what are the odds of my husband's relationship with AP actually working out?

[trippi1432]

What Steadfast says......Amen!!!

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Your actions are proving that he can manipulate you. In fact, you manipulate yourself on his behalf. Perhaps you'll 'love' him less when you fully embrace that the OW isn't the problem. Slime? Yes, but slime that your husband chose for company. Have you considered how insulting it is to compete for your husband's love and affection? I understand your connection to him, but not your position on the OW. She's a bit player.

 

I do not know where you live, but in the majority of the US child support is figured from a wage scale. Factor in who the custodial parent is and the court will determine how much he will have to pay per month. Unless he's working at a fast food restaurant, the amount will be shockingly high for two children. No doubt he's been advised on this. I don't think there is any document you could sign to side step it. At least not one the court could/would easily dismiss at a later date. Fact: His true character (or lack of it) has been revealed by this request. Any man who tries to shuck the responsibility of his fatherhood isn't a man. You married a POS OP. Sad.

 

It is foot-to-throat time OP. He (or she) will accuse you of bitterness and revenge, but you simply must allow the legal process to protect you and your children. He has proven that he can not be trusted. Nail it down.

 

Move on. Put these two and the whole sham in your rear-view mirror.

 

Yes! I know he can manipulate me! I feel like I am about to have a panick attack when I see his name on my phone or when I know I will have to see him in dealings with the kids. I know he is only being nice to me right now because he doesn't want to make me mad.

 

What do you mean by I manipulate myself on his behalf?

 

Am I competing for my husbands attention and love? I have been completly leaving him alone. Not contacting him unless absolutly necessary. If he contacts me I can't just ignore him. We have kids together. I am doing my best!

 

I am not trying to be argumentative. I truly want to know why you feel this way so I can try to change what I am doing.

 

I also agree that the OW is not the problem. She has a part in all this but ultimatly my husband is the one that wronged me. I want to defend myself and tell you why I don't like her but it's not really relavant and I know that. I just know the two of them are laughing at me.

 

I am going to the dr tomorrow morning. I don't know what I need but hopefully the doc does.

[zoobadger]

Quote: "The worst part is waking up in the mornings by myself and now knowing he has been spending the night with her all the time. Starting every day with this awful feeling really sucks."

 

Yeah, I know the feeling and it's miserable. There's no way that anything other than time is going to cure this.

 

For me, it's probably going to get worse before it finally gets better because she'll surely want to introduce him to the kids in a few months.

 

My hope is that my dog - the most gentle creature on the planet - suddenly discovers her inner guard dog and bites his nuts off when she brings him home.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Quote: "The worst part is waking up in the mornings by myself and now knowing he has been spending the night with her all the time. Starting every day with this awful feeling really sucks."

 

Yeah, I know the feeling and it's miserable. There's no way that anything other than time is going to cure this.

 

For me, it's probably going to get worse before it finally gets better because she'll surely want to introduce him to the kids in a few months.

 

My hope is that my dog - the most gentle creature on the planet - suddenly discovers her inner guard dog and bites his nuts off when she brings him home.

 

Well...Getting the kids in it is really hard and emotional. I wish you the best of luck with that. At least she is willing to give it a few months. My husband jumped right in that.

 

I hope your dog bites him too!

[Steadfast]

I was referring to the lie he caught you in, described in your first post. You were playing games, lied about it and he caught you. That's manipulating yourself, on his behalf. You give him tremendous power doing this.

 

I say this not to belittle you, but as constructive criticism. You can't expect to turn off your feelings, but for your own sake you must: Consider, confer, and then react. Measure your words. Think about how to approach every situation. This is not done out of politeness, but to strengthen your healing.

 

Layman's terms: crawl out from under the mess and work from the top.

 

Keep posting. It'll help you.

[lovemaynotbeenough]

I was referring to the lie he caught you in, described in your first post. You were playing games, lied about it and he caught you. That's manipulating yourself, on his behalf. You give him tremendous power doing this.

 

I say this not to belittle you, but as constructive criticism. You can't expect to turn off your feelings, but for your own sake you must: Consider, confer, and then react. Measure your words. Think about how to approach every situation. This is not done out of politeness, but to strengthen your healing.

 

Layman's terms: crawl out from under the mess and work from the top.

 

Keep posting. It'll help you.

 

Thank you for explaining. I agree. I feel like I am doing everything wrong here. In the beginning I begged and pleaded and cried for him to come back. Then I did the 180 and it worked but I gave into him to soon and too easily. Now here I am working on a divorce.

 

The kids are the most important thing in this situation. Not me and my feelings. I MUST get over my feelings for him good and bad!

