In bizzaro world (this forum) women dont ask about a guys sexual history?

[kaylan]

For real, only immature women/men ask for numbers. I can't even imagine how a mature secure woman would work that into a conversation.

I dont see it as immature. It matters to some women for differing reasons. And Im glad someone would be mature and secure enough to ask me upfront and not beat around the bush. Im mature, honest, and secure enough to share that information and not be weirded out by the question or ashamed of my answer.

 

Id like to think I could share this stuff with someone whos supposed to end up my best friend. I dont see why my best dude friend can know this, but my lover and best female friend cant.

Kaylan, who are you dating??? Raise your standards, and don't base your standards on numbers.

Im actually not dating anyone at the moment. But I do need to alter my standards from whom Ive dated in the past. I tend to date bad girls. Im assuming your protest may have to do with your own "high" number?

 

I really never see people with modest or lower numbers protesting this much about it or calling people insecure for wanting a mate of similar sexual proclivities. And as I said before, even if I end up with a "high" number by the time I hit 30 years of age, I still will have no problem sharing that with a woman.

 

If something is important to a woman, Im gonna share that info. Id want full disclosure when deciding to date someone. Im sure folks here wouldnt want to be kept in the dark about someones cheating past. Certain things just matters to different folks.

[tbf]

I sincerely hope that women who don't care about numbers in their partners are aware there's no regular STI testing for men, for HPV.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I sincerely hope that women who don't care about numbers in their partners are aware there's no regular STI testing for men, for HPV.

 

 

Yep. Good luck having to explain that to your partner.

[mesmerized]

I dont see it as immature. It matters to some women for differing reasons. And Im glad someone would be mature and secure enough to ask me upfront and not beat around the bush. Im mature, honest, and secure enough to share that information and not be weirded out by the question or ashamed of my answer.

 

Id like to think I could share this stuff with someone whos supposed to end up my best friend. I dont see why my best dude friend can know this, but my lover and best female friend cant.

 

Im actually not dating anyone at the moment. But I do need to alter my standards from whom Ive dated in the past. I tend to date bad girls. Im assuming your protest may have to do with your own "high" number?

 

I really never see people with modest or lower numbers protesting this much about it or calling people insecure for wanting a mate of similar sexual proclivities. And as I said before, even if I end up with a "high" number by the time I hit 30 years of age, I still will have no problem sharing that with a woman.

 

If something is important to a woman, Im gonna share that info. Id want full disclosure when deciding to date someone. Im sure folks here wouldnt want to be kept in the dark about someones cheating past. Certain things just matters to different folks.

 

My number is not "high", and I protested just as much when my number was 1. In fact the third guy I was with thought I must have had a lot of men because I got upset when he wanted to talk about sexual past. If I think people who are racist against blacks are bad people does it mean I must be black? What kind of logic is that?

 

As you know, I tend to call out idiot things when I hear them and I think a man or a woman obsessing on a "NUMBER" is extremely immature and reserved for their teenage years. You can ask a woman if she has had casual sex before, if they ever cheated or things like that. But asking "what's your number?" really, kaylan?

 

And I have a question for you...Imgaine you were a sexual god and could sleep with any beautiful woman you wanted, what do you think your number would be?

 

At the end of the day, you know it comes from your own jealousy and insecurity issues.

[mesmerized]

I sincerely hope that women who don't care about numbers in their partners are aware there's no regular STI testing for men, for HPV.

 

I think it's a bigger deal to know what kind of women your man has slept with than his "number". A man who has slept with one hooker is africa is much more likely to hurt my health than a man who slept with a lot of high quality women who are hopefully smart enough to get tested regularly. A man who doesn't use condoms but slept with 4 random women is again more likely to hurt my health than a man who is always safe about sex.

[tbf]

I think it's a bigger deal to know what kind of women your man has slept with than his "number". A man who has slept with one hooker is africa is much more likely to hurt my health than a man who slept with a lot of high quality women who are hopefully smart enough to get tested regularly. A man who doesn't use condoms but slept with 4 random women is again more likely to hurt my health than a man who is always safe about sex.

This is called judgementalism since it's not guaranteed that he contracted anything from the hooker. Or if he did, he might have gotten treatment for it, been subsequently clean because of it and learned his lesson.

 

Either the past is the past or you're no different than others you're pointing the immature/insecure finger towards. And anyways, how can you know whom he slept with, without talking about it where the past is the past?

[mesmerized]

This is called judgementalism since it's not guaranteed that he contracted anything from the hooker. Or if he did, he might have gotten treatment for it, been subsequently clean because of it and learned his lesson.

