Have I got an alcohol problem?

[magneet]

Hi guys

 

Recently I have started wondering whether I have a alcohol problem or not.

 

I am 28 now, and a good career.

 

My grandmother is an alcoholic and my family does enjoy their alcohol [the one's in Germany]. My stepfather doesn't drink [south Africa], and he always warned me that I abuse alcohol.

 

As a student I used to binge a lot, be drunk for the 1st year and since then less.

 

However, whenever there is change in my life OR when I am not coping [relationship problems, break-ups or unhappy with my life I drink a lot].

 

3 examples in the lat 3 years.

 

3 years ago: I moved to a new city, did a new course at University and was till together with my now-ex, I used to drink the first 4 months every eve, prob a 1/4 of a bottle of whiskey, was drunk most nights, then stopped and started gyming again and only drank socially.

 

2 years ago - I moved overseas, gf and I broke up, drank a bottle of wine or more and evening due to change and the excitement in a new country.

 

However, I hated my job and living circumstances and was sad due to my gf, got drunk every night for about 6 months, tried getting my act together when I lived in Brussels and gymed, etc. However, I took another big emotional knock there and drank even more.

 

Went back to Germany, and drank on a daily basis, whilst still functioning the next day.

 

Then I moved back home, which was 8 months ago - the first 5 months were quite rough due to 1001 family problems, I drank a lot.

 

Now, the 3 months I am back in sports, I am performing well at work, studying part time at the business school BUT still drink 5/7 days.

 

My realisation came two weeks ago, when it is an accomplishment that I haven't drank on a monday eve...and then got drunk on a tuesday and wednesday, and haven't drank on a thursday... and then it's weekend...

 

Usually I drink 1/2 bottle of whiskey or more, depending whether I am working the next day.

 

Ok, as I am writing this I do know I use alcohol as a coping mechanism, however I am pretty content about my life at the moment...

 

and still I struggle to say no. To put alcohol away all together seems scary to me...

 

 

Totally off topic, I went to see a "medium" once, a couple of months ago, besides telling me stuff that no one knows she said I must watch out for alcohol as that could break me and ruin my future... For those who believe in this.

 

 

Anyway, I do feel I am drinking too much, and I struggle not too drink lately...

 

Am I looking too much into this, over exagurating or do I actually have a problem as sever as people who call themselves "alcoholics"...

[Balzac]

It's confusing to put your statements into any context.

 

I am 28 now, and a good career.

 

However, I hated my job and living circumstances

 

I am performing well at work, studying part time at the business school....

 

In summary, you are living at your parent's home, working FT, in process with your third degree. I'm trying to get an understanding about your education and work situation.

[M30USA]

I just couldn't resist:

 

The Jerky Boys - Drinking Problem - YouTube

[magneet]

Sorry, I typed it in a hurry and didn't proof read it.

 

What I meant was when I was still in Germany I hated my job and living circumstances, plus I was going through the break up.

 

Now, I am back in South Africa and working in the direction which I want to work at and am studying part time.

 

Working through my problems and enjoying life - by which I mean waking up with a smile. (Still working through the ex breakup 18months down the line as we still have constant contact but I don't think it's relevant)

 

I am living on my own (have been since I was 18).

 

Basically in the above context I was putting the last three years in chronological order.

 

Last year of varsity - new city.

 

Then overseas. Germany and Brussels.

 

Then back to South Africa - where I am enjoying job and living conditions

 

Basically, deep down I guess there is still a void which makes me enjoy my alcohol. Or the previous lifestyle which I used to have.

 

I hope I am making more sense now, as I didn't think adding all the personal reasons was relevant ?

 

 

Currently replying from my phone and will add any information once reread it agin.

Edited July 5, 2013 by magneet

[Feelin Frisky]

Yes sir, you have a serious problem. I've said this many times before and am sorry to have to repeat it but were are not all the same as if "created" on an assembly line with standard hardware and software. Some people "feel" more than others, some don't feel certain things at all. We aren't created but come into the world through a genetic compositing process that starts with gene sources that are almost never ideally suited. And therefore "flaw" is actually the norm and the appearance of perfection of so-called normality the artifice that society tries to punish you into or medicate you into. You, like me, probably hate certain feelings with a purple passion because they are so thoroughly consuming. Thus we reach for the quickest available substance capable of sedating ourselves and pushing those feelings of anger or disappointment or w/e out of dominance over our central nervous systems. The trouble is that this never addresses the fact that we continue to seem to hurt on a level that we find intolerable.

