Is this and excuse and should I carry on pursuing her?

[fmfan08]

I've been getting to know this girl through texting/phoning/Facebook for a while now but we haven't met. We've both shown interest and I can clearly see it from her contact.

 

Although, she wanted me to use FaceTime before I'd take her out, which is understandable.

 

So I sent her a text saying:

 

Me - We're doing facetime at the weekend, unless you're too shy

Her - I'm working all weekend babe!

Her - I will FaceTime soon though

 

I know she was working Friday evening/night but seeing her tweets on Saturday, she was out with a friend for this girls birthday. Why would she say she was working all weekend?

 

I guess it kind of looks as if she was making up an excuse not to FaceTime me, even though it was her idea, but I guess she could have said she was busy instead?

 

Would you see this as an excuse? She said she'd facetime soon, is that a good thing and should I pursue it after the weekend? Or should I let her come to me about it?

 

I feel like I'm chasing a little too much lately, feels a bit tiring and frustrating. Part of me feels like I should sit back and have her contact me, which she has done quite a bit previously.

[Darren Steez]

The fact you're sort of cyber stalking her to see what she was doing that night instead of facetiming you should be an indicator in itself.

 

She didn't want to facetime because she was busy..end of

[fmfan08]

The fact you're sort of cyber stalking her to see what she was doing that night instead of facetiming you should be an indicator in itself.

 

She didn't want to facetime because she was busy..end of

 

I didn't realise her tweets popping up on my timeline meant I was stalking her! I can't help if I see them

 

Saw another of her tweets this afternoon which mentioned work, I'll assume she was just overall busy. I should have known weekends would be bad timing, just mine was free as I had to do some work.

 

Okay, I'll go ahead and suggest facetime after the weekend!

[Darren Steez]

Take it slow mate, her tweets popping up, you reading them then interpreting them is showing you're way too into her. You push too hard she'll lose interest. If she wants to meet you then she'll suggest a time to do FaceTime. You don't want to come off as being too desperate

[fmfan08]

Take it slow mate, her tweets popping up, you reading them then interpreting them is showing you're way too into her. You push too hard she'll lose interest. If she wants to meet you then she'll suggest a time to do FaceTime. You don't want to come off as being too desperate

 

Some good advice. I left it four days and got on with my weekend. On sunday tweeted about wondering what those smiley faces were that people use on twitter for the iphone and she replied with 15 different emoticons. I didn't reply to that, didn't warrant one.

 

I texted her telling her the next day saying "Busy today but tell me when you're free to do facetime x". She said "I'm working all week but should be free Friday".

 

I take it that's good news because she suggested another specific time, kind of like when you ask a girl on a date?

 

The "no x" at the end of her text doesn't bother me, my previous two before today didn't include any, although we usually do send them to each other.

 

Wish I could hide her tweets though, my habit is overthinking.

[Eddie Edirol]

Im pretty convinced that she isnt interested. if she is working and is out with her friends in between the times she was working, I think she isnt interested or she would make time for you. As much as she could have made plans with her friends ahead of time, she would make time to facetime sooner, not make you wait till next Friday. I think she will keep blowing you off as a hint that she isnt interested, and she is waiting for you to take the hint. She sounds too young to have the courage to deal with rejecting a guy. Maybe she thinks you wont leave her alone if she tells you straight up that she isnt interested.

You can wait to see if she contacts you if you want, but tease her. Do to her what she is doing to you. If she contacts you, give her enough to engage her and then keep it moving, and see if she is one of those girls that enjoys the chase. Assume she isnt interested and that you wont win her over. Let her work for your attention. Dont be so available. Assume she has other guys that she would rather date but isnt getting all the attention from.

 

Keep your life moving, and move on from this girl, otherwise you could run the risk of becoming obsessed, especially when you dont know what her real intentions are.

[fmfan08]

Im pretty convinced that she isnt interested. if she is working and is out with her friends in between the times she was working, I think she isnt interested or she would make time for you. As much as she could have made plans with her friends ahead of time, she would make time to facetime sooner, not make you wait till next Friday. I think she will keep blowing you off as a hint that she isnt interested, and she is waiting for you to take the hint. She sounds too young to have the courage to deal with rejecting a guy. Maybe she thinks you wont leave her alone if she tells you straight up that she isnt interested.