[PoopHappens]

Happiness, fortunately, isn't mutually exclusive. Take your share and let the rest have theirs. Fortunately too, what goes around comes around. It's just too bad we can't be there to witness it.

[cadillacsweet]

Lovemaynotbeenough

 

Wow, your first post took the words right out of my mouth. Married for 27 years when I caught my ExH cheating for the 3rd time. I warned him the second time that I would divorce him if I ever caught him again. Well, I did. Been divorced since October, he has been with the ho since May.

 

You know what really sucks, I found out they started seeing each other around May 15th of last year. Well on June 1st of last year my ExH and I went on a trip to celebrate out 27th wedding anniversary where he told me several times "I am looking forward to spending the next 27 years with you." Did he mean it? Yes, I really think he did. I think that he didn't think he would get caught and that if he did that I wouldn't divorce him. Well I did and now I struggle with letting go.

 

It has been a year and I am still stuck on this emotional roller coaster. I go to bed thinking about him and wake up thinking about him. I still cry a little almost every single day and I hate the ho he is with. I know hate is a strong word and I struggle to get past that feeling but that is how I still feel about her.

 

I have been with him more than half my life and it sucks to be where I am now. Although I am dating someone now, the pain is still there. Hopefully one of these days I will not feel this way anymore.

[Steadfast]

Thank you for explaining. I agree. I feel like I am doing everything wrong here. In the beginning I begged and pleaded and cried for him to come back. Then I did the 180 and it worked but I gave into him to soon and too easily. Now here I am working on a divorce.

 

Would you feel better if I told you most everyone does? Everythingwrong, that is. When I first joined LS, that's the username I should have chosen. I tried; bent over backwards, was kind, gave her 'space'. The harder I tried, the harder she pulled away. Like you I wised up and -you guessed it- she suddenly got very interested in what I was doing. Guess what I did?

 

A very wise poster wrote here recently that divorce and separation brings out the worst in people. It's true. Take some comfort in knowing that your actions were genuine, his were calculated. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

It's never too late to turn right. Deep breath! Focus on the task at hand. No matter what, know that he is not living to any advantage (regardless of how it's painted to seem) with an existence based on lies and betrayal. Your worst day will hold more honor that his brightest moment. Promise.

 

It has been a year and I am still stuck on this emotional roller coaster. I go to bed thinking about him and wake up thinking about him. I still cry a little almost every single day and I hate the ho he is with. I know hate is a strong word and I struggle to get past that feeling but that is how I still feel about her.

 

Sorry dearheart, but a year is nothing. Your body chemistry is still adjusting to the new situation. Do not beat yourself up over loving someone that does not deserve to be loved. That works against nature.

 

At some point, you will have to let go, and when you do that's when the healing will take off. You are not giving up your belief system, agreeing or becoming complacent by letting go, you simply are declaring an end to suffering something beyond your control. His decisions, in the face of vows and promises have broken your heart. At this point we all face a crossroads; does it stay broken, or do we take our life back? Nothing can change the past, but we will control what happens to our future.

 

It's probably too soon for you to date. Reconsider your choices if you're swimming in pain while you're with your date. No harm in waiting-

[lovemaynotbeenough]

Wow! Thank you so much steadfast! Yes. That does actually make me feel better.

 

Cadillacsweet. I am so sorry. I do know how you feel! I will commend you on leaving. I like to think that if I had known about the ow I would have done the same. I doubt it would hurt any less but I wish I had that little bit of pride that you have knowing you put your foot down and stopped putting up with it. Everyone keeps saying it does get better and I do believe that. I am already starting to have better days and less crying.

[health]

Does anyone really know? I am sure they dont. I can't predict the future and neither can he. I just hate them both so much right now!

 

I want them to cheat on eachother. I want him to know what it feels like after he has done it to me time and time again. That is what he deserves but I doubt he will ever get it.

 

I know jealousy is ugly. I just cant help it. Im jealous of her for beating me and getting my husband away from me. I am jealous of him for having someone to cure the lonly times.

 

And I am left here trying to cope and take care of the kids alone. Its hard! And I am pissed at him for doing this to me. Like pissed enough that I want to keep the boys from him. I won't. That would be selfish. They need him to be there and I wouldn't do it although those nasty thoughts have been going through my mind.

 

Ughh. F*** them both!

 

Hey, it may work out and it may not. Chances are higher that it won't. Second Marriages jumped into quick usually break. For many reasons. One is that they got into it for the wrong reasons. Or they have a lot of baggage, they know the drill of break ups so it's easy for them etc etc

 

Just focus on self growth though. Let them Be, and find some hot person you click with!