Counseling

[stormywind]

Have people found counseling helps a couple? Is there a point where it won't help?

[moimeme]

Read some posts by jmargel and Thinkalot. They both tried counselling and were pleased with it. Can't remember who else has. It's important to find a counsellor that you're comfortable with and who you feel is competent.

[Matilda]

I have been helped tremendously by counseling. I think for personal situations it can be very effective. I think for marriage counseling it hasn't been found to be quite as effective, but that may have more to do with when couples seek help. Meaning they seek help when they no longer love, trust, or respect one another, instead of when problems first start cropping up. Here is a link I posted once before that speaks to this subject:

http://marriage.about.com/cs/advice/a/marcounsel.htm?termmarriage+counseling

[sherell]

From my personal experience, I have found counseling to be very effective. It is not a easy process, there may be times when you have to face certain truths about yourself and your partner, and it may be painful.You have to be really ready for it, not just to show up, but be PRESENT. When we first started with counseling, I don't think either one of us was really ready, so I stopped it. It took several more months to let some of the anger & hurt pass, so we could really sit down & discuss our issues without the emotions being so raw. Now it is working really well, & we actually look forward to going. The way I look at it in general, I don't think it can hurt, even if the marriage does not work out in the end, you did what you could to save it. If clarity and better communication comes out of it, you're a winner either way.

[stormywind]

I guess I wondered if there were people who didn't find it helpful for their relationship.

[Mr baseball]

Stormywind

 

I think people get both good and bad with counseling. What do you want with counseling? Both people must go with an open mind or its doomed from the start. I am finding that it may not help me with my relationship now but could in future relationships.

[Ms. DysFUNction]

I guess I wondered if there were people who didn't find it helpful for their relationship.

 

From my experience "Personal" counseling was very helpful. My former husband and I went through 3 bouts of Church sponsored marriage counseling that did not help us at all. He would sit and give one word answers or grunts in response to any questions directed at him. He did not want to be there, had no intention of changing and didn't want to be "told what to do."

 

If he had any desire for improvement I think it would have been helpful. Unfortunately that wasnt the case. It was a waste of time and money. Though I did learn that if someone dosen't want to change they won't. And noone will change because you want them to.

 

Friends of mine have really enjoyed "Marriage Encounters." Weekend marriage retreats. This could be a good alternative to counseling that dosent put a reluctant partner on the spot.

 

My Advice (take it or leave it) If he's really reluctant about attending counseling it wont do any good anyways...Instead make yourself feel better by doing some "Retail Therapy." Works for all the women I know

[GuySimple]

My wife and I went to a councilor 7-8 years ago after I left and had an affair. We got back together and spent lots of money on a councilor that in all honesty made things worse in the long run but giving my wife the impression that it was her fault. I also remember her saying that because we were married we had no choice but to make it work.

 

We are now in the process of separation and we didn’t go to a councilor. I went alone a couple of times just to have someone to talk to. At the end of the day I would say that whether they are beneficial or not will depend on the insight and experience they have and the insight you have. Mostly, all they ever seem to do is tell you what books to read.