You can wait to see if she contacts you if you want, but tease her. Do to her what she is doing to you. If she contacts you, give her enough to engage her and then keep it moving, and see if she is one of those girls that enjoys the chase. Assume she isnt interested and that you wont win her over. Let her work for your attention. Dont be so available. Assume she has other guys that she would rather date but isnt getting all the attention from.

 

Keep your life moving, and move on from this girl, otherwise you could run the risk of becoming obsessed, especially when you dont know what her real intentions are.

 

Some extra information, she did work friday evening/night and Sunday, then went to her friend's birthday do on saturday night so that would have been arranged.

 

When I asked her today, I already saw on Facebook that she told a friend she'd be too busy to meet up and do something because she was working most of the week, which is why I asked her to suggest when would be best. She seems to work mid afternoons to near midnight.

 

We haven't met but she's shown plenty of interest over text, facebook messages and phone calls. It was her suggestion to do facetime before we'd meet, which is understandable. She sometimes makes the effort to reply to some of my tweets in a funny way and replies to my texts quite quickly.

 

What's your suggestion, should I contact her on the Friday that she suggested or should I go no contact and let her reach out for me? If the second option, how long until I should give up?

 

Honestly, if it ends up to the point of giving up, it's not as if she's involved in my life. I can do the simple thing in unfriending her on facebook and twitter and ignore any future contact from her. I'll be peeved at wasting a lot of time getting to know her and leading to nothing, but that's the mistake I have to learn I guess..

[Eddie Edirol]

What's your suggestion, should I contact her on the Friday that she suggested or should I go no contact and let her reach out for me? If the second option, how long until I should give up?

 

Honestly, if it ends up to the point of giving up, it's not as if she's involved in my life. I can do the simple thing in unfriending her on facebook and twitter and ignore any future contact from her. I'll be peeved at wasting a lot of time getting to know her and leading to nothing, but that's the mistake I have to learn I guess..

 

Really it sounds like youve wasted enough time. As busy as she might be, EVERYONE makes time to date when they want to. I think youve done enough contacting, so thats why I said let her initiate the next few contacts. If she doesnt contact you, then you know she wasnt interested. If she doesnt have anyone else that she is interested in, she will hit you up. She might be one of those girls trying to feel like she is popular, wanting everyone to contact her all the time for an ego boost, then you are a pawn in that game. She keeps you on the hook enough to keep you after her, dont play that game.

[fmfan08]

Really it sounds like youve wasted enough time. As busy as she might be, EVERYONE makes time to date when they want to. I think youve done enough contacting, so thats why I said let her initiate the next few contacts. If she doesnt contact you, then you know she wasnt interested. If she doesnt have anyone else that she is interested in, she will hit you up. She might be one of those girls trying to feel like she is popular, wanting everyone to contact her all the time for an ego boost, then you are a pawn in that game. She keeps you on the hook enough to keep you after her, dont play that game.

 

Yesterday I tweeted about wondering what those emoticon things people use on twitter and texts.

 

She replied with this: http://oi40.tinypic.com/1231a21.jpg This was about half an hour after I saw her tweet about setting off for work

 

I don't know though, she could be genuinely busy. She started her new job recently and got a new car, so her schedule is different than usual.

 

I agree with letting her initiate contact with me though, should I refrain from making twitter updates too or minimize them? I was going to leave it for a whole week then unfollow/unfriend and cut the contact, but would that be too short or should I wait for the whole of this AND next?

 

(I'm not one for internet stalking either, but would it be wise to keep up to date about what she tweets to see if she really is busy? That might be a good call to see if I should cut my losses)

Edited July 8, 2013 by fmfan08

[Eddie Edirol]

Yesterday I tweeted about wondering what those emoticon things people use on twitter and texts.

 

She replied with this: http://oi40.tinypic.com/1231a21.jpg This was about half an hour after I saw her tweet about setting off for work

 

I don't know though, she could be genuinely busy. She started her new job recently and got a new car, so her schedule is different than usual.

 

I agree with letting her initiate contact with me though, should I refrain from making twitter updates too or minimize them? I was going to leave it for a whole week then unfollow/unfriend and cut the contact, but would that be too short or should I wait for the whole of this AND next?

 

(I'm not one for internet stalking either, but would it be wise to keep up to date about what she tweets to see if she really is busy? That might be a good call to see if I should cut my losses)

 

Dont unfriend her, dont slow down in tweeting. But dont answer her in twitter either. Plus you added her on social sites WAAAY too fast, she is supposed to earn her way into your social scene. And stop stalking her, it will make you more obsessed. You dont need to know if she is lying until she keeps contacting you but making excuses as to why she cant meet you. And then at that point you cut her off, dont worry about her twitter.

 

Like I said, if she is in the business of keeping you on the hook, replying to your tweet ambiguously is the way to keep you after her without conspicuously teasing you. Especially if she tweeted those emoticons without putting your name in the tweet. Girls who play this game know when they have the fish with the right bait.

 

I don't know though, she could be genuinely busy. She started her new job recently and got a new car, so her schedule is different than usual.

now youre making excuses for her. These also sound like too many blow off excuses at once. You never make excuses for a person you dont know. You ALWAYS assume they arent interested until they prove otherwise.

[fmfan08]

Dont unfriend her, dont slow down in tweeting. But dont answer her in twitter either. Plus you added her on social sites WAAAY too fast, she is supposed to earn her way into your social scene. And stop stalking her, it will make you more obsessed. You dont need to know if she is lying until she keeps contacting you but making excuses as to why she cant meet you. And then at that point you cut her off, dont worry about her twitter.

 

Like I said, if she is in the business of keeping you on the hook, replying to your tweet ambiguously is the way to keep you after her without conspicuously teasing you. Especially if she tweeted those emoticons without putting your name in the tweet. Girls who play this game know when they have the fish with the right bait.

 

 

now youre making excuses for her. These also sound like too many blow off excuses at once. You never make excuses for a person you dont know. You ALWAYS assume they arent interested until they prove otherwise.

 

Oh, she started talking to me a while back on Facebook, that's how we got talking. Then these last few months we've been in contact, getting to know each other but it's been this last month her interest has picked up, seen obvious signs and we've been flirting, etc.

 

Okay, I'll still post updates on Twitter but i'll refrain from looking at her profiles. The weather is super hot this week so I'll be spending it mostly outside anyway, away from social media

 

And regarding the tweet, she did put my name in the tweet, I just cut it off to protect my identity It was definitely a reply to my question.

 

But she could be genuinely busy. I asked some girl about this and she said that i'm just overthinking this and if she wouldn't like me, she wouldn't have bothered replying and she could have been tired.

 

I once replied to her text when she was a bit drunk with "No problem" without a kiss at the end (when she put one in hers). She replied "Arsey as fack" thinking I was being off with her. She could have been frustrated that I didn't add any x's to my previous texts so she isn't now. It sounds ridiculous, but that's the sort of thing that goes on in some girls heads!

[fmfan08]

But then again, she could be playing hard to get. She's usually like that.

 

I do it too, to avoid being too keen. Originally I was expecting her to say today or tomorrow, then tell her i'm busy and do facetime on another day instead. But it seems by saying I was busy today in the first text, she probably reversed it on me

[Eddie Edirol]

But then again, she could be playing hard to get. She's usually like that.

 

I do it too, to avoid being too keen. Originally I was expecting her to say today or tomorrow, then tell her i'm busy and do facetime on another day instead. But it seems by saying I was busy today in the first text, she probably reversed it on me

 

If youve been talking for over a month and you havent suggested meeting up sooner, or she didnt want to meet up sooner, I dont see her being really interested. I see a girl that hit you up on FB and then you turned her off, but is still using you for attention, if she wasnt using you for attention from the beginning. So like I said, play hard to get and assume she isnt really interested. Play her like she has to earn you.

[fmfan08]

If youve been talking for over a month and you havent suggested meeting up sooner, or she didnt want to meet up sooner, I dont see her being really interested. I see a girl that hit you up on FB and then you turned her off, but is still using you for attention, if she wasnt using you for attention from the beginning. So like I said, play hard to get and assume she isnt really interested. Play her like she has to earn you.

 

Yeah I'll do that but we've been more penpal's of sorts getting to know each other first. But she seemed a bit cautious in meeting me in person, because really I could just be anyone. So I mentioned about taking her out about a week and a half ago and she said "You're going to have to play on snapchat and facetime first x".

 

So basically that's my plan, get her on facetime and see how it goes then go for the same question again. She'll have no excuses then to not see me. If I get the "busy" stuff or some lame excuse, you're right about it being attention.

 

Part of me wants to not contact and see how it goes, but other thinks if I don't pursue, she might think I'm not interested? If she suggested friday and meant it she'd get back to me on that day or weekend if she's interested right?

