Acknowledging One's Weight Loss (Q: for Guys)

[Hopeless80]

I need a guy's opinion here. If a female friend who you haven't seen in several months had lost weight (30-40lb) since you last saw her, would you say anything to her about it? I recently dropped that much weight, but this guy hasn't said a word to me about it. Nothing! Then I recently found out through a mutual friend that he had said something to him about it. Why would he mention my weight loss to a mutual friend and not me personally? I don't understand why he wouldn't say a simple "you look great" or "wow, you've lost some weight" to me, but he would to someone else. Is this pretty typical of guys?

[simplyamazing]

I would acknowledge it regardless if it was a male or female friend. Losing a bunch of weight is a great accomplishment!

 

The first thought that comes to mind is that maybe he's attracted to you (now), and shy?

[USMCHokie]

It would be the first thing out of my mouth. It accomplishes (at least) two things. It acknowledges and congratulates her on her aesthetic change, which probably made her more attractive, but also acknowledges and congratulates her efforts in losing the weight. No one loses that kind of weight unless they make a conscientious effort, and successful results reflect positively on her personality, determination, discipline, etc.

[Nik1]

Yeah, of course. Your friend sounds like a dick.

[tbf]

If you're looking for validation where it's not forthcoming, you can ask him his opinion of your weight loss. That he didn't provide it, doesn't make him a jerk. Refer to love languages of how people express their love in different ways, even though this is a friendship.

 

Are you sure you want him for a friend? When opinions matter this much, it's quite often because the person wants more than friendship.

[Seductive]

I need a guy's opinion here. If a female friend who you haven't seen in several months had lost weight (30-40lb) since you last saw her, would you say anything to her about it? I recently dropped that much weight, but this guy hasn't said a word to me about it. Nothing! Then I recently found out through a mutual friend that he had said something to him about it. Why would he mention my weight loss to a mutual friend and not me personally? I don't understand why he wouldn't say a simple "you look great" or "wow, you've lost some weight" to me, but he would to someone else. Is this pretty typical of guys?

 

I'm not a man, but I don't mention weight loss to anyone. Why? Because some people (like myself) can get offended or take it the wrong way. One's weight is a very personal thing, and I don't like to step on someone's space. I've had people tell me "How did you drop the weight?" when I didn't lose weight at all. That just made me feel like the person was saying I looked fat before. It didn't make me feel complimented.

 

Maybe he had a bad experience when he commented on someone's weight, and chooses not to mention it anymore. Or, that may not be the case at all. I'm just giving my side of the story on why some people don't mention weight loss.

Edited July 6, 2013 by Seductive

[hppr]

I don't mention it.

 

I have in the past and it turned into a social faux pas or however you say it. So unless she tells me that she's lost weight I don't usually mention it.

 

Also you didn't say what this guy said about your weight loss to someone else. Did he say you looked great? That you really lost weight? Or what?

[Hopeless80]

Simplayamazing – I don’t think he’s shy at all. That’s why I’m rather surprised he hasn’t said anything, but reading a couple of other responses, maybe he does have a valid reason. I just don’t know.

 

USMCHokie – Thanks for your insight. 

 

Nik1 – He’s a good friend. He’s always been very respectful and courteous. I would not for one second considering him a “dick”.

 

Tbf – I definitely want him as a friend, but if you’re implying that maybe I want more than that with him, then you are 100% right. I would love to have a relationship with him. There are a couple of people who I want to acknowledge it, but haven’t yet and he’s top on the list. I’m not mad at him or anything, I’m just kind of surprised that he noticed and told someone else and not me.

 

Seductive – Thank you for you comments. What you’re saying makes total sense. Maybe in his head he is being “protective” of my feelings or something.

 

Hppr – It’s all hearsay since I wasn’t involved in the conversation, he from what I was told it was more of just a standard comment about me losing the weight. I didn’t pry for details because I was kind of surprised to hear that he mentioned to him. I’m not sure if he said I looked great or what not. I suppose I could try to find out.

[hppr]

Simplayamazing – I don’t think he’s shy at all. That’s why I’m rather surprised he hasn’t said anything, but reading a couple of other responses, maybe he does have a valid reason. I just don’t know.

 

USMCHokie – Thanks for your insight. 

 

Nik1 – He’s a good friend. He’s always been very respectful and courteous. I would not for one second considering him a “dick”.

 

Tbf – I definitely want him as a friend, but if you’re implying that maybe I want more than that with him, then you are 100% right. I would love to have a relationship with him. There are a couple of people who I want to acknowledge it, but haven’t yet and he’s top on the list. I’m not mad at him or anything, I’m just kind of surprised that he noticed and told someone else and not me.

 

Seductive – Thank you for you comments. What you’re saying makes total sense. Maybe in his head he is being “protective” of my feelings or something.

 

Hppr – It’s all hearsay since I wasn’t involved in the conversation, he from what I was told it was more of just a standard comment about me losing the weight. I didn’t pry for details because I was kind of surprised to hear that he mentioned to him. I’m not sure if he said I looked great or what not. I suppose I could try to find out.

 

Weight loss is a sensitive topic unless the person is showing it off verbally I usually don't say anything.

 

For example a friend of mine was 6'2 and well over 300, he lost 50lbs and I didn't notice sort of thing. Or you tell a female friend that she looks great after losing all that weight and find out later she is just dressing differently.

 

Or (THE WORST) asking a female coworker when she is 'expecting', as in you think she's pregnant, then finding out she's just getting fat...whoops...

