In bizzaro world (this forum) women dont ask about a guys sexual history?

[Ryan R.]

Most people would fail a statistics class. The average has to be the same for both. For men, you have very few men who sleep with many while the majority sleep with far less. Women's numbers are more consistent, but the averages still have to be the same. What people don't understand is average and median are NOT the same. The median can be different and is in this case. The average is the same for both.

 

I'm sorry, I meant the median, not the average. I sometimes get those two mixed up.

[Arabella]

I notice no guys got mad at the women who said that a man's sexual past matters but men who express this sentiment are roasted.

 

I wouldn't roast anyone for that. In my opinion, the same reasons why I wouldn't want my man to have slept around, also apply to women.

[samsungxoxo]

I read an article somewhere that had updated statistics that said women have an average of 11 partners in a lifetime while men have 8.

But you don't have the source.

Still, it means that someone that has slept with 20 or more isn't the norm, not even for the average man.

 

Something makes me think this liberal, casual sex attitude hasn't always been spread out like how it is now. Someone invented the idea of freely talking about it as if that's how it should be.

 

Since the norm is of lower counts, than the one being way outside the norm doesn't even reach 50% for neither gender.

Edited July 8, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[MissBee]

I was gonna say, this was a bigger deal when girls were younger.

 

I can't realistically picture a 25 year old woman asking for my number.

I think most of them are more curious about my relationship history and not my sexual history.

 

I thought that me being honest about never really having a girlfriend would turn women off, but when I explain to them why it's been like that, they understand and actually give me credit for not trying to force myself into a relationship just because most people my age have had long term relationships before.

 

 

Ditto

 

I'm more interested in a man's relationship history versus sexual history and will focus questions on his last gf/relationship and how many serious relationships he's had etc versus questions about how much sex he's had and what kinds of sex he's had. I care more about how he seems to be in a relationship, how he talks about his exes, is nothing ever his fault, etc.

 

Conversations about sex come up and will include past encounters, but it's more organic where we're both sharing and isn't in the form of grilling or me being zoomed in on how many partner's he's had and what all they did. I just listen for if you seem like you're completely sex-obsessed or overly kinky and just in general, if our sexual styles and desires seem compatible.

[SensitiveTJ]

Not only do I ask about a man's sexual past, but it's also one of the main criteria by which I choose my partner. I generally bring this up after I've gotten to know him and I can put the answer into context, but well before I form any emotional attachment.

 

I don't want a man who sleeps around. I've tried very hard to keep my numbers to single digits and only have sex with men I was in a relationship with. I expect the same from my partner.

 

To me, it's not even about how many people he's had sex with. I'm not that worried about that. If a man is 30 years old and told me he's had sex with, say, 10 women, and all of them were his girlfriend at one point or another... totally fine. However, if he told me he'd had 5 sexual partners and 4 were one night stands or FWB... I won't even consider him.

 

Like others have said, the ratio of casual vs serious sex that a man has had is a pretty good representation of how they perceive sex and relationships. I'm not religious and I still feel pretty strongly about this.

 

For those who say believing this is immature and will attack my comments.... Everyone has the right to choose their partners on whatever criteria they deem acceptable. Mine is not any better or worse than yours.

 

As a man, I have to say my criteria are exactly the same as yours:laugh:

I would never ask a girl for their number, but I would consider their relationship style and compare it to my own. I wouldn't date a girl who has engaged in casual sex because I myself don't do that. That would be a dealbreaker.

[samsungxoxo]

As a man, I have to say my criteria are exactly the same as yours:laugh:

I would never ask a girl for their number, but I would consider their relationship style and compare it to my own. I wouldn't date a girl who has engaged in casual sex because I myself don't do that. That would be a dealbreaker.

You have every right in that case since you don't do that. Sadly, there are still hypocritical guys that think like that but have slept around.

Just recently, I was debating with a male poster saying he wouldn't date a woman that slept with him on the first date. Ok and who exactly is sleeping with that woman on the first date too (the woman sure didn't magically trip on a guy)? LMAO

 

Yet, when I debated this too me his answer was something like ''But if he respects you, that's all it should matter. :laugh:

I have to basically be all patience and give the ''easy man'' that's into casual sex a chance while he won't do the same vice-versa. No

thanks.

