I have a dream... (Warning-evil)

[Betterthanthis13]

I think it's clear from the context, but I think you meant to say either "50% of businesses fail with embezzling being one of the leading causes." or "50% of businesses don't succeed with embezzling being one of the leading causes."

 

Actually, I did mean "don't fail". However, it is still a terrible sentence, grammatically.

[Trimmer]

You got me again. I nominate you for organizing my thoughts into readable sentences that make sense before I hit "submit post". Good luck with that buddy.

 

Or, I could proofread. And edit. I'll give that a try for a bit and see how it goes.

Oh wow - I actually didn't realize I had done that to you on two different threads... I promise I'm not stalking!

[Queen of Sheba]

I like all these ideas someone should buy them!

 

The programmes that were on before, about people finding out their SO could/would have an affair or programmes where one person sets investigators on the spouse they think is cheating. What were your opinions on them before you found out you were a BS and has your opinion changed? I think I found them background telly vaguely amusing, I don't think I could watch one again.

[Thegameoflife]

I think your ideas will achieve the opposite affect you're hoping for. A big part of the reason people cheat is do to the commonality of it. If it's common, it becomes normal. By exposing more cheaters, you're adding more fuel to the fire. Eventually, the shock affect will fade away, and people become apathetic, and even embrace the reality. Essentially, you are putting another knife in the back of monogamy.

 

Public humiliation, guilt tripping, and condemnation of people is going to discourage people from entering monogamous relationships. The only people left will be self righteous fundamentalists living a bitter angry life.

[Queen of Sheba]

I think your ideas will achieve the opposite affect you're hoping for. A big part of the reason people cheat is do to the commonality of it. If it's common, it becomes normal. By exposing more cheaters, you're adding more fuel to the fire. Eventually, the shock affect will fade away, and people become apathetic, and even embrace the reality. Essentially, you are putting another knife in the back of monogamy.

 

Public humiliation, guilt tripping, and condemnation of people is going to discourage people from entering monogamous relationships. The only people left will be self righteous fundamentalists living a bitter angry life.

 

That's a really interesting point. Hadn't thought of that and its absolutely right

[janedoe67]

I have read a few articles about these adultery websites. Actually, there are PI's who join with the express intent of catching cheaters, apparently.

 

And there are people I know who already kind of make it part of their life's work to out complete strangers as well. If I found out my sister or my friend or my friend's husband was cheating, I would definitely act. If someone across the country I had never met said they had an affair, I wouldn't do google searches and white page searches on them to out them. That to me is kind of creepy and sociopathic.

 

It would be an interesting experiment. I think one of the things web sites for stuff like that seems to engender is this trust that it's all anonymous? I wonder if some people might be deterred if they thought there was a good chance that anyone they messaged might be poised to expose them.

 

There are already programs like this for pedophiles and such. You don't have to be a pedophile to be a predator.

[So happy together]

This is interesting. You equate exposing someone's infidelity with being as bad as the actual infidelity? Is turning in a co-worker who's been embezzling money from the company as bad as being the embezzler yourself? I personally don't but to each person their own rationalization I suppose.

 

Cheaters damage trust, they hurt people, the worst cheaters hurt children. They care about their needs only front and center. Then their AP's dangle them around like they're some kind of prize. Oh the logic in that one. They may take a different way of "looking for what they want" but it makes their act no less despicable. I do understand what you're saying but what I don't agree with is that people who expose and humiliate cheaters are as bad as the cheaters themselves.

 

If someone cheats it is their marriage, not yours. Butt out. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps NEITHER person in the marriage would like you to air their dirty laundry for all the world to see? If it is YOUR marriage, have at it, but you are not the cheater police, nor are you God.

[Betterthanthis13]

I think your ideas will achieve the opposite affect you're hoping for. A big part of the reason people cheat is do to the commonality of it. If it's common, it becomes normal. By exposing more cheaters, you're adding more fuel to the fire. Eventually, the shock affect will fade away, and people become apathetic, and even embrace the reality. Essentially, you are putting another knife in the back of monogamy.

 

Public humiliation, guilt tripping, and condemnation of people is going to discourage people from entering monogamous relationships. The only people left will be self righteous fundamentalists living a bitter angry life.

 

You are right on the money. Your point reflects a part of my point in a rant I have going in another thread about media saturation of infidelity as a topic. If we can't impose morality on cheaters with exposure shows, (I dislike that idea anyway for many reasons, just was throwing out ideas) and we can't remove content from the media nor should we attempt it because of the first amendment, what do you think of including MORE content in the media that is equally as entertaining and "ratings worthy" as infidelity, but promotes honesty instead of lying? i.e. open marriages, polyamory, swinging.

