Why don't men commit?

[Jen]

I have been dating this man for over two months. He said that he is not ready for a serious relationship. We see each other about five nights a week, and we have sex often. We act like a couple...I was the one that he called when his truck was stuck in the snow....he helped me move. Is it that he is not ready for a relationship with me? Am I just around until he finds someone that he does want to have a relationship with? Will he ever want to commit...since he knows that I will always be around....and willing to sleep with him and hang out with him whenever he wants? Feedback appreciated. Please e-mail me at <e-mail address removed>.

[Tony T]

1. "He said that he is not ready for a serious relationship. We see each other about five nights a week, and we have sex often. We act like a couple...I was the one that he called when his truck was stuck in the snow....he helped me move. Is it that he is not ready for a relationship with me?"

 

This guy sees you five nights a week, you have sex often, you act like a couple, he helps get you out of the snow, he helped you move and you say he's not ready for a relationship. You aren't looking for a relationship, you're looking for a siamese twin. What you have described here is much nicer, closer and more wonderful than most relationships. Are you OK?

 

2. "Am I just around until he finds someone that he does want to have a relationship with?"

 

Hey, Babe...the guy is seeing you five nights a week. Don't you have a life outside of him? Can't you use the other two days to clean your place, wash your clothes, read, pay bills, visit or call friends, etc. I think this guy is having a wonderful relationship with you. You are the one who's absent from this. Does he know how you feel? If I were dating you and you called me to tell me you were stuck in the snow, I would tell you to call the automobile club (if I had seen this post beforehand).

 

I just think it's wonderful how you appreciate this guy!!!

 

3. "Will he ever want to commit...since he knows that I will always be around....and willing to sleep with him and hang out with him whenever he wants?"

 

What the hell is your definition of committment? If this guy was any more committed to you, the two of you would be sharing kidneys.

[Tony T]

After reflecting on this, it would seem you may be looking for more of an emotional relationship possibly. If that's the case, you'll not get it until he is ready. But, again, it seems like the two of you are pretty close...from what you describe.

 

If the relationship continues to be unfilling for you from an emotional standpoint, you may want to step back and re-evaluate it. It still seems to me like he may be giving you as much as he is capable of at this time.

 

Maybe neither of you know what a serious relationship is. Because what you described in your post sounds serious as hell to me.

 

The two of you should work on your communication skills a bit more perhaps. That may help you get whatever it is you are looking for that is not currently in the package.

[Pat]

I think you are definitely in a good relationship. Perhaps what your boyfriend is thinking is that you are looking for an engagement or marriage proposal. Two months is much too early to go there.

 

Give yourself a bit room to relax. You may be expecting a bit much way too soon.

 

Also, playing a bit hard to get might really make him want you more. You may tell him you have plans a couple of those nights a week. Men love a chase.

 

Give yourself about 1 year. Then see where the relationship is going. Don't even bring up commitment issues any longer. Not before the year is up

[Tony T]

Excellent points, Pat...failed to mention those, too.

[sandy]

I have had relationships in my past that were just about the physical connection and when time went on I found out that that is all it ever would be and moved on . You do need both emotional and physical attachment to have any real relationship. Only time will tell so enjoy it for now and take it slow .

[Jen]

Hi...It's me. The person who made the post. I failed to mention that he says that we are just friends, and that he not ready for a girlfriend...blah...blah. And the thing is.. he said that he broke it off with the last person that he was seeing because she wanted to date him exclusively. So I don't want to mention the fact that I would like to start an exclusive relationship with him just yet. I know that he is not ready to commit to me for life...Hell, I have known him for exactly two months.... I just want some reassurance that he isn't going to jet...that he wants me as more than a friend...but I guess you can never have total reassurance...I just wish that he would quite calling me his "friend." Thanks for the posts. I appreciate feedback. Sometimes you just don't know what you have. E-mail: <e-mail address removed>

[Tony T]

If you want him to quit calling you friend, just stop having sex with him. Tell him friends don't have sex with each other, lovers do. Tell him when he decides you're his girlfriend, the sex resumes.

 

Hey, right now you're giving him everything a guy could want. It seems you are the sucker in all this. You better take charge of the situation real fast.

 

Again, refer to my first post on this subject. The way you describe this relationship is far better than many committed relationships.

 

If he's not ready for a girlfriend and you have sex with him, I guess right now that makes this a friends with benefits situation. If that's not what you want, hold out for what you want or move on.