[Space Ritual]

Original Poster,

 

you are expending a whole lot of energy on somebody whose actions indicate with each contact that she just is not really into you as much as you would like. I would suggest going out and meeting somebody in real life.

 

Generally when you get these textbook excuses the real reasons run the gamut between she was just playing with you to get some attention all the way to her already being in a serious relationship. I would bet she really already is dating (or living with) someone and is too much of a coward to let you know....

[fmfan08]

Original Poster,

 

you are expending a whole lot of energy on somebody whose actions indicate with each contact that she just is not really into you as much as you would like. I would suggest going out and meeting somebody in real life.

 

Generally when you get these textbook excuses the real reasons run the gamut between she was just playing with you to get some attention all the way to her already being in a serious relationship. I would bet she really already is dating (or living with) someone and is too much of a coward to let you know....

 

Maybe, maybe not. She lives at home with her mum, moves away to university with friends she talks to on twitter. She has a sister who lives with her at home, so I know that's legit. I know enough things for that to be backed up. We've also both used snapchat, it would be impossible to fake who she is with that.

 

She might have been making excuses, she might be playing hard to get. Thing is, she could have said "she was busy" and not suggested a day, she could have ignored my text completely.

 

Anyway going off her facebook page just to recheck she wasn't lying, her friend said "I'm off thursday and Friday, just saying ;-)" and she replied "Haha I wish I was! I'm working all week but we'll have to sort something soon". That's the thing which suggests it might be a legit excuse.. I mean she can't facetime me if she's working afternoon to night and she'd be tired after. She even refused her friend and said she's working all week, but said friday to me.

 

Best I can do is to go for facetime on friday, any excuse saying she's busy I'm cutting all contact. Sometimes you've got to take chances and learn from them if they're wrong I guess.

Edited July 9, 2013 by fmfan08

[Space Ritual]

Just please be prepared to get another excuse.

[fmfan08]

Just please be prepared to get another excuse.

 

Don't worry, I will. Although as I've said, she did mention on her facebook wall she was very busy this week to do anything with her friend after getting a new job. I have a feeling that what will happen is I'll get another excuse on friday, I'll cut contact, then (if she is interested, but actually really busy) it'll force her hand.

 

Although the same will happen if she isn't interested. Me cutting contact will force her hand to keep me there for her attention. It's really confusing because the two motives are blurred. She could be genuinely busy or playing me. I think really it's her fear of meeting a stranger, she mentioned to me once that she didn't want me kidnapping her and locking her up in a basement in a jokey way. She also lost her dad when she was younger, maybe there's some insecurities there.

 

I'll go into it expecting an excuse anyway, i'm just in two minds whether to wait for her to initiate or if I should though.

[fmfan08]

Alright, do I go initiating this friday to do facetime and expect an excuse? (even though she rejected her friend's plans due to being busy this week)

 

Or, do I let her come to me seeing as she suggested Friday herself?

 

(I was the last to reply, my response was "Okay" to her saying she's busy this week but should be free friday)

[Space Ritual]

Let her rise and fall on her own actions......don't give her any reminders (as hard as that may be or counterproductive seems to you).

 

she already is aware of what is to transpire of Friday and even let you know so again this will be on her and her alone to show up at the appointed time.

 

Look I know this stuff can seem so meaningless so like with any advice take what you want and leave the rest. I would just say to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. and if she blows you off again then I would go dark on her and leave it to her to either contact you or stay away. I really can't fault you if you really like her but I just hate to see people's hopes get dashed.

[fmfan08]

Let her rise and fall on her own actions......don't give her any reminders (as hard as that may be or counterproductive seems to you).

 

she already is aware of what is to transpire of Friday and even let you know so again this will be on her and her alone to show up at the appointed time.

 

Look I know this stuff can seem so meaningless so like with any advice take what you want and leave the rest. I would just say to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. and if she blows you off again then I would go dark on her and leave it to her to either contact you or stay away. I really can't fault you if you really like her but I just hate to see people's hopes get dashed.

 

Okay, thanks! This has confirmed my decision. Give her time and she usually contacts me, she has done before be it text or reply to my tweets, although I usually don't reply to her tweets. But you're right, she said friday so she should remember to follow this through. She'll be expecting me to follow it up, then I won't so it might help me become a challenge that i'm not always there to chase her.

 

I do admit these last few days, I've been growing myself distant from her. I did feel a little attached but I think it's good preparation for anything bad!