 

Either the past is the past or you're no different than others you're pointing the immature/insecure finger towards. And anyways, how can you know whom he slept with, without talking about it where the past is the past?

 

 

I was talking statistic and probability...You're familiar with those insignificant sciences, right?

 

For me one's sexual beliefs and values always have come up during normal conversations I've had with people I dated. There was no need for me to put them on spot and ask them who and how many exactly they slept with, let's face it, it's almost guaranteed you get a lie back anyway. Because you are making them feel uncomfortable or judged by asking such private questions in such manner. And I date attractive men not some ugly losers who can never get women...I know they all have pasts. However, I care about certain things like their loyalty, if they are smart enough to have safe sex and I never had to directly ask about their past to get a sense of these things.

[tbf]

I was talking statistic and probability...You're familiar with those insignificant sciences, right?

No, that's just an attempt to weasel out of being judgemental.

 

For me one's sexual beliefs and values always have come up during normal conversations I've had with people I dated. There was no need for me to put them on spot and ask them who and how many exactly they slept with, let's face it, it's almost guaranteed you get a lie back anyway. Because you are making them feel uncomfortable or judged by asking such private questions in such manner. And I date attractive men not some ugly losers who can never get women...I know they all have pasts. However, I care about certain things like their loyalty, if they are smart enough to have safe sex and I never had to directly ask about their past to get a sense of these things.

So your reasoning surrounds a lack of trust in potential partners' honesty and dislike of direct, open and honest discussion about sexual numbers?

[mesmerized]

No, that's just an attempt to weasel out of being judgemental.

 

What? I simply gave you examples why numbers are not the best indicator of one's sexual health. Logic, look it up sometimes, when you're free from calculating numbers that is.

 

So your reasoning surrounds a lack of trust in potential partners' honesty and dislike of direct, open and honest discussion about sexual numbers?

 

No, that was only one part of my argument. Other part was that I'm in my late twenties and I simply don't care about "numbers" but one's general views towards sexuality. Never had to ask about "numbers" to know that.

 

How old are you tbf?

[tbf]

I think it's a bigger deal to know what kind of women your man has slept with than his "number". A man who has slept with one hooker is africa is much more likely to hurt my health than a man who slept with a lot of high quality women who are hopefully smart enough to get tested regularly. A man who doesn't use condoms but slept with 4 random women is again more likely to hurt my health than a man who is always safe about sex.

 

What? I simply gave you examples why numbers are not the best indicator of one's sexual health. Logic, look it up sometimes, when you're free from calculating numbers that is.

Refer back to your post. If the past is the past and numbers don't matter, why would the above be relevant?

 

No, that was only one part of my argument.

I see. So part of your argument is irrelevant? What's the definition of "part"?

 

Other part was that I'm in my late twenties and I simply don't care about "numbers" but one's general views towards sexuality. Never had to ask about "numbers" to know that.

Oh, so you're saying that only your form of judgementalism is okay but if someone else has other litmus tests for their partners, it's not okay? Judgemental much?

 

How old are you tbf?

How is this relevant?

[Ryan R.]

I don't know. I've never really been on a date before so I can't really question whether or not this would come up. In fact, I feel kind of "retarded" when it comes to things like these because I don't really know of the nuances that really happen on dates. If a girl asked me my number, my instinctive response would be to reflect it right back at her but I know she'd probably lie. It's already well known that a lot of women have more sexual partners than the average man. I have nothing against promiscuous women but its sort of a turn off for me at this stage when I have no experience. I feel like if I got into a relationship with a girl like that, she wouldn't really like me for me because I have nothing to give her sexually.

 

Why would a girl who has been with lots of guys be interested in someone like me when I don't really turn her on as much. I also have a lot of things that I'm working through right now in relation to my inexperience so I'm kind of unfit for dating. It doesn't really help me being the only one of my friends that's still a virgin and hasn't done any type of "one on one" activity with a member of the opposite sex. From what I can see, inexperience is a lot worse than experience, so if I got into a relationship with a girl I really like it sort of breaks my heart that I might have to lie about where I've been just to keep her interested. It's not something I want to do though.

 

So no, I wouldn't ask the number because I know she would inevitably have more experience than I at this age. Whether she was one of those guys who was in long term relationships or she was just going around having sex with a lot of guys, I wouldn't want to know.

[mesmerized]

Refer back to your post. If the past is the past and numbers don't matter, why would the above be relevant?

 

I see. So part of your argument is irrelevant? What's the definition of "part"?