 

Science and medicine have looked at this and have developed "equalizers" rather than "tranquilizers" (alcohol being the most readily available tranquilizer). These "equalizers" are also called anti-depressants and when you find the right one that works without a side effect you don't like, it works "upstream" of the nervous system where all your feelings register. This is in truth a matter of life and death, a decent life or one behind bars where an innocent lies dead from a car wreck, a loving relationship with someone who finds your temperament acceptable if not enjoyable or a lonely life of decline where you wear your alcoholism on your skin. What my anti-depressant (Prozac) has done for me is allow me to experience an interval between something potentially upsetting and feeling th feelings that come with whatever the issue is. And in that tiny interval is the capacity to choose my feelings and there proportions rather than being so murky that it all seems to be one thing--something happens, you react with intensity and hate the feeling so much you reach for booze or wine or beer to kill it.

 

This "equalizer" doesn't get me high, I don't want to get high. I take it every day with my vitamins and it acts like a vitamin to me--I feel nothing from it, but it's doing something for me that I can't do for myself i.e turn down the jets of over-reaction that swamp my gut with fight or flight. I'm quite sure I would be a lot worse off without it if not dead by now. Much of the other rhetoric about alcohol abuse--especially in AA is ancient pleas to super-nature to remove the affliction. It works for a small number of people who busy themselves all the time with the fellowship, but does nothing to equalize you with the billions of other people whose feelings don't take them over in a second's notice and send them scurrying for an after-the-fact remedy.

[SweetiePie12]

Sorry, I typed it in a hurry and didn't proof read it.

 

I understood you just fine.

 

If it's bothering you, one of the 12 steps in AA involves self scrutiny, I believe. So if you think it's too much, chill on it and don't compare yourself to others.

 

I think you're great analyzing yourself/keeping track of what you do.

 

Very interesting what the medium told you! She's right! So if you manage your situation, you'll be great!

 

I don't feel worried for you intuitively, for what it's worth.

[PoopHappens]

Putting away anything we like a lot is scary but once complete, is so very satisfying. Living without the hair trigger reactions alcohol would cause in my life is worth every bit of the process.

[2sunny]

Since you are asking yourself - you must have concerns.

 

If you think you can't stop on your own you may want to do what the book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests.

 

Couple that with a great counselor to find out how to address your emotional issues and work toward getting past your fears.

 

A counselor can help you handle change better. Everything is temporary. S to expect things to remain the same isn't realistic.

[magneet]

Hi guys

 

thanks for your thoughtful responses.

 

The one's of you who had similar problems with alcohol, have you stopped drinking completely - or have you just "tamed" it?

 

In the last week or so I finally separated from ex gf, I thought it's gonna kill me again... it did get me down, but somehow I haven't slipped as far.

 

I am indeed seeing a professional, for other problems - and I have raised this concern again. So indirectly we are working at this, as this is one of my go-to addictions.

 

Even though I have drank this week, it was under different circumstances and I am quite proud of myself. Also as I am back in the gym and different sports which also change my perspective.

 

I will def look into the AA program, whether it's online - or a group here as I know they gather monday evenings.

 

maybe this is over shared, maybe it's inappropriate to share this - but all of the addictions, and over indulgence of them does come from deep within, unresolved childhood issues... The good thing is that I am aware of them, and my professional and myself are working through it

 

 

I will however take more drastic steps in my recovery if I see that I somehow relapse into that certain state again.

 

 

The main positive thing that I can take out of this from my current situation is that I am not hitting rock bottom like the previous times in my life, I guess that's a good start .

 

again, thanks for the valuable, highly appreciated and thoughtful feedback.

 

M

[2sunny]

I quit completely. I only consider the day I'm in.

 

I never thought I could do it - but I haven't had any alcohol pills or anything to alter my mind for 5-1/2 years.

 

I never knew it could be this good.

 

I had to face my resentments, fears and anger. I worked it through to the other side and I feel free!

 

I did it through the step work. I no longer need to get numb to cover up how I feel.

 

I speak my truth and I have a voice.