Can you fall out of love in about 20 days?

[Green_and_White]

Ok, so for anyone who hasnt heard my story you can just look up my name Green_and_White.

 

My gf of almost 2 years broke up with me, said she can see herself marrying me but has not ever not had a bf for a long time. Says Im the only one she wants to be with and doesnt want to be with anyone else, just by herself for awhile. No havent really had much communication in a month, havent seen each other in about 6 weeks. I do work with her father and found out that he and she both talk about me (just updating herself). On Sunday, we talked online (WAY wrong) and I found out she said she didnt feel the same way about me anymore and that it "just went away" she doesnt know how and she didnt plan on it happening. Is that at all possible? Girls, I really dont think that is, she must be fighting something. Also, she said I was in love wih you when we broke up, just not now.

[Weird]

I think that is a BS excuse by her and she is just trying to hide her real feelings. Either that or she never truly loved you in the first place.

[Naive]

If you were together for 2 yrs. what is the 20 days all about?

[Green_and_White]

She just keeps saying "Im happy" and I said sorry for making you miserable then, you sure seemed happy. She said you didnt make me miserable. What is the opposite of happy? I would say misserable/unhappy. I mean, everyone said you could really tell she loved you. Mom and sister both agreed because of the way she acted. It is all a bunch of crap I think. Unless can people really turn it off like that? I have never seen that before but It is pretty damn scary if they can, agreed? She also got me a job with her father a few weeks before we broke up, why would she do that if she had no plans of me being around?

[gersanos]

Beats me. My X picked the same school as me over the summer to be with me, went school shopping with me and taking care of all last minute things before we start school together. Then, school starts and she's not happy anymore, and ends things shortly thereafter. I don't get it. She turned her feelings off within 14 days tops. From absoluetely in love (can tell by actions, things she did, and things she said) to "feelings not as strong." There's no one else either.

[Naive]

maybe she was not really in love to start off with.

[Weird]

dude I have experienced something similar. Was like 10 days and bam, ex suddenly was signing a different tune. I knew it was BS and was her way to try and justify her decision. The onyl thng that bugged me was she had the balls to try and act like I was an idiot and would believe it because she KNOWS I'm a very intelligent guy and don't eat up everything that is fed to me. I hate it when people say something that they know is such bull**** and expect me to buy it. It insults my brain.

 

Just let her have her lame ass excuse and down the line she will probably come to you and admit she was trying to blow smoke up your ass because she was confused on what to do with respect to you.

[Butchey]

How old are you? If you don't plan on settling down with her, try dating someone else. If you love her (?), just stay away for awhile and let her make up her mind. She sounds like she has more problems in her life than just you. That's baggage.

[Green_and_White]

Im 22 and she just turned 22 saturday. We met both at the same college in class and such. We live about 5 miles away from each other in our hometown. I live with the folks (temp) and she has an apt. with her sister. I think she has **** going on in her life, which I would have no clue of. She goes to school twice a week to get her teaching cert. and hangs out with her and my friend Katy all the time. I think her spoiled little girl from Grosse Pointe Michigan is finally coming out after 2 years. I think she is/was just looking for something bigger and better. Which, there isn't. She had problems feeling comfortable in the past and I couldnt her feeling comfortable the way she was with me. It'll come back and bite her but I wish it would happen sooner

[Butchey]

You sound like you are handling this well. I think you should move on and meet other people. 2 years seems like a long time now but if you made the mistake of marrying her you would regret it forever.

[Green_and_White]

I've been meeting new girls and old girls. But unfortuntely as bad as she has been treating me since we broke up, I cant get her out of my head. All this heartache and pain im going through is the reason I never really liked having a gf, I knew eventually it would end. I had my fun in college and apparently she didnt becasue she was always with a serious bf. But when I met her (first girl ever) I knew the second she walked into my class I would be with her. It wasnt until 4 months later I really was. She even had a bf the whole semester I met her. Anyways enough of my love story. When she broke up with her boyfriend of a year before me she flat out didnt want anything to do with him (thats what she tells me) and goes on a date a week later. The guy gets what he wants and leaves her, thats Karma (cause i bet she told him the same stuff she told me). But I was there to pick her up when she fell the last time, but i wont this time

[blackendangel13]

To be honest, I think this chick is full of s***. I think she is saying that she is over you to get you to chase her and feed her ego. She wants you to crawl back. God sounds like my ex. I agree on seeing other people and I know its hard at first. I am with a new bf now and I still do think about my ex eventhough he treated me like s*** and is seeing someone else now. He told me he didn't have time for a g/f and needed to simplify his life... yeah so he ran to someone else. Anyhow, things do get better and there will come a day when she comes back and you can give her the ol' f-u. I did that to mine last week Felt great!

