Wake me up…Lied and cheated on, he won't change will he?

[wakeupcal]

So, I'm an idiot and even thought I realize this I need it pointed out to me. All the reasons I need to leave this guy, and he really never loved me.

 

Met while out of town, turned into long distance relationship with him wanting a relationship. Visited back and forth, I thought he might have a girlfriend but he assured me it was not so. He even spent Christmas and New Years with me. I figured if he had a girlfriend there was no way he could wind up away from her for big holidays like that , I believed him. We made plans, he wanted to move to my state, and progress our relationship after about a year and 1/2. He said he needed to sell his house.

 

House sold he moves in. I find out within a week, he owned the house with his gf of 5 years. He says the "relationship" was over for years and they were only together because of the house. Odd situation, indeed but I think about it and could understand that might be possible. Pissed that he lied but he loves me right?

 

Something still felt off, I did the crappy look through your phone thing. He and his gf had been going to counseling since right after we met and were working on their relationship plus a number of emails where he took ads out of craigslist. He said how sorry he was, and swears he was just trying to keep his, as he states "x" gf happy that is why he went to counseling and tried to keep her happy so he could get out of the house they had together. Excusing all the dates they went on and therapy as just want he had to do so his life would not be miserable, after all of course she was "crazy".. He says he slept with her once and met one girl off craigslist he went out with once. Claims he was just sad and confused but he "really loves" me.

 

I know he is a sleaze, and I would tell any friend of mine to leave him but I love him still, even after all the lies. Please give me a good dose of reality of what he really is.

Edited July 7, 2013 by wakeupcal
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[Appleness]

He's not going to change. He also sounds psycho. RUN!

[hoping2heal]

You're emotionally attached to the memories you've made of him and the person he's presented himself to be. You don't know who that person is because the guy is a liar. You might believe you love him, but you'll never get the kind of love you want back from him. You'll never have it returned. He obviously goes and seeks out other relationships on the side for some reason. Maybe it's sex, maybe it's that he just likes the excitement of new relationships or side relationships. Maybe it's all of the above, maybe it's something else. This guy cared solely and only for himself. Your feelings were not a factor. Your pain and your emotions were not a factor. How you would be hurt was not a factor. You were a pinball machine for his amusement.

[Simon Phoenix]

He's a nightmare and you should have your head examined if you spend another minute with him.

[Betterthanthis13]

He dealt with problems in his last relationship by lying to that poor girl for months, maybe years, dragging her to counseling, taking her on dates, telling her they were working it out while he was on Craigslist sleeping around (and probably much more, I guarantee you do not know the whole truth)

 

Also while he was still living with and in a relationship with her, he met you, made up some excuse to her why he had to be gone for Xmas and New Years, made plans to move in with you... When exactly did he break up with her? When the moving van showed up? If they were going to counseling and working on the relationship and trying to sell the house, where were they planning on living after the house was sold?

 

He is a coward, a little boy who never grew up. He can't handle grown up things like break ups or being alone for a minute. He is not healthy and will lie and lie and lie some more to get what he wants. He will not do the right thing unless it makes him feel good. He is needy and insecure, he feels worthless inside, and he needs a ton of therapy. There is nothing you can do. You can not love him out of his black hole of selfish little boy syndrome.

 

He might look like a big strong man and have a cute smile and tell you be loves you, but that guy is broken inside and you are in a terrible position. You can't help him. If you call him out on what you know he will lie his way out and confuse you with semi believable stories that you will want to believe. You will stay with him and he will suck the life out of you. Call his ex girlfriend and ask her.

 

If you walk away you will hurt and miss him and second guess your decision. But if you get rid of this creep you will make room in your life for someone who deserves your time, not some mentally unstable jackhole. If I had a time machine I would go back a year and give myself this exact same advice. Different guy, different issues, same result. A guy who is dishonest and a cheater, hooking up on CL, can't be alone between relationships, is NOT relationship material and needs to go. Giving him a second chance only tells him that you are a chump that will put up with and accept more lies and bull**** in the future. Dump dump dump.

[wakeupcal]

Your all right and I feel the worst for his ex and the crap he put her through. I feel guilty for being the other women, even though I had no idea. That is one place I don't want to be in and I will be exactly in her shoes if I don't get out.

 

First he didn't have a gf, then when he swore to tell me the truth, after he slipped up he explained they had broken up a year ago. Then when I found more dirt, it was 3 months ago. He moved into my home June 1st.

Now I need to set a date and tell him he needs to be out. I'm afraid to fall into the trap of believing him or feeling sorry for him. I'm pissed right now, a year of my life gone, wasted but I suppose I love the idea of who he made me think he was.

Thank you all, I knew something was wrong from the start but he always had an answer that was plausible. I usually am so carefully about getting involved with people, he had me fooled.

[freetolove]

kick him out, geez. what a loser.