TrelawnyLuv Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 (edited) Wrong thread Edited July 16, 2013 by TrelawnyLuv Wrong thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 It's my wife's birthday today. I have some mixed up feelings , I haven't seen her in 4weeks or had contact. One part of me want to post a card and wish her well but the sensible side tells.me to just forget about it all. Feeling a bit upset by this now. Link to post Share on other sites
cleanslate Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 hi...i'm very new to this site, but when i saw your post i couldn't help but feel your pain. it is highly possible that there is another person involved. over a year ago, my husband went on a training trip for 2 weeks. within 5 minutes of picking him up from the airport after his trip, he told me he wanted a divorce. his reason was that he's so miserable with me. funny because he couldn't provide an example on how "miserable" he was. he had no emotion and was just cold when he said it. for the next few days, i was subjected to yelling and kicking me out of our place. i ended up staying at a friend's apartment. long story short---he met someone his last 5 days on the trip. he wouldn't admit it, i eventually figured it out when i saw transactions for plane tickets on our credit card. he wanted to visit her after just 3 weeks of returning. he took her on vacation courtesy of our american express. i guess what i'm trying to say is that people don't just change overnight without a reason. unfortunately, such an abrupt change of emotion is usually due to cheating. i know how it feels. my husband didn't contact me unless it's to yell at me about obtaining a divorce. it was very difficult because when you don't know what's going on you blame yourself. actually, even after knowing i continued to wonder what was wrong with me...why did he cheat. i think some people are just mean, they lack empathy and basic manners. i hope you find comfort soon. Link to post Share on other sites
cleanslate Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 It's my wife's birthday today. I have some mixed up feelings , I haven't seen her in 4weeks or had contact. One part of me want to post a card and wish her well but the sensible side tells.me to just forget about it all. Feeling a bit upset by this now. i say don't bother greeting her...it will be hard. i was always so nice to my husband, but my kindness didn't matter. if anything, he took advantage of it. maybe take a walk or read blogs/forums to help you get through the day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Thank you cleanslate for your wise words. I take every ones comments on aboard and really appreciate it , it's helping me come to terms with it all and I thank everyone here for helping. AN update: I too have been too kind and I'm finding that I am being taken advantage of. This is clear by the letters I have received recently by her legal team. My property is being sold by wife and she is claiming poverty yet I left her with most things, only items with debt I took. It's weird right now thinking about it all, I worshipped the ground she walked on now she's trying to hurt me further by twisting the knife she stuck in my back. I left on her terms and accepted it so why try to hurt me more? I think your right cleanslate, I think some people really do lack empathy and compassion Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Artist Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Thank you cleanslate for your wise words. I take every ones comments on aboard and really appreciate it , it's helping me come to terms with it all and I thank everyone here for helping. AN update: I too have been too kind and I'm finding that I am being taken advantage of. This is clear by the letters I have received recently by her legal team. My property is being sold by wife and she is claiming poverty yet I left her with most things, only items with debt I took. It's weird right now thinking about it all, I worshipped the ground she walked on now she's trying to hurt me further by twisting the knife she stuck in my back. I left on her terms and accepted it so why try to hurt me more? I think your right cleanslate, I think some people really do lack empathy and compassion Lad, I'm sorry to hear about your pain. But I hope you can appreciate this from another "nice" person. SNAP OUT OF IT! Protect yourself and stop having a pity party/burn-me-at-the-stake event! No more nice guy. She is calling all the shots and you are just taking it up the hoohah. Again, I'm speaking from experience. If you haven't already, read my post. I'm still in progress, but I can't tell you how much better I feel now that I'm not taking responsibility for what is not my fault. I'm a "fixer" who has put down her crazy glue, duct tape, and chicken wire. I'm still a nice person who RETURNS love she is given. No more DEPOSIT ONLY relationships for me! You need to get your spine like yesterday and fight what she's doing to you. You don't know what the future holds for you, but you should expect the not-so-distant future to be entirely yours in freedom. Do you want to restart with nothing to show for yourself, or do you want to have a little change in your pocket for the fresh start? Do you want to get dragged down 5 rungs or just a couple? Cuz at this point, it's not her doing this to you, YOU are ALLOWING her do get away with debasing you. TA 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Thanks TA! I have read you posts and you are 100% right i have been feeling sorry for myself lately - I am going to my legal team in the first instant to put a stop to her walking over me, I definitely dont want to end up with nothing - I worked dam hard for what I do have and theres no way Im just letting her have it all on a plate thanks - i think i needed that message - Ill let you all know what my solicitor replies with when i instruct her to not play nice anymore ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 Hey just thought I'd give an update I have now passed the 2 month barrier of no contact and I have had no response from her solicitor for about a month now. I have been working with my solicitor to ensure I can get a fair financial settlement. I'm still miserable as heck and I have had some fairly bad down days but on the other hand I'm seeing that my financial situation is improving and I'm starting to get some new life goals. I'm on sleeping tablets that I take occasionally and I wonder sometime if I should take the whole packet. This isn't easy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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