Dumped for no reason, help again

[Lisa]

Guys,

 

I posted a few days ago, under this subject, and need a little advice. I sent him an email a few days ago, I know I shouldn't have, but I just wished him a Merry Christmas etc..

 

He write me back a friendly email wishing me a Happy Holiday and stating that "he hoped our relationship could default to a friendship if nothing else." He said he had told this to me, but he never did. Why did he bother writing me back if he really doesn't care? Do I write him back? I really want him back in my life, but I don't know how to play it now with him.Its obvious he knows where to reach me now, I just don't know what to do. I feel he only wants friendship, but yet I did nothing to make him want only that. He had such chemistry for me, so why only friends now, if he's not dating anyone? Help!

[spicy]

Guys, I posted a few days ago, under this subject, and need a little advice. I sent him an email a few days ago, I know I shouldn't have, but I just wished him a Merry Christmas etc.. He write me back a friendly email wishing me a Happy Holiday and stating that "he hoped our relationship could default to a friendship if nothing else." He said he had told this to me, but he never did. Why did he bother writing me back if he really doesn't care? Do I write him back? I really want him back in my life, but I don't know how to play it now with him.Its obvious he knows where to reach me now, I just don't know what to do. I feel he only wants friendship, but yet I did nothing to make him want only that. He had such chemistry for me, so why only friends now, if he's not dating anyone? Help!

[Stargazer]

Hi Lisa,

 

I've gone and read your posts from the beginning. The others have given you some very good advice, you've choosen to totally ignore it, to keep the rose coloured glasses on. Having been there myself, I know why and I understand. Girl, you need some tough love!

 

"I feel he only wants friendship, but yet I did nothing to make him want only that. He had such chemistry for me, so why only friends now, if he's not dating anyone?" You are looking for answers as to why he 'dumped' you. The truth is you will NEVER know 100% for sure, but I will say this. This is NOT about you. This is his s**t, his baggage, his stuff. Don't take ANYTHING personally. Don't think that YOU can help him with this stuff either. His ego is way too big to see that it's about him, he prefers to blame you. So be it.

 

Accept that this is who he is, accept that you CANNOT change him, accept that every person has the right to change their mind, accept that this is NOT about you, accept that he is NOT who you thought he was. When someone shows you and tells you they are, believe them the first time round. You can't or won't just yet, you want more, we all learn in our own time, this is your lesson to be learnt.

 

Obviously your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence are very low, that's a sad thing for you. Do you honestly believe this is all you are worth? This was NOT a relationship for him, obviously, to get pissed off because you dared call him at work, to get pissed off because you dared think of you two as boyfriend/girlfriend should tell you that. You want to believe he cares, right? Forget every single word he's said to you. Go back and look at his actions, all of em, take the rose coloured glasses off and have a really good look, what do you see?

 

You obviously need to learn the hard way here. Go for it.

 

Get back into it with him a few more rounds (as he wants, friends which will only lead to all the other stuff again BUT this time he knows that you know where he stands, no misunderstandings this time round, he's off the hook this time emotionally, he's told you where he stands) and you'll finally understand logically who and what he is about.

 

He's got you at his fingers, he knows that, you're hooked to him emotionally, he knows that. Whatever he gives, you will take, he knows that now.

 

My advice as was everyone's advice, is stay the hell away. If he wants you and cares for you, as you want to believe, let him show it, let him prove it. What are you worth?

 

Sorry for the tone here Lisa, but I get angry when I see women who lack self-love, women who are more than willing to accept such behaviour from men and still think he 'cares', women who are willing to blame themselves for the sake of 'love' when it is anything but that. I've been there, that's why I understand. You must understand that emotions and logic are two different things. You are running completely off emotions here, it's not a good way to be. Emotions without logic only lets men's egos take advantage of you, it only lets men egos control you, it only lets you be willing to be treated like crap.

 

Cut the cord emotionally and see what you've got, not much I suspect.

 

*Merry Christmas*

[confused]

You know your in exactly the same exact place I am in. I wrote to you before too about this. I wrote my ex a short little email except I didn't get any email back from him lol oh well...the thing is is that they say they care but they act like they dont and they don't care. I just wonder what his reaction would be if you had another guy with you or you told him you were going on a date. Guy's egos and attitudes get really big and I dont think I really knew my ex...I saw what I wanted to see...the sweet guy who would say the perfect things at the perfect times and give me everything...but then something changed and hes being a jerk and a loser. And I'm only 17 and hes only 16 and hes really really immature and since I have to work with him its even more tough. Its better if you 2 have space from one another bc if he really missed you so much he would come back dont worry...he would...I would just let things take their time and whatever happens happens...just dont let him overpower you or have any control on you. I know its so tough...I know you want to call him and write him an email, but then guys get pissed bc they don't want to hear from you...they want space...my ex ignores me at work except for a little "hi" and a "bye" otherthan that he doesnt talk to me unless I go in there and talk to him...I dunno why. I swear I have ni friggin clue why guys do this...and right now just like u hes acting like I was the one who dumped him, he acts like hes disgusted with me. I seriously have no clue why...but just dont dwell on going back out with him...he'll come around eventually if he really cared about you and if he didn't then he was a jerk and then you need to find someone who will treat you better

[Deejette]

Lisa, gain strength from the advice on this forum and don't call or e-mail him again. If you do, he will begin to think you are stalking him. No matter how much chemistry you feel, it has to be a two-way thing. You cannot force him to feel what he doesn't, just be cause you want him to.

