oh, and you see I issue with him asking you to drop off his broken necklace?!?! This is infuriating.

 

LilGirl, I am begging you to really re-read this entire thread. Has every post been appalled at your MMs actions? PLEASE take steps to protect yourself. You need to file that RO against your xH. Why do you care about his career and reputation? Is he paying your bills? HE KICKED YOU IN THE RIBS! And get your divorce moving. You can do it. Set yourself free to get a man who is not an abusive POS and will treat you with the respect you deserve. But first you need to start respecting yourself.

[xxoo]

A man can seem like a sweet person and cause a lot of trouble. Your MM very sweetly, very meekly did you violence. He does violence to you daily by having an A with you knowing full well he and others will throw you under the bus. You are a sacrificial lamb on the way to his happiness. He wants to get happy. You make him happy. But when you are trouble, he cannot be happy. He's looking out for #1 (and #1's necklace,) why can't you?

 

Very true.

 

LilGirl, if you want to be someone's top priority, set the example. Believe that your safety comes first. Never hesitate to protect your safety because your boyfriend doesn't want his wife to know he is with you. How disgustingly selfish of him to be worried about his wife finding out he has a girlfriend when he is leaving his girlfriend behind with a violent ex. Madness that he could contact you later and expect that you'll still be speaking to him! Set the example. Set expectations. You want a man, not a LilBoy.

[ChasingCars]

That whole experience must have been quite the adrenaline rush, a painful and scary one unfortunately.

Looks like some interesting bonding took place afterwards and now this thread has almost 300 likes and is 11 pages long- that is alot of attention.

 

Maybe I am reading this wrong but seems to me that most of the attention in here is negative but you seem to be happy with the responses no matter what is said- cheerful even of many that were insulting to you and this man (MM) you say you love so much.

 

Sorta:

Poster: "That guy is a total douchebag loser!"

You: "Thank you for the response. I bought him dinner last night, I had a good time!"

 

 

 

I don't say any of this in a mean spirited kind of way- I don't dislike you.

I'm just pointing out a few things to perhaps think about.

 

Wishing you much healing.

[2sure]

Your X kicking your door in could have been a stranger. And MM ran away, didn't call the police even anonymously to report you were in danger.

[Journee]

I think that this thread is actually full of people who post day after day with OP trying to get through to her somehow. Sometimes it is just hard to watch someone who admits not caring at all about the pain they cause other people accepting abuse themselves.

 

 

"LilGirl" you are actually a grown woman and I pray that you get the help you need without continuing down abusive paths another ten years from now. You said you were in your thirties, that is far from being a "lilgirl". I come from an abusive past and it can and will touch your life forever in some manner.

 

You admit to not feeling any guilt about the pain that the B.S. in your situation is being set up for. Your MM is an emotional abuser and is a manipulator. You are allowing him to abuse and manipulate you and do the same to another woman an yet you feel nothing about that? At the least get good and mad enough for yourself! Emotional abuse is extremely damaging to you right along with the physical. I am sorry you are going through that but you are allowing yourself to be a victim. I didn't want to call the cops either but after seeing the marks on my neck my best girlfriend got the truth out of me. I told her I had been raped and choked by my exbf and she made the call for me. I just finally decided to talk. I had enough. I wasn't going to protect him or anyone else. I was going to protect me. I wasn't going to allow myself to be powerless anymore.

 

You are not powerless with your stbxh or with your POS MM ,in fact you have ALL the power. Power over yourself and what life you want to lead.

 

Your MM left you for dead! A cracked rib in the right spot IS death. A misjudged kick to the head/ribs/neck/back ,IS death. A stumble back into the right object IS death. Most abusers don't mean to kill their victim ,they just do what they have always done but this time something goes wrong. This time they hold the choke a few seconds too long. This time their victim's head hits the coffee table just right. This time...something was different. I just want to shake you and hug you at the same time. Please open your eyes! This isn't a game and this isn't love!

[The Way I Am]

MM is a user who is only looking to cover his own a**. Anyone who cared about you at all would call the police or encourage and support your while you did so after finding out what stbxh did to you. But MM cares more about protecting his marriage than about making sure you're safe.

 

I agree with the poster who said he didn't intervene because he sees you as beneath him. He doesn't see you as "his woman". Any person, male or female, would not just leave their boyfriend/girlfriend that they love alone with an angry ex. It doesn't matter that the ex hadn't hurt you yet -- he had to know it was possible that the stbxh's anger could turn from MM to you. People protect what's there's, whether than means standing up to them or calling the cops. MM didn't do a damn thing, because to him, you're just some object on the side. To him, you belong to your stbxh and he can deal with you however he wants. MM could have at least stuck around outside to make sure you were safe, but got he a** to safety instead.

 

Then he texted later to make sure he could continue getting what he wanted from you. And now that he knows you were hurt, he's doing nothing to prevent that from happening again.

 

People on this forum who've never even met you care more about you than this MM. Please get away from these men and seek domestic abuse support services in your area.

[CALOVELY]

That whole experience must have been quite the adrenaline rush, a painful and scary one unfortunately.

Looks like some interesting bonding took place afterwards and now this thread has almost 300 likes and is 11 pages long- that is alot of attention.

 

Maybe I am reading this wrong but seems to me that most of the attention in here is negative but you seem to be happy with the responses no matter what is said- cheerful even of many that were insulting to you and this man (MM) you say you love so much.

 

Sorta:

Poster: "That guy is a total douchebag loser!"

You: "Thank you for the response. I bought him dinner last night, I had a good time!"

 

 

I don't say any of this in a mean spirited kind of way- I don't dislike you.

I'm just pointing out a few things to perhaps think about.

 

Wishing you much healing.

 

Truth. Some people want attention so badly they don't care who it comes from or how hurtful it is. OP, you have a pattern and you need to recognize it. Marrying a man who abuses you, hooking up with a married man and going out on dates with questionable characters, this all speaks to you. Yes, these men are all scum but you picked them. Why?

[HopingAgain]

LilGirl, you have 11 pages here of posters from all walks of life, who are united in telling you that this situation just can't continue for you. It just can't. Think of this as a virtual kind of intervention. You are not safe with either of these men. Its time for you to put your well being first, before its too late! Have you called a counselor yet?

[Got it]

Good point. I usually try 2 inject a little humor in my posts in hopes of making someone smile a little in a tough si2ation.

 

But Lil doesn't appear 2 be taking this incident seriously enough, and that's of concern.

 

This is a si2ation where the all-2-common lack of boundaries that allows an OP 2 BE an OP without thought of the harm they're doing 2 someone or some family they're betraying behind their backs is compounded by the fact that her husband is a violent abuser.

 

Get away from the abuse FIRST. Get healthy. Avoid relationships until you can have one without losing ANY of yourself in the process. Don't become some user's f-toy.

 

-ol' 2long

 

I don't think that attempt at humor is a bad MO. When it is ridiculing others, though, is when it stops being funny and then its just mean. But ridicule is more the MO for some posters here.

 

I think Lil is acting very much like a person who has become very used to the abuse cycle. I would surmise that she has been in this cycle since childhood so "taking it seriously" isn't really the correct way to look at it. I think she does take it seriously but also doesn't know anything else. What we are telling her is to do something that is completely foreign to her, something that has been pounded out of; stand up for herself and don't protect the abuser. This is not an easy road to walk and there is a great deal of fear tied to it.

 

I don't think it is unreasonable how she is acting and there is no way to know where she is on this path and whether now is the time she will take a different road.

 

We all have to walk our own paths and no amount of cajoling, pushing, caring, or belighting, is going to get her there faster. She will get there when she decides that enough is enough.