Why am I so about my feelings for my friend?

[lovelylynn]

*So the title of this post was supposed to be "why am I so confused about my feelings for my friend?"

 

Let me preface by saying that it is a bit long - Thank you to anyone who is taking the time to read through all of it!

 

I recently took one of my family friends to my senior prom and ever since have been feeling very confused about my feelings towards him. Before prom, I never questioned our strictly platonic relationship. We were always more like brother and sister (we're only a year apart and him and his brother and me and my cousin are all very close because we're close in age and our parents are friends). I asked him to prom strictly as a friend and didn't intend for it to be any kind of date at all. However, a mix of him being such a gentleman the entire night, us having a good time, my friends (and even my friend's mom) loving him, and maybe at some point our moms wanting us to go out led me to contemplate my friends and teachers' comments that he was a "good, handsome choice" and that we make a "cute couple." This was the first time we hung out on our own, separate from his brother and my cousin because we usually all see each other and hang out as a group during their periodic house parties/gatherings. It was definitely a different atmosphere but I also get the feeling that he's as charming and smooth as he was all the time because he's just that sociable and lovable of a person.

 

I guess the main reason I'm so conflicted about my feelings is that part of me knows that we would never work, but the other part of me is still curious about what it would be like. It's usually a bad thing to say that you're "friend-zoned," but I feel like we've friend-zoned each other because we are such close friends and it might be a bit weird for us to think of each other as anything more. It's like having a hot brother or cousin who you know is such a great guy, but obviously being aware of the fact that you personally could never date him. This probably shouldn't bother me, but I'm also self-conscious about how the people around us would react if we started dating - it would probably take everyone some time getting used to. The self-deprecating part of me also thinks that I'm out of his league - he goes to a prestigious Ivy League college so I'm sure compared to all the other girls he knows, I'm pretty "average girl next door." Don't know if that really matters, but it definitely makes me feel a bit insecure and I would honestly be surprised if he would ever even consider dating me. He's a bit too good for me, but not in the bad way at all. Maybe part of me just likes the idea of being with him? He's definitely that type of guy you'd wish there were more of out there. I love that we're friends but it makes me sad that being such good friends makes me feel weird about possibly liking him.

 

I might be seeing him a few more times this summer before I leave for college because he and my friends hit it off so well at prom that we might all hang out again within the next month or two. I just don't want to make anything awkward between us.

 

I'm really more bothered by the fact that I can't seem to decide if I like him or not. One day I find myself wishing we could give it a try, and then the next, I'm telling myself to stop overanalyzing the situation because it would never work anyway. I just wish I could make up my mind or figure out why I'm so confused!

 

This is basically a classic "we're too close he's like my brother" scenario, but I'm more concerned about why I keep going back and forth with my feelings than about if he likes me or not.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Edited July 7, 2013 by lovelylynn

[Ajax]

Wow, nobody answered you, huh? Seeing as a few weeks have passed since your post, I'd be interested in any updates.

 

My own two cents:

 

It's been about 12 years since I was in High School and in that time I've had my share of relationships, flings, and infatuations with varying degrees of successes and failures. The one time I expressed interest in a friend, it didn't turn out so well. That isn't to say that it can never work out with a friend, as there are plenty of stories of it happening. But its always going to be a greater risk than looking for love with someone you don't already have a connection to.

 

That being said, the greater the risks, the greater the reward.

 

Also though, in my experience, if you're that conflicted about your own interest level in someone, it's fairly safe to say you're not interested enough to take that leap.