hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 There is this girl im crazy about, her name is Cindy and shes been dating my bestfriend for 2 years now on and off. I know it already sounds like a cliche, but i dont know...if it seemed hopeless i dont think i'd be taking it this hard. It started a year ago this month, i was hanging out with her and her boyfriend (my friend) at her house on his birthday. We were all drinking a bit and through out the coarse of the night, her and I ended up kissing...i felt terrible about this, but at the same time it gave me a confidence that i had a chance with her (we were sober enough to know what we were doing and after talking about it the next day, the only regret she had was she was with someone..which is understandable because it was wrong of her and I). This girl, in my eyes is "It". Im 18 and shes 20, ive always been a softy and romantic sap, i cry during chick flicks...yea thats right i do, but i honestly feel this is a girl i could be with forever and not ever ask for anything more. I feel so complete with her, shes into all the same things im into, shes really like no other girl ive met in a way that i would never feel like she didnt understand me, because we have so much in common and get along so well that i talk to her every night for an hour - 4hours about anything and everything that comes to our minds and lately its been about her problems with her boyfriend. He broke up with her about 3 weeks ago, and in the past 4 months, they have been having alot of problems. She is in college an hour away and he is 2 years out of highschool and not really going anywhere as of yet. Hes a really nice guy, just not motivated. He dosnt really put effort into their relationship and she always ends up having to carry his weight and make things work, this ends up hurting her. She really loves him though, which is hard for me to accept, but as her friend...i have to support and do what i can to make her feel good, even if thats giving her advice on how to work things out with him...its killing me though. I know he has no intentions on getting back together with her, and he is interested in another girl who just so happens to have stolen a boyfriend cindy had in highschool...so you can imagine how she would feel if this happened again with this same girl. I know things that would definently change cindys feelings for him, but i know i cant tell her, i dont want to see her hurt like that, i dont want to be the one to tell her something that would bring her to tears like that would. I have expressed my feelings to her recently, via instant message while she was away from her computer....i couldnt work up the gull to say it to her when i would get a immediate responce. I didnt feel right in even telling her how i felt, but i couldnt go any longer. It's been so hard for the past year to be around her and my friend, knowing how much i like her, but i want her to be happy and that has been whats kept me strong in not interferring. She told me on the phone tonite that she feels like she needs to just try and do whats right for her, and hopefully the two of them will work things out eventually because she feels like they are perfect for each other. He dosnt appreciate or care for anything she does for him or the feelings she has for him, and it kills me to know that and hear her thinking the exact opposite...i dont know if i should just throw in the towel and hope for her to be happy, or pursue it..because up untill now i really thought i might have a chance..but im beginning to lose that optomisim...both of them are the two people i talk to the most and confide in the most...but in this situation, i cant talk to either of them about it. Any adivce would be greatly appreciated..i dont even know what to do. Thanks, Patrick Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 If there are things that her bf has done that would hurt her if she knew, you should tell her. She apparently thinks that he's the perfect guy for her, but if he's done things that would hurt her, he's not really that perfect is he? She shouldn't be with a guy that treats her like crap, so tell her the things that you know about him so she can realize this. I don't think it's right not to tell her. If you're only concern that she's your best friends ex bf, then don't worry about it and go for it. He broke up with her, he likes someone else, he's not interested in working things out with her. I think you have every right to give it a try with her. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Oh Patrick what a sucky situation... I think you did everything you could do... Youknew it was hopeless from the begining and even if she did feel something for you your her recent ex's best friend..not if this girl has morals she's not just going to jump into a relationship with her ex's best friend 3 weeks after he breaks up with her. Right now she's hurting and struggling and she needs to figure things out on her own right now...right now is not the time for her to jump into another relationship with somebody else. I think she needs to be by herself right now...you already told her how you felt and she still syas she loves him and wants to work out things with him..Shes not going to fully move on untill she figures out he's a loser and doesn't love her... I think you need to move on and in the future maybe if guys run into eachother again then ok but right now there are too many negative factors involved to start anything. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Jilly I've seen situations like this all the time... Him telling her all those negative things about her bf is not going to help... She is in love right now and is blind to all his faults...If P goes and tells her all those things she will either ignore them or bring them up and her bf will say it's not true and then Patrick will end up friendless and loveless and lonely...I've seen it happen time after time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 I guess im just worried that it will look like im just telling her the things to in someway boost my chances with her and get him out of the picture...which isnt my intent, i dont want her feelings to get hurt. Its not that hes doing anything "wrong" since they are broken up. Hes interested in another girl and he said he dosnt want to get back together with his ex. again...i just dont want it to seem like im pointing these things out to her for my benifit. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Oh, I thought that you meant he cheated on her or something while in the relationship. If he's just interested in another girl since they've broken up then I wouldn't tell her that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 yea, I understand the odds are against me, It's hard though. The two people i talk to the most about all my problems, are the two people i cant talk to about this...it sucks. I can't ask my buddy for advice on how i could hook up with his girlfriend, and i cant really talk to her about it either. I get attached, and its really more that I dont want to see her hurt this way....and i want to make things better. I was raised by a single mother and my sister, i come from a pretty affectionate family and in my nature i just want to love an protect her because i do care about her...even as just a good friend i feel that way...but i gotta be hands off and let it just handle itself, i dont want to come of like my intentions arnt sincere. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Its good that you want to protect her and everything and I know how You feel... But right now like I said she's in love, confused, and not thinking clearly... No matter what amount of people tell her that he's dumb she won't see untill she realizes it for herself... You will just have to wait for her to see clearly...it could take a day it could take a year? It sucks because we cannot choose who we love or fall in love with. But you can choose to step away from the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 Yea I understand. I guess its just something I'll have to deal with. I wish I could just distance myself from the whole situation, but I talk to her on a daily basis which would make it difficult to avoid the thought. But good things dont come easy, and If that means setting my feelings aside, then thats probably what I ought to do. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 You simply say to the young woman… …"Look, I'm really fond of both of you and in the beginning all I really wanted to do was help. But it looks like I've put myself in the middle of something I really wasn't prepared to handle. I know I'm the one who volunteered as go-between, but I never expected to get my own personal feelings all tangled up in the mix. I'm beginning to lose my objectivity, and therefore any benefit I may have been to either of you. I'm worried that if I don't remove myself from this awkward triangle now, I'll end up losing two very good friends as well. So it's better that I step aside and allow you two to work it all out on your own." Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 Enigma, wow, I might have to actually use that word for word. Because thats exactly what i do need to say to her. I really do want to be there as a shoulder to cry on, but im just getting myself hurt right now and adding stress to her that she dosnt need right now either. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 I really do want to be there as a shoulder to cry on, but im just getting myself hurt right now and adding stress to her that she dosnt need right now either. Exactly! But yeah Egnima you hit the spot lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoeyhimself Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 Well it's almost 9:30am and I havnt gone to bed yet. I really appreciate the advice, and I'm taking it to heart. I feel alot less confused now then a few hours ago so hopefully I can get some sleep. It is very certain that I may be back in need of more guidence..thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO You simply say to the young woman… …"Look, I'm really fond of both of you and in the beginning all I really wanted to do was help. But it looks like I've put myself in the middle of something I really wasn't prepared to handle. I know I'm the one who volunteered as go-between, but I never expected to get my own personal feelings all tangled up in the mix. I'm beginning to lose my objectivity, and therefore any benefit I may have been to either of you. I'm worried that if I don't remove myself from this awkward triangle now, I'll end up losing two very good friends as well. So it's better that I step aside and allow you two to work it all out on your own." Well said. He needs to back off now before things get worse. Maybe it could work out down the road with this girl but... Link to post Share on other sites
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