Edited July 9, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[insomniax]

Is it big deal imo? No not really, can it be kind of hot? As stated before if the situation is right yes. I am not sure if this has been mentioned if it has i am sorry for skipping it over, say one person has only slept with 2 people and another person 4. The person had a ltr with the 2 they slept with but had sex with them 400 times between the 2. The person who slept with 4 only had sex 4 times but is usually viewed in a worse light. I have had these kinds of conversations with people and its just silly. As long as both parties are disease free thats all that matters.

[Arabella]

Is it big deal imo? No not really, can it be kind of hot? As stated before if the situation is right yes. I am not sure if this has been mentioned if it has i am sorry for skipping it over, say one person has only slept with 2 people and another person 4. The person had a ltr with the 2 they slept with but had sex with them 400 times between the 2. The person who slept with 4 only had sex 4 times but is usually viewed in a worse light. I have had these kinds of conversations with people and its just silly. As long as both parties are disease free thats all that matters.

 

Well, that's your opinion... but to many other people, it clearly does matter. Hence this thread!

 

In your example, I'd take the guy that's only had sex with 2 LTR people anytime over the guy who's had sex only 4 times with different people. In fact, that's kind of best of both worlds to me... he knows what he's doing, and he's not a whore!

[Els]

Well, to be fair, I genuinely have never asked.

 

We always got to a point of emotional closeness where we each ended up talking about our history of our own accord, though... It only seems natural to me.

[in_absentia]

I have only ever asked about a partner's sexual past out of curiosity, it doesn't bother me at all, I'd rather someone have been adventurous/kinky than not, but either way is okay with me. I've had a relationship with a guy whose second sexual partner ever was me, and a relationship with a guy whose number was up near 100.

 

Sometimes I'll ask to get an idea of how someone views sex, if I'm only up for casual no strings fun or fck buddies I'll ask because a really really low number might indicate that for them, sex means more than someone whose number is high. In which case I'd need to tread more carefully and make sure he could handle the nature of what I was after. Obviously we'll also just talk about sex in general, but someone's number can be a pretty interesting starting point for such a conversation.

 

My current boyfriend and I both have roughly the same number (12-16ish) and, once again, I don't give a crap.

[Ryan R.]

Well, that's your opinion... but to many other people, it clearly does matter. Hence this thread!

 

In your example, I'd take the guy that's only had sex with 2 LTR people anytime over the guy who's had sex only 4 times with different people. In fact, that's kind of best of both worlds to me... he knows what he's doing, and he's not a whore!

 

What about guys who have zero experience and their only option was to have a hookup or a FWB arrangement? What then? It seems like when it comes to sex you're damned if you do, damned if you don't but you're even more damned when you don't.

[Ryan R.]

But you don't have the source.

Still, it means that someone that has slept with 20 or more isn't the norm, not even for the average man.

 

Something makes me think this liberal, casual sex attitude hasn't always been spread out like how it is now. Someone invented the idea of freely talking about it as if that's how it should be.

 

Since the norm is of lower counts, than the one being way outside the norm doesn't even reach 50% for neither gender.

 

Sorry, I really botched the numbers. For women it's 9, for men it's 7.

 

Women are now far more promiscuous than men, says shock new study | Mail Online

 

"By the age of 21 they have had sex with an average of nine lovers - two more than their male partner.

And a quarter have slept with more than ten partners in the five years since losing their virginity - compared with a fifth of young men."

 

Even more interesting:

 

"One in four said they would marry for money whilst 39 per cent would sleep with their boss for a promotion. And 27 per cent would have an affair with a married man, while 14 per cent would sleep with their best friend's partner."

[carhill]

In my bizzaro real life world, no lover has ever asked about my sexual history. That said, some interesting subjects who pretended to be lover material did indeed find interest in those topics. Perhaps that's instructive.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Sorry, I really botched the numbers. For women it's 9, for men it's 7.

 

Women are now far more promiscuous than men, says shock new study | Mail Online

 

"By the age of 21 they have had sex with an average of nine lovers - two more than their male partner.

And a quarter have slept with more than ten partners in the five years since losing their virginity - compared with a fifth of young men."