 

It's still not monogamy, but apparently nobody wants to watch Leave it to Beaver. The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Or in this case, I'd rather watch the honest version of the activity I don't want to participate in, instead of the dishonest version that I see everywhere now.

 

I don't mind seeing people in bars on TV drinking then calling a cab, don't really want to see them drinking and driving and killing people ALL the time on TV. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I care if other people do. Go ahead, have a great time!

[Thegameoflife]

You are right on the money. Your point reflects a part of my point in a rant I have going in another thread about media saturation of infidelity as a topic. If we can't impose morality on cheaters with exposure shows, (I dislike that idea anyway for many reasons, just was throwing out ideas) and we can't remove content from the media nor should we attempt it because of the first amendment, what do you think of including MORE content in the media that is equally as entertaining and "ratings worthy" as infidelity, but promotes honesty instead of lying? i.e. open marriages, polyamory, swinging.

 

It's still not monogamy, but apparently nobody wants to watch Leave it to Beaver. The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Or in this case, I'd rather watch the honest version of the activity I don't want to participate in, instead of the dishonest version that I see everywhere now.

 

I don't mind seeing people in bars on TV drinking then calling a cab, don't really want to see them drinking and driving and killing people ALL the time on TV. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I care if other people do. Go ahead, have a great time!

 

I wouldn't hold my breath. TV is a feedback loop. They play what the people want to watch. The fact that TV has a lot of liars and cheaters tells you a lot about the people watching. I hardly watch TV, and rarely watch the news anymore.

[Betterthanthis13]

I wouldn't hold my breath. TV is a feedback loop. They play what the people want to watch. The fact that TV has a lot of liars and cheaters tells you a lot about the people watching. I hardly watch TV, and rarely watch the news anymore.

 

I rarely watch any tv either. I shut off cable years ago, and actively avoid most commercial media content. That doesn't negate its existance. I think what I've been doing is ignoring the problem. The problem came and found me anyway.

 

Holding your breath and not saying anything about something you dont like is a good way to not get good results. It's like not voting and then complaining about the government.

 

Wishing for the "good old days" of tv and media is a waste of time. Forward progress can be positive or negative, it's up to all of us to influence it. Where we are right now is alarming to me, I don't particularly like it- I don't think doing nothing is the right answer, even though I don't know exactly what can possibly help at this point. Just throwing out random ideas.

[Betterthanthis13]

If someone cheats it is their marriage, not yours. Butt out. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps NEITHER person in the marriage would like you to air their dirty laundry for all the world to see? If it is YOUR marriage, have at it, but you are not the cheater police, nor are you God.

 

What do you think about celebrities? They have their "dirty laundry" aired publicly for the whole world to see all the time. Actors, professional athletes, and musicians are outed in affair scandals all the time in the media. We call it "entertainment", and don't chastise shows and magazines for being the "cheater police" or "God".

 

How many hours of press coverage did Tiger Woods get? Brad and Angelina and Jennifer?

[janedoe67]

Quote:

Originally Posted by So happy together View Post

If someone cheats it is their marriage, not yours. Butt out. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps NEITHER person in the marriage would like you to air their dirty laundry for all the world to see? If it is YOUR marriage, have at it, but you are not the cheater police, nor are you God.

What do you think about celebrities? They have their "dirty laundry" aired publicly for the whole world to see all the time. Actors, professional athletes, and musicians are outed in affair scandals all the time in the media. We call it "entertainment", and don't chastise shows and magazines for being the "cheater police" or "God".

 

How many hours of press coverage did Tiger Woods get? Brad and Angelina and Jennifer?

 

I think it's a balance. If it's my best friend or a family member or someone with whom I work whose shenanigans affect the workplace, then I think it is perfectly within my "place" to expose.

 

But for me to track down the spouse of someone on here, for example, and expose just because their posts rub me wrong or I'm mad that they said something negative or whatever weirdo unbalanced agenda I might have...that is creepy and unjustifiable.

[Betterthanthis13]

I think it's a balance. If it's my best friend or a family member or someone with whom I work whose shenanigans affect the workplace, then I think it is perfectly within my "place" to expose.

 

But for me to track down the spouse of someone on here, for example, and expose just because their posts rub me wrong or I'm mad that they said something negative or whatever weirdo unbalanced agenda I might have...that is creepy and unjustifiable.

 

Creepy and unjustifiable is a good way to put it. It doesnt interest me to seek out perceived injustices and impose my belief system into people's private lives either. That definitely feels like the wrong thing to do- I think you touched on a point i was trying to make a few posts back when you alluded to the idea that people might feel less confident utilizing a website designed to be a matchmaking service for cheaters if they weren't as confident about the anoninimity aspect. Right now I get the impression there is sort of an "honor among thieves" bubble surrounding it- and wondering if there is a way to infiltrate that bubble/ break it down. I don't want to accomplish that goal by fighting fire with fire or doing anything I find ethically objectionable myself- that is why all my ideas ultimately end up in the trash can.

Edited July 18, 2013 by Betterthanthis13
This darn iPhone

[Lostinlife4now]

Omg I never heard of cheaterville- I just looked at it. That is an interesting website.

 

My service is different though. Theirs is for revenge, to embarrass cheaters who have already been busted, and to warn future partners I guess if they happen to check the website when they start dating someone.

 

My imaginary service is more like an ongoing public service that randomly busts cheaters and exposes their secret life to the unsuspecting spouse. So if someone is trying to hook up on Ashley Madison they never know if the person they are meeting is really just a fellow cheater, or one of our secret agents.

 

 

Be careful what you write....

 

Everytime I turn around someone else is watching us/me, And reading anything that is written out there in the internet universe.

[So happy together]

What do you think about celebrities? They have their "dirty laundry" aired publicly for the whole world to see all the time. Actors, professional athletes, and musicians are outed in affair scandals all the time in the media. We call it "entertainment", and don't chastise shows and magazines for being the "cheater police" or "God".

 

How many hours of press coverage did Tiger Woods get? Brad and Angelina and Jennifer?

 

I have mixed feelings, quite honestly. I still don't think anyone should be the morality police, or God. If celebs choose to keep their private lives private, that option should be afforded them. I don't ever watch tv. Neither do my children. I don't think they would care one whit about celebs, and neither do I. I don't think people's pain should be funny or entertainment.

[So happy together]

I think it's a balance. If it's my best friend or a family member or someone with whom I work whose shenanigans affect the workplace, then I think it is perfectly within my "place" to expose.

 

But for me to track down the spouse of someone on here, for example, and expose just because their posts rub me wrong or I'm mad that they said something negative or whatever weirdo unbalanced agenda I might have...that is creepy and unjustifiable.

 

I don't disagree with this, except that if you expose, you could very well make it impossible for the BS and AP to ever make things right if they so chose. If the BS was sufficiently embarrassed to the point that they felt they couldn't go back to the M, even if they wanted to, because people would have opinions about their choice, that would be unfortunate.

 

If it is your family member, okay. Best friend, maybe tell only the best friend, but don't be telling everyone. It's just wrong.

[So happy together]

I think it's a balance. If it's my best friend or a family member or someone with whom I work whose shenanigans affect the workplace, then I think it is perfectly within my "place" to expose.

 

But for me to track down the spouse of someone on here, for example, and expose just because their posts rub me wrong or I'm mad that they said something negative or whatever weirdo unbalanced agenda I might have...that is creepy and unjustifiable.

 

 

You should know, there are certain people on this very website who do exactly this. Find people on here, track them down through the internet, social media, etc. and expose.

[Betterthanthis13]

Be careful what you write....

 

Everytime I turn around someone else is watching us/me, And reading anything that is written out there in the internet universe.

 

Right, its a public forum- the whole Internet is public as far as I understand. If someone discovered my true identity from my ramblings on this forum why would I care? Why post ananomously?

 

-I don't want my coworkers/profnessional contacts/ child's social group etc reading details about my personal life that I share on here

-Personal safety- protection from serial killers, stalkers and other nutjobs

 

I'm just talking about random ideas I have, some are worse than others. I'm not making threats to any person, group, or corporation. Just expressing my dislike of the current state of things regarding infidelity and the mass media and thinking out loud on the Internet of things that we could do about it.

 

With all that said, I have zero concern about anyone reading anything I write about my opinions on infidelity and the media or my wacky ideas to shake things up a bit. I can't imagine anyone at Ashley Madison or its clientele gives a flying crap about anything I have to say.

 

And if someone does care enough to do some forensic IT magic and get my IP address and figure out who I am and send copies of everything I've ever typed on LS to everyone I know?

Then--Oh well, Ill get over the embarrassment of my boss knowing I have some personal problems and asked for advice on a relationship forum. I didn't do anything wrong to hurt or deceive anyone. And the chances of some psycho killer coming after me because I posted on LS are slim too.

 

And the idea of the vigilante Ashley Madison daters has been abandoned from my mind due to ethical considerations. It was fun to think about for a day or two but it does not solve my problem.

[Lostinlife4now]

Right, its a public forum- the whole Internet is public as far as I understand. If someone discovered my true identity from my ramblings on this forum why would I care? Why post ananomously?

 

-I don't want my coworkers/profnessional contacts/ child's social group etc reading details about my personal life that I share on here

-Personal safety- protection from serial killers, stalkers and other nutjobs

 

I'm just talking about random ideas I have, some are worse than others. I'm not making threats to any person, group, or corporation. Just expressing my dislike of the current state of things regarding infidelity and the mass media and thinking out loud on the Internet of things that we could do about it.

 

With all that said, I have zero concern about anyone reading anything I write about my opinions on infidelity and the media or my wacky ideas to shake things up a bit. I can't imagine anyone at Ashley Madison or its clientele gives a flying crap about anything I have to say.

 

And if someone does care enough to do some forensic IT magic and get my IP address and figure out who I am and send copies of everything I've ever typed on LS to everyone I know?

Then--Oh well, Ill get over the embarrassment of my boss knowing I have some personal problems and asked for advice on a relationship forum. I didn't do anything wrong to hurt or deceive anyone. And the chances of some psycho killer coming after me because I posted on LS are slim too.

 

And the idea of the vigilante Ashley Madison daters has been abandoned from my mind due to ethical considerations. It was fun to think about for a day or two but it does not solve my problem.

 

 

 

Yes I truly understand what you are saying....

 

BUT:

 

Listen to what I am saying.....

 

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WRITE ON ANY FORUM!!!!!

 

Everything in life comes back to bite you in the ass! (Old Italian saying momma taught me)!!

[Lostinlife4now]

Wanted to add...

 

 

Infidelity WILL NEVER cease. NEVER! No matter what anyone does to out an affair....It will be here till the end of time.

[So happy together]

I've read this site for over three years now and have never seen an OW come on here and say this has happened to her.

 

Trust me. Whether you know it or not, it's true.

[Betterthanthis13]

I have mixed feelings, quite honestly. I still don't think anyone should be the morality police, or God. If celebs choose to keep their private lives private, that option should be afforded them. I don't ever watch tv. Neither do my children. I don't think they would care one whit about celebs, and neither do I. I don't think people's pain should be funny or entertainment.

 

I (mostly) agree with this.

 

I take exception to honoring one's absolute right to privacy in cases of abuse. I feel we as human beings have the duty to protect the abused, which can make privacy a tricky subject.

 

I agree with your position on morality police. I agree that pain shouldn't be exploited for entertainment (but that's sort of like trying to be morality police to the media--- so if the media wants to do that, I can't judge them for doing so, right? Agh!!

 

I'm agnostic, so I'm dropping out of the God portion of the discussion.

[Lostinlife4now]

So will murder, but that doesn't make it ok.

 

 

I think the op was talking about infidelity, not murder.

 

Ooops, am I in the wrong forum?

 

I was posting earlier about Trayvon and George. Did I mix something up?

 

My heartfelt apologies if I misinterpreted.....

[So happy together]

I (mostly) agree with this.

 

I take exception to honoring one's absolute right to privacy in cases of abuse. I feel we as human beings have the duty to protect the abused, which can make privacy a tricky subject.

 

I agree with your position on morality police. I agree that pain shouldn't be exploited for entertainment (but that's sort of like trying to be morality police to the media--- so if the media wants to do that, I can't judge them for doing so, right? Agh!!

 

I'm agnostic, so I'm dropping out of the God portion of the discussion.

 

You know, the problem with this is there are so many abused people who stay out of choice. We can't really make them leave. Of course if they are children that is one thing, but in an abusive marriage, they make their own decision. It's a tough call. And you are absolutely correct, it definitely does make privacy tricky.

[janedoe67]

You should know, there are certain people on this very website who do exactly this. Find people on here, track them down through the internet, social media, etc. and expose.

 

I haven't experienced that on here. But I know for a fact it has happened other places. And in one embarrassing instance, it happened when there was no affair. And the supposed "BS" was pretty ticked.

 

Oops