"girlfriend" keeps me secret from family and friends

[uuu333uuu]

Ill try to keep this short as possible. I would like some feedback please. Ive been with this girl on and off for 3 years. the longest since october 2012 till now. This girl spends time with me almost everyday, whether its going out or hanging out at my place. Her parents and friends have no idea she is seeing me or that she has a boyfriend. On my end, it is the complete opposite where everyone knows about her. I bring her to events, parties, weddings etc. Obviously I have brought this problem up and its always the same excuse: "I havent found my dream job yet and cant take the next step." I let this pass for a while but i can no longer put up with it. This girl gets all the benefits of having a boyfriend but wont tell people in her life about me. Just recently she had a friend visiting that came over to my buddies bbq then out to the bar. she just told this girl that Im just a "friend". She refused to take a picture with me in front of fireworks because i might upload it to facebook. she claimed she felt to "bloated" and "i take bad pics." LOL, my friends were like wtf. We proceeded to a bar and at the bar she ran into a bunch of old friends and basically isolated me away from her. She made it purposely seem were were in no way dating. I left, went home, went to bed. Woke up with 18 missed calls and her and her friend banging on my backdoor. She wanted to hop into bed with me, and i sent her home. next day i get a missed call and a bunch of "im so sorry" text messages. what the ****?

[Carenth]

There is some other reason. The reason she gave was one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard. My god for 3 years and she hides you from her friends and family. I wouldn't have put up with that for that amount of time and if she tells people you are just "friends" at this point in time both of you are obviously not on the same page about where your relationship lies.

 

Personally I wouldn't put up with that crap and would move on. The fact she just disregards you when her friends are around shows she doesn't respect or care about you. She wants to keep up some sort of appearance with her old friends and you are apparently cramping her style (not your fault, that is her been really unkind).

[changed92]

Sounds to me like you're not the only one she's seeing. She acts like she doesn't know you when her friends are around, and the fb thing are huge red flags. Time to move on. Something is def up with her and why would you want to waste any more time? Move on

[uuu333uuu]

Sounds to me like you're not the only one she's seeing. She acts like she doesn't know you when her friends are around, and the fb thing are huge red flags. Time to move on. Something is def up with her and why would you want to waste any more time? Move on

I highly doubt she is seeing anyone else since she is with me all the time. That is what is the most confusing

[changed92]

Yes but there IS a reason. The guy I had an affair w... No one knew about him except one friend. Spent a lot of time together but never met anyone as his gf. I never talked about him w family or brought him around.

My boyfriend now... I can't stop introducing him to people and talking about him w my family. I'm so proud of him & want to have him on my arm.

Something is up. You posted here because you know that.

 

My suggestion.... Tell her this bothers you. That you don't feel respected or like she cares. If that doesn't fix it then move on.

[HokeyReligions]

Witness protection?

[MuscleCarFan]

How in the heck do you tolerate this?! Tell her to introduce you to her friends and family or the relationship is over!

[MissBee]

She isn't serious about you or is ashamed of you for some reason or she has commitment issues where she doesn't want to on her part do things that make the relationship seem more serious. I bet the latter, esp since she keeps making excuses about not wanting to take "the next step" since she hasn't found her dream job...

[zebracolors]

yeah I would definitely draw the line at being a guy's secret. That's probably my number one deal breaker. I could understand the guy wanting to wait to tell family and friends, after all he's got to make sure its not just a phase before revealing me to other important people in his life. But I think if we're at the point of being together some 6 months or so, I would feel better if he felt comfortable enough to tell parent/friends about me by then. Otherwise I'm walking.

[hppr]

I had this happen to me a couple times. She likes you but is ashamed of you, or feels that she is 'settling'. Whatever the case I'd have put my foot down a long time ago I wouldn't put up with that **** at all.

[Mrlonelyone]

I had this happen to me a couple times. She likes you but is ashamed of you, or feels that she is 'settling'. Whatever the case I'd have put my foot down a long time ago I wouldn't put up with that **** at all.

 

 

 

I was in a broadly similar situation to the OP's, a couple of times like you hppr. They like you but they don't want, at least certain people, to see you as a boyfriend or significant other. The last case was the most bizzare. She was dating me and another man. In front of our set of people she introduced him as a "friend" and spoke of me like a BF. In front of their set of people it seems he was introduced and spoke of as if he was a BF.

 

 

OP Odds are this won't work out well for you. If she hasn't found the guts to present you as her BF by now she never will. The only way that will happen is if you break up with her. If she values you as something other than ready *ick under glass she will fight for you to be her BF.

 

 

Self respect, is worth more than sex.

[uuu333uuu]

Just remembered i made this thread... If anyone cares or has dealt with something similar... About a month after original post I found out she was secretly dating another guy from europe that she met while studying abroad. Having him stay over every few months while she lied to me about where she was. Lmao its now november and im about over it