In bizzaro world (this forum) women dont ask about a guys sexual history?

[Phoe]

Wow...did you read the post I was responding to. I didnt make the assertion that single women sleep with a new guy every few months. Someone else brought up that hypothetical situation of a woman whos single for 5 years and then does that.

 

Jeez people. Read the thread before jumping to conclusions.

 

Good grief, calm down.

 

 

I did read the whole thread. My post was in response to that "hypothetical situation" that was brought up in conjuction with the worry of a woman who's single for so long.

 

 

You specifically said there are people who are going to question that situation and see it as a red flag. I was simply addressing it.

[kaylan]

the men I know don't seek validation from others to feel sexy....this is a woman point of view

 

Are you ashamed you were born with male genitalia?

Dont even start with this bull crap. Im glad I was born a man, and its bs that other people thinking your sex wont make you feel sexy. Everyone needs some form of validation.

 

Im sure the guys you know would feel crappy if they knew the girls who sleep with them only do it to appease the guy and get it over it. Im sure theyd feel crappy if they knew those girls really get wet for a super hot guy she sees in addition to him.

 

Lets be real here. Again, validation is partly internal and external. So lets stop this crap that certain frames of thinking are solely for women.

[kaylan]

Umm, what does it say?

 

I was single for 5 years. I didn't meet anyone spending more than a few dates dates with. Why was that my fault?

 

I'm very commitment minded, btw. I've only had LTR relationships. That's why I was single for five years. I was waiting on someone I could see spending my life with.

Your situation was different. Dont pick apart the hypothetical. Address the hypothetical that was presented in its totality. I wouldnt see anything wrong with your situation. But Id be suspicious of a girl who spends 5 years sleeping with new men every few months. Id expect most women to be cautious about a guy who does the same. And most are cautious about guys whove slept around.

Actually, you'd be surprised how many guys DON'T think this should be an issue for women. I've had dates sit there and talk about their wild pasts, the women they've had, the dozens of one night stands.... wondering why I don't want anything to do with them.

 

I think it's a shock to many of them that there are some women who are put right off by "easy" guys.

Who the hell talks about this stuff on a date? My gender baffles me at times. smh

Edited July 6, 2013 by kaylan

[USMCHokie]

I've dated a little over a handful of women, with a few other intermingled experiences, and never once have I been asked for my "number"...and I haven't ever really been asked for details about my past...

[rocketman122]

Well, I am a woman. So,.....

 

Prove it..HAHA JK

 

I always get asked about my past. they always think I have a huge list of women I slept with. but sure I tell them everything. Thats it? they always say.

 

they tell me as well, but not sure they always say everything. a lot of women dont want to hurt the guys feeling so they play it down. thankfully, my BS radar is always on.

[sdraw108]

I did read the whole thread. My post was in response to that "hypothetical situation" that was brought up in conjuction with the worry of a woman who's single for so long.

 

You specifically said there are people who are going to question that situation and see it as a red flag. I was simply addressing it.

 

I'm gonna go with Kaylan, I don't think you correctly understood what he was saying. He wasn't saying "being single for 5 years is a red flag and suggests they're sleeping around a lot", he was saying "being single for 5 years and sleeping around a lot is a red flag".

 

See the difference?

 

Here's his original quote:

 

For those who are relationship minded, screwing a new person every few months and not holding down a relationship, will seem like a red flag.

[BradJacobs]

This all being said, guys whats your experience with the sexual history conversation? How often do chicks themselves bring it up?

There are two people who knew my number when I used to track it: my ex-wife and an ex-work fling. I foolishly brought up the conversation with my ex, which was a painful lesson in not asking questions that you can't handle answers to. The work fling and I just had a lot of common interests, sex being one of them, so we were prone to divulge everything to one another and this simply came up in conversation once.

 

"Two if you count the handie in the gym before sixth period." is my standard answer. It usually gets me belted, punched or slapped in a playful kind of way. Went through this about a month ago and it went down just like that (both in our 30s).

 

I'd say half of the girls I've been in relationships (includes LTR and FWB) have brought it up at least once but never again.

[sdraw108]

I've had the discussion with girlfriends in the past. I can't remember who brought it up, mainly because it didn't matter. We both wanted an honest relationship, and I don't think it occurred to either of us that discussing sexual history was an issue. If anything I think it's kind of weird to keep things like that to yourself with someone you're supposed to be close to.

[fortyninethousand322]

Don't ask, don't tell. That's my policy. I don't want to know, the woman doesn't want me to know (trust me on that), I don't want her to know, and she most definitely doesn't want to know.

 

Ignorance can be bliss.

[sweetkiwi]

Only being one woman, I can say I don't ask anymore. I went from being young and wanting to know out of insecurity, to being older and wanting to know because it turned me on, to how I am now- just not caring.

[veggirl]

I've had the discussion with girlfriends in the past. I can't remember who brought it up, mainly because it didn't matter. We both wanted an honest relationship, and I don't think it occurred to either of us that discussing sexual history was an issue. If anything I think it's kind of weird to keep things like that to yourself with someone you're supposed to be close to.

