so for anyone who's actually gotten back together with an ex, successfully...

[UnicornGirl]

i'm basically looking for reassurance that "the feeling" and the love can come back after a period of separation. (separation for us means talking once a week, seeing each other once every other week or so [we're an hour apart from each other], we both feel there's a chance we could get back together if that's how things go and things are going really well, i think.) i still don't know how we're going to get back together or when, but our bond is still there and i think we're inching along the way to forming a new relationship.

 

i know it's probably hard, but i was wondering if anyone could offer me reassurance or a description of how their get-back-together went and how you both dealt with things feeling awkward or "not the same." again, i don't know if anyone has advice in this arena, just wondering ... because i'm curious/nervous. i have a suspicion that the feeling CAN happen again with us, the love, the reassurance, etc., but i'm nervous. thanks.

[dnm1010]

may i ask why you broke up in the first place? sometimes the circumstances are what dictates this sucess. i wouldnt worry about what other poeple say, just do whatyou feel is right.

[Lonestar]

Yeah, it can happen. All that can come back, sweetie. I'm totally head over in love with my X again, and we've had some passionate moments (if I'm to leave out all the BS that's been going on lately and stick to this topic).

 

It is a little akward at first, but we found it better not to talk about things so much. Instead we made a lot of love and tried to laugh as much as we could. Take your time, but the feelings can come back full force.

 

The problem is that the issues come back to if they were never resolved.

[Weird]

I think for sure people can get back together especially if the initial breakup was not because either party did anything wrong but more because of the circumstances (bad timing) or either/both parties being too immature to handle the ups/downs (specifically downs) of a relationship.

 

There is no logical reosn why it can't work out if two people still care for one another and don't have any real issues with one another. The only reason why it wouldn't work is because people feel (help[ed by views of society) that because it didn't work once it just can't ever work out and they just give up hope and don't even try to see which is silly. Imagine if humans took that mentality in every aspect of life. Nobody would be doing anything since everyone has failed at something they currently do.

 

Humans scare too easily...bugs me.

[UnicornGirl]

i'm hoping you're right. and i think i personally value a long-term relationship that has stood the test of a breakup to one that hasn't.

 

i worry sometimes that my ex has decided we'll never be back together, despite the fact that he's not interested in anyone else, and that it's entirely over -- but then why would he call and spend time with me?

 

it's hard to push away the thoughts that i've "moved down" a step to the rank of "close friend" with no romantic interest for him. but i think that's just my own insecurities, my own fears that i'm not good enough and not worthy of being loved taking over and sabotaging my small successes and chance for bigger success!

 

that's one thing i've really been working on through these 6 weeks of the breakup -- my negative tendencies and my fears. i know i'll be stronger and a better friend and lover when my love and i are best friends again.

[dreaming4ever]

Yes I've totally been in this type of situation. I dated my current boyfriend when i was 19....we were nuts about each other. Then I dated another guy for almost 3 years and after those 3 years I moved back close to my ex and even after not seeing each other for 3 years, those feelings came back in a second. Seriously, that's just how it was with us. The second we saw each other after 3 years without hearing from each other was intense and it gave us such a "wow" feeling....it's like those feelings I had for him 3 years before burst back into my heart in an instant. It was amazing. We were actually crying in each other's arms and kissing and hugging because we missed what it felt like to be with each other so much. That's the best feeling in the world.

 

But if this is not how it is with you and your ex...I also know you can fall in love with someone all over again. I've done it. It just takes time and both of you wanting it to happen and for you to get along well....I think certain people just get along better and are destined too, no matter how much time they've had apart. Like if he was your type last time he probably will be now right? Good luck, hope I helped. Feel free to ask me anything else if you want.

[kodiak]

dreaming4ever-

 

that was a very inspirational story. Are you with that same person still or what? Why did it end in teh first place. Good story, i like hearing about that stuff from time to time on this site, thanks....Kodiak

[Weird]

dreaming4ever,

 

Great post:)

[2ndConfusedfemale]

well at least 90% of the people that I've ever had chemistry with the chemistry still exists no matter what. I've had this guy who I didn't see in 5 years, and when we saw each other again it was still there...it wasn't THAT intense with us, but it's never been that intense. And there was this other guy who I've treated horribly and once we talked after about a year the chemistry was still there...Finally, there is my situation with this guy, we have been the most on again/off again people I know, and yet and still the chemistry is still there, it is the most intense feeling--one of those can't be with you can't be w/o you too long kind of things, and right now we are trying a "friendship."