 

Even more interesting:

 

"One in four said they would marry for money whilst 39 per cent would sleep with their boss for a promotion. And 27 per cent would have an affair with a married man, while 14 per cent would sleep with their best friend's partner."

 

 

I think 9 is even low balling it. Wonder how many fall under the "doesn't count" category(cheating on SO, going home with guy from club/bar, FWB/FB).

[tbf]

Sorry, I really botched the numbers. For women it's 9, for men it's 7.

 

Women are now far more promiscuous than men, says shock new study | Mail Online

 

"By the age of 21 they have had sex with an average of nine lovers - two more than their male partner.

And a quarter have slept with more than ten partners in the five years since losing their virginity - compared with a fifth of young men."

 

Even more interesting:

 

"One in four said they would marry for money whilst 39 per cent would sleep with their boss for a promotion. And 27 per cent would have an affair with a married man, while 14 per cent would sleep with their best friend's partner."

Did you notice that this was an online survey and not a study? It was set up as a P/R stunt to launch a Cosmo-like magazine's safe sex campaign. Who knows who was behind the voting, whether men, women or marketing department staff.

[Ryan R.]

Did you notice that this was an online survey and not a study? It was set up as a P/R stunt to launch a Cosmo-like magazine's safe sex campaign. Who knows who was behind the voting, whether men, women or marketing department staff.

 

Even if this is a botched survey, I still think the undercurrent remains: most women have more sexual partners than most men will in their lifetime. That's just how it is. Women have sex with a smaller pool of men. That smaller pool of men will have higher partner counts than the average man. That's the only thing that explains why there are more male virgins than female virgins, especially at later ages.

[tbf]

Even if this is a botched survey, I still think the undercurrent remains: most women have more sexual partners than most men will in their lifetime. That's just how it is. Women have sex with a smaller pool of men. That smaller pool of men will have higher partner counts than the average man. That's the only thing that explains why there are more male virgins than female virgins, especially at later ages.

Can you link any reliable studies that back up these cyberspace PUA "wisdoms"?

[Southern Cal Dude]

Can you link any reliable studies that back up these cyberspace PUA "wisdoms"?

 

 

And if he does, you'll just claim it isn't reliable. The links he posted aren't reliable because you don't agree with it.

[Ryan R.]

Can you link any reliable studies that back up these cyberspace PUA "wisdoms"?

 

No need for studies. It's already well known and accepted that the average woman has more opportunities (and thus more sex) than the average man does. Water is wet but you don't need a study to verify that.

 

It's just another fact of life.

[Arabella]

What about guys who have zero experience and their only option was to have a hookup or a FWB arrangement? What then? It seems like when it comes to sex you're damned if you do, damned if you don't but you're even more damned when you don't.

 

I don't see a problem with that. I've been in long-term relationships with two virgins, and I'm only the third partner for my fiance.

 

You seem to think that experience trumps all. That's simply not true. Chances are if a woman cares about a man's sexual past not being littered with hook-ups, then she's also going to be okay with you being inexperienced.

 

You being inexperienced wouldn't matter to me. You having hookups or FWB would disqualify you as far as I'm concerned, however. So take that as you will

[Ryan R.]

I don't see a problem with that. I've been in long-term relationships with two virgins, and I'm only the third partner for my fiance.

 

You seem to think that experience trumps all. That's simply not true. Chances are if a woman cares about a man's sexual past not being littered with hook-ups, then she's also going to be okay with you being inexperienced.

 

You being inexperienced wouldn't matter to me. You having hookups or FWB would disqualify you as far as I'm concerned, however. So take that as you will

 

Well, thanks for your input. Still, the odds of me finding a woman who doesn't care about my inexperience as I progress in age are slim to none. So any chance I get to get some experience, I'll hop right on it. I hate to say it, but women with your views are in a very stark minority.

[samsungxoxo]

100x would rather take a man's V-card than be a man's 20th+ ''Who knows on what hole he has been in, I'm probably gonna get STD'' girl.

[Arabella]

Well, thanks for your input. Still, the odds of me finding a woman who doesn't care about my inexperience as I progress in age are slim to none. So any chance I get to get some experience, I'll hop right on it. I hate to say it, but women with your views are in a very stark minority.

 

I don't believe we are as few as you think. Probably not a majority, but definitely not a tiny portion either.

