Msrxchef Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 (edited) Growing up, my parents said this to me a lot:"If you were not my daughter, I would never talk to you let alone be your friend." Normally this was in context of my performance at school or my piano recitals or when we're at a social gathering and they witness me talking with other people, etc. what is that supposed to mean? I don't understand their logic. If they don't want to talk to me, why won't they just tell me I need to get better communication skills? I get they are doing their best as parents but over time when they say this to me again and again it makes me feel genuinely insecure about my people skills. Today at work I felt like I couldn't make conversation because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. And in my brain were my parents voices: "yeah you never say the right thing anyways, so just be quiet." I feel like I have good qualities, i have friends and all, but why would they say this? Are they preparing me for the worst? Is this supposed to build character in me and I'm just missing out their point? Please help! Edited July 8, 2013 by Msrxchef Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 Your parents are using shame to manipulate you into performing to higher standards. This isn't an unusual parenting style but IMO, it's detrimental to child development since it unnecessarily erodes on self-esteem. Instead of shame, they should be using encouragement for positive behaviours and no attention for negative ones. For more extreme negative behaviours, there are methods like grounding, removing privileges, etc. This presumes you don't display sociopathic tendencies like beating up other kids or torturing kittens for fun. Link to post Share on other sites
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