what the hell?

[Ichthyo_gut]

I have been dwelling over this for some time now. I really can't believe that I am writing this but oh well, what do I have to lose.

 

I have known a particular friend for several years now. She means quite a bit to me. Her family loves me. We get along very well when we are together. We started to attempt a relationship but it was definitely bad timing for both of us. We haven't really spoken for about a year now and I saw her for the first time in about six months a week ago. She invited me to Christmas at her grandparents house which as become somewhat of a tradition. At least for the last three years.

 

The last I heard was that she was dating an older fellow (she is 23 and he is 30+ with children). I don't want to interfere but at the same time I want to know what's up. Can anyone tell me what the hell I should do?!

 

There is a lot more than I have said here. At least for me, there is. I have ended at least two relationships at the chance of her.

 

I know this sounds really sappy but it is true. Hit me with what ever lable you think applies. I just want some advice on how to approach her.

 

Thanx for the help.

[Tony T]

You are interested in this girl romantically. It sounds like she has only a friendship interest in you. That doesn't make her bad at all, actually it takes a pretty wonderful woman to take on a male friend while she is dating other guys. She obviously is very fond of you but not in a romantic way. She may even have a great desire to have romantic feelings toward you...but she just can't force that. Don't press the issue.

 

It was very kind and thoughtful of her to invite you over for Christmas with her and her family. Of course, since you have these feelings for her you don't want to be there if she's bringing a guy she is dating so you need to find out who the other guests are.

 

You really need to sit down with this lady and come clean with her. You need to tell her just where your head is at. You need to do that so both your agendas are synchronized. If she is trying to be a good friend and you are working toward being her lover, there will be a big explosion one day and all bets will be off.

 

If after talking to her she makes it very clear she is dating someone else or she is just not interested in you as more than a friend, accept that, respect that, and make your decision from there. But don't torture yourself and waste precious time being around her if you are wanting more and she's not. Eventually, she will see you as an annoyance and not want you around anymore.

 

If you find she's not interested in you romantically...and there's somewhat of a hint of that since the two of you couldn't make it before...the back off a while, find yourself a bonafide romantic interest...and then revisit the friendship at a later time.

 

There are male/female friendships that exist in the twighlite zone, somewhere beyond friendship but short of a romance. That's where this may be. Consider those friendships as well, just very good ones.

 

Don't put this girl in an awkward position if she doesn't want a romance with you. She's trying to be your friend. Either accept how she feels and respect that or get out of her life and leave her alone. She sounds like a really nice girl.

 

Don't take this personal, but I think it is insane to end other romantic relationships for a chance to be with someone who seems to only want to be your friend. Don't ever do that again!!!

[sandy]

Find out what she feels for you now, and if you have any future with her she will let you know .

 

You can't get into any meaningful relationship if you are hung up on her. Tell her how you feel

 

If you are afraid of what it will do to your friendship

 

do it in a joking way something like " I wonder if we had kids togeather what they would look like ? :-)

 

Good luck ! happy holiday's

[Rogue]

I know how you feel exactly. I wrote a post here on a very similar problem a few weeks ago. I was asking advice on whether or not to tell a female friend of mine I loved her.She had a boyfriend, and I was advised not to say anything. I didn't.

 

I don't know if I made the right decision or not, but since then I just simply decided to move on with my life. And it feels good to do so. It's so easy to get hung up on someone, especially if you have an emotional connection with them. But despite your feelings, you're better off looking for someone else. Don't let yourself get in the position that you don't get over someone. You can get over your friend easily enough, all you have to do is acknowledge that there's nothing there for you to go for.

 

Don't secretely wish to have a relationship with them. Don't let them be the source of your self-esteem. Don't let yourself think about them too much. If you can, keep your distance from them (like I have).Once you realize that you have to move on, and make a sincere effort to put your feelings behind you, it gets a lot easier.

 

You will find that the world is a HUGE place with TONS of women. There's a few them ,who are single, that you can go just as nuts over as your friend. You just have to give them a fair chance and you'll see.