[Hopeless80]

Yeah, don't think I'd EVER ask a woman if she was pregnant even if it was totally obvious that she was. That one I totally understand!

 

I'm ok with this whole thing now that I've gotten some different views on it. It doesn't really change anything with how I feel about him. I was just curious is all.

[tbf]

Tbf – I definitely want him as a friend, but if you’re implying that maybe I want more than that with him, then you are 100% right. I would love to have a relationship with him. There are a couple of people who I want to acknowledge it, but haven’t yet and he’s top on the list. I’m not mad at him or anything, I’m just kind of surprised that he noticed and told someone else and not me.

If you unpack the underlying annoyance, what you'll probably find is that you were hoping he would notice the weight loss and be attracted by your new body and express as such.

[Ed the 3rd]

I'd be worried about her taking it the wrong way.

 

Me: Hey you've lost a ton of weight!!

Girl: So I was fat before then?! >

Me: Well yeah.

[Star Gazer]

I lost a pant size during last season's marathon training, and every guy I saw once smaller commented on it, whether they were a friend, romantic, coworker, whatever. "You look great! You've lost a little weight!" or something similar.

 

And it's not even that drastic of a difference, really. I think I might be offended if I'd lost as much weight as you did and didn't get complimented on it - regardless of who it was.

 

Huge accomplishment! Congrats!

[MYCluciferase]

Your friend just might not have thought of the "you look great" phrase and have felt awkward with saying anything that mentions weight specifically...

 

I know some socially challenged people that might do that if a less direct phrase didn't come to them at once.

[Seductive]

I'd be worried about her taking it the wrong way.

 

Me: Hey you've lost a ton of weight!!

Girl: So I was fat before then?! >

Me: Well yeah.

 

I had professional photos taken in a belly dance outfit and a black dress. A woman on facebook messaged me at 1 am saying, "This is not the seductive I know! Who is this woman? How did you drop the weight?" You bet I was pissed, even if she was just complimenting me. I didn't lose any weight in the first place, but it made me feel like she was saying that my photos weren't realistic of me in real life

 

The fact is probably that she never seen me in belly dance clothes. I tend to look skinnier without clothes, as I would assume most people do.

[thefooloftheyear]

Im sure Id say something like "wow, you look great"..But I wouldnt say anything about weight loss specifically as it would imply you were heavy before...

 

I work out heavily and have a great physique, imo, but I do it for myself and couldnt care less if people notice or not..Do it for you..Looking for credit just seems a bit shallow..But I do understand the whole pat on the back stuff..

 

Eh,,,dont worry about it...

 

TFY

[SuperGeek]

It's socially accepted for women to comment or criticize the weight of a man all they want. Men are expected to be 'tough' and take the criticism or even compliments.

 

It's NOT socially accepted for men to make any reference to a woman's weight in any way. I'm generalizing here, but for the most part what I'm saying is true across the board with some minor exceptions ( fitness focused people ).

 

Yup, a nice double standard... If you're a guy, it's probably a good idea not to ever mention weight (even as a compliment). It's too volatile. It's a great way to introduce resentment into a relationship.

Edited July 14, 2013 by SuperGeek

[Seductive]

It's socially accepted for women to comment or criticize the weight of a man all they want. Men are expected to be 'tough' and take the criticism or even compliments.

 

It's NOT socially accepted for men to make any reference to a woman's weight in any way. I'm generalizing here, but for the most part what I'm saying is true across the board with some minor exceptions ( fitness focused people ).

 

Yup, a nice double standard... If you're a guy, it's probably a good idea not to ever mention weight (even as a compliment). It's too volatile. It's a great way to introduce resentment into a relationship.

 

I don't know if I'm the norm or the exception, but I prefer not to talk about people's weight in general. It's just not my business. If a man's feelings are hurt and he lets me know that he's hurt (I can't know, if you don't tell me), I don't expect him to be rough.

 

In fact, I think telling someone "just take the criticism and buck up" is the worst thing you can tell someone.

[SuperGeek]

Yup I agree with you completely. I do have a question though and I'm not sure if i'm hijacking the thread or not.

 

What happens if a guy/girl you care about has gained/lost a huge amount of weight to the point of being dangerous for their health? We seem to be committed as a society to point out drug use, alcoholism, and many other bad habits, but when it comes to weight gain/loss it's an issue most people don't like to talk about. For women this is especially true and I understand why. I'm talking extreme cases only, not that 5 kg you're trying to shed from the last holiday.

 

What do you do in these seriously dire cases? Do I just idly stand by my wife and watch her gain/lose 50kg and be expected not to worry and not to comment on it? I don't have this problem currently but some of my friends do and it has got me thinking about the topic a bit. It really is a tough issue.

 

Thoughts please.

 

I don't know if I'm the norm or the exception, but I prefer not to talk about people's weight in general. It's just not my business. If a man's feelings are hurt and he lets me know that he's hurt (I can't know, if you don't tell me), I don't expect him to be rough.

 

In fact, I think telling someone "just take the criticism and buck up" is the worst thing you can tell someone.

Edited July 15, 2013 by SuperGeek

[pteromom]

I don't mention it unless I know the person has been working on weight loss. It could be they have lost a lot of weight due to illness, death in their family, depression, etc...

 

I don't think you can go wrong with "You are looking great" though.

[davidjordan1]

Thanks a lot friends for sharing your useful tips and suggestions it would be very useful for newbies like me..