Long..but would appreciate any input on my experience

[amolya]

So it all ended badly with that guy I was seeing - I posted about him before, and was told so, but I still continued to see him, because I'm young and dumb and want to experience/make my own mistakes. So i don't regret it, but the whole situation is a bit of a mess, and I'd like input to help figure out what actually happened, what all my mistakes were, and what the lessons to be learnt from all this are?

 

 

So to summarize, it started great util he told me he was still in love with his ex. I really liked him, and understood he was emotionally unavailable , so continued to see him, knowing i wouldnt fall in love with him, and itd be like a fwb arrangement (in fact i suggested that's what we are, and rather than giving an opinion, made a joke poking fun at my bedroom skills)

 

Anyway thats how it seemed to go. One time he got upset when i mentioned offhand that a guy friend would have sex with me if given the chance, saying the thought of it had an effect on him. Nothing more was said, we both got over it. Then he looked thru my facebook messages, and found an instance of me flirting with a guy. A few days later I got angry at him for impying he just wanted to have sex that day and it didnt matter with who. I was angry because at previous times he got a bit sarcastic/.upset if he thought I acted in a way that didnt show i care about him, even though I did. So it angered me that he was acting like he didnt care about ME, when he expected me to act differently (hypocrisy angers me!) In the argument, he said he wanted "god sex" which he didnt think he could get from me, possibly because of the flirting he saw. Yet he said he didnt want a monogamous relationship and i was free to do what i want, but he would rather know.

 

Understandably confused, I wanted to speak in person, yet when we met that night, it was difficult to bring it up, and when i tried he acted like he couldn't remember the mornings convo as he was high, so we just hung out, and said bye as that was the last weekend before I went away for 3 weeks.

 

While on vacation, I kept in touch, and towards the end, in the context of a conversation, I asked if he really wanted to know who else im seeing. He first said no, then yes. I wanted to wait to talk in person, but told him ive been seeing a guy for 6 months (a fried who actually cares for me). Hedidnt have a good reaction but he didnt argue or be sarcastic. Just before my flight home he told me he was falling in love with me before he found out I was seeing someone else.

 

When i returned I wanted to talk in person about everything. He was very busy, but occasionally texted me. One day I went to get a coil (for birth control) as with the two guys, we;d been using the pullout method. I had to wait, and something went wrong so I was scared, so I texted the guy. He told me the thought of it made him want to vomit, i was crazy, and when i asked him to be sensitive, he said my emotions werent his responsibility. He apologized later. Then, another day he mentioned he would only have like half an hour to spare to meet up if thats what iwanted? I joked and asked if that meant if I wanted to come for a quickie? He got upset, saying i didn't believe he was busy (not true), that he expected me to say "no i want to see you for longer than that" but instead i thought he wanted to ****. I told him to chill and that i was joking but he said "lets not do this again". He also said he didnt need the stress of our planned conversation (he'd forgot and wanted to hang out, but I made it clear I wasn;t hanging out until we talked about everything). This is similar to previous behavior, where he sometimes said things that were like fishing for compliments.

 

 

Then came the whatsapp convo that ended it all:

Few days later, a friend got my phone and send a prank message. I told him it was a friend, but that i should have pretended it was me who sent the message as it wouldve been funny. He sarcastically said "yeah making fun of me is great". This angered me a little. So i said, "fine i wont make jokes. JFC"

 

THEN, he asked me what JFC meant and I said "jesus f****kin christ", and that i needed to say it in exasperation but i didnt say the whole thing so that he wouldnt get upset. He then proceeded to say that people who swear under their breath at him dont love or care for him, and it's still an insult. I tried to defend myself, got angry and just sent loads of messages telling him its an isolated incident of anger, etc etc, and that i just wanted to stop arguing over whatsapp and actually talk IN REAL LIFE. He told me has no desire for a real life conversation, and after getting in touch later, to apologize for getting angry, and to ask why he unfriended me on fb after that convo, he pretty much said he's not interested in me anymore. Thats it. I still pushed for a REAL LIFE convo, for closure but he denied me that.

 

 

So I've been angry and confused. Because I lost good sex, because it ended angrly, because I never got to find out what was ging thru his mind or to explain myself. My egos bruised too. I feel I would be less messed in the head, if I had that closure of a actual conversation about it all.

 

I guess I knew I didnt want him as a boyfriend, so it was all bound to blow up, but it could probably have been dealt with better. Do you think he ever actually was falling for me? Was he realyl insecure? Is it possible being with him brought some of my insecurities too?