 

For me it's not like it's a secret, it's more like...it doesn't matter to me or to the guys I date. We are all adults who have pasts, it's just understood. The details of how many aren't important, at all. I'd be shocked if a man my age (30) asked how many people I've slept with. I would ask why he wanted to know and go from there. I can't imagine why *I* would need to know a guys #.

[pcplod]

For me it's not like it's a secret, it's more like...it doesn't matter to me or to the guys I date. We are all adults who have pasts, it's just understood. The details of how many aren't important, at all. I'd be shocked if a man my age (30) asked how many people I've slept with. I would ask why he wanted to know and go from there. I can't imagine why *I* would need to know a guys #.

Hear, bloody hear.

 

A number is just a number, your ability to interpret it's significance, if it actually has any, is another matter altogether. The OP simply doesn't have a clue on that score, is hide-bound by the clichés and stereotypes he relies upon and lacks the imagination, intelligence or critical reasoning faculty to cope with it otherwise. And likes to insult others who take him to task over it, as if he really knows what he is talking about, which he doesn't. No other way of putting it.

[sdraw108]

For me it's not like it's a secret, it's more like...it doesn't matter to me or to the guys I date.

 

I agree. But "doesn't matter" also means it doesn't matter if you DO know. If someone asked me, I wouldn't care, and I'd answer without worrying about it. In return, I'd expect not to be judged for my answer. But then again, I don't tend to date judgmental people, so maybe my experience is different.

[tbf]

Numbers are one thing, details are another. Details should remain between partners.

 

As far as insecurity being involved, not necessarily. If a guy is randy enough to bang anything in a skirt, it's a total turn-off and smacks of the need for a lot of sexual validation which I don't view as emotionally healthy. While others can do what they want within their lives, I reserve the right to judge partners.

[FitChick]

I've asked a couple of guys, merely because I wanted to be entertained and titillated by their experiences, which were much wilder than mine. Only one man whose wife had cheated on him said, "You've probably had sex with more people than I have." "That's because you were married for twenty-five years and I've never been married." He couldn't argue with the logic, being a scientist.

 

Yet, oddly enough, I've never met a man who admitted he watched porn.

[sweetkiwi]

I may not ask anymore but if I was asked, which I have been, I answer honestly. One man even wanted details because it turned him on, which in turn, turned me on.

[kaylan]

^Hot and not at the same time. My arousal is confused.

[Babolat]

I have never had a woman ask me about my sexual past nor have I ever asked them about theirs.

[sweetkiwi]

^Hot and not at the same time. My arousal is confused.

Then you don't want to know the details...or do you ...

[shexy]

I don't judge a guy by his sexual history. I do want to make sure he's disease free before we have any sex without a condom. But I really don't care who or how many people he's been with.

[kaylan]

Then you don't want to know the details...or do you ...

Details are hot, but not coming from a girl I want to wife up. If its just some chick I have no intention of committing to, then details wont bother me.

[USMCHokie]

Details are hot, but not coming from a girl I want to wife up. If its just some chick I have no intention of committing to, then details wont bother me.

 

This brings up a good point...it has been said that men have different perspectives on women's history depending on what they want from her. Casual relationships? Chances are they won't care much. Serious relationships? Smaller number and smaller penises.

[mesmerized]

No she doesnt, but the fact that shes never found anyone worth spending more than 3 months with says a lot.

 

Says a lot about what? holy crap you are judgmental! Haven't you been single for a long time yourself? Why do you feel the need to pick on stupid stuff to judge people? I bet that you wouldn't like it done to yourself. And here I thought last thing kaylan would be is hypocritical.

 

And why all these history and numbers thread? You're getting older not younger....these are stuff early twenties kids just love to talk about!

[miss_jaclynrae]

I have never asked and even if they told me I have never made a deal about it.My man has been with 40+ women and I could care less.

 

 

I have never been one to discuss numbers and I haven't discussed them with anyone I have been with since my divorce.

Not to mention the fact that no guys had a problem with me not telling my actual number and guess what, a majority of them still found me relationship material.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Um...she doesnt have to commit, but for most people, dating leads to a relationship. And read my post again, I said for RELATIONSHIP MINDED PEOPLE, being single for so long will be an issue. Yes people change mindsets, but there will be a good reason why someone is single for 5 years...and itll be a reason a that people looking for a relationship will care about.

 

And no...men arent scared about being able to deliver anything.

 

Men want to feel sexy, and they dont want overly used goods. Thats the reality. Same goes for some women as well. Sleeping around grosses some people out, and I can understand that.

No she doesnt, but the fact that shes never found anyone worth spending more than 3 months with says a lot.

 

 

 

What's wrong with just dating to date if both people know you are just going with the flow? I wasn't looking for a relationship and yet I dated some guys for 3+ months. Some I actually dated on and off.

 

 

Some guys wanted a relationship, some didn't. The ones that did want a relationship I also at the one wanted one. Things doesn't always work out though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Used goods"?

C'mon man. My vagina doesn't get worn out with use.