[gersanos]

She was in love with me, and there is no doubt about that, unless, she was in love with the idea of falling in love. She had all the words and actions, everyone thought we were great and looked like a perfect couple, and the way we were in public was the same way we were when we were together. No major fights. Lots and lots of good times. But, in those 14 days, there was 1 day were I took some stuff out on her, but came back, apologized, we talked about it, and I told her just all this stuff that was on my mind and sorry I said it (stress from family and school). It wasn't any swearing or anything like that, just stress that I had on my mind, apologized for not sharing with her, and then taking it out on her, I didn't mean to do that. I know you shouldn't do stuff like that continuoally, but, it'll happen at times, and, the other person in a relationhip should counter-balance things like that - support one another

 

I'm 23, she's 22.

[blackendangel13]

Not to be a negative nancy, but I was with my ex for 1.5 years and he loved me too, well said he did. People break up for all types of reasons and give you all types of excuses when it could really just be they dont have the heart for the relationship anymore. Trying to analyze it and rationalize love just doesn't work. Just keep your chin up. I know this sounds old and played out but someone will come along who values you and does everything to make it work. You are young... live!

[Rayne84]

When he broke up with me after a 2 year relationship, my ex claimed he had "fallen out' of love. Same ****..he didn't "mean" for it to happen, he was sorry and even crying...I was so confused as he had been in love with me for 2 other years before we dated! So, he was in love with me for 4 years, and suddenly it went away over the span of a month, as he told me. Fast forward 1.5 years to now, and since 6 months ago he's been chasing me just like he did in the 2 years before we dated. I think that love is a decision, not something that just happens-as I recently decided to love him again and be open to reconciliation. What has most likely happened is a.) she has decided not to love you and be in the relationship anymore or b.) stress in the relationship is causing her to feel numb about her feelings for you and thus think she's not in love. I think b happened to my ex; not sure what this could be in your case. Just keep your attitude positive, and do things for you. She'll either notice and come around, or not notice and not come around. Either way, you're still doing things for you.

[Sukotto]

You dont fall out of love thats complete and utter BS.

 

As a relationship goes on the intiial infatuation that you had when you first met and the continual stuff that was done to impress them stops, this infatuation should be replaced with trust and mutual respect for each other as a couple become closer. Some partners seem to think that they've fallen out of love just because it doesn't feel like it did at the start. The thing is thats whats meant to happen, it should be replaced with love and wanting to be with someone.

 

I'd say that they've just paniced because it doesn't feel the same and they don't think anything can be done to resolve this. Possibly you neglected the relationship a little, when was the last time you told her/him why you originally fell for them or why you love them. Its all fine and dandy to hang out together or do other things but talking about your feelings is a great way to reassure someone.

 

It could mean something else though, my ex gave me this BS excuse and it turned out she met someone else while on holiday with friends and even though she wasn't physically cheating on me because this guy lived 500 miles away she was still emotionally cheating.

[Green_and_White]

S,

 

I agree with you completly. I actually was pretty open with her. About 1 week before I took her out to VS and let her buy a bunch of stuff. This was a big deal to her and me cause I dont have alot of money. Also, that weekend I paid for everything (beer, food, anything) when we went back to MSU for welcome week. I also told her kinda drunk that I was falling in love with her all over again. I was kinda a negative nacey for about a month and half causae i just graduated, moved home with the rents, few friends home, ****ty car, and i just started a "real" job, so I wasnt my normal happy self. I still told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have such a girl in my life. Only thing that worries about this NEVER working is that she refuses to live slightly in the past. She always says that what is done is done. I tend to be the other way and Im very open and forgiving because everyone has different circumstances that causes them to react to a certain situation. I always take that into account when making a decision. I just hope love will allow her to do that. If she really did love and know me (which we were VERY close) then she can accept the pass.

[Weird]

welcome to the world of humans never being able to forgive and thinking **** cant ever work just because something bad happened. People have such a hard time forgiving and moving on to see how things are TODAY rather than how they were in the past. Many people have such fugged up ways of looking at things. A person can be in a relationship that is 90% good and 10% bad and they will put more importance and base EVERYTHING on that 10% bad. It is so bloody stupid and illoigcal.

 

What I love are the people who go on about change yet they are the same ones who can't ever let past mistakes stay in the past and see that people can change for the better. Such hypocrites..

 

Anyway, I am like you in that I forgive people for mistakes and judge them on how they act now rather than judge them on a mistake they made in the past....usually when they weren't as mature. It is a shame more people can't do that but alas, that is how this world is.

 

I agree with sukotto about the love stuff and how many people think they dont love soemone because things change form the beginning of a relationship. Basically, I think many don't know what true love is and they equate the infatuation to love which it isn't. Time apart is actually pretty good if you are dealing wiht a reasonable person because it can really help them see what their feelings are/aren't for someone. I have always been pretty confident in the love I had for my ex being true love but it wasn't until she was out of my life that I fully realized my love was 100% true. If it wasn't I wouldn't care about her well being and all that stuff.

