Ssgrimes Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I just got home from being out of town for the holiday weekend where I worked my hardest to keep myself busy so I wasn't thinking about xMM and this while situation and can work on establishing my new normal that doesn't include him. I hate that now that I am home the quiet seems so loud and even though there is no way for him to contact me and I know that I don't really want to hear from him.... I still, for some reason, just want to hear from him. To tell me that he was an ass, to tell me he is sorry.. Those things will never happen and I know it doesn't do any good to wish they would, but it seems to be where my mind goes in the quiet. I want the guilt, the hurt, the longing and the feelings to just go away. I hate the way I feel and that I keep wanting to know that I am not the only one hurting. That he is hurting too. It's only been a month and I know that it will take time, but it just sucks. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I can totally relate. No more texts saying he is missing me, loving me or just telling me what he is up to. My heart sinks when I look at my phone. Nothing. It makes me realize how much I need to improve my social life. I have secluded myself from the rest of the world with work and school. I need girlfriends to do things and to confide. My mind is always wondering what he is thinking. At red lights, thoughts pop in my head. What did he mean when he said this or that? Did he forget about me? Is he hurting? Missing me? Worse yet, is he happier now that is life is simple again? Is he truly happy with his wife? Does he love her like he did me? (I still believe he did love me. I can be wrong but that is how I see it in my mind.) Will he ever regret? It is just so hard to not be in contact when we were so close. I literally feel like half of me is missing. There is an emptiness in my heart which hurts pretty bad. I wish at times I can even use E.S.P. to keep some kind of bond with him. It hurts I know, Ssgrimes. Be strong. It will get better. We know we are doing the right thing for ourselves. We deserve better than part-time love. We deserve to be 100% loved. I'm trying to keep busy. I'm reading a lot of fun, happy books to try to lift my spirits. I hope we get to the point where we no longer think about xMM. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 I can totally relate. No more texts saying he is missing me, loving me or just telling me what he is up to. My heart sinks when I look at my phone. Nothing. It makes me realize how much I need to improve my social life. I have secluded myself from the rest of the world with work and school. I need girlfriends to do things and to confide. My mind is always wondering what he is thinking. At red lights, thoughts pop in my head. What did he mean when he said this or that? Did he forget about me? Is he hurting? Missing me? Worse yet, is he happier now that is life is simple again? Is he truly happy with his wife? Does he love her like he did me? (I still believe he did love me. I can be wrong but that is how I see it in my mind.) Will he ever regret? It is just so hard to not be in contact when we were so close. I literally feel like half of me is missing. There is an emptiness in my heart which hurts pretty bad. I wish at times I can even use E.S.P. to keep some kind of bond with him. It hurts I know, Ssgrimes. Be strong. It will get better. We know we are doing the right thing for ourselves. We deserve better than part-time love. We deserve to be 100% loved. I'm trying to keep busy. I'm reading a lot of fun, happy books to try to lift my spirits. I hope we get to the point where we no longer think about xMM. Happy, I described exactly how I feel. I want him to miss me, to know that his actions caused hurt and pain more than he can imagine. But I just keep telling myself that I can do better and he is doing nothing but creating toxins in my brain. It's that I feel that I have to rediscover who I am and why I allowed myself to change so much for this one person. We will make it through, we really are the stronger people. Thanks for your input and for letting me know I'm not the only one that feels this way... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I just got home from being out of town for the holiday weekend where I worked my hardest to keep myself busy so I wasn't thinking about xMM and this while situation and can work on establishing my new normal that doesn't include him. I hate that now that I am home the quiet seems so loud and even though there is no way for him to contact me and I know that I don't really want to hear from him.... I still, for some reason, just want to hear from him. To tell me that he was an ass, to tell me he is sorry.. Those things will never happen and I know it doesn't do any good to wish they would, but it seems to be where my mind goes in the quiet. I want the guilt, the hurt, the longing and the feelings to just go away. I hate the way I feel and that I keep wanting to know that I am not the only one hurting. That he is hurting too. It's only been a month and I know that it will take time, but it just sucks. It just takes time. Sure you'll have a few rough days, but you're gonna have a lot more positive and happier days than negative ones. DO NOT let him ruin your summer. Fake it until it happens, but pretend you don't care what he thinks or feels, if he is hurting or not. The guy isn't worth the space in your head, let alone anymore tears! Get busy and enjoy the outdoors, be with friends, and most of all, be good to yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 It just takes time. Sure you'll have a few rough days, but you're gonna have a lot more positive and happier days than negative ones. DO NOT let him ruin your summer. Fake it until it happens, but pretend you don't care what he thinks or feels, if he is hurting or not. The guy isn't worth the space in your head, let alone anymore tears! Get busy and enjoy the outdoors, be with friends, and most of all, be good to yourself. Oh I am not letting him ruin my summer. I am just having to work extra hard to not let that happen though. He doesn't deserve any space in my head or my heart. My head gets it but it is harder for my heart to get it. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 Staying busy helps. Creative OUTLETS help too! Get your emotions out of your head and onto something/ somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 I know that staying busy helps. I have worked so hard to put on a brave face and just push through. But right now it just hurts, and even though it was not healthy or a positive situation, I was still emotionally invested in it and I can stop my heart from hurting right now. Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 Ssgrimes, Watch this video on YouTube. It is soo funny. Type in Bob Newhart "stop it." It is so funny. It is what we need to do. Stop it! For some reason, I am watching it over and over. It still makes me laugh every time. I hope you laugh too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 You need to put the music up real loud and start dancing cause a bad chapter in your life is over and it's only going to get better from now on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Six years later and I still wonder if he ever misses me, thinks about me, or even still loves me. I loved him more than I ever realized. I do not blame him, nor do I hate him, I still love him. I guess I will forever wonder It will never go away and that is something I have come to just deal with after all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Limeblue Thanks for sharing. I am one month out so I guess I have a ways to go. I knew it would be hard, but this seems to be more difficult than any other breakup I have been through in the past. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts