Waited too long to text back?

[ksinger]

Guys, what is considered waiting too long to text back? I met a guy online very, very recently. We texted a little bit back and forth. He seemed kind of nice....on July 4th he texted to wish me a happy 4th but, to be honest, I was very busy that day, so didn't text back right away (24 hours went by). I was actually about to text him on the morning of the 5th when he texted "well I guess you had a change of heart, take care"... because I did not text him back on the 4th? I've never even met him in person yet. Is this reasonable? .. (was I too slow replying?). Guys, how long do you let go by before your decide a person is not interested if they don't call or text back right away... especially if you only just met them (and online, not in person yet). Signed, kind of new to texting and things...

Edited July 6, 2013 by ksinger
testing

[AlliceInWL]

I, personally, think he is being unreasonable. It is completely understandable that a person is busy on a holiday and doesn't respond for a day, especially in the beginning.

 

It seems to me that he has different expectations for communication. Maybe he's insecure or clingy, but it really doesn't matter what the reason is. If you both have different expectations, it could make a relationship difficult.

 

I would text back to explain that you were busy and see what he says. He could have just been feeling temporarily insecure and wanting reassurance, which happens to everyone. If he is OK with hearing you were busy, it is probably fine. If he doesn't accept that and still acts upset, I would say move on.

[Star Gazer]

I've experienced this many, many times, always with very insecure men.

[TheZebra]

Honestly I wouldn't even bother replying. If the guy's already playing dramatic games NOW when you haven't even met, can you imagine what it'll be like later?

 

Imagine this scenario.. you have a minor disagreement about something. You go to work and keep your phone on silent while he starts texting you (and you don't notice). The texts start out ok then become 'fine, I see how you feel' and start to digress to 'so you want it to be over? god you're such a passive aggressive bitch' and things start to get worse. By the time you get off work you have like 50 missed messages and phone calls.

 

If I WERE to message him, I'd say something like 'Actually, I was busy and had my phone away from me on the 4th - that's why I didn't answer you. But since you're apparently so insecure, I don't think I'm interested in seeing you anyway. Take care'

 

Whatever man...

[Archgirl]

Agree with Stargazer - he's one of the insecure needy ones, if it's like that already it'll only get worse if you keep pandering to his drama. If you think about it there are probably other clues already present.

 

If it was me, I'd just write him off, not reply and delete his no. But I'm not you and I don't know how you feel - so whatever you decide make sure it's the right thing for you xo

[Star Gazer]

If I WERE to message him, I'd say something like 'Actually, I was busy and had my phone away from me on the 4th - that's why I didn't answer you. But since you're apparently so insecure, I don't think I'm interested in seeing you anyway. Take care'

 

Whatever man...

 

That's how I've typically responded.

 

The last guy who did this, did so after 20 minutes.

 

20 freakin' minutes.

 

"I guess I lost your interest then What did I do wrong?"

 

:facepalm:

[InsaneTrombone]

I think the OP should give him a pass. See if it happens again though.

 

What if it's been 3 days with no response from you women? Does it still come off needy or insecure?

[Star Gazer]

I think the OP should give him a pass. See if it happens again though.

 

What if it's been 3 days with no response from you women? Does it still come off needy or insecure?

 

If it's been 3 days and she hasn't responded to your text, your next text shouldn't be anything that says, "Well, I guess you had a change of heart, take care..." wah wah. It should be something like, "Happy Friday! Any fun weekend plans?" and if she doesn't respond to THAT, just...stop texting her, and move on.

 

The whole, "I guess you lost interest" type of text/message is honestly pathetic. It makes me cringe.

[InsaneTrombone]

If it's been 3 days and she hasn't responded to your text, your next text shouldn't be anything that says, "Well, I guess you had a change of heart, take care..." wah wah. It should be something like, "Happy Friday! Any fun weekend plans?" and if she doesn't respond to THAT, just...stop texting her, and move on.

 

The whole, "I guess you lost interest" type of text/message is honestly pathetic. It makes me cringe.

 

I agree with the bold for sure. Is a call sometimes better than a text in those situations? Voicemail? Say you've been on 5 dates already.

[Archgirl]

I just though of something else...if he is one of the needy ones, chances are even if you ignore his whiny passive-aggressive text he'll still contact you again...