[Green_and_White]

I know what you mean. I think my girl is one of those that think people change and thats it. Once you change there is no going back or looking back. I think that is such a messed up way at looking at the world. You will never learn from anything and make the same mistakes over and over. Its her that is going to have a tough time in the future and not me. Look now at US politics, the Rep attack Kerry for changing his mind on issues, what is so wrong with realizing that something at one time was good and later turns out to be bad. Didnt you all think drinking 12 beers one night was a good idea and when you wake up you find out it was a horrible mistake.

 

Long story short, I hope she can wake up and see that forgeting and moving on is not a virture that should be held high. I will continue not contacting her (only called her twice and texted her once on her b-day) when we were about 2 miles apart from each other. She is the one who promised to stay in touch and love me forever when we broke up, shes the one that will have problems in the future. I do love her madly but I dont want to have the same relationship with her, but fix the old one, patch it up and make like new

[gersanos]

Didnt you all think drinking 12 beers one night was a good idea and when you wake up you find out it was a horrible mistake

 

Hmm, are you trying to tell me that this is not a good idea?

[Green_and_White]

Its a good idea. I WAY overslimplified my example. HAHAHAHA

[quyster]

My girl didn't fall out of love as quick as 20 days but she did that in about 3 months.

 

We had a beautiful 3 years relationship, with mostly good memories than bad. We lived together this whole time, doing everything together. Now I'm 22 and she's 21. In the last 3 months of the relationship, I could see that she was changing. She acted different: talk less, act strange,..... I mean before that she was very in love with me... I knew that for a fact and a lot of other people around us knew it too.

 

She used to tell everybody that she couldn't imagine her life without me.... But one day, after 3 strange months, out of the blue, we argued and she broke up with me. In coldness.... she didn't even cry, she acted like nothing has happened. Which shocked me and everybody not with only the fact that she would break up but how she reacted to the break. As i mentioned, we were doing good. But all she was bringing up with all the bad stuff happend and magnified them by many times to be big problems which lead to the break-up.

 

First she said she was way confused that she doesn't know what she's doing. She was scared of committment. All that BS.

 

Now, after 8 months of breaking up. She has a new boyfriend but we still talk sometimes. She says that she still loves me but not in love. She does not love her bf rite now. After such a long time of 8 months... I'm still confused about what she's thinking. I tried to forget and get over it but I just need more time than this....

[head/heels]

sorry for it being a justin timberlake song...the words are really good but he did have his heart broken by mrs spears...i mean mrs. frederline

 

"Cry Me A River"

[Weird]

Green_and_White,

 

Yeah...and the people who go on about others changing never can grasp the concept people can change for the better. They think they can change for the better but the other person may change but it won't be for the better. It is soooooo stupid.

 

I just wish people looked at the present situation and realized things/people can get better and don't always get worse. They should also look at past mistakes and rather than see them as just negative things, see them as positive things. People can't ever better themselves unless they **** up and I wish people saw that and actually grasped the concept of understanding and forgiveness.

 

I am tried of people just being like "case closed" on things simply because some crap happened that if they logically thought about it would realize things could work out if they just show a little understanding and put forth an effort to make sure the mistakes don't happen again. Communication is the key....yet so many lack the ability to do it.

 

I like your example of Kerry...I have been shaking my head at how he gets slammed for changing his opinion of some stuff. It is NOT a good thing if people stand by their actions/ideas even when it is proven they are wrong. By standing strong and never showing the ability to adjust your thought process and see "change" a person is basically saying they have a weak mind and are too stubborn...both of those are qualities I don't find appealing in another human being.

 

Hmm, I should thank my parents because they raised me to be forgiving of people and to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than act liek I am flawless and should expect others to be the same.

[Green_and_White]

I agree. Thank our parents for allowing us to see through another persons eyes. I know now that I probably will never get a second chance with my gf. Its sad to think but she is one of those people that doesnt think talking about past bad things helps. I told her I know how I was acting I just adjusting to some new surrounding and the first thing she says "you cant take back the past" and says things like "let it go, whats done is done". If she wants to think like that it will only hurt her in the long run. She may be happy today, she may be happy 5 weeks from now, but eventually she will be sad and will have to look back like I did. She never did listen to my reasons why I was acting down, she just said "is that how you are always going to be when something new happens". I have not once been mean and snapped back during all this and I could have gotten into how she drives a brand new jeep, free gas, free 1000 a month apartment, no school loans, no job....nothing...its all paid for, but I didnt. I guess in that since she could never see through someone elses eyes because she has no reference point. This really helps talking about all the negative things because it makes you wonder why you are so hungup on someone that is REALLY treating you badly. I just went through a rough patch, told her, and she didnt accpet it and fell out of love with me in our 3 weeks apart. how mature is that actually?