 

Oh, so you're saying that only your form of judgementalism is okay but if someone else has other litmus tests for their partners, it's not okay? Judgemental much?

 

How is this relevant?

 

I never said "past is past", I said numbers alone don't matter. Seriously tbf? Your responses are so weak I'm not even gonna continue this with you.

 

I said "you will never get the truth anyway", didn't say that is exactly why reason I don't ask.

 

Again, as I said in another thread, people can be judgmental all they want. Fact is, some judgments are simply stupid and if you dig deep, you can see the idiocy in them and the real reasons they exist. Not all judgments are "equal" and based on logic. Racism, sexism etc are all simple judgments, right? Ones that harmed millions if not billions of people throughout the history. So yes, I do believe some judgments make much more sense than the others and I'm not afraid to say it.

[tbf]

So yes, I do believe some judgments make much more sense than the others and I'm not afraid to say it.

You honestly don't see it, do you? You have a different morality than others which makes you no better or worse, no more or less mature or secure than others. That's an indisputable fact.

 

I don't hold you to any higher bar than I hold myself. I am judgemental with partners sexual history and numbers, and are more than happy to admit as much. That you can't is hypocritical behaviour, one that gets progressively worse through continual denial of such when your arguments are turned back on you.

[mesmerized]

You honestly don't see it, do you? You have a different morality than others which makes you no better or worse, no more or less mature or secure than others. That's an indisputable fact.

 

I don't hold you to any higher bar than I hold myself. I am judgemental with partners sexual history and numbers, and are more than happy to admit as much. That you can't is hypocritical behaviour, one that gets progressively worse through continual denial of such when your arguments are turned back on you.

 

I present reasons for why I think the way the way I think about numbers. Maybe if you did as well, I'd take you more seriously.

[tbf]

I present reasons for why I think the way the way I think about numbers. Maybe if you did as well, I'd take you more seriously.

But your reasoning appears to focus on subjective judgements which is no different than the reasoning proposed by people who do value low sexual numbers. Can't you see past your personal morality lens? If not, this makes it a defense mechanism (denial) since it's bound to the subconscious mind, where the individual isn't even aware of it but it's blatantly obvious to the observer.

[Woggle]

I notice no guys got mad at the women who said that a man's sexual past matters but men who express this sentiment are roasted.

[sweetkiwi]

I notice no guys got mad at the women who said that a man's sexual past matters but men who express this sentiment are roasted.

There's another thread with the title "your number at 30" or something in which several women who think numbers matter were disagreed with.

 

Roast away though, by all means.

[tbf]

There's another thread with the title "your number at 30" or something in which several women who think numbers matter were disagreed with.

 

Roast away though, by all means.

Yup, everyone gets roasted, regardless of their gender or morality when it comes to numbers or not.

[Woggle]

I didn't read that thread but it seems that some people don't understand that most sane men have perfectly good reasons for their standards.

[fortyninethousand322]

I notice no guys got mad at the women who said that a man's sexual past matters but men who express this sentiment are roasted.

 

I don't know, I'd be upset if a woman said "a guy has to have x number of partners or relationships by a certain age".

 

But that's just me...

[tbf]

I didn't read that thread but it seems that some people don't understand that most sane men have perfectly good reasons for their standards.

All reasons are subjective, based on the individual's moral framework. What's perfectly good to one person, might be considered ridiculous to another.

 

Suggesting that men have the high ground is as ridiculous as suggesting that "Don't ask, don't tell" advocates have the moral high ground.

[samsungxoxo]

Here is what the norm really is (and it's not the double digits for either gender):

Men exaggerate and women play it down: Why do we still care about one's number of sexual partners? | Mail Online

[fortyninethousand322]

Here is what the norm really is (and it's not the double digits for either gender):

Men exaggerate and women play it down: Why do we still care about one's number of sexual partners? | Mail Online

 

Well, I'm certainly outside the norm...

[Ryan R.]

Here is what the norm really is (and it's not the double digits for either gender):

Men exaggerate and women play it down: Why do we still care about one's number of sexual partners? | Mail Online

 

I read an article somewhere that had updated statistics that said women have an average of 11 partners in a lifetime while men have 8.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I read an article somewhere that had updated statistics that said women have an average of 11 partners in a lifetime while men have 8.

 

 

Most people would fail a statistics class. The average has to be the same for both. For men, you have very few men who sleep with many while the majority sleep with far less. Women's numbers are more consistent, but the averages still have to be the same. What people don't understand is average and median are NOT the same. The median can be different and is in this case. The average is the same for both.