You know your in exactly the same exact place I am in. I wrote to you before too about this. I wrote my ex a short little email except I didn't get any email back from him lol oh well...the thing is is that they say they care but they act like they dont and they don't care. I just wonder what his reaction would be if you had another guy with you or you told him you were going on a date. Guy's egos and attitudes get really big and I dont think I really knew my ex...I saw what I wanted to see...the sweet guy who would say the perfect things at the perfect times and give me everything...but then something changed and hes being a jerk and a loser. And I'm only 17 and hes only 16 and hes really really immature and since I have to work with him its even more tough. Its better if you 2 have space from one another bc if he really missed you so much he would come back dont worry...he would...I would just let things take their time and whatever happens happens...just dont let him overpower you or have any control on you. I know its so tough...I know you want to call him and write him an email, but then guys get pissed bc they don't want to hear from you...they want space...my ex ignores me at work except for a little "hi" and a "bye" otherthan that he doesnt talk to me unless I go in there and talk to him...I dunno why. I swear I have ni friggin clue why guys do this...and right now just like u hes acting like I was the one who dumped him, he acts like hes disgusted with me. I seriously have no clue why...but just dont dwell on going back out with him...he'll come around eventually if he really cared about you and if he didn't then he was a jerk and then you need to find someone who will treat you better

[inthe_sameboat]

He probably found another......like mine did...and yes through no fault of mine. Men are the way they are. If they don't like the product after use.....they move to another. Seems that women get hurt the most.....

[nikkijayne]

Stargazer, I just wanted to say, that is a very good piece of advise. The trouble is that it is very hard to apply it to your own life as you know. Its a downward spiral, the more you put up with the more it seems natural to do so. I am 31 and have let many guy's realise that I am a soft touch. This time I will get what I want out of a relationship first and not do all the giving. I hope I am getting better at it but we shall see.

Hi Lisa, I've gone and read your posts from the beginning. The others have given you some very good advice, you've choosen to totally ignore it, to keep the rose coloured glasses on. Having been there myself, I know why and I understand. Girl, you need some tough love! "I feel he only wants friendship, but yet I did nothing to make him want only that. He had such chemistry for me, so why only friends now, if he's not dating anyone?" You are looking for answers as to why he 'dumped' you. The truth is you will NEVER know 100% for sure, but I will say this. This is NOT about you. This is his s**t, his baggage, his stuff. Don't take ANYTHING personally. Don't think that YOU can help him with this stuff either. His ego is way too big to see that it's about him, he prefers to blame you. So be it. Accept that this is who he is, accept that you CANNOT change him, accept that every person has the right to change their mind, accept that this is NOT about you, accept that he is NOT who you thought he was. When someone shows you and tells you they are, believe them the first time round. You can't or won't just yet, you want more, we all learn in our own time, this is your lesson to be learnt. Obviously your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence are very low, that's a sad thing for you. Do you honestly believe this is all you are worth? This was NOT a relationship for him, obviously, to get pissed off because you dared call him at work, to get pissed off because you dared think of you two as boyfriend/girlfriend should tell you that. You want to believe he cares, right? Forget every single word he's said to you. Go back and look at his actions, all of em, take the rose coloured glasses off and have a really good look, what do you see? You obviously need to learn the hard way here. Go for it. Get back into it with him a few more rounds (as he wants, friends which will only lead to all the other stuff again BUT this time he knows that you know where he stands, no misunderstandings this time round, he's off the hook this time emotionally, he's told you where he stands) and you'll finally understand logically who and what he is about.

 

He's got you at his fingers, he knows that, you're hooked to him emotionally, he knows that. Whatever he gives, you will take, he knows that now. My advice as was everyone's advice, is stay the hell away. If he wants you and cares for you, as you want to believe, let him show it, let him prove it. What are you worth? Sorry for the tone here Lisa, but I get angry when I see women who lack self-love, women who are more than willing to accept such behaviour from men and still think he 'cares', women who are willing to blame themselves for the sake of 'love' when it is anything but that. I've been there, that's why I understand. You must understand that emotions and logic are two different things. You are running completely off emotions here, it's not a good way to be. Emotions without logic only lets men's egos take advantage of you, it only lets men egos control you, it only lets you be willing to be treated like crap. Cut the cord emotionally and see what you've got, not much I suspect. *Merry Christmas*