 

Do you want to keep seeing him?

 

Because if you do you may have to send him a very carefully worded reply setting some firm but kind boundaries. Hell even if you don't you may have to just to get rid of him.

 

Ugh. I had one guy like this not so long ago. He turned into stage-four (thanks dragoness ) online/text stalker/harrasser. Because when they don't get what they want -namely your emotional input - the random whackjob starts getting hell angry at you for not being manipulatable.

 

So I guess it's a good idea to consider wider ramifications.

[SJC2008]

It does sound like he's insecure by texting that. TBS a non response comes off as lack of interest/aloofness. People get into car accidents texting:( I don't buy the "busy" excuse.

 

Did you not text back any of your other friends/family that day?

[SJC2008]

That's how I've typically responded.

 

The last guy who did this, did so after 20 minutes.

 

20 freakin' minutes.

 

"I guess I lost your interest then What did I do wrong?"

 

:facepalm:

 

20 minutes? Where did you meet him?

[Star Gazer]

20 minutes? Where did you meet him?

 

At a restaurant.

[USMCHokie]

All correspondence, whether text, email, message, or voicemail should be considered "fire and forget." I always assume she received it and interpret any response, or lack thereof, at face value. If she doesn't respond, then I can safely conclude that she didn't want to respond. There's no need to send more texts confirming that...

[sweetheart5381]

I dunno, I have had insecure moments with my man over the last week. It's been a rough week for both of us, between work, kids, PMS and such we haven't had much time at all together.

 

I have been needy, clingy, desiring him madly. He understood I felt neglected and did his best to give me more attention. Must have driven him crazy. We both get caught up in moments that we cant respond, even if we want to respond. We both can understand but he is the more understanding one of us .

 

If you know your partner well enough then you will pick up the phone and call or drop by to see then and talk.

 

Serious issues should always be dealt with in person anyway.

[SJC2008]

At a restaurant.

 

Oh wow IRL, I'm even more surprised. I was guessing yall met online and hadn't met face to face yet becuase being that insecure would proably show up in body language.

[sweetheart5381]

The difference between the OPs situation and yours is that you're actually with this person meanwhile the guy she's talking about is someone she barely knows. I can understand momentary clinginess with someone you love or are seeing but before that point and it just screams insecure and unstable.

 

I agree. It's different. However this guy may have been ignored before by someone he loved and adored... via text. Perhaps she used texts to make him feel that way. Clearly texting can be used in this way, since OP notices the new guy's texting "habits". It certainly sounds that he is insecure, but the medium may be at play too.

 

Text is a way of communicating at a very low level.

[sweetheart5381]

I would suggest meeting him and seeing how it goes.

 

If you are not interested then bail. No harm, no foul.

 

Truly, the guy could be so interested in you, and not text savvy that he doesn't know what to think when you don't respond immediately.

 

I'm an idiot with texting, didn't see my man's first message for 2 days (and he is the guy that sets this **** up, he is a tech guy, lol)

 

I say give him a chance. At least til you meet him in person

[phineas]

All correspondence, whether text, email, message, or voicemail should be considered "fire and forget." I always assume she received it and interpret any response, or lack thereof, at face value. If she doesn't respond, then I can safely conclude that she didn't want to respond. There's no need to send more texts confirming that...

 

This is me also.

I've had women get back to me days later with "hope you have a nice weekend" after i'd sent them an initial text once getting their number.

I LOL! and wait until after the weekend to tell them "thanks, I did" then I don't contact them again.

[sweetheart5381]

This is me also.

I've had women get back to me days later with "hope you have a nice weekend" after i'd sent them an initial text once getting their number.

I LOL! and wait until after the weekend to tell them "thanks, I did" then I don't contact them again.

 

Ah, but you see, some folks are not attached to their mobile devices. Some folks do not check their email everyday or wait for a man to ring their number

 

That doesn't mean they arent interested, it could simply mean that they didn't get the message. Not contacting them again, based on a tardy response simply means that you weren't all that interested in the first place.

[phineas]

Ah, but you see, some folks are not attached to their mobile devices. Some folks do not check their email everyday or wait for a man to ring their number

 

That doesn't mean they arent interested, it could simply mean that they didn't get the message. Not contacting them again, based on a tardy response simply means that you weren't all that interested in the first place.

 

I don't know many women at all who don't look at their cell phone for 5 days.

Especially when they give out their number to a guy they are interested in.

[sweetheart5381]

Sorry, most women dont wait by the phone after giving out their number

 

Also the response depends on what you say to them.

 

A "Hey, whats up?" from my bf wont get my immediate attention if I'm dealing with an emergency at work, much less someone I just met. If you don't have a compelling reason to initiate a conversation, then you likely wont get a response.

 

Again, texting cannot fully communicate real emotion, attraction, affection etc so I think it should be used sparingly in the dating world.

[phineas]

Sorry, most women dont wait by the phone after giving out their number

 

Also the response depends on what you say to them.

 

A "Hey, whats up?" from my bf wont get my immediate attention if I'm dealing with an emergency at work, much less someone I just met. If you don't have a compelling reason to initiate a conversation, then you likely wont get a response.

 

Again, texting cannot fully communicate real emotion, attraction, affection etc so I think it should be used sparingly in the dating world.

 

Stop being obtuse.

I know what i'm talking about & you are wrong.

 

I'm not socially retarded.

I don't text or call to "chat".

I do it to set up a time & place to meet up or to verify we are meeting.

I prefer to do my communicating face to face.

 

I've had women just not respond for a whole day, a week, or never.

And when they take that long to respond they come back with "good morning" or "have a good weekend" or some other non-sense completely ignoring my inquiry about plans.

 

they are deleted & I move on because I don't want or need a text buddy.

[rocketman122]

a few things-

 

1-its not a reasonable time to reply after 24 hours. no excuses whatsoever. he replied 24 hours after and simply telling you he's moving on. but you havent gone on a date with him and there are no obligation. its simply common courtesy to answer in a timely manner. 24 hours is too long. new to the text thing..? were you born yesterday? I dont believe you for a millisecond.

 

if the phone was not with you (and I have yet to see a women without her phone near her) then you reply as soon as you get to your phone. but still I call BS.

 

2-most of the women have a bad attitude with a "I dont owe you anything" and just like they replied to your post with the "oh forget him GF, find someone else" I will say that if you accept that attitude you will stay single. I take his side and say there are other fish in the sea, dont think too highly of yourself. if you think theres potential here, apologize and try to move forward.

 

3-when I was dating (from the first date onwards) and the women didnt reply in a timely manner (for me its no more than 4-5 hours) and unless she had a good reason (or excuse I would no longer call. I have no time for this kind of BS. too much mind games. and let me tell you I am the master at and I dont play. so I expect the same. after I disappear, they call, they send tons of messages, go to my FB page and try there, through OLD, but you only get one chance with me. I dont have time for this kiddy stuff. when you send me a text I reply within minutes. if im busy, I say so and will contact you later. but its common courtesy.

 

I would toss you fast. I dont have time for crap like that. its not insecurity. its disrespectful. and you can continue to take the womens (have an attitude) advice but then youll stay single like most of them here. Ive never been single for very long and always LTR. you girls here give some crappy advice. 24 hours for a reply.

 

women love attention and if I dont give my GF enough she goes crazy. shes not insecure she just loves my affection. I would rather be with someone who wants affection then someone who couldnt give a crap. you women disgust me.

[sweetheart5381]

Stop being obtuse.

I know what i'm talking about & you are wrong.

 

I'm not socially retarded.

I don't text or call to "chat".

I do it to set up a time & place to meet up or to verify we are meeting.

I prefer to do my communicating face to face.

 

I've had women just not respond for a whole day, a week, or never.

And when they take that long to respond they come back with "good morning" or "have a good weekend" or some other non-sense completely ignoring my inquiry about plans.

 

they are deleted & I move on because I don't want or need a text buddy.

 

I did not suggest that you were socially retarded nor did I suggest anyone is right or wrong here - that would be obtuse.

 

Not responding for a "whole day", is really no big deal if people have busy lives and they are not in any sort of relationship with expectations attached.

 

It still amazes me how we as a society survived without cell phones and texting a generation ago Perhaps mobile devices are secretly a means of "thinning the herd" by making dating even harder