 

So, I guess the way that you can tell is on whether you still "affect" them and whether they still "affect" you...If you find yourself "hating" them the chemistry and passion is still there, and if they "hate" you it's still there. But if you find yourself honestly (emphasis on honestly) not caring one way or another, the chemistry will probably not be the same from that moment on.

[dreaming4ever]

Kodiak,

Yes I'm still with the same person. We've been together for 14 months now and we're completely nuts about each other. We just have this intensity that burns and burns and never seems to fade. I've never felt like this with anyone else in my entire life (I'm 24 if you're wondering). We are each other's best friends and do everything together. He's really great and I feel like we were destined to be together. It's a long story that I won't get into but.....we've actually known each other for 10 years cuz we met in grade 9 and were acquaintances all through high school. I always thought he was cute but I was too shy to talk to him and he felt the same about me. And even while I was with the other guy for 3 years, my current bf often popped into my head in my dreams and things like that. I just know in my heart we're meant to be. There's just been WAY too many signals. It's like some higher power is waving a flag in my face saying PICK THIS ONE DUMBASS, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT? haha

 

Anyways, the reason we broke up when we were 19 was because the timing just wasn't right. I don't think we were right for each other at that exact moment in time because I really cared about him but he was suffocating me and I wasn't ready for that type of relationship so early. But obviously later I was...and well, the rest is history. We'll be married in a few years I can't wait to have babies with him and spend the rest of my life with him. He's amazing, I honestly wake up every day wondering how I found such an awesome guy that actually wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him......keep looking guys, the person like this for you is out there, and when you find him/her, you'll know.....

[Weird]

dreaming4ever,

 

your story is a great inspiration to many on thos forum and just shows that 2nd chances happen and peple should never just shrug their shoudlers and assume things can't ever work out because they didn't the first time. As you said, the 1st time you guys were together the timing wasn't right and I think that is the case with mnay relationships that end.

 

I liked your comment about how there are so many signs that you two are supposed to be together. My ex last year when we broke up went on about fate and how she believes in it. Well everything from how we met to where we are now smacks of fate and I just laugh when I think about it all. Surely she must realize fate is smacking her across the face when it comes to me but if she doesnt I honestly feel she will one day.

[dreaming4ever]

Weird,

I hope she wakes up and realizes it too, for your sake. Don't worry....give it time

[Weird]

Originally posted by dreaming4ever

Weird,

I hope she wakes up and realizes it too, for your sake. Don't worry....give it time

 

I hope she realizes it for HER sake. hehe

[dreaming4ever]

hehe same difference!

[kodiak]

dreaming4ever-

 

I know about wrong timing. please read some of my post in second chances, "if its meant to be it will come back". You will see my situation with a girl that im still so inlove with. Its wrong timing, perfect girl

[dreaming4ever]

kodiak,

I can't find the thread you are talking about....can you lead me to it better? I'd love to help if I can!

[kodiak]

drea,img4ever-

 

sorry about that. Im not sure how to cut and paste threads or I would do that. My post are under "if its meant to they will come back" under Second Chances. If you read the last couple pages I posted to head/heels and i kinda broke most of my relationship with my ex down. Hope you can find it. I would love the help, i really canb use it. Thanks alot..................................Kodiak

[dnm1010]

when i was younger i was dating somone for about a year.. and we had a little argument and i broke up with him.. i was real young at the time and the relationship was by no means serious even though i was in love with him. our relationship was mostly talkign on the phone 9i was 14 at the time)... then a didnt talk to him for about a year and after a year i figured why not call him up so i did and voila all the feelings were back and stronger thanbefore. its insane how that is...

then i moved overseas so we had to break up and now im with someone else who i truely love and hes a firm believer that if you break up you break up for good. im not the kind of person who evertytime i get upset or upset wit hhim i break up with him (my sister is like that with her bf, they break up every tuesday and thirsday).... so im not planning on breaking up with him. he knows i love him and im actually happy that we want to get married even when were so angry with each other we know it doesnt mean we dont love each other so much.

[Layzie1207]

hi, after reading all yours guys posts, i really think you could give me some good advice on my situation, i know this sounds stupid, but would some of you please read my post because i would really like to hear alot of your inputs on my situation, thank you

[dnm1010]

can u provide a link to your post