 

You sound very young. You will find that in a few years (25+), women will start caring a little more about what your sexual past looks like. This is because they're looking for an eventual husband, and they don't want a man-whore who spent his early 20s sleeping around.

[Ryan R.]

100x would rather take a man's V-card than be a man's 20th+ ''Who knows on what hole he has been in, I'm probably gonna get STD'' girl.

 

No one said you had to be a man's "20th". Most people fall in between these two extremes.

 

I don't believe we are as few as you think. Probably not a majority, but definitely not a tiny portion either.

 

You sound very young. You will find that in a few years (25+), women will start caring a little more about what your sexual past looks like. This is because they're looking for an eventual husband, and they don't want a man-whore who spent his early 20s sleeping around.

 

Well to be honest, marriage doesn't sound that appealing to me. Not in the slightest. As far as I'm concerned, your life is over when you get married because your freedom is curtailed severely. It gets even more curtailed when you have children. That's why people say "live it up" before you get married. When you have kids, you can't just decide to pick up and move to a new city for the hell of it. You can't just decide to throw it all away and go work on a farm for five years. You can't just go globetrotting out of your own accord.

 

I'm also certainly not going to marry a woman just so I can have sex, when there are plenty of other avenues for that as well. I also fail to believe that these same women that are looking for guys who run on the inexperienced side are inexperienced themselves. Most women who have had a normal life usually have had a couple boyfriends and a hookup here or there. So for her to hope that I have a low partner count or none at all seems like it would be an effort to control me, which is something I will certainly not sign up for. I don't care if a woman has a high partner count. However, marriage is out of the question for me due to the amount of women I've seen in marriages and relationships use subtle underhanded means to control the guy.

 

A lot of my friends who are/were experienced with women saw this behavior raising its ugly head and nipped it in the bud real quick. I asked "how did you know" and one of them said "because I've been here before and I let her know I have many other options so if she doesn't respect me, she can easily be replaced". Me as an inexperienced guy who has never gotten signs of interest from girls, I don't have options. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

 

Those are my thoughts on that matter.

Edited July 10, 2013 by Ryan R.

[Arabella]

Well to be honest, marriage doesn't sound that appealing to me. Not in the slightest. As far as I'm concerned, your life is over when you get married because your freedom is curtailed severely. It gets even more curtailed when you have children. That's why people say "live it up" before you get married. When you have kids, you can't just decide to pick up and move to a new city for the hell of it. You can't just decide to throw it all away and go work on a farm for five years. You can't just go globetrotting out of your own accord.

 

You're showing your age again As years go by and you get to do all the things you want, they will stop being a priority. Besides, if you are with the right person, you wouldn't lose any freedom... you would gain a companion for life.

 

I'm also certainly not going to marry a woman just so I can have sex, when there are plenty of other avenues for that as well.

 

I don't think anybody marries to have regular access to sex. In fact, many men report sex decreased once they get married... Not the case for me, but your mileage may vary.

 

I also fail to believe that these same women that are looking for guys who run on the inexperienced side are inexperienced themselves. Most women who have had a normal life usually have had a couple boyfriends and a hookup here or there.

 

Eh, most women like this (including myself) have pretty conservative values when it comes to relationships. The same reason why I don't want a man to sleep around is the same reason why I haven't done it.

 

I've been in relationships since I was 15 years old. I've never lacked suitors and led a pretty normal life. My relationships never lasted less than a year, I even married once for 5 years, and there were no hookups at all.

 

What you consider normal doesn't mean it's the norm for everyone else. I'm just one example out of many women out there.

 

So for her to hope that I have a low partner count or none at all seems like it would be an effort to control me, which is something I will certainly not sign up for. I don't care if a woman has a high partner count. However, marriage is out of the question for me due to the amount of women I've seen in marriages and relationships use subtle underhanded means to control the guy.

 

Eh... I don't know what all this control stuff is about, but these things aren't truly a concern for mature individuals who are mentally capable of handling a marriage.

 

I don't even know why we're talking about marriage, honestly. I was just trying to explain the reason why women change their priorities later on. You're obviously too young to even be thinking of this.

 

Nevertheless, your views will change as you grow and mature. Let's have this conversation again in 5 or 6 years