ox1234 Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I'm literally feeling sick right now... I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months and we have recently made our relationship public. I'm 25, while she's 19 and has a 8 month old child. My parents said they have never been so upset and believe I am throwing my life away to raise someone else's child. Despite trying to reassure them that I am aware the situation isn't ideal and I know the baggage involved, they refuse to be happy for me and support my decision. My Dad is completely miserable and my Mum said that she won't be happy as long as I am with this girl. I just don't see them ever getting over it and the stress is making me sick... Link to post Share on other sites
letsbeotherpeople Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I'm literally feeling sick right now... I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months and we have recently made our relationship public. I'm 25, while she's 19 and has a 8 month old child. My parents said they have never been so upset and believe I am throwing my life away to raise someone else's child. Despite trying to reassure them that I am aware the situation isn't ideal and I know the baggage involved, they refuse to be happy for me and support my decision. My Dad is completely miserable and my Mum said that she won't be happy as long as I am with this girl. I just don't see them ever getting over it and the stress is making me sick... This is easier said than done, but screw em. You're an adult, this is your life, your choices and your mistake to make, should it be a mistake. You cannot demand their blessing, but neither should you feel obliged to take the path that they would choose for you. If they cannot support your ability to make your own choices, then that's their problem, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 Sheesh! Give them some time to adjust. They want the best for you and its dam hard to watch your kid heading for a better than average chance of heartbreak and not try to dissuade them. Its harder for some parents to let go and you don't know what experiences they had at your age or your girls age. They may see things that you don't see, just as you see things that they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I'm literally feeling sick right now... I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months and we have recently made our relationship public. I'm 25, while she's 19 and has a 8 month old child. My parents said they have never been so upset and believe I am throwing my life away to raise someone else's child. Despite trying to reassure them that I am aware the situation isn't ideal and I know the baggage involved, they refuse to be happy for me and support my decision. My Dad is completely miserable and my Mum said that she won't be happy as long as I am with this girl. I just don't see them ever getting over it and the stress is making me sick... If I may be so bold, everyone is acting prematurely. You have only been seeing her for 4 months, ie 16 weeks or approximately one quarter of the year. You don't know yet whether this is going to be a permanent thing, the girl doesn't, so what makes your parents think they are entitled to react prematurely. I'm afraid it sounds as if your parents aren't very good at keeping their composure when they are under a bit of pressure. No matter what their misgivings they would have been better to have kept their composure and kept diplomatic tact. Instead they sounds as if they are acting like a right pair of old drama queens. They have just jumped to the usual worst cliches associated with unmarried mothers irrespective of any specific individual's particular circumstances or character. All you need to assure yourself of is what sort of person she is whether she is genuine or not and whether you can be happy with her, today, tomorrow and the day after. Just take your time and don't get into any heated debates or arguments with them over it. If you have to say anything just say you hear what they are saying and that you will bear it in mind, even if you don't. One final obvious observation. If you get married to anyone, your objective in doing so, is not to make your parents happy. If they happen to be as a consequence of the process, all is good that ends well, but that is all that there should be to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 I wanted to jump in here... Some parents will always find some flaw about their child's partner to gripe about. If it's not heritage, it's religion...if it's not the neighborhood they grew up in, it's their profession, etc. Your parents probably have your best interests at heart, but I'd echo the advice of others here: Do not tell your gf of your parents' negativities about her. It will only instill insecurity and negativity in the relationship. Hang in there and if you love your girlfriend, stick it out. Your parents' emotions will ease up over time. You're still both very young, so if I were to advise your gf, I'd ask her to be very careful about who she gets involved with and thus involves in her child's life. IMO, unless you plan to stick it out for the long-haul, keep your relationship with her child to a minimum, if existent at all. My reasoning is this: if things don't work out between you two, it will also impact the child. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 My advice is quit dating 19 year olds. They are typically way too immature to be good marriage material (the mind doesn't stop maturing until around age 25) and I'm betting she'll want to be engaged in the next 6 months. You know, so she can have someone take care of her and her child. Women that age are still looking for their father figure and, having a child to take care of makes that urge even stronger. Look for women your age who have made their way in the world and have taken care of themselves for a few years, who won't expect you to do it for them. I could be wrong, but I don't see great prospects for this union. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 You're still both very young, so if I were to advise your gf, I'd ask her to be very careful about who she gets involved with and thus involves in her child's life. IMO, unless you plan to stick it out for the long-haul, keep your relationship with her child to a minimum, if existent at all. My reasoning is this: if things don't work out between you two, it will also impact the child.It's recommended that you not bring a new partner into your child's life for at least 6 months to a year, in case the relationship doesn't work out, so the child doesn't start getting confused about it and his/her place in their mom's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I just don't see them ever getting over it and the stress is making me sick... Time to find your own path OP Where are you from out of interest? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Some guy just made you his bitch by having you take care of his kid for the next 18 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Some guy just made you his bitch by having you take care of his kid for the next 18 years. God Hokie it might be once in a blue moon but you do manage to wind me up sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Some guy just made you his bitch by having you take care of his kid for the next 18 years. That is pretty much what I was thinking... Sorry OP I agree with your parents on this one. You have only been dating this girl for a very short time and yet you are already playing father to her child. To me that is a little odd and I would never do that. Do you happen to be of middle class upbringing and she...err... not so much? that may also have to do with it. But if you are in love then go for it and hope your parents adjust to the situation, assuming it lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Um a 25 year-old is old enough to make his own mistakes, me thinks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Um a 25 year-old is old enough to make his own mistakes, me thinks. Oh I agree, I'm just saying I can understand where his parents are coming from... but hey if OP is happy then he can do whatever he wants (as long as it is legal and not violating anyone elses' rights). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Do yourself one big favor. Do NOT discuss your parents opinions with your gf. If you do end up long time with her she will forever be uncomfortable in their presence and always feel judged..for having a child and not for the person she is. Your parents will one day accept it, but she will always have the underlying feeling of judgement, don't put her though that. Can't agree with this post more. I had a disastrous weekend away with my FI's parents 3 years ago. His father bad mouthed me to FI afterwards, making out that I had not made enough effort with his extended family. It was a load of crap. Btw, we are both in our 40s... Three years on, I still haven't forgotten or forgiven. I have virtually nothing to do with his family now. FI really shouldn't have told me. Maybe your relationship will go the distance, maybe it won't. Not really up to your parents. I can understand why they are concerned, but you are in your mid twenties, not a teenager. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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